My Soul Will Find Yours 25 Come, I'll Make You Feel Good

"Sleepy?" he asked.

I rolled to my side. "No, not really. You?"

"Whenever I visit the inner palace, I'm usually still rolling in the sheets with someone until we're both tired and exhausted at this time."

I coughed. "Oh."

"This is probably the second night that I won't be bedding someone since I became the shogun."

'The second night?' I wanted to ask, I was very curious! "How long have you been the shogun, Kaname?" I asked instead.

"I've been leading this great nation ever since my father died. I was in my last three years of adolescence then. I'm three and thirty now," he replied.

"You're three years older than me then."

He reached out to caress my face. "Finally, I won't have to guess your age."

I chuckled. "You were curious?"

"Very. Although I must say that you don't look your age. Were I to make a guess, I would have answered four and twenty. Six and twenty, at most."

"You flatter me, my dear shogun," I giggled.

"'My dear shogun,'" he repeated. "It sounds nice coming from your lips."

"Does it bother you that I address you with no honorific whatsoever?"

He was silent for a long time as he thought about it. "Do women from your time not use honorifics whenever they speak with someone of higher status?"

"We do. I was just being stubborn earlier. I intentionally called you by your name to irk you," I confessed.

It was his turn to chuckle. "You are the most stubborn person I know."

"But, really, does it bother you?"

He twirled a few strands of my hair in his fingers as he thought about it. "Now that I think about it, I don't seem to mind anymore. You may call me whatever you wish."

I nodded. "Do you have siblings?" I asked to keep the ball rolling.

"I do. They're all from my father's concubines, some of them serve me as heads of ministries. Father's late wife bore him a son but unfortunately, the child died on his third month," he answered.

"Do you have a wife?" I understood that as the shogun, he was ent.i.tled to a wife and several concubines.

"The disappointed woman this afternoon is my official wife," he replied, making me remember the scene from earlier. "Mami is a Kyoto woman and was gifted to me by the emperor as part of the peace treaty. She is about your age."

"I saw her with another woman at a pavilion earlier," I recalled. "Was the other woman your concubine?"

"She is," he confirmed. "Ayaka is the daughter of a prominent daimyo in the south. The elders advised me to take in another woman, she arrived four years ago."

"Are there others?" I was deeply curious.

"No," he shook his head.

"I see."

"Hinata, did you realize something from what you just heard?"

I rolled on my stomach and propped my chin on one hand, "Sorry, I don't think I follow."

He removed his blanket and scooted closer. "You're the only woman that I chose for myself."

His warm breath tickled my face. He was leaning so close. "I.." I was fl.u.s.tered, either from his words or his sudden closeness, I couldn't tell.

We stared at each other for a long time without saying anything. Suddenly, Kaname groaned and plopped back down on his futon. "This is so frustrating!" he said as he rubbed his face with his hands.

"What's wrong?" his unexpected outburst worried me.

"Don't mind me," he sat up and started taking deeps breaths. "Endure.. I must endure," he started chanting.

I sat up as well. Unbeknownst to me, my action caused one of the sleeves of my robe to slide down and expose my bare shoulder. "Kaname, what's wrong?" I repeated my question earlier.

He turned his head to look at me and took a sharp intake of breath. "Staying here appears to be a wrong idea."

"What?" I was confused.

He took another deep breath. "Let's go to sleep."

"Kaname—"

"Hinata," his voice was strained. "I am using all of my willpower not to ravish you. Please fix your robe and go to sleep."

"Ravish.." I gaped at his choice of word. I then looked down on my robe and saw what he was talking about. I pulled the sleeve up and retied my sash. "Sorry."

"Goodnight, Hinata," he grabbed the edge of his blanket, covered himself with it, and tried his best to sleep. This time, he lied down with his back to me.

~~

I was awoken by Kaname's lips on my forehead. After giving me a quick peck, I heard him get up and leave my room. I opened my eyes slowly; judging by the light in the room, it was probably still around five in the morning. I tossed and turned, I wanted to sleep more. However, try as I might, my drowsiness has left me.

I sat up and stretched, relishing the feeling of my muscles awakening. I was in the process of getting up when suddenly..

"The shogun neither looked upset nor angry. Their talk must have gone smoothly," Nanami 'whispered.'

"He looked like he hadn't slept all night, though," Yoko answered meaningfully.

"Yes, yes.. As expected of our great miss," Tsubaki chimed in.

Megumi giggled. "Indeed. He looked tired when he left. He had bags and circles under his eyes. Lady Hinata must have given him quite a night."

"With their looks, their future offspring will be beautiful," it was Ryuko-san.

"I pray that Lady Hinata will be the first one to give the lord an heir," Aya said. "I would love to help in raising the little master. I can already imagine his chubby legs running around the palace!"

The younger women squealed in excitement but were immediately reprimanded by my head maid. All the while, my muscles were locked in a half standing, half kneeling position. My mouth hang open and my fingers clutched the blanket tightly.

These women.. How could they talk about such wild things so early in the morning!?

~~

I decided to stay in my quarters the entire day. Kaname spent two thirds of his visits to the women's palace with me. When he first arrived, I was shocked to see how tired he looked. I remembered what the maids were gossiping about earlier as I hooked my arm into his, making me blush profusely.

"What happened to you?" I asked as soon as we entered my room. "You look exhausted."

"This is nothing," he replied.

"My lord," I started, his eyes widened at my words. I ignored his reaction. "You look tired, my lord. Let's go to the bedroom, I'll personally give you a ma.s.sage."

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw the maids nudge each other discreetly. 'Ugh, they're taking this the wrong way!' I grunted internally.

"You know how to give a ma.s.sage?" Kaname sounded impressed.

"Yes, my lord. Ryuko-san, please ready the futon for the shogun. Also, prepare the ma.s.sage oil and some incense."

The maids scrambled to the room, not bothering to hide the happiness in their eyes.

"Come, I'll make you feel good." As soon as the last five words left my mouth, I mentally berated myself. I sounded like a woman from the red light district. 'It's "better," Hinata! The word is better, not good!'