Jump. Part 88

'That was so earth-shatteringly lovely,' sighed Etta and then, cast down, 'but oh Valent, I'm not glam enough for you. I was so jealous of Bonny. She's so beautiful and young.'

'And daft as a brush. Don't be so bluddy stupid.' Valent tried to kiss her again, but Etta stopped him, really perturbed.

'I'll probably horrify you with nothing on, all saggy and varicose.'

Valent laughed softly.

'I saw you in the bath on the night of the flood. I barged into the bathroom with Gwenny and shot out before you realized. I didn't want to embarra.s.s you but you looked bluddy gorgeous.'

'But not like Bonny,' wailed Etta.

'She's for a weekend, you're for always. I want a playmate, not a plaything.' Valent stroked her hair.

'And I'm heavily into yob-satisfaction,' giggled Etta, trapping his hands under hers. 'You are so bluddy gorgeous too.'

Valent smirked.

'Where do you want to live?' he asked. 'I thought you'd like Bluebell Hill back.'

'No I would not.' Etta decided it was time to be a.s.sertive. 'I love Willowwood, we've got so many friends here. Little Hollow's a bit small but I'd love to stay at Badger's Court with you.' And she kissed him, putting her hands on either side of his face, unbelievably touched to feel the tears spilling out of his eyes.

'Ouch,' she squawked as a jealous Priceless, back from rabbiting, nudged her in the ribs.

'Ouch,' yelled Valent, as Gwenny shimmied down the oak tree and landed, claws out, on his shoulder. Next moment Mrs Wilkinson and Chisolm had wandered up to join the party.

'With this menagerie, we're going to need Badger's Court,' said Valent happily, 'particularly if we've got to find room for Mrs Wilkinson's foal,' and probably Trixie and her baby too, he thought, but he'd tell Etta about that tomorrow.

The stars were coming out, the moon rising to witness their joy, when suddenly, sweetly, over the bowed willows floated the pealing of church bells.

'Oh how heavenly,' sighed Etta, 'Poc.o.c.k must be back from the memorial service.'

'They'll be ringing for us in a week or two,' Valent tucked his arm through Etta's, 'and Niall can marry us.'

'Oh yes please.' Etta gave another sigh of happiness.

As Poc.o.c.k started ringing 'Here's To You, Mrs Wilkinson', Valent said, 'We'd better get her back to face the world's press. She'd hate to miss them.'

'My mother always said VE were the most beautiful initials in the world, because they stood for Victory in Europe,' said Etta, kissing his cheek, 'but my most beautiful initials are VE because they stand for Valent Edwards.'

And I'm going to be Mrs Valent Edwards, she thought in ecstasy.

As they wandered back through the wood, followed by Priceless with Chisolm and Gwenny both hitching a lift on Mrs Wilkinson's back, Etta said it was like the end of The Incredible Journey The Incredible Journey.

'Do you think Romeo and Sir Cuthbert will call Love Rat out when they learn Mrs Wilkinson's in foal?'

'No, Auntie Chisolm will put paid to that.'

148.

On the village green, amid scenes of riotous celebration, a hastily a.s.sembled disco had taken over from the church bells. Ione was twisting with the Bishop, Old Mrs Malmesbury was teaching an absolutely plastered Joey the Charleston, the Major foxtrotted with Tilda, s.h.a.gger bopped with Debbie.

Niall, his black vestments flying, jived with Woody, each congratulating the other on saving the Willowwood Chestnut as they gazed up at its multiple moonlit candles. Woody was particularly excited that he and Valent were getting close to a cure for chestnut fungus and might save the great chestnut avenue of Rupert, who, for the past hour, had been nose to nose discussing horses with Marius. Trainers didn't change, their wives, Taggie and Olivia, were fondly agreeing.

Alan the incredible journalist was dictating an even more exciting ending into a tape recorder. Dora was on her mobile to the Daily Mail Daily Mail: 'Mrs Wilkinson is to become a mother, Mr Dacre,' she was shouting over Robbie Williams. 'I can confirm Pens...o...b.. Love Rat is the father, rather an exciting mating.'

Martin, also on his mobile, was desperately calling his bank to find out if Harvey-Holden's cheque had gone through.

Alban, ringed by admiring journalists, was explaining how his numerous languages had enabled him to track down Rafiq and Mrs Wilkinson. He was delighted to have another quango: 300,000 a year for one day a month to find out if immigrants mostly come from abroad.

