Julian Home Part 35

The others went away, but Brogten still lingered in Kennedy's rooms, and, rising, took him by the hand. They both remembered another scene in these rooms, when they two were together,--the torturer and the tortured; but it was different now.

"The worst thing that haunted me, Kennedy, when you were saving my life, was the thought of my wickedness to you. I fear it can never be repaired; yet believe me, that from this day forth I have vowed before G.o.d to turn over a new leaf, and my whole effort will be to do all for you that ever may be in my power! Do you forgive me?"

"As I hope to be forgiven," he replied.

Yet it was part of Brogten's punishment in after days to remember that _his_ hand had set the stone moving on the steep hill-side, which afterwards he had no power to stay. It would not come back to him for a wish, but leapt, and rushed, and bounded forward, splintering and splintered by the obstacles in its course, till at last--Could it be saved from being dashed to shivers among the smooth rocks of the valley and the brook?

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX.

HAZLET'S VISION.

"And ride on his breast, and trouble his rest In the shape of his deadliest sin."

Anon.

Before the scholarship, came the Little-go, so called in the language of men, but known to the G.o.ds as the Previous Examination. As it is an examination which all must pa.s.s, the standard required is of course very low, and the subjects are merely Paley's Evidences, a little Greek Testament, some easy cla.s.sic, Scripture History, and a sprinkling of arithmetic and algebra.

The reading men simply regard it as a nuisance, interrupting their reading and wasting their time, _i e_, until the wisdom of maturer years shows them its necessity and use. But to the idle and the stupid, the name Little-go is fraught with terror. It begins to loom upon them from the commencement of their second year, and all their efforts must be concentrated to avoid the disgrace and hindrance of a pluck. There are regular tutors to cram Poll men for this necessary ordeal, and the processes applied to introduce the smallest possible modic.u.m of information into the heads of the victims, the surgical operations necessary to inculcate into them the simplest facts, would, if narrated, form a curious chapter in morbid psychology. I suggest this merely as a pregnant hint for the future historian of Camford; personally I am only acquainted by report with the system resorted to.

Hazlet began to be in a fright about the Little-go from the very commencement of his second October. His mother well knew that the examination was approaching, and thought it quite impossible that her ingenuous and right-minded son could fall a victim to the malice of examiners. Hazlet was not so sure of this himself, and as the days had pa.s.sed by when he could speak of the cla.s.sics with a holy indignation against their vices and idolatry, he was wrought up by dread of the coming papers into a high state of nervous excitement.

I will not betray the mistakes he made, or dish up in this place the "crambe repet.i.ta" of those Little-go anecdotes, which at this period of the year awaken the laughter of combination-rooms, and dissipate the dulness of Camford life. Suffice it to say that Hazlet displayed an ignorance at once egregious and astounding; the ingenious perversity of his mistakes, the fatuous absurdity of his confusions, would be inconceivable to any who do not know by experience the extraordinary combinations of ignorance and conceit. The examiners were very lenient and forbearing, but Hazlet was plucked; plucked too in Scripture History, which astonished everybody, until it became known that he had attributed John the Baptist's death to his having "danced with Herodias's daughter"--traced a connection between the Old and New Testaments in the fact of Saint Peter's having cut off the ear of Malachi the last of the prophets--and stated that the substance of Saint Paul's sermon at Athens, was "crying vehemently about the s.p.a.ce of two hours, Great is Diana of the Ephesians!"

It is a sad pity that such ludicrous a.s.sociations should centre round the word "pluck." It is anything but a laughing matter to those who undergo the process; they have tried hard and worked diligently perhaps to pa.s.s the examination, and if they fail they see before them another long period of weary and dissatisfied effort, with the same probability of failure again and again repeated: for until the barrier of the Little-go is pa.s.sed they can advance no further, and must simply stay at Camford until in some way or other they can succeed in getting up the requisite minimum of information. I have seen a strong man in the senate-house turn as white as a sheet, when a paper which he was unable to answer was placed before him. I fancy I see him now, and distinctly remember my strong feeling of compa.s.sion for his distress, and my earnest hope that he would not be "floored."

