My Soul Will Find Yours 103 Scared And Unsure

Kaname was already in the bedroom when I got back, the impatient look on his face vanished and the tapping of his fingers ceased as soon as I entered the room. He got up from the cushion, opened his arms wide, and smiled at me with that smile that always takes my breath away. I hurried to his arms and closed my eyes as I felt his familiar warmth. As what he's been doing a lot lately, Kaname immediately buried his face on my neck and took a deep breath.

"Why must you always smell so good?" he groaned then started kissing my skin. "I missed you, did you miss me?"

"Always," I replied as I arched my neck to give him better access. "You're always on my mind, you know."

"Mama," he pulled me closer then gave me a playful bite on my now exposed collarbone.

"Papa…" I sighed and let him continue expressing his longing for me. He's been very clingy and 'demanding' lately, but I didn't mind. In fact, I greatly enjoy this extra dose of affection because it made me feel more special.

When he was done showering my face, neck, and chest kisses, his eyes were glinting with satisfaction. Looks like this will be our ritual greeting from now on.

"I was at Mami's," I told him as I arranged my kimono. "Sorry for returning late."

"I know," he replied while undoing my bun, my hair fell in soft waves on my shoulders and back. "And someone was watching and waiting for you to return to your room."

"Who?" I asked playfully. "It was you, wasn't it?"

"No," he shook his head. "It was Ayaka."

"Oh," I frowned. "Is she planning on making a move?"

"From the looks of it, yes," he didn't look pleased. "But don't worry, the maids and shadow guards are always on high alert. You and our child will remain safe."

"What will you do when she attacks?"

"She'll pay for it handsomely," his voice was cold and without emotion. "No one hurts my beloved family and gets away with it."

~~~

That night, I tossed and turned. Despite having an exhausting afternoon in the practice hall, an emotional talk with Mami in her quarters, and another very intense evening with the sleeping man beside me, my mind was far from being tired.

"What's wrong?" Kaname mumbled while rubbing his eyes. "Having a hard time sleeping?"

"Sorry for waking you," I disentangled myself from his embrace and sat up. "I'll just go and get a cup of water."

"No need," he caught my waist gently and held me down. "I'll go get it for you. Stay here."

"Alright," I handed him his robe and lighted some candles to brighten up the bedroom. I also checked the charcoals in the hibachi.

When he got back, he was balancing a tray with a pitcher of water and two cups on one hand like a modern-day waiter. He joined me again on the futon then proceeded to pouring me some water. I took the cup, drank its contents slowly, and gave it back to him.

"Thank you," I said.

"You're welcome," he placed the tray with the cups and pitcher on the tatami-lined floor and stared at me for a long time before speaking again. "Will you tell me why you're so restless tonight? Is something bothering you?"

"I really can't hide anything from you, huh?"

"Well, aside from the fact that you were moving around so much that you woke me, you're usually the first one to fall asleep so I can immediately conclude that something's wrong," he replied. "Are you feeling uncomfortable? Were my arms too tight? Is it the baby?"

I shook my head after all three questions. "I'm just worried, I guess."

"About what?"

"You and I aren't the only persons I have to protect from now on, our child," I lowered my head and caressed my belly lovingly, "our child has been added to the list and I'm just scared that I might not be able to protect him or her properly."

"I'm here to protect you and our child," he whispered while covering my hand with his. "I won't let anything happen to the both of you so rest a.s.sured that all will be well."

"This is the first time that I've felt unsure of my capability to protect my loved ones," my voice shook as I suddenly became emotional. "Papa, I'm scared."

Kaname's forehead creased, "Is it because of the threat of Ayaka?" he gathered me in his arms and wiped my tears. "Remember, she's pregnant, too. She won't be able to do much, especially since I'm keeping a close watch on her."

"It's not just her, " I sniffed. "What if I do something wrong and it affects the baby… What if I have a difficult labor or I won't be able to produce enough milk to feed him or her? What if—"

I wasn't able to finish my sentence because he silenced me with a tender kiss. "What nonsense are you talking about? You're worrying about the silliest things! You'll be a great mother, my love. There's no doubt about it."

"Are you sure?" it could be the hormones but I was truly scared and unsure of myself. "Like really, really sure?"

Kaname gave me a helpless but at the same time very loving look before replying, "I'm absolutely positive, okay? And you're not alone in this, I'm with you all the way. I'll be a hands-on father and make sure our child grows up safe, loved, and free from insecurities."

"Promise?"

"I promise," he gave me another kiss to seal his pledge. "Now can you please go to sleep now? Pregnant women are not allowed to stay up late."

~~~

Some time in my slumber, I dreamt of two pairs of chubby and dimpled hands holding mine. When I checked to see whose hands they were, I saw the most beautiful pair of dizygotic twins I've ever seen. The twins were in a crib and wore modern baby clothes. One was a boy that was the spitting image of Kaname and the other was a girl who reminded me of my younger self. Their cheeks were rosy and their toothless grins tugged at my heartstrings. I let go of their hands to pinch their cheeks but their faces crumpled in response, the two babies cried their lungs out as if they were deprived of something very important…

"Shh," I soothed while caressing their faces. "Mama is here, it's alright…"

The twins quietened down as soon as our skins touched, after a few seconds they were giggling and cooing at me.

"Spoiled brats," I heard Kaname say behind my back. He was carrying two feeding bottles with an exasperated look in his face. He, too, was wearing modern clothing. "They always want to be touched by their mother."

"Who do you think they take after?" I smirked at him while taking one of the bottles in his hands. I then expertly lifted our son from the crib while he carried our daughter.

"That question doesn't need to be answered." He looked at our waiting daughter and smiled at her, "Is my baby Miyako hungry?"

I laughed, at least he knew! I then diverted my attention to the little one I was carrying and announced, "Touya, milk time!"