Jonah and Co Part 32

If our efforts to induce my brother-in-law to see reason were eventually successful, this was no more than we deserved. We made light of the risk of detection, we explained how the stuff could be concealed, we told him the demeanour to a.s.sume, we said we wished we were going, we declared it was done every day, we indemnified him against fines, we entreated, we flattered, we cajoled, we appealed to him "as a sportsman," we said it was "only right," we looked unutterable things, and at last, half an hour before it was time for him to start for the station, he promised, with many misgivings and expressions of self-reproach, to see what he could do. Instantly, from being his suppliants, we became his governors; and the next twenty minutes were employed in pouring into his ears the most explicit directions regarding his purchase and disposal of our particular fancies. Finally we made out a list....

He had absolutely refused to allow my sister to accompany him, but we all went down to the station to see him off.

As we were pacing the platform--

"Have you got the list?" said Jonah.

The same question had been asked before--several times.

"Yes," said Berry, "I have. And if anybody asks me again, I shall produce it and tear it into shreds before their eyes."

"Well, for Heaven's sake, don't lose it," said I, "because----"

"To hear you," said Berry, "anybody would think that I was mentally deficient. Anybody would think that I was going to enclose it in a note to the Customs, telling them to expect me on Sat.u.r.day, disguised in a flat 'at and a bag of gooseberries, and advising them to pull up their socks, as I should resist like a madman. I don't know what's the matter with you."

We endeavoured to smooth him down.

"And if," purred Daphne, "if there should be any--that is--what I mean is, should any question arise----"

Berry laughed hysterically.

"Yes," he said, "go on. 'Any question.' Such as whether they can give me more than five years' hard labour. I understand."

"--get on the telephone to Berwick. He knows the President personally and can do anything."

"Sweetheart," replied her husband, "you may bet your most precious life.... If Berwick wasn't in Paris, I wouldn't touch the business with the end of a forty-foot pole."

"I wish I was going with you," said Daphne wistfully.

Berry took off his hat.

"You are," he said gently, "you are." He laid his hand upon his heart.

"I wish I could put the tobacco in the same poor place. But that's impossible. For one thing, lady, you've all the room there is."

Which was pretty good for a king who hadn't been a courtier for nearly nine years.

It was upon the following afternoon that Adele, who was brushing n.o.bby, sat back on her heels.

"When Jill," she said, "becomes the d.u.c.h.ess of Padua, what bloods we shall be."

"She isn't there yet," said I.

"Where?"

"My sweet," said I, "I apologise. I was using a figure of speech, which is at once slipshod and American."

"That," said my wife, "is the worst of being English. You're like the Indian tailor who was given a coat to copy and reproduced a tear in the sleeve. Imitation can be too faithful. Never mind. I forgive you."

"D'you hear that, n.o.bby?" The terrier started to his feet. "Did you hear what the woman said? That we, who have founded precedents from time immemorial--that you and I, who taught America to walk----"

"He's Welsh," said Adele.

"I don't care. It's scandalous. Who defiled the Well of English? And now we're blamed for drinking the water."

Adele looked out of the window and smiled at a cloud.

"Once," she said slowly, "once I asked you if you would have known I was an American.... And when you said 'Yes,' I asked you why.... Do you remember your answer? ... Of course," she added swiftly, "that was before we were married."

"You beautiful witch," said I. "You unkind, beautiful witch. You've only to touch the water with the tip of your little red tongue to make it pure. You've only to put your lips to it to make it the sweetest music that ever a poor fool heard. You've only to smile like that to make me proud to kiss your shining foot."

"n.o.bby!" cried Adele. "Oh, n.o.bby! Did you hear that? Did you hear what the man said? A real courtier's speech! But how can he kiss my feet when I'm sitting on them?"

I stepped to her side, picked her up, and swung her on to a table.

Then I kissed her sweet insteps.

From her perch my wife addressed the Sealyham.

"It's all right, n.o.bby," she said relievedly. "He is a king, after all. Only a king would have done that."

As I sat down by her side--

"I'd love to be a queen," cried a voice. "Love to. Wouldn't you like to be a king?"

It was Jill speaking.

The fresh tones came floating up and in at the open window. She could not have heard our words. It was pure coincidence.

Adele and I sat very still.

"I don't know," said Piers slowly.

"I'll tell you what I'd do," said Jill. "I'd--Piers, what is the matter?"

"Nothing," said Piers.

"There is," said Jill accusingly. "You know there is. I can see it in your eyes. What are you thinking about?"

"I--I don't know," stammered her swain.

"I think you might tell me," said Jill aggrievedly. "I always tell you everything. Once or twice lately you've got all quiet suddenly--I can't think why. Is it because your aunt's coming?"

Piers laughed bitterly.

"Good Heavens, no," he said.