Jokes Book Collection Part Ix Part 100

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career path... so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at home.

The father told the mother, "If he takes the money he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible he will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."

So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home. He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.

After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also.

Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be a.s.sured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than I ever imagined..."

"What do you mean?" his wife inquired.

"Our son is going to be a politician!"

Politicians on a Bus Accident.

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicos, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The farmer said, "I buried 'em all... out back."

The sheriff then asked, "Were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

Presidential Answering Service.

Thank you for calling the White House. You have reached the White House voice mail system. No one is available to take your call at this time because the entire administration is out to lunch.

Please follow these instructions carefully to leave your message. When you are finished, don't hang up until the FBI finishes tracing the call. Have a nice day.

If you are male and would like to leave a message for the president, press 9.

If your are female and would like to leave a message for the president, press M-O-T-E-L-6.

If you are male and would like to leave a message for Chelsea, press N-O-W-A-Y.

To leave a message for Buddy, press D-O-G.

To leave a message for Socks, press D-O-G-F-O-O-D.

To leave a message for Roger Clinton, press A-A.

To leave a message for Ted Kennedy, Press 7-A-N-D-7.

If you are calling to arrange a night in the Lincoln bedroom, press D-O-L-L-A-R.

If you are calling to arrange a White House coffee, pres Y-E-N.

If you are calling to support Hillary's birth control program, press F-R-I-G-I-D.

If you are calling leave a message for Janet Reno, press W-A-C-O.

To leave a message for a member of Congress, press B-I-G-D-O-N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

To leave a message for the Gore2000 campaign, press H-O-P-E-L-E-S-S.

If you wish to make a complaint, press B-I-T-E-M-E.

To speak to an operator, press O.

To speak to a slick operator, stay on the line and the President will answer your call shortly.

What is Politics.

Boy: Dad, what's politics?

Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we'll call me the management.

Mom receives most of it so we'll call her the government. We'll call the maid the working cla.s.s, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now son?

Boy: I still don't understand dad.

Dad: Think about it for a while son.

That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he have soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room but she's in there having s.e.x with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can hear him.

The next day...

Son: Dad I understand politics now.

Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own word son.

Son: The management is s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g the working cla.s.s while the governments fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is full of s.h.i.t!!!!!

A Meek Bookkeeper.

A meek bookkeeper had been moping around all week, and the boss wanted to know what was wrong. "It's my wife." he replied. "She's fooling around with other men."

"Well... I can understand your mood then." said the boss. "I wouldn't like that one d.a.m.n bit either."

"No, no." said the bookkeeper. "It's not that. I just can't sleep with 2 other people in our small bed."

Accountant's Job Interview.

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I'll start you at eighty thousand."

"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

Bible Salesman.

A sales company has particular trouble selling bibles. One day, a man comes in with a job application and says "l-l-l-l'd l-l-l-l-l- like t-t-t-t-t-to b-b-b-b- b-be a b-b-b-bible salesman, s-s-s-sir." initially, he doesn't want to give the job to this man, but decided to try him out.

After three weeks, the manager is looking at the charts and realizes that the newest guy is selling the most copies. Amazed, he calls him in to his office.

"You've only worked here for three weeks and you've already sold more copies than anyone else here! How do you do it?"