Toby was dancing round with b.u.mp in his arms, making the gorgeous blond little boy scream so much with laughter that the photographers competed to take their picture. Then Phoebe, determined to get in on the act, s.n.a.t.c.hed b.u.mp away and started dancing with him, whereupon b.u.mp bawled his head off and, to loud cheers, uttered his very first words: 'Want to go back to Daddy.'

Painswick and Poc.o.c.k sat hand in hand outside the pub, planning their teashop. Seth and Corinna were enjoying posing for photographers and plugging work in progress. Seth was keeping one eye on Romy, who was getting bored with comforting Jude, and the other eye wistfully on Trixie, who was sitting on the edge of the duck pond, cooling her swollen feet and talking to Eddie Alderton.

'You mustn't feel guilty about Furious,' she was saying. 'He was glorious but mad, one day he'd have done something dreadful.'

'And you mustn't worry about the baby,' said Eddie. 'My mom was illegitimate and she's done good. Let's have dinner tomorrow.'

Whenever the disco stopped, the Greycoats children sang their song about Mrs Wilkinson, but were somewhat distracted to notice their favourite teacher snogging Mr Macbeth.

A big screen was showing the Major's film of Mrs Wilkinson's finest moments.

'Pity it didn't include her stolen service with Love Rat,' giggled Dora.

Hanging around for Seth, Martin or Valent, Bonny noticed a beautiful youth with white-blond hair jumping out of a badly parked car and cried, 'Who is that most most appealing young man?' appealing young man?'

'My boyfriend,' snapped Dora, briskly dictating Chisolm's diary to the Daily Mirror Daily Mirror, 'and he's taken.'

Chris and Chrissie, having made sure there was enough food and drink on the trestle tables, joined the party, deliriously happy that at last Chrissie was pregnant.

'I do hope the baby doesn't come out in a woolly hat, waving a betting slip,' murmured Woody to Niall.

Oxford, Priceless, Cadbury, Araminta, Mistletoe and half a dozen of Olivia's terriers, aware that the minds of their owners were on other things, had just emerged from the pub kitchen licking their lips.

On a bench beneath a cherry tree dropping white petals on to them like confetti, Amber and Rogue were locked in each other's arms. As they broke off, Amber caressed Rogue's face with a hand on the third finger of which glowed a beautiful sapphire.

'I am so sorry,' she whispered. 'I was so vile in the past, I love you so much and I take back everything I said about jockeys being rubbish in bed. And I adore the idea of Dad and Furious bonding in heaven. Dad was always great with difficult horses.'

'If you're denifitely going to hire Rafiq Khan as your stable jockey next season,' Rupert was saying to Marius as they helped themselves to another mahogany whisky, 'I'd better have Rogue back to make sure of beating you.' Over Marius's shoulder, Rupert raised his gla.s.s to his G.o.ddaughter.

The press were frantic to talk to Rafiq, but he had escaped to Pens...o...b.. with Tommy. They were both sh.e.l.l-shocked, clinging together in case the other vanished.

'I was so terrified you were dead,' said Tommy.

'I was so terrified they'd kill you if I made contact,' said Rafiq.

Overhead the moon hung like a little gilded banana.

'Imagine Wilkie peeling it,' said Tommy. 'Thank you ever so much for saving her.'

As they breathed in a smell of wild garlic tempered by a faint sweet scent of bluebells, they could hear the idle stamping and neighing of Rupert's horses. But Tommy led Rafiq on, past the tennis court to the animals' graveyard. Her torch flickered over the names: Badger, Gertrude the mongrel, Rockstar, and came to rest on a beautiful headstone which Joey had only finished engraving that morning.

'In Loving Memory of Rafiq's friend Furious, winner of the Gold Cup. Allah finally called him home,' Rafiq read incredulously, and fell down on the wet gra.s.s to pray.

The tears were still pouring down his cheeks as he rose to his feet, so Tommy wiped them away and told him, 'There was rather a row because EU regulations don't allow you to bury horses at home any more, but Rupert said, "b.u.g.g.e.r Europe," and brought him back. Joey carved the stone.'

'Let's return to the party,' said Rafiq, taking her hand. 'I would like to thank Rupert and Joey.'

Back at the village green, everyone was saying, 'Where's Mrs Wilkinson?' particularly the press, who wanted to make sure she was really alive. None of them had got any sense out of Rafiq and Tommy or Rogue and Amber, so they were enchanted to witness hysterical scenes of rejoicing when Mrs Wilkinson and Chisolm finally arrived in their open-top bus, driven by Joey with Etta in the pa.s.senger seat, giggling on Valent's knee.

