Jokes Book Collection Part Ix Part 21

And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.

Clinton's Name in Snow.

President Clinton wakes up to a beautiful winter morning. The sun is shining, the air is crisp, and there is a light blanket of snow on the ground. He stretches and goes to look out the window at the snow-covered White House lawn and sees the words "President Clinton sucks" written in pee in the snow.

Clinton gets all upset and calls White House Security. He tells them he doesn't care what it takes but he wants to know who did this.

The Chief of Security returns in a couple of days to the President and tells him that he has good news, bad news, and real bad news.

"OK," says Clinton, "give me the good news first, then the bad news, and then the real bad news."

The Chief says: "The good news is after taking a.n.a.lysis of the pee, we know who the culprit is." Clinton nods and the Chief continues: "The bad news is the culprit is Vice President Gore."

This really upsets the President, but he controls his anger and asks the Chief to tell him the real bad news.

The Chief of Security swallows and says, "It's in Hillary's hand writing".

Clinton's Out Jogging.

President Clinton went on his usual morning jog when he kept noticing a prost.i.tute standing on the same corner every day.

"Hey, there! How much?" he yells. She replies, "$100!"

"But I never carry more than $20 on me at a time," said the president.

"Sorry, honey," the wh.o.r.e replied.

The next day he goes jogging again and again she is standing on the same corner.

"Hey, there, how much today?" the president asks. "I told you $100!"

The president moved on.

The next day Hillary wanted to lose some flab on those fat thighs so she went along. As they came up on that same corner, the president noticed that the wh.o.r.e was there again and quickly turned his head towards Hillary to try to ignore her.

The wh.o.r.e sees our president and yells, "Hey, you cheap b.a.s.t.a.r.d. See what you get for $20."

Example of Tragedy.

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one cla.s.s, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street, then a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved - that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks Clinton. "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, Little Johnny in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he speaks: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy."

"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says Little Johnny, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss"

Hillary Gets Pregnant.

Hillary went in for her yearly checkup. When she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He said he was pleased and that she is in great shape but, that she was pregnant!

She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that she most definitely was a month pregnant.

Well, she stormed out of the office and went to the receptionist and took the phone and called the White House. When the operator answered she said that it was Hillary and that she wanted to talk to Bill right away. Well they rang the oval office and Bill answered.

Hillary started screaming: "Do you know what you did you lousy jerk. You got me pregnant!!!

The President remained silent.

Again, Hillary shouted, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU #$@?!#$%@?*& GOOD-FOR-NOTHING JERK? YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!!!"

Finally Bill answered "Who is this???"

Pope Meet with President Clinton.

During his visit to the United States the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media. The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success. He said he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they discussed. Then Mr. Clinton declared he was going home to the White House to be with his family.

A few minutes later the Pope came out to make his statement. He looked tired, discouraged and was practically in tears. Sadly he announced his meeting with the President was a failure.

Incredulous, one reporter asked, "But your Holiness, President Clinton just announced the summit was a great success and the two of you agreed on 80% of the items discussed". Exasperated, the Pope answered, "Yes, but we were talking about the Ten Commandments."

Talking Parrot II.

Hillary Clinton went into a pet shop and found a beautiful parrot.

"Does this parrot talk?" she asked.

"Yes, he does," the manager told her.

"But why is this one only $50 and all the others are $500?", she asked.

"Well, ma'am," the manager told her, "not everyone would want to own this parrot. He spent many years in a wh.o.r.e house and his language is terrible."

"Well, I want him anyway," she said.

"Suit yourself," the manager shrugged.

When she got the parrot back to the White House, she uncovered his cage and admired the colorful bird.

The parrot tilted his head to one side, looked her straight in the eye and said, "New house, new madam."

Hillary laughed.

Soon Chelsea and a friend came in and began admiring the bird.

"New house, new wh.o.r.es," the parrot observed.

At first they were offended, but when Hillary explained about the bird's history, they too, laughed at him. After a while the President entered the living quarters.

The parrot said, "Hi Bill."

White House Urinator.

Bill Clinton is looking out of the window of the oval office and he notices that someone has urinated the message, 'BILL SUCKS!' on a wall outside the White House.