My Soul Will Find Yours 33 The Biggest Downside Of Being Kaname's Woman

On the fourth day of Kaname's absence, I decided to visit the woodlands near the palace to pick mushrooms. Praying for his safety in the temple has become a habit, a morning ritual if you will, but other than that I had no other means to pa.s.s the time. It seemed that without him around, my days appeared to be empty and longer. I couldn't lie to myself, I had to admit that I have gotten so used to his presence that I never saw how mundane living in the palace was like. I miss my shogun terribly.

It was also during this 'alone time' that I realized that I was technically a married woman now. Sure, we have not had a proper ceremony, but I am Kaname's concubine. I am the third Mrs. Kirishima. I laughed at the thought, earning me questioning looks from my maids.

"Don't mind me," I said as I placed my harvest in the wicker basket. During this excursion, the shin.o.bi cousins insisted on staying in the palace while the rest accompanied me as a safety precaution. We have learned from our oversight days ago.

Our basket was almost full when we heard people approaching. My maids eyed each other before gathering around me in a protecting manner. My hand immediately went to my obi where I hid the dagger I bought days ago.

"My lady, you should go back and stay in the castle," a voice full of worry said. "Please leave the foraging to us."

"I do not want to be in that woman's presence," a soft but annoyed voice replied. "Any longer and I will lose it. Besides, I hate having to hide my pregnancy from her. It's like I'm walking on eggsh.e.l.ls and it's not good for me and my baby."

"But, my lady.."

"No more buts, Mitsuki!"

A few more rustling of leaves and the owners of the advancing footsteps came into view. When the new arrivals saw us, surprise and fear immediately registered in their faces.

"W-what are you doing here!?" the woman whose voice sounded worried earlier asked.

"We were here first," Ryuko-san replied. "And the woods isn't your property so we are not required to answer your question."

"Hmph!" the woman said. "How dare you be insolent in the presence of Lady Ayaka!"

Ryuko-san was about to say something back but I signaled her to keep quiet. "Lady Ayaka, a pleasant afternoon."

Ayaka recovered from her shock and awkwardly gave me an acknowledging nod. "h.e.l.lo, Lady Hinata."

"Forgive us for coming here, we didn't know that this was your territory."

Her bare, brow-less face flinched. Her skin wasn't made up and her teeth weren't tinted in the traditional ohaguro[1] today. "Please disregard what my servant said. The woods is not my territory, I have no right to stop you from going in and out of this area."

I smiled. "Then I'm glad that there is no misunderstanding between us."

She just nodded. I grabbed our basket and prepared to leave but she stopped me with her words. "You have foraged a lot of matsutake[2]."

"Hai[3]. We were extremely lucky."

Ayaka gulped as if she was salivating. "I see."

"Would you like some? I was told that these are delicious when grilled," I offered.

"You wouldn't mind?"

"Not even in the least bit."

"Really?"

I scratched my chin and thought for a while. "I just have one question. Answer it and you can have half of these."

"What is it that you want to know?"

"Are you carrying Kaname's child in your womb?"

Sharp intakes of breath followed my question. I saw Ayaka cover her stomach protectively while her servants stiffened in response.

"Why do you want to know?"

"We heard what you said earlier."

"Are you trying to blackmail lady Ayaka?" it was the haughty maid again.

"No, I am merely curious," I replied.

"Mitsuki, it's okay," Ayaka quickly said when she noticed that the girl was itching to say something most likely offensive once more. "Yes, Lady Hinata. I am carrying Kaname-sama's child. I have for almost three months now."

I walked towards her, when she realized what I was doing she subconsciously stepped back. Her maids blocked my way like an organized army. "Lady Ayaka, I mean you no harm. In fact, I am happy for you. To become pregnant with Kaname's child is a very good thing."

She did not expect to hear such words from me, a concubine like her. "T-thank you."

"Take all of these," I offered the basket full of wild mushrooms. "You'll be needing it more than I do."

Her servants didn't move an inch and remained in their defensive stance. I thought she was going to reject my sincere offer and was about to place the basket on the ground when they parted and Ayaka walked towards me.

"Thank you, Lady Hinata," she took the basket from my hand while giving me a small smile.

If Joan wasn't such a huge b.i.t.c.h, she would definitely look like her, I said to myself. "It's nothing. Make sure to clean them properly before you eat them," I smiled back.

"I will."

I looked back at Ryuko-san and the rest, it was time for us to return to the palace. "I'll get going now."

I just took my fifth step when she spoke again. "Wait."

I spun around and lifted my brows in question.

"I hope you can keep this a secret between us. I do not want Lady Mami to know."

"Your pregnancy is not my secret to tell. Rest a.s.sured that I won't tell anyone about this," I paused. "Does Kaname know that he'll be a father soon?"

She shook her head. "I haven't spoken with the shogun about this yet, he hasn't visited me in my quarters for weeks now."

It was my turn to flinch. Although her words held no bitterness, I still felt guilty. Ayaka is pregnant and is left to protect herself. Kaname could have easily given him the peace of mind she needed but because I have been monopolizing him, she had been suffering.

She must have read my guilt because she went to pat my hand. "I don't blame you. Kaname-sama is your husband, too."

"But I—"

She shook her head. "This is what it means to be part of his harem. We have to learn to share."

She was right, of course. This was the biggest downside of being Kaname's woman. You can't have him all to yourself. You must learn to accept the fact that while you are solely his, you cannot expect him to be the same to you.

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[1] j.a.panese custom of dyeing one's teeth black and was extremely popular until the Meiji era. Women who didn't blacken their teeth were considered bizarre.

[2] Wildly expensive type of mushroom, the most prized ones come from the Kyoto area.

[3] Yes in Nihongo.