Seeing so many friends, Mrs Wilkinson had to leap out and bustle round, greeting everyone. She had been far too busy to eat except for a few s.n.a.t.c.hes of gra.s.s earlier in the day, so she was delighted to be offered a big bowl of bread and b.u.t.ter pudding from the pub. Chisolm's long yellow eyes soon lit on the hundreds of floral tributes propped against the church railings in memory of Mrs Wilkinson and she began tearing off the cellophane.

Valent was in no mood for a press conference: 'I'll talk to you guys tomorrow.'

For a photo opportunity, however, he did agree to stand in the village green goal posts and fend off shots from Mrs Wilkinson, Chisolm and the local children. He was just congratulating himself that he hadn't lost his Cup final touch when Chisolm, to roars of applause, headed one into the top left-hand corner.

'That's enuff.' Valent chucked the football to Drummond and turned to a watching Etta. The sight of her laughing face so filled with love made his heart turn over. Next moment, Phoebe had sidled up to her.

'Could you possibly hold b.u.mp for a min, Etta, so I can have a dance?'

'Sorry, Phoebe, actually she can't.' Martin had strode up and grabbed his mother's arm. 'Can you take Poppy and Drummond home, Mother, and put them to bed? You're hardly dressed for a party anyway. Romy and I can't miss an opportunity with so many press and big hitters about.'

'No she can't,' roared the biggest hitter of them all, so that even Martin backed off. 'From now on,' announced Valent proudly, 'your mother will be much too busy putting her new husband to bed.' Then, at Martin's look of outrage: 'Etta has done me the huge honour of agreeing to be my wife.' Seizing her hand, he beamed down at Etta. 'And we want to be together, so we're going home.'

With the cheers ringing in their ears, Valent and Etta, followed by Chisolm, Priceless and Mrs Wilkinson, who was not letting her mistress out of sight for a second, set out for Badger's Court, through the willow wood, where they were joined by Gwenny.

'And into Eden took their solitary way,' said Valent triumphantly.

'Oh Valent,' sighed Etta in rapture, 'if Mrs Wilkinson has a colt, do you think Ione might possibly plant a willow for him?'

Acknowledgements No horse staggering past the post in the Grand National can have been more relieved than I when I finished Jump Jump! Yet I was overwhelmed with sadness that I would no longer have the excuse to devote myself solely to the heroic, thrilling, yet hugely friendly world of jump racing.

Early in my research, I was lucky to meet one of its funniest, most charming characters: trainer Richard Phillips. Over a splendid lunch at the famous Pheasant Inn near Lambourn, Richard explained that, in racing, one must regard the owners as the parents and the horses as their children at very expensive private schools, at which the trainers are the headmasters, under huge pressure to deliver the goods.

Consequently few people work harder than trainers and their wives. I was therefore hugely touched that so many made time to both talk to and entertain me. They include Martin, Carol and David Pipe, at whose glorious yard I shook hooves with National winners Comply or Die and Minnehoma.

At Paul Nicholls's yard, I had the excitement of watching Denman and Kauto Star skipping over huge fences in a tiny school like gymkhana ponies. I even stood beside the sublime Venetia Williams when her horse Mon Mome won the National.

I am also eternally grateful for the help and inspiration given me by Nicky Henderson, Nigel Twiston-Davies, Bob and Nell Buckler, Charlie and Susannah Mann, Sally Mullins, Tom and Sophie George, Kim and Claire Bailey, Tom and Elaine Taaffe, Carl Llewellyn, Philip Hobbs and Alan King.

Writing a novel is not unlike wading through a raging river. On blissful occasions you stumble on a stepping stone that helps you on your way. One such stepping stone was meeting the insouciant Henry Ponsonby, who invited me to join one of his super racing syndicates. This involved taking a share in a lovely dark bay called Monty's Salvo, trained by Nicky Henderson.

Soon I was watching Monty thunder up the gallops, studying the meticulous expertise with which Nicky brings on his horses and setting out on joyful jaunts to the races with other syndicate members. At Worcester we felt ecstasy when Monty only lost by a whisker in a photo finish, followed by the agony of him breaking down irrevocably on the same course a week or so later. One of the saddest days of my life, however, became a poignant chapter in Jump Jump! and convinced me to base my story round a syndicate. I would therefore like to thank Henry and his girlfriend Kish Armstrong and the rest of the syndicate, including particularly Bernard and Glenys Cartmel, for all the wonderful fun we had.

