My Soul Will Find Yours 142 Déjà Vécu

The day of Kaname's return from his audience with the new emperor coincided with Iursan's departure for the imperial palace. After explaining to me that the end of his marriage with Mami was all part of the bargain he and Tamaki struck after all that had happened between our and his families, Kaname told me that there will be a wedding ceremony in the castle that would legally make me his first wife soon. He looked so happy when he told me this but things were happening so quickly, I didn't know how exactly I should react. It also didn't help that this would mean saying goodbye to a dear friend. Life in the palace will never be the same again…

~~~

Inside her lavish room, forty-five chests containing Mami's movable properties from her dowry were being carefully prepared for her departure. After going through the motions of the divorce process wherein Kaname gave her a mikudari-han or divorce letter saying "I am divorcing you at my convenience; you are not responsible," and accepting it, Mami officially returned to her former social status.

"You're really leaving," I said to her while trying to hide the sadness in my voice.

"I will miss you, Lady Hinata," Mami said as she held both my hands. "You are the first and probably the only real friend I will ever have."

"I will miss you, too."

"Take good care of the cute little rice b.a.l.l.s for me, okay? Especially my darling Miyako."

"I know I should be happy that you'll finally be able to be with the man you love but why do I feel sad?" I couldn't take it anymore so I surrendered to my tears. "It will be hard not being able to see you whenever I want to."

"As sad as this may be, it is for the best," she said, still fighting back her own tears. "We can both finally be with the men we love without anyone getting in the way. You and Kaname-sama deserve to be happy as much as Iursan and I do."

"I know," I told her while wiping the tears from my eyes. "Things are surely going to be different in the castle once you leave."

"I promise to visit after I give birth," she said as she hugged me. "Thank you for the friendship."

~~~

The sun has set, the pink and orange hues that covered the sky just minutes ago were replaced by countless stars. The temperature slowly dropped and reminded me once more that autumn has come.

It had been exactly a week after Mami left and in three days, I will be walking down the aisle to become the wife of the country's highest ranking official… I was happy, of course, as this meant being Kaname's one and only. Looking back, I realized that the past four years I spent in this era was a rollercoaster ride. I met some friends and made some enemies, I learned so many things that not even history books could teach me, I started my own family and found a new meaning to the word love…

My vision blurred as unshed tears filled my eyes, I was getting emotional again. Was this how women felt before their wedding? A cold breeze blew and the bamboo trees surrounding me swayed. I was still wiping my tears when I heard the clacking of geta. I turned around to see Kaname walking towards me in purposeful strides. He had a tengu[1] mask on while the kitsune one I wore earlier was in his right hand. We wore those masks when we secretly joined the festivities in the city earlier. After visiting several shops and eating to our heart's content, he brought me to this secluded bamboo forest to enjoy a peaceful walk.

"Kuro and Panther are with Ryouta," he said as soon as I was within earshot.

The young man I met during Riku's abduction has officially joined Kaname's army. He was currently training to become part of the elite shadow guards. Kaname was impressed with his talent in kunai[2], something he admitted he learned from his grandfather who was a former koga ninja.

"Why are you crying?" he asked while caressing my face, worry filled his slightly m.u.f.fled voice. "Is something wrong? Are you feeling unwell?"

I shook my head gently but my tear ducts suddenly went overdrive. I covered my face with my hands and sobbed.

"My love, what's wrong?" he pulled me in his arms as he patted my back consolingly.

"I-I'm sorry, I c-can't seem to stop these tears from f-falling," I stammered. The sobs heaved at my chest. I tried to take huge gulps of air to calm myself. "I'm… I'm j-just so happy r-right now."

"Is it because of our wedding?"

"Y-yes."

He placed his hands on my shoulders and gently broke our hug to look at my face. "I am, too. We've come so far and I can't believe I will be marrying the one and only woman I will ever love."

He cupped my face with his calloused hands. I stared at him and smiled although I must have looked ridiculous with my red nose. I closed my eyes when I felt his rough yet gentle fingers trace the contours of my lips. His touch left my skin there tingling. When his fingers stopped, I slowly lifted my hands to his face to remove his mask.

Under the pale moonlight, I studied the face of the man I had to travel through time to meet. He had changed slightly over the years but it only made him even more beautiful in my humble and totally unbiased opinion. As always, his odd eyes caught me in a trance. They stared back at me with a tenderness that made me want to clutch my chest. His gaze was disarming, everything about him was disarming. I sighed inwardly when I realized that I was once again slightly fangirling over my husband's beauty.

Suddenly, Kaname's lips curved upwards. He must have read my thoughts again. His hands left my face before he encircled his arms around my waist. He slowly inched his face closer to mine. Realizing what he was about to do, I grabbed his muscular upper arms then closed my eyes.

Maybe it was the place, maybe it was the moment, or maybe it was because we were getting married soon… But when our lips touched, sparks flew. The kiss reminded me of something important. I tried to remember what it was but failed as I slowly got lost in our soft and gentle kiss. No matter how many times we've done it, my heart would always beat triple time.

"I love you, Hinata Yang," he told me when our kiss ended, still slightly out of breath. He got something from his secret pocket and got down on one knee. "Forgive me if I'm not doing it right. My memory of the time you told me how people got engaged in your time is a bit blurry."

My hands flew to my lips… Was he going to propose..?

"Hina, my beloved," he opened the box and showed me the most beautiful ring I've ever seen: it had a simple band but in the middle sat a pebble-sized diamond. "I know I'm a bit late and by old and modern standards, this is a bit backwards but will you do me the honor of being your husband? I offer you my mind, body, spirit, and my heart. I swear to love and treasure you and only you in this life and in my next ones…"

"Oh, anata… You're making me cry again," I said, a bit choked.

"Yes is the only answer this great shogun will accept," he told me while obviously trying to keep a straight face. "Any other answer will result to severe punishment."

I lifted one brow at him jokingly.

"Let us make it official, Hina. Marry me, please?"

I laughed. "Since you gave me no other choices, then I'd have to say yes."

He laughed as well. "I need you to say it properly."

"Yes, Kaname. I'll marry you," I told him while holding out my left hand.

He took it and, slowly, he slipped the ring on my left fourth finger. He then got up to kiss me once more.

It was only when he was carrying me to where our horses waited that I remembered why tonight seemed familiar. The tears, the mask, the kiss… They all brought a sense of déjà vécu[3] because I've dreamt of them on my second night in j.a.pan.