John Bull Part 13

_Sir Simon._ The last novels!--most of the female new school are ghost bitten, they tell me. [_Aside._] There's Fielding's Works; and you'll find Tom Jones, you know.

_Lady Car._ Psha! that's such a hack!

_Sir Simon._ A hack, Lady Caroline, that the knowing ones have warranted sound.

_Lady Car._ But what do you think of those that have had such a run lately?

_Sir Simon._ Why, I think most of them have run too much, and want firing.

[_Exeunt SIR SIMON, and LORD FITZ BALAAM._

_Lady Car._ I shall die of ennui, in this moping manor house!--Shall I read to-day?--no, I'll walk.--No, I'll----Yes, I'll read first, and walk afterwards. [_Rings the Bell, and takes a Book._]--Pope.--Come, as there are no novels, this may be tolerable.

This is the most triste house I ever saw! [_Sits down and reads._

"In these deep solitudes, and awful cells, Where heavenly-pensive--"

_Enter ROBERT._

_Rob._ Did you ring, my lady?

_Lady Car._ ----"Contemplation dwells--" Sir? Oh, yes;--I should like to walk. Is it damp under foot, sir?--"And ever musing--"

_Rob._ There has been a good deal of rain to-day my lady.

_Lady Car._ "Melancholy reigns--"

_Rob._ My lady--

_Lady Car._ Pray, sir, look out, and bring me word if it is clean or dirty.

_Rob._ Yes, my lady. [_Exit._

_Lady Car._ This settling a marriage is a strange business!--"What means this tumult in a vestal's veins?--"

_Shuff._ [_Without._] Bid the groom lead the horse into the avenue, and I'll come to him.

_Lady Car._ Company in the house?--some Cornish squire, I suppose.

[_Resumes her reading._

_Enter TOM SHUFFLETON, speaking while entering, JOHN following._

_Lady Car._ [_Still reading, and seated with her Back to SHUFFLETON._]----"Soon as thy letters, trembling, I unclose----"

_John._ What horse will you have saddled, sir?

_Shuff._ Slyboots. [_Exit JOHN._

_Lady Car._ ----"That well known name awakens all my woes--"

_Shuff._ Lady Caroline Braymore!

_Lady Car._ Mr. Shuffleton! Lard! what can bring you into Cornwall?

_Shuff._ Sympathy:--which has generally brought me near your ladyship, in London at least, for these three winters.

_Lady Car._ Psha! but seriously?

_Shuff._ I was summoned by friendship. I am consulted on all essential points, in this family;--and Frank Rochdale is going to be married.

_Lady Car._ Then, you know to whom?

_Shuff._ No;--not thinking that an essential point, I forgot to ask.

He kneels at the pedestal of a rich shrine, and I didn't inquire about the statue. But, dear Lady Caroline, what has brought you into Cornwall?

_Lady Car._ Me? I'm the statue.

_Shuff._ You!

_Lady Car._ Yes; I've walk'd off my pedestal, to be worshipp'd at the Land's End.

_Shuff._ You to be married to Frank Rochdale! O, Lady Caroline! what then is to become of _me_?

_Lady Car._ Oh, Mr. Shuffleton! not thinking that an essential point, I forgot to ask.

_Shuff._ Psha! now you're laughing at me! but upon my soul, I shall turn traitor; take advantage of the confidence reposed in me, by my friend, and endeavour to supplant him.

_Lady Car._ What do you think the world would call such duplicity of conduct?

_Enter ROBERT._

_Rob._ Very dirty, indeed, my lady. [_Exit._

_Shuff._ That infernal footman has been listening!--I'll kick him round his master's park.

_Lady Car._ 'Tis lucky, then, you are booted; for, you hear, he says it is very dirty there.

_Shuff._ Was that the meaning of----Pooh!--but, you see, the--the surprise--the--the agitation has made me ridiculous.

_Lady Car._ I see something has made you ridiculous; but you never told me what it was before.

_Shuff._ Lady Caroline; this is a crisis, that--my attentions,--that is, the----In short, the world, you know, my dear Lady Caroline, has given me to you.

_Lady Car._ Why, what a shabby world it is!

_Shuff._ How so?

_Lady Car._ To make me a present of something, it sets no value on itself.

_Shuff._ I flattered myself I might not be altogether invaluable to your ladyship.