Koushounin Wa Damaranai Volume 3 Chapter 5

t.i.tle: Koushounin series 03 Koushounin wa Furikaeru [交渉人は振り返る]
Chapter: 5
Page: 137 – 164
Author: Eda Yuuri [榎田 尤利]
Ill.u.s.trator: Nara Chiharu [奈良 千春]
Publisher: Taiyō Tos...o...b..> Year of Release: 2009

Disclaimer:

Eda Yuuri is the original author of this work, and this is a fan translation. Feel free to re-post this elsewhere if you like but please credit this site. I did buy the original copy of this book, along with the rest of the series, so it'll be great if you can support her by buying her books.

By the way, this work contains BL, or h.o.m.o-eroticism.

Note:

As I have no formal training in translation theory nor am I an expert in j.a.panese (nor English, for the matter), I cannot guarantee the quality of this translation work, but I promise I did my best.

I have been a big fan of the Koushounin series by Eda Yuuri ever since I got my hands on the BLCDs for the first and second instalments of the series, and have been waiting patiently for the BLCDs for the third instalment onward… to no avail. It has been 8 years since the sensei published Koushounin wa Furikaeru, and I am beginning to accept that there might be no BLCD after all.

Nevertheless, the fujoshi doesn't give up. The following is my attempt at the English translation of the rest of the series.

Chapter 5

She was a beautiful woman, with straight black hair and strong willed eyes under a wide forehead. Her lips were outlined clearly with lip liner, and they were a glossy shade of rose. Her make-up was not thick, but it was flawless; her foundation was applied carefully, with subdued tones, but it effectively brought out the best of her features. You could tell that she was an intelligent and a rather confident woman.

However, possibly—that maybe underneath the touch of rouge, was pallor.

"Please do not tell anyone where I am." That was the very first thing she said, before anything else.

"I understand,” I answered, without shifting my gaze away from her, and conveyed to her with the expression in my eyes that I would definitely keep this promise.

Asahina's elder sister—Yoriko, resided in a place near the sea in Kanagawa. It was somewhere you had to drive two hours from the heart of the city to reach.

Her surname had changed after her marriage.

When I contacted her telling her that I wanted to meet her, she had at first declined to meet. When I told her that I had important information to tell her regarding her younger brother, she wavered for a bit, and then told me she would see me.

"How did you find me?"

It was natural that she would ask, so I told her.

"I went through many of your friends from school, and finally did. You have not been in contact with your friends much, haven't you?"

"Yes. Something like that happened, after all."

The house she was staying in was small and old, but looked comfortable. Maybe it was one of her hobbies; around the house hung a number of dried flower bunches. There were also many wreaths made of dried twigs, and I wondered what the red berries were called.

Without a sound from a bone dry twig, just one red berry fell.

"… Please."

She brewed some red tea and sat a cup in front of me. I bobbed my head in thanks and waited for her to sit before asking, "Are you in contact with your mother?" as quietly as I could.

"A few times a year…"

"I heard that she was ill."

"She still is, now. It is not easy to recover from an illness of the mind," she said blandly. It looked like she was deliberately trying to conceal her emotions. She had been looking at the wood grain on the table, but then she suddenly looked up.

"You said you came because of my younger brother?"

She asked me, speaking rather quickly.

"Yes. I came because of Wataru-kun."

"I don't think it's something good, isn't it."

"Unfortunately, no… but with Yoriko-san's cooperation, we may be able to turn this situation into a better one."

I told her all that had happened, but left out some of the details. I told her that Asahina had dirtied his hands doing a job that involved crime, and that I thought that we should try to get him to stop before it was too late.

"We can still make it in time."

At these words of mine, her brow crinkled, ever so slightly. Oh is that so, her expression seemed to ask.

"I am, first and foremost, nothing but his ex-lawyer. Rather than listening to what I say, I believe advice from his family might resonate far deeper within his heart. If he knows that someone else cared about him, he might change his mind-set."

She picked up her cup of red tea and soundlessly took just one sip. Her movements were so silent that I had a sinking feeling about her answer.

Perhaps she has already made up her mind. I had a feeling that she had agreed to see me in order to clearly convey that to me.

"I—do not care what happens to my brother."

"Yoriko-san, about that…"

"Whatever happens to that boy, is whatever he brings upon himself. I do not want to concern myself with his affairs."

"However, he is still family." I persisted, and she nodded. Clearly.

