Jonah and Co Part 5

"If," said Berry, "you're going to direct me to turn off, for Heaven's sake be quick about it. At the present moment I'm just blinding along into the blue and, for all I know, an oversized hornets' nest. Of course they mayn't sting when there's an 'r' in the month, but then they mightn't know that. Or am I thinking of oysters?"

"They'll stop us at Vendome," said I. "Not before. Right oh! We must turn to the right at Cloyes and make for St. Calais. We can get round to Tours that way. It'll take us about twenty miles out of our way, but----"

"Yes, and when we don't show up at Vendome, they'll wire to Calais.

Seriously, as Shakespeare says, I'm all of a doo-dah."

That we should be stopped at St. Calais was not likely, and I said as much. What did worry me, because it was far more probable, was that when they drew blank at Vendome, the authorities would telephone to Tours. Any apprehension, however, regarding our reception at that city was soon mercifully, unmercifully, and somewhat paradoxically overshadowed by a more instant anxiety lest we should never arrive there at all. From the moment we left the main road, the obstacles in the shape of uncharted roads and villages, pavements, cattle, goats, a horse fair, and finally a series of appalling gradients, opposed our pa.s.sage. All things considered, my brother-in-law drove admirably.

But it was a bad business, and, while my wife and Berry were very staunch, I think we all regretted that I had been so high with Blue Nose.

Night had fallen ere we slunk into Tours.

Fully expecting to find that the others had well-nigh given us up, we were astounded to learn at the hotel that Ping had not yet arrived.

Indeed, we had finished dinner, and were debating seriously whether we should take a hired car and go to seek them, when there was a flurry of steps in the corridor, n.o.bby rushed to the door, and the next moment Daphne and Jill burst into the room.

"My darling," said Berry, advancing, "where on earth have you been?"

My sister put her arms about his neck and looked into his eyes.

"Kiss me 'Good-bye,'" she said. "Jonah's just coming."

Her husband stared at her. Then--

"Is it as bad as all that?" he said. "Dear, dear. And how did he get the booze?"

Somebody cleared his throat.

I swung round, to see Jonah regarding us.

"You three beauties," he said. "Four with n.o.bby."

"But what do you mean?" said Adele. "What have we done?"

"Done?" cried Jonah. "Done? Where d'you think we've been?"

"It can't have been goats that stopped you," said Berry, "because I had all the goats. There was a great rally of goats at St. Calais this afternoon. It was a wonderful smell--I mean sight."

"Guess again," said Jonah grimly.

"You haven't been waiting for us on the road?" said I.

"You're getting warmer," was the reply.

Adele gave a sudden cry.

"O-o-oh, Jonah," she gasped, "you've been at Vendome!"

I started violently, and Berry, who was about to speak, choked.

"That's right," said Jonah shortly. "Nice little place--what I saw of it.... Lovely view from the police-station." He leaned against the mantelpiece and lighted a cigarette. "It may amuse you to know," he added, "that the expiation of your crime took us six and a half hours and cost five hundred francs."

In response to our thirsty enquiries, the tale came bubbling.

My surmise that the blue-nosed _gendarme_ would telephone to Vendome had been well-founded. He had forwarded an exact description of Pong, together with the letters and the first three figures of the four appearing upon the number-plate. Six minutes later Ping had sailed innocently into Vendome--and up to her doom....

The Vendome police could hardly believe their eyes. Here was the offending car, corresponding in every particular to the one described to them, admittedly fresh from Chateaudun, yet having covered the thirty-nine kilometres in eleven minutes. It was amazing ... almost incredible ... almost.... Of outlaws, however, all things were credible--even a speed of one hundred and thirty-six miles an hour.

For it was without doubt that outlaw which had flouted Authority at Chateaudun. Oh, indubitably. And, having thus flouted Authority, what was more natural than that it should endeavour to outstrip the consequences of its deed? But, _mon Dieu_, what wickedness!

In vain had Jonah protested and Daphne declared their innocence. The telephone was again requisitioned, and the blue-nosed _gendarme_ summoned and cross-examined. As luck would have it, he could not speak to the pa.s.sengers, beyond affirming that they included one man and one woman.... When he gratuitously added that the reason why he could not swear to the whole of the number was because of the terrible pace at which the car was moving, the game was up....

Finding that the accusation of travelling at a horrifying speed was a.s.suming a serious look, my sister and cousins at length decided that they had no alternative but to give us away. They had, of course, realised that Pong was implicated from the beginning. Consequently, with the flourish of one who has. .h.i.t upon the solution of a problem, they divulged our existence. They were politely, but wholly disbelieved. In reply, they had politely, but confidently, invited the police to wait and see....

For over four hours they had anxiously awaited the arrival of Pong.

When at last the humiliating truth began to dawn upon them, and it became evident that we had ruled Vendome out of our itinerary, the shock of realising, not only that they were to be denied an opportunity of refuting the charges preferred, but that they were destined to leave the town branded as three of the biggest and most unsuccessful liars ever encountered, had well-nigh reduced Daphne and Jill to tears. And when, upon the sickly resumption of negotiations, it appeared highly probable that they would not be permitted to proceed, Jill had wept openly....

France is nothing if not emotional.

Visibly affected by her distress, the police had immediately become less hostile. Observing this, Daphne had discreetly followed her cousin's example. Before the sledge-hammer blows of their lamentation two gendarmes began to sniff and a third broke down. The girls redoubled their sobs. They were practically there.

"You never saw anything like it," concluded Jonah. "Within three minutes four of the police were crying, and the head bottle-washer was beating his breast and imploring me in broken accents to explain away my guilt. I threw five hundred francs on his desk and covered my eyes.

With tears rolling down his cheeks, he pushed the notes under a blotting-pad and wrote laboriously upon a buff sheet. Then a woman was produced. Between explosions of distress she made us some tea. In common decency we couldn't push off for a while. Besides, I wasn't quite sure that it was all over. However, everybody seemed too overcome to say anything, so, after a bit, we chanced it and made a move for the car. To my relief, they actually helped us in, and two of them fought as to who should start us up." He looked round coldly.

"And now, perhaps, you'll be good enough to tell us what we've been punished for."

I told what there was to tell.

As I came to the end. Berry nodded at Jonah.

"Yes," he said unctuously, "and let this be a lesson to you, brother."

Speechless with indignation, our cousin regarded him.

At length--

"What d'you mean?" he demanded.

Berry raised his eyebrows.

"I hardly think," he said, "the penalty for--er--loitering would have been so vindictive."

CHAPTER II

HOW THREE WAGERS WERE MADE, AND ADeLE KILLED TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE

We had slept, risen and breakfasted: we had visited Tours Cathedral: finally, we had mustered in the lounge of the hotel. It was when we had there been insulting one another for nearly an hour, that Jonah looked at his watch.

"We have now," he said, "wasted exactly forty-nine minutes in kicking against the p.r.i.c.ks. Short of a European war, you can't alter the geography of France, and the laws of Mathematics take a lot of upsetting. It's no good wishing that Bordeaux was Biarritz, or that Pau was half the distance it is from Angouleme. If you don't want to go right through, you must stay at Bordeaux. It's the only possible place. If you don't want to stay at Bordeaux, you must go right through. I don't care which we do, but I do want to see something of Poitiers, and, if we don't get a move on, we shan't have time."