Kiku's Prayer Part 37

"But ... but please take at least one or two ryo."

"Well, I guess I could take it...."

"Didn't Seikichi have any messages for me?"

It remembered the message Seikichi had asked him to deliver to Kiku. His pitiful message asking her to forget about a man like him and marry some good fellow ...

"Seikichi was ..." It averted his eyes and lied, "... he was pleased by your thoughtfulness. Very pleased."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh." This was the first sign of life he had seen in her feverish face. She smiled happily.

This was too much for him. He could bear it no longer. "I've got to go." It scrambled to his feet and fled down the stairs. On his way out, he ran into the madam. "She's very ill. It's cruel of you to make her get out of bed and work!"

Disgorging an angry outburst sufficient to dumbfound the madam, It slipped on his geta that waited in the entryway and hurried outside.

While clients of the pleasure quarter still tottered about in a festive New Year's humor, It's feet carried him swiftly away, his mind preoccupied.

As he scurried along, thoughts of what he had done and what he had just now seen tore at this craven man's heart.

Choking back bitter drafts of shame, self-loathing, and even self-vindication, his feet took him unawares past the Chinese settlement and toward the ocean.

The noise of the streets and the swarms of people were, for some reason, intolerable to him in his present state of mind. Along the way he bought himself a bottle of sake and brought it up to his mouth from time to time as he walked.

Whenever he drank himself to the point of intoxication, he was somehow able to rationalize his behavior. He could tell himself, I'm not the only man who does this. Everybody does! Or When you get right down to it, this is all the fault of those Kiris.h.i.tans. If they had just laid low, I wouldn't have had to do the things I've done!

But the loneliness and the self-hatred gouged at his chest once he sobered up. It frequently suffered those pangs on nights in Tsuwano. When he tortured a young woman stripped naked who offered no resistance, or when he impatiently abused men and women who raised no protest, he never thought of it as something for which he was accountable. It was the exhilaration and the impulses that he could not restrain that drove him to do it.

He walked out onto the beach. There was no wind, but still it was cold. It squatted down behind a sc.r.a.pped boat that had been dragged onto the beach and drank straight out of the sake bottle.

I wonder if she's going to die.

Kiku probably would die. It loved her. He loved her even though he knew that she could never love a revolting man like him. He tormented her because he loved her. And even though he tortured her, he knew better than anyone else the gemlike heart of this girl who loved Seikichi.

Ahh, she mustn't die!

He grabbed a handful of sand and hurled it in anger and resentment.

In that same moment, he caught sight of a tall foreigner walking toward him from the ura beach.

He recognized the man as Pet.i.tjean. Pet.i.tjean was walking this way with his head bowed-most likely in prayer.

It stiffened. Even though he had been sent to determine how much this foreigner knew about the abusive treatment of the Kiris.h.i.tans in custody, for some reason It was frightened of being seen by him right now.

"Ah!" But Pet.i.tjean had noticed this j.a.panese fellow scampering like a mouse to find a hiding place. "Ah! Lord It!"

"Well, it being New Year and all, I've just been here having a drink at the beach. Would you care for some?"

"I don't drink." Pet.i.tjean sat down beside him.

Pet.i.tjean had just returned to j.a.pan from Rome. Though still young, because of the quality of his earlier work he had been appointed the bishop in charge of missionary labors in j.a.pan, and he had entrusted the care of his beloved ura Church to his younger companions, Fathers Laucaigne, Poirier, and Villion, with the intention of moving to Yokohama where he could consider proselytizing in j.a.pan from a broader base.

Seeing the beggarly face of It for the first time in a while brought a rush of memories back to his recollection. Pet.i.tjean remembered this minor official slinking around the ura Church to spy on them and setting up camp in the neighboring Nikkanji Temple to keep watch on their movements. But somehow or other, he could not bring himself to hate this vulgar, pusillanimous fellow.

He's a rogue, but he's no devil, he often told his brethren.

"Lord It, I thought you were in Tsuwano?" Pet.i.tjean asked, puzzled. And he sought some means to gather information about the Urakami Kiris.h.i.tans from this fellow.

"At the very least, I always insist on being able to celebrate the New Year in Nagasaki. But it's painful to think I'm going to have to return to that village way off in the mountains. Of course, that's all because those Kiris.h.i.tans are so obstinate!" It said with a sarcastic smile.

Pet.i.tjean's face suddenly lit up with delight. "So they remain obstinate, do they? They're still following the Kiris.h.i.tan teachings, are they?" Nothing could have made Pet.i.tjean happier. Every piece of news he received regarding the Kiris.h.i.tans banished to various parts of j.a.pan was distressing, dark, and painful. Tsuwano was not the only place where the faithful were suffering torture.

One hundred seventy-nine were confined in Hiroshima. The food they were given amounted to just over three and a half ounces per day. As a result, many had apostatized, and forty had died.

The 117 packed off to Okayama also suffered starvation from the quarter ounce of rice given to them each day, and in addition they were forced into painful physical labor, leading to eighteen deaths and fifty-five apostasies.

Of the eighty-four held in Matsue, eighty-one had abandoned their faith.

