Kaua'i Me A River Part 16

About half an hour after I'd faxed Valentine the birth certificate I got a call. "h.e.l.lo Pali, it's Valentine again. Say, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask another favor."

"Okay."

"I appreciate you faxing your birth record, but the court will require an attested birth certificate."

"So the fax won't do? Do you want me to mail it to you?" I said.

"No, that won't help. I need a certified copy of the original long form birth certificate. The doc.u.ment you faxed to me isn't a legal doc.u.ment. It's just a birth record. It doesn't contain any signatures."

"But that's all I have. When I applied for my pa.s.sport they accepted it."

"Yes, well the federal government has lat.i.tude with these things. The courts view it differently."

"What can I do?"

"You should be able to get a copy of your birth certificate from the state records office in Honolulu. You can order one by mail but it'll take too long. I need a copy by Friday. The records office will want ID and a doc.u.ment stating this is an urgent request. I'll fax you a letter to take with you."

"So this means another plane ride?" I said.

"Didn't your dad mention you were an air marshal at one time?"

"Point taken. It's just that I'm not getting any work done here. I need to-"

"Pali, after you get me that birth certificate, this probate can get underway. And once probate's been settled, your job will be the least of your concerns." She said it with a smile in her voice but it made me cringe.

"You said it could take months or even a year. I've still got to make my house payment."

"Of course. But right now, the most important thing is to get that birth certificate to me ASAP."

"I'll go tomorrow," I said.

"Tomorrow's a holiday. Try to get the earliest flight out on Thursday," said Valentine.

"Oh wow, I forgot. Tomorrow's the Fourth of July."

"Yes, no mail, no banks, and no government offices." There was a beat of dead air and then she went on in a cheery voice, "Have you made plans for the holiday?"

"Not yet. But I'm still playing catch-up from being gone. I'll probably just hang around the house."

"Well, whatever you do, have a relaxing day. And please give me a call when you get that certificate."

We said our good-byes. I looked up the website for Hawaii birth records and found I'd have to go to the Department of Health, Vital Records Division on Punchbowl Street in downtown Honolulu. I understood why Valentine had advised me to get an early flight. The office was only open from 7:45 in the morning to 2:30 in the afternoon.

I'd hoped to hear from Hatch but it was already three o'clock and so far, nothing. I sat at my desk willing the phone to ring until I'd had enough. I locked up and went down to Palace of Pain. I went full-tilt, no holds barred. It worked. I'd learned long ago that one way to avoid fretting was to start sweating.

CHAPTER 23.

After spending the Fourth of July washing my car, doing laundry, and generally just moping around the house, Steve allowed me to tag along with him to the Independence Night Blowout at the Ball and Chain. The B & C was his gay bar of choice in Kihei; a town known more for family-friendly vacation rentals than Calvin Klein underwear models. The proprietor had decked the place out in red, white and blue bunting and balloons and he'd strewn glittery confetti stars over every possible horizontal s.p.a.ce.

When we walked in someone yelled Steve's name from a table in the corner. We both turned. It was Levi. He waved us over to join him.

"You chat him up," Steve whispered in my ear. "I'll go grab us some drinks. Meet me at my usual spot."

Levi asked about Farrah and I filled him in as best I could about Farrah tracking down the baby's birth mother and them coming to an agreement about Farrah raising the boy as her hanai son.

"I don't get it," he said. "You can do that? I mean, don't you have to go to court or something?"

"Nah, the Hawaiians have been taking care of family stuff like this for more than a century. It's like they say, We don't need no stinkin' badges."

"Well, that's good I guess. Say, what's with Steve? He's really been avoiding me lately. Did I do something wrong?"

If he had, Steve hadn't let me in on it. I shrugged. "Sometimes he's like that. When was the last time you bought him a drink?"

Levi bolted from the table and headed toward the bar.

Steve came over with a gla.s.s of chardonnay for me and a club soda for himself. "What was that about?" he said. "Levi practically vaulted over the bar to pay for this round."

"He thinks you're shutting him out," I said. "I asked him if he'd shown appropriate patronage to his don."

"Oh great. I guess you're still hung up on the mafia thing."

"Hey, if the shoe fits. So are you?"

"Are I what?"

"Are you shutting him out?"

"No," he said. "Not intentionally."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"I guess it's something like that. You'll notice I'm here with you tonight and Steven's nowhere in sight."

"So, which is it? Has Steven got a thing for Levi or the other way around?" I said.

Steve shook his head. "Don't even ask."

"Sheesh, look at us," I said. "I've got Hatch troubles and you're pining over Steven. Our lives are like a pathetic reality show."