There was a general laugh in Saint Werner's when it was announced that Hazlet was plucked; and in Scripture History too! His follies and inconsistencies had unhappily made him a b.u.t.t, but men little knew how heavily the misfortune would weigh upon him.

He happened at this time to be living on the same stair-case with Lillyston, and Lillyston, who was in the rooms below him, was quite amazed at the sounds which he heard proceeding from his rooms. For a long time there was a series of boo-hoos, long, loud, and wailing as of some animal in distress, and then there was an uproar as of some one running violently about, and throwing the furniture out of his way.

Lillyston was just on the point of going to see what was the matter when the breathless bedmaker appeared at the door, and said--"Oh, Mr Lillyston, sir, do go and look at Mr Hazlet, sir; he's took very bad, he is."

"Took very bad--how do you mean?"

"Why, sir, it's the Little-go, sir, as done it. He's plucked, sir, and it's upset him like. So, when I asked him if he'd a-tea'd, and if I should take away the things, he begins a banging his chairs about, you see, sir, quite uncomfortable."

Lillyston immediately ran up-stairs. The violent fit seemed to have subsided, for Hazlet, peering out of a corner, with wandering, spectacled eyes, quite cowered when he saw him. Lillyston was shocked at the spectacle he presented. Hazlet was but half dressed, his hands kept up an uneasy and vague motion, his face was blank, and his whole appearance resembled that of an idiot.

"Why, Hazlet, my man, what's the matter with you?" said Lillyston, cheerily.

Hazlet trembled, and muttered something about a dog. It happened that just before coming back from the senate-house, a large Newfoundland had run against him, and his excited imagination had mingled this most recent impression with the vagaries of a temporary madness.

"The dog, my dear fellow; why, there's no dog here."

Hazlet only cowered farther into the corner.

"Here, won't you have some tea?" said Lillyston; "I'll make it for you.

Come and help me."

He began to busy himself about setting the tea-things, and cutting the bread, while he occupied Hazlet in pouring out the water and attending to the kettle. Hazlet started violently every now and then, and looked with a terrified side-glance at Lillyston, as though apprehensive of some wrong.

At last Lillyston got him to sit down quietly, and gave him a cup of tea and some bread. He ate it in silence, except that every now and then he uttered a sort of wail, and looked up at Lillyston. The look didn't seem to satisfy him, for, after a few minutes, he seized his knife, and said, "I shall cut off your whiskers."

What put the grotesque fancy into his head, Lillyston did not know; probably some faint reminiscence of having been forced to shave after the trick which Bruce had played on him by painting his face with lamp-black and ochre.

Lillyston decidedly declined the proposition, and they both started up from their seats--Hazlet brandishing his knife with determined purpose, and looking at his companion with a strange savage glare under his spectacles.

After darting round the room once or twice to escape his attack, Lillyston managed with wonderful skill to clutch the wrist of Hazlet's right hand, and, being very strong, he held him with the grasp of a vice, while with his left hand he forced the knife out of his clutch, and dropped it on the floor. He held him tight for a minute or two, although Hazlet struggled so fiercely that it was no easy task, and then quietly forced him into a chair, and spoke to him in a firm authoritative voice--

"No mischief, Hazlet; we shan't allow it. Now listen to me: you must go to bed."

The tone of voice and the strength of will which characterised Lillyston's proceedings, awed Hazlet into submission. He cried a little, and then suffered Lillyston to see him into his rooms, and to put him into a fair way towards going to bed. Taking the precaution to remove his razor, Lillyston locked the door upon him, and determined at once to get medical advice. The doctor, however, could give very little help; it was, he said, a short fit of temporary madness, for which quiet and change of air were the only effectual remedies. He did not antic.i.p.ate that there would be any other outbreak of violence, or anything more than a partial imbecility.

"Do come and help me to manage Hazlet," said Lillyston to Julian next morning; "his head has been turned by being plucked for the Little-go, and he's as mad as Hercules Furens."