Reports on the sufferings of the faithful that were conveyed one after another to Pet.i.tjean and Laucaigne sometimes provoked feelings akin to despair. But just now, whether in sarcasm or as a joke, It had claimed that "those Kiris.h.i.tans are so obstinate!"

That meant that even during this frigid winter, there still were some in Tsuwano who had not abandoned their principles and departed from the faith.

"Lord Pet.i.tjean." With the bottle of sake to his mouth, It suddenly looked serious. "There's something I want to ask you."

"What is it?" It's face was so earnest that Pet.i.tjean nodded.

"You Kiris.h.i.tans ... why do you put up with all this meaningless suffering?" And then, as though spewing out the words, he asked, "And do you hate me? With these hands of mine I've beaten and abused and brought pain to many Kiris.h.i.tans. But they've endured it all. Despite their daily sufferings, they won't utter a word of apostasy. Why is that? Why are they so stubborn? If they'd just for appearance's sake say the words 'I apostatize' ... on that very same day they could return to a comfortable life like any ordinary person."

With his eyes closed, Pet.i.tjean moved his lips almost imperceptibly. It appeared he was praying for each of the prisoners who currently were groaning in Tsuwano.

"G.o.d ... G.o.d never does any evil to us." The whispered words seeped like a moan from Pet.i.tjean's lips. Why had G.o.d given such painful trials to these peasants from Urakami? Why didn't G.o.d use his power to rescue them? Did G.o.d ignore those who suffered for his sake?

Those doubts plagued Pet.i.tjean every day after his meeting with It. Dark shadows were occasionally cast across his believing heart. But ultimately he made every effort to believe that G.o.d could never do anything evil but would only provide good things for man.

"G.o.d ... Lord It, G.o.d works only good for mankind."

"So you're telling me that the horrible suffering of the Kiris.h.i.tans in Tsuwano, that this G.o.d of yours regards those sufferings as good?!" It scoffed. Only a religious fanatic or an idiot could ever give the answer that Pet.i.tjean just gave. Little wonder that It laughed in scorn.

"Yes."

"Their sufferings are good?"

"Right now they don't seem like good to us. But the day will come when we will realize that it was all for the best."

"That's ridiculous!" It noisily gulped down his sake. "How can you know something like that?"

"It is contrary to reason. But the knowledge and the workings of G.o.d are far, far beyond our comprehension. What I'm telling you is true. It's because they believe this that the Urakami Kiris.h.i.tans are able to endure such torments, and they believe and pray and regard the workings of the Lord just as we do."

"Hmm. So you're saying their sufferings will one day bring about something good? Well, I'm willing to bet that nothing good will result. I'll wager my head on it." It stood up angrily to contest Pet.i.tjean's declaration. "If this G.o.d of yours doesn't really exist-and I don't think he does-then you and those prisoners are living totally pointless lives."

If there is no G.o.d, you and the Urakami Kiris.h.i.tans are living totally pointless lives-It's a.s.sertion struck at the very heart of the most frightening, most cruel, of all spiritual dilemmas.

If there is no G.o.d, then it was absolutely meaningless for Sen'emon and Seikichi and Kanzabur and the others in Tsuwano to have endured those brutal tortures. It would render Pet.i.tjean's arduous journey across the seas to this distant land of j.a.pan an act of futility. Perhaps G.o.d did exist, and perhaps he didn't. Certainly many people believe that G.o.d is the product human imaginings and desires....

"You're right." His eyes closed, Pet.i.tjean muttered, "If there is no G.o.d ... then I and the prisoners at Tsuwano ... we have indeed lived cruelly meaningless lives."

"And yet even knowing there is that possibility, you still endure such hardships? What exactly is the bearing of such pain supposed to lead to?"

"I don't know. But I know with absolute certainty that G.o.d will not let their sufferings come to naught. You'll realize that someday. I am certain you will realize it."

Fanatical b.a.s.t.a.r.d. It looked with pity at the sorrowing face of the foreigner. It was futile to try to say anything to men beguiled by such fossilized thinking. They rebuff any attempts at persuasion.

It was more important now to take this opportunity to find out what the official of the Tsuwano domain had asked him to determine.

"I hear that you foreigners persist in lodging complaints to the authorities about the harsh treatment the Kiris.h.i.tans are receiving."

"That's right. We continue to request through our ministers and consulates that the violence be stopped and that they be given a bit more to eat."

"And do I understand that you're demanding that people like me who treat the prisoners roughly must be punished?"

"I wouldn't know about that. That's something your j.a.panese courts will have to consider."

"You do a fine job of evading the issue."

It sneered. This is how these missionaries always behave. They protect themselves so effectively that the ultimate responsibility for things doesn't fall on them. The missionaries stirred up the Urakami peasants to revolt, but after the protestors were arrested, they went on living their carefree lives.

"Why haven't you gone to Tsuwano? Why haven't you gone there to experience the same torment as those peasants? You put on such a good face.... You're just like Hond Shuntar."

"I have suffered sometimes-no, frequently over that very question. On chilly nights, I think about how I'm sleeping in my own house while those farmers are shivering in the cold, and it pains me deeply."