"Yes, he is indeed family. We are blood relatives. That is exactly why the sparks from that fire burned us so badly. After that incident in which he caused his lover's death, everything changed. I was completely flabbergasted, as to why the people from the ma.s.s media would desire to that extent comments from family members of the accused. Exactly what were they try to make us say? Did they want to apologize to the whole of j.a.pan on television? I'm sorry to have brought up such a son? I am sorry that my little brother back home did something so outrageous, should I have said that on my knees with my forehead to the floor?"

I couldn't answer her.

I hesitated, to even say a sympathetic how horrible it must have been.

Inside Yoriko, this matter has not been put to rest. It was plain that even up till now blood oozed from the wounds that she suffered at that time.

"I thought that things will die down after the court hearing, but it was the exact opposite. He killed a person, but didn't go to prison… There were a lot of people who couldn't accept this conclusion. Our house phone and fax machine rang non-stop, and I cannot tell you how many times the gla.s.s on our windows was broken. This wound…"

A slender arm rose, in one smooth motion. Near the elbow was a twisted scar.

"This, was from a flying gla.s.s shard. I had to get seven st.i.tches. I think you already know that my marriage agreement was cancelled. It became so bad that I had no choice but to resign from my company."

"That…"

"I'm fine."

I was about to say something to console her, but she cut me off sharply.

"I'm fine, with all that. I can bear with it. But my mother couldn't stand it. She was a very sensitive person to begin with, so she was helpless. She felt she must apologize to the whole wide world for having given birth to Wataru and have many times plotted suicide. And my father was more or less thrown out of his company… Our house was in a state of disarray."

Her lips curled, and for a moment her expression hovered between wanting to cry and laugh. She closed her eyes and took a breath, after which she once again started to speak.

"I thought that Wataru should have just gone to prison."

"Yoriko-san…"

"I'm a terrible sister, aren't I? But I did entertain such thoughts. I thought that if that boy had received a jail sentence, maybe our family wouldn't have received a bashing that was so severe. Then my father wouldn't have died a death that was more or less death by overwork, and my mother wouldn't have come down with mental illness. Maybe nothing of that sort would have happened. I, unfortunately, thought about things like that."

I'm sorry, Yoriko apologized.

"I feel very bad saying this to a lawyer who is trying his best for Wataru's sake, but this is truly how I feel."

"No. There is no need for you to apologize to me…"

"It was dreadful, really… when I was still working at that company, there was once I did overtime and came back home late. It was when the ma.s.s media had already stopped lying in wait for us at our house, so I let my guard down a little… and was walking home alone. Where one of the street lamps had gone out, a man suddenly grabbed my shoulder and cut my hair off."

It was a deep cut—she added, and I noticed that her voice was trembling at the end of her sentence.

"Just a little bit more and my face would have been cut, too."

"That is a.s.sault charge. You are an a.s.sault victim."

"Yes, technically, I am. However, I was sick and tired of providing information to the ma.s.s media. I… we as a family could do nothing but to silently take everything they threw at us."

Slowly, Yoriko's head descended into a bow. Her hair flowed downwards like a curtain of silk under its own weight.

"I am sorry. I am unable to meet your expectations. I no longer want to have anything to do with Wataru. Even more so, if he is doing something bad or illegal now."

"Yoriko-san, please wait."

If I were to give up now, I would have no idea what I came all the way here for. I drew myself up and once again tried to talk Yoriko around.

"Won't you believe in your little brother, once more? Wataru was an honest boy at heart and perhaps if someone believed in him something might change."

However, Yoriko's answer was still a tragic "That's impossible".

"I do not believe in my brother, nor do I even want to meet him."

"Yoriko-san."

"I still have nightmares… of when my hair was cut."

She said in a small voice as she placed a hand on her hair.

I was at a loss for words. She has said she cannot do it. She was made to go through such a harrowing experience when it was completely uncalled for, and it still torments her, even till now. It would be unfair to further appeal to her for help.

I stood, and bowed. I should go, there was no longer any reason for me to be in this house. Yoriko said nothing more, but did not stand up. With a vacant look in her eyes she looked at me, and lowered her head, yet again.

I wonder who could blame her.

What else could I have said to her? Should I have asked her, are you going to abandon the only younger brother you have? Who forced her to pick such an option? Was she wrong to choose as such? Did she commit any sort of crime?