"Yeah," he said. "Except neither of us is getting rich or famous in the process."

I sucked down the rest of my chard and then put my hand on his. "Can you keep a secret?"

The rest of the night pa.s.sed in a hazy blur of bad chardonnay, dancing to the soundtrack from *Glee,' and trips to a stifling *ladies' room where half of the *ladies' were guys in drag hogging the mirror.

I woke up early Thursday morning with a headache and a throbbing pinky-toe.

"Coffee?" said Steve as I stumbled into the kitchen.

"Can you set up an I-V? I think my throat's on strike."

"You were pretty funny last night. I mean, it's kind of fun to be the designated driver. If I were diabolical I could've gotten enough photos to blackmail you out of a year's rent."

"Did Steven ever make an appearance?" I said. It was unkind of me to bring up Steve's bruised love life, but I didn't want to suffer alone. I poured myself some coffee and dumped in cream and sugar.

"Yeah, actually he did. In fact, he's still asleep upstairs."

So much for misery looking for a little company.

"You guys made up?"

"Yeah. I was just being touchy, I guess. He said he'd seen me introducing Levi around and thought he should do his bit."

"And what was his *bit'?"

"He danced with him most of last Sat.u.r.day night."

"Some *bit'."

"Yeah, but it's okay. I've gotten over myself."

I put two more spoonful's of sugar in my coffee.

"Didn't you already put in sugar?" Steve said.

"I'm not feeling very sweet this morning. I guess it's time for me to consider getting over myself too. I haven't heard a peep from either Hatch or Farrah since Monday. And I've got to leave again this morning."

"Didn't you see your message? Hatch left a voicemail on Tuesday. I wrote it down." He got up and rifled around by the phone until he came up with a sc.r.a.p of paper. In his precise handwriting it said, Picnic Honokowai Beach Pk. 7/4 at 3pm, Call Hatch.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"Hey, I wrote it down. You need to check for messages. I always put them right here by the phone." Steve sounded irked but it was probably to cover up his guilt for forgetting to tell me about it.

"I'll call him later this afternoon." I checked the wall clock. "First, I need to make a quick trip to Honolulu to pick up my birth certificate."

"For court?"

"Yeah. Valentine said the thing I've been using for a birth certificate isn't official. I've got to go to the state records office and get a certified copy."

Now that Steve knew about my possible inheritance he was eager to help me get it. He offered to drive me to the airport.

"And I don't mind parking and walking you up to security."

"Hey, hold off on the major sucking up," I said. "I haven't seen a penny yet and according to the lawyer, these things take months. Sometimes years."

He was undeterred. "Still, you're an heiress-in-waiting. That's good enough for me."

When we pulled up to the white zone it seemed like even the airport was nursing a hangover. In the open-air lobby there was hardly anyone in the check-in lines. The sky caps were leaning against the posts gabbing with each other.

"Just drop me off," I said. "I'll make the next flight, no problem."

I was waiting at the gate for the eight-fifteen flight to be called when my cell phone rang. Good. It was probably Hatch calling to say he'd missed me at the picnic. I prepared myself to act indignant that Steve hadn't given me the message.

"Aloha," I sang into the phone.

It was Valentine. "So glad I caught you. I called and called last night but you never picked up."

Since when is it a serious breach of conduct to be out of touch for a few hours? But maybe in Valentine's world-where her clients are using their one phone call from jail-it is.

She went on. "Anyway, where are you now?"

"I'm in the Kahului airport. I'm on the next flight to Honolulu."

"Good. We need that birth certificate. Will you be bringing it over to Kaua'i?"

"I was hoping I could just fax it."

"Yes, well I thought that would work, but this morning I learned the judge is insisting on originals. He's taking a two-week vacation starting tomorrow so if we don't get this locked up before then, it will be put aside until he returns. And after he returns he'll be swamped with backlog. Do you see where this is going?"

"Yes."

"Can you indulge me by catching a flight as soon as you get the certificate?"

"Can't I just send it with a courier?"

"I don't want to go into all the times I've had couriers drop the ball," Valentine said.

Another trip to Kaua'i was right up there with a root ca.n.a.l or jury duty, but I had no excuse. I had no wedding business pending and my personal life had flat-lined. I told Valentine I'd come. I got in line for my Honolulu flight and shut down my phone. It looked like I wouldn't be getting together with Hatch for at least another day.

CHAPTER 24.

I arrived in Honolulu in the middle of rush hour. But then, there are only a couple of hours in the dead of night when it isn't rush hour in Honolulu. I snagged a cab and gave him the address for the Vital Records Office.