"Spare me the fancy words!" It said angrily. "You're no different from Hond Shuntar. All you have is a gift for getting on well in the world. Without ever dirtying your own hands. Hond's never struck a single criminal. He orders somebody else to beat them and watches from a distance. I'm the one that has to strike the blows...." His eyes filled with tears, It cried, "I'll bet you don't know the first thing about the pains of those who are beaten. And you know nothing of the torment of those who administer the torture!"

Then Pet.i.tjean said something completely unexpected. "No, I don't know those pains. But I do know that G.o.d loves you more than he loves Lord Hond."

It looked up at Pet.i.tjean's face in amazement. He thought perhaps he was being mocked, ridiculed.

"You say this G.o.d of yours ... loves me more than Hond? A man who's tortured and inflicted pain on you Kiris.h.i.tans?"

"You are suffering. But Lord Hond feels no anguish in his heart. His heart is filled with the dream of taking advantage of the mounting opportunities in this age of Meiji and making a success of himself."

"And what ... what's so wrong with that? I'm ... if anything, I'm jealous of the success Hond is having."

"But it's your jaundiced, wounded heart that G.o.d is trying to penetrate, not Hond's. G.o.d has no interest in a man like Lord Hond, who is inflamed right now with the l.u.s.t for success. He is drawn instead to a heart like yours."

Hatefully It said, "I really despise the kind of nonsense you people use to trick the hearts of men. You prey on a man's weaknesses, but no matter how hard you try to charm me with your Kiris.h.i.tan babble, I'm not falling for your lofty words and schemes. I see exactly what you're up to."

"You're wrong." Pet.i.tjean shook his head vigorously. "Someday you'll understand. By inflicting pain on the Urakami Kiris.h.i.tans, you're splattering your own body with blood."

"Listen, I'm not that kind of man! Someone like me-I enjoy torturing them. It's nothing more than torture. I hurt them because I find it amusing to hurt them-that's all there is to it!" It protested, his eyes flashing with rage and the spittle rising in his mouth. He was determined not to allow Pet.i.tjean to see through his weaknesses. He could not forgive this foreigner with the all-knowing look who had rudely penetrated into the depths of his heart.

"Then go ahead and torment them all you want."

"What are you saying?"

"Pain will give birth to love among them. Without pain, Lord It ... love cannot come into being."

It couldn't understand half of what Pet.i.tjean was saying. But the remaining half of his words echoed through his heart with a weight that he had never sensed in words before.

"Hmmph!" He stood up from the sand in a deliberate show of scorn. "So you're saying that this G.o.d or whoever loves me more than he loves Hond? What a peculiar religion!" Sneering, he made his way down the beach.

A man as base and cowardly, cunning and selfish, and incapable of curbing his l.u.s.ts as himself was no better than a worm. What could Pet.i.tjean's bizarre statement possibly mean-that such a worm had vastly more worth in the eyes of G.o.d than did Hond Shuntar?

1. Francis Ottiwell Adams (18251889) served as secretary to the British legation during a brief interval when Harry Smith Parkes was on leave in the United Kingdom.

SNOW. AND THE BLESSED MOTHER.

ON THAT DAY- The cold was more biting than usual. It seemed as though at any moment, snow would begin to fall from a cloudy sky that was the color of faded cotton. The madam of the Yamazaki Teahouse had gone to partic.i.p.ate in the Shinto Fire Festival at the Suwa Shrine, leaving Kiku to mind the shop. As a result, Kiku was able to rest until evening came.

After Kiku fell ill, the madam began taking verbal jabs at her. "We're not like other places of business-we can't afford to support people who can't work. I can't have you do nothing but lie around all day."

It incensed a determined woman like Kiku to listen to such sarcasm, so she would work through her fever, toiling in the kitchen and dusting the shop. But while working that hard, she sometimes had dizzy spells or became so lethargic she felt like crouching down where she stood.

On this particular day she was unusually exhausted. It felt as though leaden weights were pressing down on her body, and she could tell that she was running a fever.

"You're such a fortunate girl. I hear that they stop feeding a courtesan who ends up unable to work because of lung problems." Recalling the madam's spiteful words, she worked until nearly noon. When she lay down to rest a bit at midday, the man with the yellow teeth slid the back door open with a rattle.

"You again?"

"Yep. Can you come see a client? He's a Chinese merchant, and he's the kind of guy who won't take no for an answer when he wants a woman. He says he'll pay handsomely."

"I can't today." Kiku feebly shook her head. "I don't feel well, and I'm in a lot of pain."

"That's too bad! But it won't take long. And he says he's willing to pay two ryo."

"Why don't you just send for one of the Jzenji girls?" Kiku whispered.

The "Jzenji girls" were the prost.i.tutes who serviced the Chinese; they were considered lower in status than the women at Maruyama who entertained the Dutch. "Jzenji girls" was used as an epithet to describe them.1 "But your reputation is so high among the Chinese men. A beautiful face, they say, and a good heart, too!" The man was determined to win her over with flattery. No doubt he had boasted around Nakajuku that he would bring Kiku back without fail.

"It's two ryo! Aren't many Chinese who'll pay as much as two ryo!"