I went to get my car from the car park. I do not own a car. It was more practical to move around the city on trains. When you take parking and maintenance fees into account it was more economical to rent a car when you needed one.

I got into a small, white car with a WA number plate, and put on my seat belt.

Let's go back… I whispered to myself in my heart, and recalled that this was a place that was near the sea, so I drove the car towards Shounan road.

How I should describe my state of mind right now? In movies or novels when people feel down they often go to look at the sea.

Perhaps, with the vastness of the ocean right before me, I might be able to think that my worries are actually very small in comparison. Or, I might finally be able to accept how small I actually am and come to some sort of resignation. If not for these reasons, perhaps I had simply wanted to spend some time alone and fall as deep as I liked into depression, till I had enough of feeling down.

The wind was unpleasantly cold against my skin, but I opened the windows because I wanted to feel the scent of the lake.

The roads were not congested, and very soon I was able to turn into the road that ran along the coast, and I parked the car at a public car park.

I got off the car, and hunched my shoulders against the bitingly cold sea wind. It was natural that temperatures were low, since it was almost evening in mid-November and the skies were cloudy. I had worn absolutely nothing over my suit, and regretted dressing lightly thinking that I was going to be driving. Despite this, I made my way towards the beach.

My leather shoes crunched on the sand as I walked. The waning sun casted my shadow across the sand.

"… This doesn't look good…"

I muttered to myself, at last. Someone in a suit looked out of place at the sea. Any moment, someone might mistake me for a salary-man whose performance in sales was so poor that he was thinking of drowning himself.

Dazedly, I looked out at the sea.

The wind whipped up my hair. I stopped hunching over and took on that wind, head-on. I wonder if it was a grain of sand that cut across my forehead. Right now I felt like being on the receiving end of a little bit of pain, anyway.

After all, I was. .h.i.t pretty hard this time and was rather depressed. I realized I did not know anything, and that I was far too ignorant of what was going on. As his lawyer, couldn't I have paid a little more attention to him after the case was closed?

"… That would be being idealistic." I muttered, in self-derision.

At that time, I had a great deal to do. I was wrapped up in many other cases as well and was running here and there, and even if it was just one more person, I wished to help as many people as I could. Even if it meant cutting into my sleep I worked, and was often scolded by Shimeno for that.

I must have helped dozens of people.

Of course, there were some cases in which I was unable to be of service, and though I would be disappointed, I attempted to learn from those experiences and was determined never to repeat the same kind of mistake again. Naturally, I had no time to look back at cases that have already been judged.

The sound of footsteps drew near.

His shadow was what first entered the edge of my vision. It was the silhouette of a grown man, and that was probably his coat, fluttering in the wind.

The salty sea breeze carried a whiff of a bergamot scented cologne, a smell I knew very well indeed. I couldn't be wrong, since I chose this scent myself. That person had coerced me into following him to the department store to choose a cologne for him, and even said right into my ear embarra.s.sing things like "You'll be the one who'll sniff it up close, anyway." The cheek of it all! Hence, I had no choice but to pick one out for him.

He was man who smelled of musk even if he did not wear any sort of perfume. Back then I thought that it would be little more refreshing to pair that with something citrusy.

"You managed to meet her, didn't you? That fellow's sister." Hyoudou asked, standing beside me.

"… What are you doing?" I asked him instead of answering his question, while still looking at the sea.

"What am I doing, you ask. Senpai was feeling down, so I came to cheer him up."

"What gave you the impression that I was feeling down?"

"Well. Shall I take a picture of how you look like from the back with my hand phone? You must be up to your eyeb.a.l.l.s in that depressing aura you are giving off."

At his words, I hurriedly corrected my posture to stand tall and straight. Sneaking a peek at him, I found him chuckling to himself. He had his usual cigarette in his mouth between his long fingers but was finding it difficult to light it due to the strong wind.

"… How did you know where I was?"

"I used the power of love."

Incensed by his shameless and ridiculous answer, I said to him in a threatening tone: "I'll chuck you in the sea." Hyoudou clicked his lighter again and again as he threw me a sidelong glance.

"You seem to be in a bad mood."

"Did you order someone to follow me? What an atrocious fellow you are. To get someone to… Ah choo!"

The sneeze didn't let me finish my complaint.

"You catch a cold."

With the unlit cigarette still in the corner of his mouth, he took off his coat and held it out to me, but I refused it and looked away in a huff.

"How cold-hearted you are. Perhaps you prefer that slightly larger a.s.sistant of yours over me, after all?"

