John Gabriel Borkman Part 22

Yes, your reason. Tell me.

BORKMAN.

[Harshly and scornfully.] Perhaps you think it was that I might have something to fall back upon, if things went wrong?

ELLA RENTHEIM.

Oh no, I am sure you did not think of that in those days.

BORKMAN.

Never! I was so absolutely certain of victory.

ELLA RENTHEIM.

Well then, why was it that----?

BORKMAN.

[Shrugging his shoulders.] Upon my soul, Ella, it is not so easy to remember one's motives of twenty years ago. I only know that when I used to grapple, silently and alone, with all the great projects I had in my mind, I had something like the feeling of a man who is starting on a balloon voyage. All through my sleepless nights I was inflating my giant balloon, and preparing to soar away into perilous, unknown regions.

ELLA RENTHEIM.

[Smiling.] You, who never had the least doubt of victory?

BORKMAN.

[Impatiently.] Men are made so, Ella. They both doubt and believe at the same time. [Looking straight before him.] And I suppose that was why I would not take you and yours with me in the balloon.

ELLA RENTHEIM.

[Eagerly.] Why, I ask you? Tell me why!

BORKMAN.

[Without looking at her.] One shrinks from risking what one holds dearest on such a voyage.

ELLA RENTHEIM.

You had risked what was dearest to you on that voyage. Your whole future life----

BORKMAN.

Life is not always what one holds dearest.

ELLA RENTHEIM.

[Breathlessly.] Was that how you felt at that time?

BORKMAN.

I fancy it was.

ELLA RENTHEIM.

I was the dearest thing in the world to you?

BORKMAN.

I seem to remember something of the sort.

ELLA RENTHEIM.

And yet years had pa.s.sed since you had deserted me--and married-- married another!

BORKMAN.

Deserted you, you say? You must know very well that it was higher motives--well then, other motives that compelled me.

Without his support I could not have done anything.

ELLA RENTHEIM.

[Controlling herself.] So you deserted me from--higher motives.

BORKMAN.

I could not get on without his help. And he made you the price of helping me.

ELLA RENTHEIM.

And you paid the price. Paid it in full--without haggling.

BORKMAN.

I had no choice. I had to conquer or fall.

ELLA RENTHEIM.

[In a trembling voice, looking at him.] Can what you tell me be true--that I was then the dearest thing in the world to you?

BORKMAN.

Both then and afterwards--long, long, after.

ELLA RENTHEIM.

But you bartered me away none the less; drove a bargain with another man for your love. Sold my love for a--for a directorship.

BORKMAN.

[Gloomily and bowed down.] I was driven by inexorable necessity, Ella.

ELLA RENTHEIM.

[Rises from the sofa, quivering with pa.s.sion.] Criminal!

BORKMAN.

[Starts, but controls himself.] I have heard that word before.

ELLA RENTHEIM.

Oh, don't imagine I'm thinking of anything you may have done against the law of the land! The use you made of all those vouchers and securities, or whatever you call them--do you think I care a straw about that! If I could have stood at your side when the crash came----

BORKMAN.

[Eagerly.] What then, Ella?

ELLA RENTHEIM.

Trust me, I should have borne it all so gladly along with you.

The shame, the ruin--I would have helped you to bear it all--all!

BORKMAN.

Would you have had the will--the strength?

ELLA RENTHEIM.

Both the will and the strength. For then I did not know of your great, your terrible crime.