Addicted to syndicates, I was delighted to be asked shortly afterwards to join Thoroughbred Ladies, a local group of delightful, larky women, whose syndicate is run by Sophie George from a glorious yard overlooking the Slad valley. Since then we have had the intense excitement of seeing our horse Island Flyer, with Paddy Brennan up, win three times on the trot. I would like to thank Sophie for her wonderful hospitality and the other ladies for their friendship.

Others who inspired me were Eddie Kearney, who belongs to a riotous local syndicate, and James and Nicky Stafford, who run the highly successful Thurloe Thoroughbreds. At one of their splendid evenings where newly acquired horses are named, I met Compton h.e.l.lyer, who stylishly, on two pages of my diary, set out the basic finances of running a syndicate, which proved absolutely invaluable. I also spent a miraculous day at Highclere, mecca of syndicates, run by Harry Herbert, where I watched a wonderful parade of stallions and their offspring, and enjoyed a fabulous lunch.

Without owners there would be no racing. As a very new owner I was knocked out to be allowed into the Owners and Trainers bars and stands and to meet and form close friendships with other owners. These include dear Jim Lewis, owner of Best Mate, and his lovely new wife Jennifer Harrison. The wonderful Liz and Peter Prowting entertained me endlessly at Cheltenham, as did the very generous Nigel and Penny Bunter.

David and Caroline Sebire, Roger and Carol Scan, Jim Jarvis, the ebullient greyhound lover Harry Findlay, Laurence and Elaine Nash, Piers Pottinger, Jenny Allen, Baroness Arlington and many others were all willing to share hilarious and heroic anecdotes about their horses.

It would be impossible to over-estimate my admiration for jump jockeys, that band of brothers, putting their lives on the line with every race, yet always able to banter and joke in the face of danger. For all their inspiration and help, I would like to thank: A. P. McCoy, Tom Scudamore, Choc Thornton, Paddy Brennan, Andrew Tinkler, Sam Thomas, Rhys Flint, Felix De Giles, Barry Geraghty, Timmy Murphy (for a brave and touching book), Hannah Grizel and Alex Charles-Jones.

Before I began Jump Jump! I was privileged to count among my friends three times champion jockey Richard Dunwoody and ace amateur jockey Brigadier Andrew Parker Bowles who heroically finished the Grand National with a broken back. Retired from racing, these amazing men have worked tirelessly to raise money for charity, particularly when related to injured jockeys or the welfare of race horses. I salute them both and thank them for all their help.

There are many heroes in National Hunt racing, not least the stable lads and la.s.ses who labour unceasingly and devotedly looking after their charges. I would particularly like to thank the gorgeous Lorraine Hunt, Leroy Jones, Rachel Field and Michael Kissane and the excellent head lads Corky Brown, Clifford Baker and Gordy Clarkson for all their wisdom.

Among the unsung heroes are the redoubtable trainers' PAs, whose job resembles that of Horatius holding the bridge. Not only do they manage incredibly busy offices and keep everything running smoothly, but they also ensure that owners, jockeys and their often extremely demanding bosses are happy and at bay. I am hugely indebted to Rowie Rhys-Jones, Jo Saunders, who gallantly read the ma.n.u.script, Georgina Philipson-Stow, Clare Jones and Lauren Thompson.

I was very lucky that my son Felix is mad about racing and gallantly accompanied me to many horsey events. We had a heavenly time at different racecourses, particularly at our local course, Cheltenham, truly the jewel in the National Hunt crown. I cannot begin to thank Edward Gillespie, its managing director, and Simon Claisse, Clerk of the Course, for their intense kindness, inspiration and willingness to answer my questions while constantly providing dazzling spectacle and loving care for both horses and their connections.

My thanks also go to the chairman of Cheltenham racecourse, Lord Vestey; Andy Clifton, head of communications; Tim Partridge, manager of buildings and facilities, and Liz Cole, who so charmingly holds sway over the ladies' loo.

I am devoted to Worcester and its splendid welcome provided by Jenny Cheshire and Sue Page, and Henry Pratt who runs the lorry park. I must also thank Marilyn Peachey and Tricia Cavell for splendid Ladies' Day lunches at Worcester in aid of the wonderful St Richard's Hospice. Two other favourite courses are Ludlow, where I must thank Clerk of the Course Bob Davies for his help, and Stratford, where Steven Lambert, Clerk of the Course, also helped me and where chairman Captain Nick Lee conducted a splendid auction.