That again.

Ever since that unfortunate situation with Kiyo, Hyoudou was now suspicious of my relationship with not only Shimeno but Kiyo, too. How popular does he think I am with men?

"Look here, now. How many times must I explain to you that my relationship with Kiyo isn't like that?"

"I wonder. You give off unnecessarily powerful pheromones after all, and it worries me to no end."

"I don't give off any pheromones, nor am I grilling horumon1."

"That pun of yours was so terrible that the atmospheric temperature dropped. Wouldn't senpai help to prevent global warming? You might be able to save polar bears in the North Pole." He said inanely, so I jabbed him with an elbow. Hyoudou grinned and once again thrust the coat at me.

"Anyway, please wear this. If you don't wear it, I won't be able to smoke this cigarette."

"Harh?"

"Here, quickly."

Once again, he thrust the coat towards me, and I didn’t understand why. It felt as if he was treating me like a frail woman and I wasn't too pleased about it, but it was true that I was feeling cold. When I reached my arms into those sleeves I found that it was vexingly warm. It felt so good to be wearing a coat that Hyoudou had left his smell and body heat in that I may never want to take it off again.

"Please flip up the collar. And, hold it just about there. With both hands… Yep, don't move."

The lighter's flint made a click sound just below where my chin was.

In other words, he had wanted me to hold the collar upright just so that he could stick his face into my chest and set his cigarette alight. What am I, a weather screen?

Hyoudou smoked his cigarette against the sea wind.

He was probably cold without his coat, so his shoulders were a little hunched.

"—it'll better if you left Asahina alone."

Hyoudou drew closer to me while standing by my side, and his shoulder b.u.mped against mine. The collar and the hem of his coat fluttered noisily in the wind.  In the distance, a dog barked.

"I… can do nothing at all." I said, as I tucked my chin in. "I can't change history, and there is nothing I can do about the past… However, there is a chance that I might be able to change things from now on."

"Senpai."

Hyoudou sounded thoroughly appalled by my stubbornness, and, cutting him off, I said firmly, "I won't give up." From the bottom of my stomach I spoke, so that my voice wouldn't be drowned out by the wind.

"If I left him to his own devices, he would eventually be caught. Even if he got lucky and managed to escape arrest, he would have learned how earning good money while having it easy felt like, and it would be difficult for him to lead a decent, honest life after that. Asahina is only twenty-seven. Turning over a new leaf would work for him, at least for now. I would like to see him turn himself in."

Hyoudou snorted. "Doesn't he have a criminal record? The next time he gets charged he'll eat a prison sentence."

"If he turns himself in and shows remorse, it is possible that the sentence would be reduced."

"It's no use."

With that one sentence of his Hyoudou completely wrote off my wishful thinking in a single stroke.

"That sort can't do remorse. He is a spoilt child that, no matter what happens, wouldn't think he was in the wrong but instead would think that he was simply unlucky. He doesn’t think of the consequences of his actions, and would simply do whatever that was easiest at that point of time."

"He isn't all that bad, he has an honest side to him. I want to believe in him."

"Huh… Did his sister tell you that she would, too?"

"Well…"

—I do not believe in my brother, nor do I even want to meet him.

Her words wouldn't stop ringing in my ears. She didn't abandon her blood related brother because she wanted to. Her current situation left her no choice.

"Even his blood relative has deserted him, and yet you say you want to believe in him?"

"—I do."

I answered, but silently, I corrected myself inside my heart. A more accurate answer would have been "I want to."

Like Kiyo said, it could simply an autosuggestion, just me drumming it into myself… somebody mean-spirited was whispering, inside me. But that was fine, wasn't it? If something turned out for the best because I had faith in someone, then it'll be fine even if it was just me conditioning myself to have faith in him. If I could move his heart, what was wrong with chanting the words like "I believe in you" like a mantra?

"So what you saying is that you would believe a swindler on active duty, a person whose occupation is to deceive others? Senpai, aren't you actually a m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t or something?"

"Shut up. Don't interfere with my work."

"That ain't work, is it? No one commissioned you to do it."

"My conscience bade me to do it."

Hyoudou watched the waves being tosses to pieces. Mockingly, he said, "Your conscience, huh."

He then turned on his heels and unhurriedly made his way to the Toyota Corolla which was stopped at the side of the road. I could see Hakuta-san waiting for him by the side of the car.

