Jokes Book Collection Part Ix Part 97

Q: Is Winnie the Pooh a girl or a boy?

A: A girl kase kung boy eh di sana Winnie The Ti!

Q: Ano ang pagkakaiba ng ulap sa panty?

A: Pag hinawi mo ang ulap, ulap pa rin. Pag hinawi mo ang panty....WOW Heaven!!!!

Q: Ano ang pagkakaiba ng talong sa kalabasa?

A: Ang kalabasa pampalinaw ng mata, ang talong pampatirik ng mata!

A girl from an exclusive school was asked; Q: What is the difference between a p.e.n.i.s and a kamote?

A: Yuck!!! I don't eat kamote!

2 Langaws on a piece of s.h.i.t....

Langaw 1: Pare nauutot ako.

Langaw 2: Pare wala namang ganyanan, k.u.makain tayo!!!

Grabe talaga ang mga bisaya, mahirap intindihin...sa kanila ang malambot SUP, ang sabaw - SUP, ang sabon - SUP pa din!!!

Q: Why is breastmilk still best for babies?

A: It's fresh, contains antibodies for protection against infections besides,it comes in a very attractive container!

Q: How much calcium is in a woman's breast?

A: Enough to make a bone grow big and hard.

Pilipino Shorts.

Grab the chance to work in Davao p5000/day ang sweldo at may lifetime insurance benefit pa. Ang trabaho? Taga salo ng DURIAN!

When Ninoy died they gave him a monument & it says there "Ninoy di ka nag-iisa"

When Erap dies they'll give him also a monument w/ a saying "Erap di ka nag-iisip".

Erap orders a pizza: Waiter: sir do you want me to cut your pizza into 4 or 8?

Erap: 4 na lang, baka di ko maubos pag 8.

Q: What does an American say when he farts?

A: Excuse me q: British?

A: Pardon me.

Q: Pinoy?

A: Not me!!

Ever wonder kung ano ang ginagawa ng kalaban ni Voltes V habang sila'y nag-bo-Volt-in?

Sagot: napapasayaw sa ganda ng background music.

Ikaw kabaguio-Baguio mo pa lang dito andami mong Caloocan kung Dagupan kaya kita jan eh nagkanda-iIoilo ka tingnan mo nga 'yang shorts mo Navotas na Press: Mr. Pres., What can you say about the violence here in the Phils?

Erap: I didn't even know how to play guitar...violence pa!

Anong sinasabi ng magaling na secretary sa boss niya?

A: "Magandang umaga Sir!"

Mas magaling na secretary?: "Umaga na Sir!"

Pinakamagaling na secretary?: "Maga na Sir!!!!"

Alam mo ba na ang pelikulang "Mulan" eh 5 part series?

Part 1: "Mambon"

part 2: "Mulog"

part 3: "Midlat"

part 4: "Mulan"

coming soon pa ang part 5: "Maraw" na!

UHAW.

UHAW - Union of Husbands Afraid of Wives The foreign chapter of the fraternity of husband composed of: YUKUSA (Yuko sa Asawa) SANSUWI (Isang Sutsot, Uwi) UTIN (Unyon ng mga Tatay na Inaapi ng mga Nanay) When you say: "Ako ang tigas sa amin."

You really mean: "Ako ang tigas-saing ng kanin, tigas-sampay ng labada at tigas-sundo sa eskuwela ng mga bata."

When you say: Kapag sinabi kong hiwalay, HIWALAY!"

You really mean: "Hiwalay ang puti sa de-kolor at baka k.u.mupas ang labada."

When you say: "Lahat ng utos ko ay pasigaw/"

You really mean: "Hoy bilisan mo naman iyang kape at giniginaw na ako dito sa labahan."

When you say: "Ako ang laging nasusunod!"

You really mean: "Oo, dear susunod na ako sa iyo sa palengke."

When you say: "Nakukuha ko siya sa isang salita!"

You really mean: "Honey, huwag mo na akong batukan at masakit!"

When you say: "Inaabot siya sa akin ng mura!"

You really mean: "'Ling naman, mura lang naman iyong sapatos na bibilhin ko!"

When you say: "Nakukuha ko siya sa isang tingin!"

You really mean" "Hon, patingin naman ng periodiko pagkatapos mong basahin."

When you say: "Kaya ko siyang paluhurin!"

You really mean: "Paluhod niyang sinabing 'Hoy duwag, lumabas ka riyan sa ilalim ng kama kungdi tatamaan ka sa akin!"

When you say: "Hindi niya ako kayang paglabahin!"

You really mean: "Hindi puwede kasi hindi pa ako tapos mamalantsa."

A Drunk's Poem.

Starkle, starkle, little twink, Who the h.e.l.l you are I think.

I'm not under what they call The alcofluence of incohol.

I'm not drunk as thinkle peep, I'm just a little slort of sheep.

Tee martoonis make a guy Fool so feelish, don't know why.

Rally don't know who's me yet The drunker I stay the longer I get So just one more to full my cup, I've all day sober to Sunday up!

Adam & Eve.

In the Garden of Eden, As everyone knows, Lives Adam and Eve, Without any clothes.

In this garden, Were two little leaves, One covered Adam's, One covered Eve's.

As the story goes on, Never the less to say, The wind came along, And blew the leaves away.

At the sight, Adam did stare, There was Eve's treasure, All covered with hair.

And wonder came, Under Eve's eyes, As Adam's thing, Started to rise.

They found a spot, That suited them best, A nice big tree, Where they began to rest.

Her legs spread wider, And wider apart, While thrill after thrill, Came into her heart.

The head of Adam's thing, Peeked into the hole, And filled her with pa.s.sion, Beyond her control.

Backward and forward, His thing did slide, And Eve's treasure, Was all wet inside.

The joy was good, She wouldn't let loose, Until Adam's thing, Was all out of juice.

Then down through the years, People did screw, And now it is time, For me and you.

So pull down your pants, And lay in the gra.s.s, Cause I'm in the mood, For a piece of that a.s.s!

An Ode to the Hole An ode to the hole that never heals.

The more you touch it the better it feels.