Jokes Book Collection Part Vii Part 11

The store ownerreplied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50."

The little boy reached into his pocket and pulled out some change.

"I have $2.37, can I look at them?" The store owner smiled and whistled. Out of the back of the store camehis dog running down the aisle followed by five little puppies. One puppy was lagging considerably behind.

Immediately the little boysingled out the lagging, limping puppy.

"What's wrong with that little dog?" he asked. The man explained that when the puppy was born the vet said it had abad hip socket and would limp for the rest of itslife.

The little boy got really excited and said "that's the puppy i want to buy!"

The man replied "No, you don't want to buy that littledog. If you really want him, I'll give him to you." The little boy got upset. He looked straight into the man's eyes and said "I don't want you to give him to me. He is wortheverybit as much as the other dogs and I'll pay the ful price.In fact,iwill give you $2.37 now and 50 cents every month until I have him paidfor."

The man countered, "You really don't want to buy this puppyson.

He isnever gonna be able to run, jump and play like other puppies."

The little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveala badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace.

He looked up at the man and said, "Well, I don't run so well myself and the little puppy will need someone who understands."

The man was now biting his bottom lip.Tears welled up in his eyes... He smiled and said, "Son, I hope and pray that each and every one of thesepuppies will have an owner such as you."

In Life It Doesn't Matter Who You Are, But Whether SomeoneAppreciates You For What You Are, And Accepts You And Loves You Unconditionally

A Real Friend Is One Who Walks In When The Rest Of The World Walks Out.

A little boy was playing in his sandbox when the little girl next door came up and asked if she could play, too. He said, "okay."

Shortly he began bragging, "I have a big fire engine."

The girl responded, "So, I have a fire engine too. See!"

Only slightly put off he expressed, "I have a toy tank!"

She looked at it and quietly reached behind the sand box and pulled out a toy M1 Tank and said, "I have one, too."

The young boy almost in tears dropped his pants and says, "I have an organ!"

The little girl looked down her pants and burst into tears and ran home crying all the way.

The next day the lad is playing in his sand box when the little girl approaches. He says, "are you back for more? I told you I have an organ and you don't!"

"Well," said the little girl, "my mom told me not to worry about it. She said I have one of these... and as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!"

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.

"I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents, " she said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, everyone kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'"

JUST FOR FUN DUMB QUESTIONS ABOUT INDIA Here is a partial list of dumb questions Indians are often asked and the correct answers for them.

Q. Why do Indian women wear red dots on their foreheads?

A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....

Q. India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly?

A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But it is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing. That is why things are so inefficient there.

Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they do that?

A. We don't have shoes. So we burn the bottom of our feet to make it hard, so that we can walk.

Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?

A. Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India.

Q. Do you speak Hindu?

A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.

A well known cardiologist died, and an elaborate funeral was planned. A huge heart made of plastic, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened up, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart to be buried. At that point one of the mourners burst into laughter. When confronted he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral. I'm a gynaecologist!"

A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers: Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?

The husband laughs and says: An English girl!

The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: So, honey, how was the trip? Very good, thank you, replies the wife.

And, what happened to my present?

Which present?

I asked for, the English girl?

Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl!

Ru Paul, Bill Gates, and Roger Ebert are all struck by lightning on the same day. All three find themselves in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. They start begging him to give them another chance at life. St. Peter agrees but on one condition: they each have to give up something they truly enjoy.

Ru Paul says, "I really love men, but I will give up making love with them."

Bill Gates says, "I really love money, but I will give up all the money I have."

Ebert says." I really love food, but I'll give up pizza."

Soon, all three find themselves back on Earth. They start walking down street feeling very grateful. Suddenly, Ebert spots a pizzeria. He smells the aroma and can't help himself - he runs in there and eats a slice of pizza. POOF! He disappears.

Ru Paul and Bill Gates are astonished and agree that that won't happen to them. So they resume walking down the street when Bill Gates spots a shiny, new quarter. He thinks that if he picks it up, he can found a new company and become fabulously wealthy again. He bends down to pick up the quarter and POOF! Ru Paul disappears.

Quick Eye Exam...

This will blow your mind.

Just do it - don't cheat !!!!!!!!!!!!

Try this, it's actually quite good.

But don't cheat !

Count the number of 'F's in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE- SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF- IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS Scroll down only after you have counted them!

ok.

How many?

Three?

Wrong, there are six - no joke!

Read again!

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE- SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF- IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS The reasoning is further down...

The brain cannot process the word "OF."

Anyone who counts all six 'F' on the first go is a genius.

Three is normal.