Then, he stopped in his tracks a small distance away. "Do your utmost to believe him, but do it just once." he said. Without understanding what he was saying, I continued to look at him. The cigarette he clasped in between his fingers was now reduced to a stub, and had no fire left in it.

"If you wish to talk Asahina around, by all means, try. You wouldn't be satisfied if you didn't, anyway. However don't take too long, if you realized that it is futile, please pull out. Won't you sympathize with how I feel and promise me this, at least?"

"Promise…?"

"Yes. Please listen to your cute kouhai's wishes every now and then." he said in a jesting manner, but as much as he looked like he was fooling around, only his eyes were completely serious.

I hesitated, but nodded my a.s.sent because I know how large a compromise Hyoudou was making, for my sake.

"I understand. I will settle this as quickly as I can."

"I am glad to hear that… Ah, do return that coat to me the next time you come around. It is rather pricey, you know," he said, before leaving the beach without turning back. He got into the car, and Hakuta-san bowed in my direction. Shortly after, the vehicle departed.

Do your utmost, just once. Do not take too long.

What did he mean by that?

Hyoudou disliked me coming into contact with Asahina, because Asahina had interactions with the Shinwa-kai. If Asahina were to betray Shinwa-kai because of something I said, that Shinwa-kai will definitely turn their sights on me. Hyoudou would like to prevent that from happening, because he… me… No, because he doesn't hate me.

The point here is, Shinwa-kai cannot know of my existence. It goes without saying that I do not have any intention to get along swimmingly with a large mafia organisation such as the Shinwa-kai, too. I am not a lawyer anymore and I intend to speak to Asahina from the shadows. I wonder if I would be able to get Shimeno's counsel on this.

"… Well, they say that you should make haste to do what is right." I murmured, as I stuck my hands into the pockets of the coat that was still warm.

While being enveloped in Hyoudou's scent and the smell of cigarette smoke, I started walking towards the car park, slightly mortified to find that my spirits have been lifted somewhat. A strange tingling sensation was running through my limbs.

–

Well now, how then shall I get into contact with Asahina? While I was still thinking about the various ways I could go about doing so, he rang me up himself, instead.

It was an unexpected turn of events, but it sat well with me.

Asahina, calling from an unknown number, requested that we meet again at the same club we were at that day. I agreed, but told him I would bring someone else along with me, to which Asahina sneered: "Why, are you afraid to come alone?" and I answered in all honesty: "I sure am."

Seemingly unenthused by my lack of mettle, Asahina said coldly: "Do as you like. But bring only one," before roughly hanging up on me.

"Since that was how it was, would you accompany me there, Kiyo?"

"Nn." With two grunts in reply, Kiyo agreed to help. Kiyo, who has a main job as a special clean-up service provider, is a part-timer in my office but also a person I could rely on in times like these.

We left the office at 8 o' clock in the evening. I was wearing the coat which I have yet to return to Hyoudou on top of my suit, and Kiyo had on his usual flight jacket and a pair of sungla.s.ses. The sungla.s.ses was to hide a scratch at the side of one of his eyes. It was a little swollen, and it looked rather painful.

"Did Tomonori give that to you?" I asked him as we walked along the streets of Roppongi, and I got a short "Nn," and a nod in reply. After that, he seemed to have recalled something and a grin tugged at the corner of his lips. It was rare to see Kiyo wearing such an expression. I wonder what had happened between that tiny person and the enormous one.

"… He is, kind of short-tempered," Kiyo murmured.

"Kind of? You mean, very."

"When he gets angry his face becomes really red… like one of those tiny monkeys who live up in the woods, the ones with the large eyes. It's really cute."

Kiyo probably meant it when he said that, but I doubt there are many male high school students who would be pleased to hear that someone thought they looked like a cute monkey. In any case, it seems that the two have been seeing each other without my knowledge.

As we walked along the busy streets, I noticed that Kiyo was attracting the attention of the people walking past us. No doubt he looked like a model on his day off, with that face and build of his along with that pair of sungla.s.ses. And beside him was a fellow model—course not. On a good day, I might be thought of as his manager, perhaps.

When we reached the club, we were shown to the same room as before. Asahina was already there waiting for us, but I was surprised to find him alone this time. Without greeting us, he said: "Why don't you sit down?" Somehow, he looked rather sickly as well, and there was no colour in his cheeks.

"Are you feeling sick?" I asked him.

