Jokes For All Occasions Part 69

_Freddie:_ "It makes me feel orful to think of it just lyin' in the drawer 'ithout a cent in its stummick."

SLIGHTED

"I sincerely regret our misunderstanding, Florence, and am quite ready to be friends again."

"_Misunderstanding_, indeed! If you had any _feeling_ you'd call it a quarrel."

GOING FURTHER

_Flora:_ "I think that Maud has been awfully mean to you. If I were you I'd get even with her."

_Dora:_ "Getting even with her won't satisfy _me_. _I'm_ going to get _uneven_ with her."

GETTING ON

_Old Gentleman:_ "Well, children! and what are you learning at school?"

_Small Boy:_ "Oh, she's learning to make paper dolls and I'm learning to knock spots out of Willie Jones."

LITERALLY

_He:_ "I understand that she fairly threw herself at him."

_She:_ "Yes! They met in an automobile collision."

AN EXTENSIVE LOVE

_She:_ "They say that he fairly worships the ground she walks on."

_He:_ "That's saying a good deal when you consider what a golf fiend she is."

CAUSE AND EFFECT

"The way those people flaunt their money fairly makes me ill."

"Sour grapes always _did_ have that effect."

NO DISSENSION

_Mrs. Storme:_ "How is your Debating Society getting along?"

_Mrs. Karn:_ "Very well. We have forty members, and we all agree beautifully."

"Why are they not speaking?"

"They quarreled about which loved the other the more."

"Well!"

"And now each is afraid to give in for fear of offending the other."

IN KEEPING

"I really believe he married her only because he wanted a good housekeeper."

"And now I suppose he wishes he could give her a month's warning."

HE KNEW

_She:_ "I never saw a married couple who got on so well together as Mr.

and Mrs. Rigby."

_He:_ "Humph! I know! Each of them does exactly as _she_ likes."

ARRANGED TO FIT

_Elsie:_ "Mummy! if I wuz a fairy I'd change every-fing into cake, an'

eat it all up."

_Mother:_ "I'm afraid such a lot of cake would make you sick."

_Elsie:_ "Oh! but I'd change myself into a Nelephant first."

PROBABLY