Julian went, and they stayed in Hazlet's room till he had quietly breakfasted. He then appeared to be so calm that Lillyston agreed to leave Julian there for the morning, and to take the charge of Hazlet for the afternoon and evening. It seemed absolutely necessary that someone should take charge of him, and they thought it best to divide the labour.

Julian sorely felt the loss of time. He had a great deal to get through before the all-important scholarship examination, and the loss of every available hour fretted him, for since he had failed in the Clerkland, he was doubly anxious to gain a Saint Werner's scholarship at his first time of trial. Still he never wavered for a moment in the determination to fulfil the duty of taking care of his Ildown acquaintance, and he spent the whole tedious morning in trying to amuse him.

Hazlet's ceaseless allusions to "the dog," and the feeble terror which it seemed to cause him, made it necessary to talk to him incessantly, and to turn his attention, as far as possible, to other things. He had to be managed like a very wilful and stupid child, and when one of the five hours which Julian had to spend with him was finished, he was worn out with anxiety and fatigue. It is a dreadful thing to be alone in charge of a human being--a being in human shape, who is, either by accident or const.i.tution, incapable alike of responsibility and thought.

Hazlet had been able to play draughts pretty well, so Julian got out a board and challenged him to a game, but instead of playing, Hazlet only scrabbled on the board, and pushed the pieces about in a meaningless confusion, while every now and then the sullen glare came into his eye which showed Julian the necessity of being on his guard if self-defence should be needed. Then Julian tried to get him to draw, and showing him a picture, sketched a few strokes of outline, and said--

"Now, Hazlet, finish copying this picture for me."

Hazlet took the pencil between his unsteady fingers, and let it make futile scratches on the paper, and, when Julian repeated his words, wrote down in a slow painful hand--

"Finish copying pict-ure pict-."

What was to be done in such a case as this? Julian suggested a turn in the grounds, but Hazlet betrayed such dread at the thought of leaving his rooms, and encountering "the dog," that Julian was afraid, if he persisted, of driving him into a fit.

Just as the dilemma was becoming seriously unpleasant, Brogten came up to the rooms, and begged Julian to intrust Hazlet to his charge.

"_Your_ time is valuable, Home--particularly just now. Mine is all but worthless. At any rate I have no _special_ work as you have, and I can take care of poor Hazlet very well."

"Oh, no," said Julian; "I mustn't shrink from the duty I have undertaken, and besides you'll find it very dull and unpleasant work."

"Never mind that. I once had an idiot brother--dead now--and I understand well how to manage any one in a case like this. Besides, Hazlet is one of the many I have injured. Let me stay."

"I really am afraid you won't like it."

"Nonsense, Home; I won't give in, depend upon it. I am quite in earnest, and am besides most anxious that you should get a scholarship this time. Don't refuse me the privilege of helping you."

Julian could refuse no longer, and went back to his rooms with perfect confidence that Brogten would do his work willingly and well. He looked in about mid-day to see how things were going on, and found that, after thoroughly succeeding in amusing his patient, Brogten had persuaded him to go to sleep, in the conviction that by the time he awoke he would be nearly well. Nor was he mistaken. The next day Hazlet was sufficiently recovered to go home for the Easter vacation.

It was a very bitter and humiliating trial to him; but misfortune, however frequently it causes reformation, is not invariably successful in changing a man's heart and life. Hazlet came back after the Easter vacation with recovered health, but damaged const.i.tution, and in no respect either better or wiser for the misfortune he had undergone.

One peculiarity of his recent attack was a strong nervous excitability, which was induced by very slight causes, and Hazlet had not long returned to Saint Werner's when the dissipation of his life began once more to tell perniciously upon his state of health. It must not be imagined that because he was the easiest possible victim of temptation, he suffered no upbraidings of a terrified and remorseful conscience.

Many a time they overwhelmed him with agony and a dread of the future, mingling with his slavish terrors of a material Gehenna, and stirring up his turbid thoughts until they drove him to the verge of madness. But the inward chimera of riotous pa.s.sions was too fierce for the weak human reason, and while he hated himself he continued still to sin.