"Who, me?" he said, with a tight smile. "I'm feeling great. What are you talking about, sensei? Ah, no, I mean, Mebuki-san. What is that large thing over here?"

"Our office's part-timer."

"Huh, you have part-timers too, I see. Well, would you hire me as well, if I needed a job?" he said glibly. The tip of his shoes glittered in the light as he tapped his toe nervously.

"We have enough people for now, but you could always come to me for advice if you decide to change jobs," I answered, and Asahina said: "Of course I was joking," as he stuck a cigarette in his mouth.

"A negotiator on the side of justice would definitely earn a modest salary. I can no longer go back to being poor."

"You never know. You might find it surprisingly enjoyable."

"Nope, I don't wanna—hey Mebuki-san, do you like money?" asked Asahina as he threw himself backwards to lean on the sofa. He was casually dressed in a black shirt and jeans, but both looked rather expensive. At his elbow beside him was a branded bag.

"I do like money. I imagine that there aren't many people who hate it."

"Right? That is why I have something good to share with you. I was pretty rude the last time we met. You are my benefactor and yet I said things to you that sounded like threats, and I realised that I shouldn't have."

Asahina was strangely jittery—that was what I thought when I observed his restless movements.

"There is an option we could take that could benefit both you, Mebuki-san and me. I wonder why I didn't think of it sooner… Look at this."

He picked up a cake box that was on the table. The box was on the small side, and it could fit around eight slices of cake. It was white and had a handle attached to it. Asahina gave it a light shake, and set it back down again. The contents of the box rustled in a way cake will not, and Asahina laughed, a high-pitched giggle.

"I prepared this just for you, Mebuki-san."

"I am fond of cake… but that sounded a little too heavy to be cake."

"This isn't cake. There is enough in there to buy a lifetime's worth of cake."

I see, so the cake box had been stuffed full of cash. It contents cannot be seen, but by its size and the sound it made just now, I surmised that it was filled with stacks of million yen notes.

"What do you mean?" I asked Asahina, without reaching for the box.

Asahina was furiously scratching the back of his neck. "This is what I call, give and take," he replied. "You take the cake box and bring it home. In return, you will give me whatever information you have and pull out of this case. And you will forget that you ever met me."

"That sounds pretty difficult."

"What. Are you saying that you want a larger box? How greedy you are, sensei." There were beads of sweat all over his brow. His breathing was slow, and he blinked excessively.

When I turned to look at Kiyo, I saw that he was also carefully watching Asahina from behind his long bangs. I then returned my attention to Asahina and said, enunciating each word carefully: "Asahina-kun. I find it very hard to forget people I have interacted with."

"Yes you can. I can buy the lapse in your memory with money."

"I will not forget you, nor can you forget your past. You can't, no matter how much money you fork out."

Asahina dropped his head to his chest and shrugged his shoulders. A dry laugh escaped him, and an unnatural energy coursed through him as he lunged for a tumbler of water in front of him. He must have been thirsty, for he drank from it in big gulps and sighed heavily when he had finished draining it. Then he finally deigned to look up at me, but his eyes were unfocused.

"Are you saying that you can't take my money?"

"Please think this over again. Think about what is best for yourself… I would like you to decide before it is too late. I might be able to help with it."

"Are you telling me to turn myself in?"

"I think that will be for the best."

"Are you an idiot?" Asahina's throat rasped as he sneered at me. "Are you telling me to get myself in prison? There is no way I would do something like that."

"Asahina. If you continue with your scamming operations, a day would come when you would regret it. You are still young, so…"

"Shut up, you hypocrite." Asahina cut me off with a voice that was as hard as steel. He seemed to be still thirsty, as he filled his tumbler with ice and refilled it with mineral water. It was clear to both of us that his hands were trembling as he poured. The bad feeling I had grew worse and worse as I watched him.

"Asahina…"

"Get out!" Asahina spat, without looking at me. "If you won't cut a deal with me, then get out now! I'm sick and tired of you pretending like you understand me. So what if you got the court to give me a suspended sentence back then! I don't give a f.u.c.k about something that happened all those years ago! And yet here you are, taking that patronising tone with me…"

Kiyo frowned at his show of temper, but I remained silent as I didn't what I should say. Asahina was far too agitated for us to believe that he was in a normal state of mind.