I have a hugely soft spot for Newbury, not just for its stylish beauty but for the most delicious gla.s.s of champagne I and other Thoroughbred Ladies enjoyed in the royal box, after our horse Island Flyer won his race. My thanks to joint managing director Stephen Higgins, Jeni Sieff and Natasha Berkeley.

More thanks to Louise Mitch.e.l.l and Phil White for a Kentucky Challenge evening at Kempton Park, the perfect night out, and to the beautiful Becky Green for a gloriously funny summer evening at Fontwell where Richard Dunwoody, Honeysuckle Weeks and I judged an eco-beauty compet.i.tion.

I loved my visit to Wincanton, but sadly failed to get to Wetherby to research an important chapter in the book. Invaluable help, however, was received from Jonjo Sanderson about the course and from Josephine Shilton about the famous White Rose restaurant.

I owe a b.u.mper debt of grat.i.tude to Sarah Driscoll, peerless press officer at Aintree, for providing so much information and to Andrew Tulloch, Clerk of the Course, for all his advice.

I was guided to another ma.s.sive stepping stone by Richard Pitman, one of the most delightful and helpful men in racing, when he introduced me to Diana Keen of Sunset and Vine, the ace production company employed by the BBC to broadcast the Grand National to more than 600,000,000 viewers. Dear Diana allowed me to sit in on a vast production meeting on the morning of the National, marvel over multi-monitors in the control room and hurtle round the course before and during the race in a BBC car with rigger driver John Anderson and cameraman David Taylor. This unique privilege enabled me to witness the making of a beautiful film about a heroic race.

Fiona Macdonald, one of the team of Spotters who report on fallers at every fence, and Harriet Loxley from the Royal Liverpool Hospital also provided invaluable information.

Jump racing is one of the most dangerous sports in the world. Where else, as A. P. McCoy pointed out, would you be permanently followed by a convoy of vets, doctors and ambulances? Horses and jockeys win, suffer injury and die. I would, however, like to stress the valiant efforts made by the people who run racecourses to make both track and fences more forgiving.

On the same subject, I would particularly like to salute Sebastian Garner, a wonderful horse ambulance man, who at both Aintree and Cheltenham allowed me to witness the kindness and quiet competence with which he eased the pain of injured horses and dispatched the fatally injured into the next world.

Any horse's death is tragic, but I wish animal rights activists would direct their fire more towards the ghastly long distances that horses have to travel to slaughterhouses abroad, or against vicious, deliberate cruelty.

In Jump Jump! my horse heroine, Mrs Wilkinson, is discovered appallingly mutilated in a wood in the snow. Researching this, I spent a harrowing yet uplifting day with Ted Barnes, the awesome field officer of World Horse Welfare, who showed me how horrifically neglected, even tortured horses, reduced to mere skeletons, are rescued and lovingly restored to healthy, happy and confident working lives.

Another stepping stone was meeting Helen Yeadon, who with her husband Michael runs the most wonderful sanctuary for retired and rescued racehorses at Greatwood in Wiltshire. Here these great animals are rested and nursed back to health and often new careers. In this Garden of Eden they bond not only with impossibly naughty Shetland ponies, goats and dogs and a rooster called Rodney, but most touchingly with autistic children who regularly visit the sanctuary. Helen herself gave me invaluable advice on restoring Mrs Wilkinson to health and happiness.

I'd also like to thank Janet Perrins, Greatwood's fundraiser, Emma Cook of World Horse Welfare, and the Blue Cross and the Brooke Hospital for their help in horse rescue work.

My horse heroine, Mrs Wilkinson, loses an eye before she is saved so it was crucial to meet two gallant one-eyed mares, who won many races as well as the public's adoration, to see how they coped with the argy-bargy of the racetrack.

The first mare was Material World, or Daisy, a terrific character as tough as she is adorable. Owned and trained by Suzy Smith and Sergio Graham-Jones down in Brighton, she is now happily in foal to Shirocco. The second mare is Barshiba, trained by the great David Elsworth, who recently won a major race at Haydock with Hayley Turner up.

One of my heroes does a stint in gaol where he finds huge satisfaction in looking after one of the rescued racehorses being restored to health in the prison stables. I am therefore grateful again to Andrew Parker Bowles, founder and former chairman of Retraining of Racehorses (ROR), and to Di Arbuthnot, its director of operations, who pioneered a similar scheme at Hollesley Bay Prison in Suffolk.