"You know, I," began Asahina, his voice regaining some composure. He then laughed once, a shrill choked giggle, before saying: "I'm going to go out to drink and enjoy myself once you are gone. I'll forget everything and enjoy the rest of my life… ha, ha, ha, and I shall stuff all of these bills into some girl's underpants somewhere!"

Upon which he seized the box in front of him and dashed it against the wall. The bottom of the box gave way, and stacks of notes fell onto the floor. I wonder how many people he had to swindle in order to ama.s.s all that money in that box.

"—let's go."

The person who first stood was Kiyo. He patted me on the shoulder to urge me along, but I was finding it hard to summon strength in my knees. It is true that there no reason for me to remain here any longer. Asahina had turned a deaf ear to my words—no, he could no longer comprehend what I was saying.

We left the VIP room, but before we could close the door I heard the sound of Asahina scrabbling around inside his bag, and my spine grew cold.

Kiyo and I did not speak very much on the way back to the office. Kiyo wasn't a chatty person to begin with; if I didn't initiate a conversation with him, he would remain quiet throughout. Yet once we reached the office, "He is too far gone." It was not an impa.s.sioned plea, but there was no hesitation in his voice as he continued, "You had better give up on him." He then quietly turned to look at me squarely in the eye.

"You and Hyoudou both say the same things." I tried to laugh ruefully, but I wasn't sure if I pulled it off.

After all, I know the reason why Kiyo said that Asahina was too far gone. Asahina is suffering from drug addiction. We only had to take one look at his unnatural sweating, body tremors, lack of composure and dilated pupils to know.

"Do you think it was psychostimulants he was using?" I asked Kiyo in a low voice, but he tilted his head and said: "I'm not sure, either. There are some powerful synthetic drugs going around nowadays."

Either way, they are terrible things which would eat way at the body and ruin its health.

Drugs rob a person of his power to think and reason. I am not a doctor, and the only thing I can wield are words of advice. And no matter how much I try to talk him around, there is scant hope that my words would reach a person who has lost his reason.

What then, should I do? Should I discuss this case with Shimeno? No, I already know what he would say. He would definitely tell me to leave it all to the police and wash my hands clean of this matter. Even if I were to discuss it with someone else, they would probably give me the same answer. In other words, this was the most logical course of action to take.

I'm sick and tired of you pretending like you understand me—that was what Asahina had said.

He was right. I was, after all, nothing more than a hypocrite pretending that I could understand what Asahina was going through. If someone were to ask me if I truly knew how Asahina felt, I would have to say that I did not.

I could understand that there were people who were reliant on drugs, but I cannot profess to know why. You could cut the Gordian knot by simply declaring that it was because all these people were weak, but then again, why are these people weak? It is because of the way their parents brought them up, or the schools they went to? Does the fault lie in the bad company they keep? Or is there some other reason I haven't mentioned?

It is impossible for an uninvolved party to fully understand what they went through.

After all, I didn't even understand what my own family members were thinking. Both my parents have died, and I still don't know. Why didn't I try to face them? Why didn't I try to talk things out with them? That regret would probably follow me for the rest of my life.

I wondered if Asahina's case would turn out the same way, too. Years later, would I hear from someone how he ended up? Perhaps he would be in prison, or he might have eluded the police to become an even worst criminal by then. Would I hear of his news, and feel nothing but regret?

"… I wonder when it was that Hyoudou said this to me," I said as I looked up at Kiyo, who had brought over coffee for me.

"Nn?"

"He said that if I thought that I could change another person, then I am being too full of myself."

"That was why I told him, that I wasn't trying to change anyone, and that I simply wanted to have faith in those who wished to change themselves."

Kiyo remained standing as he cupped his hands around his mug. Quietly, he said: "But, he doesn't."

"Yeah. Asahina probably has no wish to."

My fingers was unexpectedly cold against the warmth of the mug. I sighed theatrically. It was no use trying to hold a hand that wasn't offered to you in the first place. People who tried to do so anyway are simply being pesky.

Nevertheless, I probably should, at least, inform his sister Yoriko about Asahina's situation. This might mean that I would once again be poking my nose into business that wasn't mine, but right now, that was the only thing I could do.

"I will return to my normal duties tomorrow," I declared with an air of finality, and Kiyo gave me a small, relieved smile in return.

Translation Notes

1 The j.a.panese grill and eat beef or pig offal (it's delicious, by the way) and it is known as horumon. It's a pun, sort off, because it sounds like pheromone, ferumon. Mebuki's just being lame.

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