Jingo. Part 29

"Sir."

"You and Detritus go and look behind that false part.i.tion in the hold," said Vimes.

"Right, sir," said Carrot, walking toward the ladder.

"There's no false part.i.tion in the hold!" snapped Jenkins. "And I know the law, and you can't-"

There was a crash of timber from below.

"If that wasn't wasn't a false part.i.tion, our Carrot's gone and knocked a hole in the side," said Vimes calmly, watching the captain. a false part.i.tion, our Carrot's gone and knocked a hole in the side," said Vimes calmly, watching the captain.

"Er..."

"I know the law, too," said Vimes. He drew his sword. "See this?" he said, holding it up. "This is military military law. And military law is a sword. Not a two-edged sword. There's only one edge, and it's pointing at you. Found anything, Carrot?" law. And military law is a sword. Not a two-edged sword. There's only one edge, and it's pointing at you. Found anything, Carrot?"

Carrot appeared over the edge of the hold. There was a crossbow in his hand.

"I do declare," said Vimes, "but that looks to me like a Burleigh and Stronginthearm 'Viper' Mk 3, which kills people but leaves buildings standing."

"There's crates and crates of stuff," said Carrot.

"'s no law-" Jenkins began, but he sounded as if the bottom was dropping out of his world.

"You know, I think there probably is is some law against selling weapons to the enemy in times of war," said Vimes. "Of course, there might not be. Tell you what," he added brightly, "why don't we all go along to Sator Square? It's full of people around this time, all very keen on the war and cheering our brave lads...Why don't we go along and put it to them? You told me I ought to listen to the voice of the people. Odd thing, ain't it...you meet people one at a time, they seem decent, they got brains that work, and then they get together and you hear the some law against selling weapons to the enemy in times of war," said Vimes. "Of course, there might not be. Tell you what," he added brightly, "why don't we all go along to Sator Square? It's full of people around this time, all very keen on the war and cheering our brave lads...Why don't we go along and put it to them? You told me I ought to listen to the voice of the people. Odd thing, ain't it...you meet people one at a time, they seem decent, they got brains that work, and then they get together and you hear the voice voice of the people. And it snarls." of the people. And it snarls."

"That's mob rule!"

"Oh, no, surely not," said Vimes. "Call it democratic justice."

"One man, one rock," Detritus volunteered.

Jenkins looked like a man afraid the world was about to drop out of his bottom. He glared at Vimes and then at Carrot, and saw no help there.

"Of course, you'd have nothing to fear from us us," said Vimes. "Although you might trip on your way down the stairs to the cells."

"There's no stairs down to your cells!"

"Stairs can be arranged."

"Please, Mr. Jenkins," said Carrot, the good cop.

"I wasn't...taking...the weapons to...Klatch," Jenkins said slowly, as if he was reading the words very painfully off some interior script. "I had...in fact...bought them to...donate them...to..."

"Yes? Yes?" said Vimes.

"...our...brave lads," said Jenkins.

"Well done!" said Carrot.

"And you'd be happy to...?" Vimes prompted.

"And...I'd be happy to...lend my boat to the war effort," said Jenkins, sweating.

"A true patriot," said Vimes.

Jenkins writhed.

"Who told you there was a false panel in the hold?" he demanded. "It was a guess, right?"

"Right," said Vimes.

"Aha! I knew knew you were only guessing!" you were only guessing!"

"Patriotic and and clever," said Vimes. "Now...how do you make this thing go fast?" clever," said Vimes. "Now...how do you make this thing go fast?"

Lord Rust tapped his fingers on the table.

"What did he take the boat for for?"

"Dunno, m'lord," said c.u.mbling Michael, scratching his head.

"d.a.m.n! Did anyone else see them?"

"Oh, there weren't many people around, m'lord."

"That's a small mercy, at least."

"Just me and Foul Ole Ron and the Duck Man and Ringo Eyebrows and No Way Jose and Sidney Lopsides and that b.a.s.t.a.r.d Stoolie and Whistling d.i.c.k and a few others, m'lord."

Rust sank back in his chair and put a pale hand over his face. In Ankh-Morpork the night had a thousand eyes and so did the day, and it also had five hundred mouths and nine hundred and ninety-nine ears.*

"The Klatchians must must know, then," he said. "A detachment of Ankh-Morpork soldiery has taken ship for Klatch. An invasion force." know, then," he said. "A detachment of Ankh-Morpork soldiery has taken ship for Klatch. An invasion force."

"Oh, you could hardly call it-" Lieutenant Hornett began.

"The Klatchians will call it that. Besides, the troll Detritus is with them," said Rust.

Hornett looked glum. Detritus was an invasion force all by himself.

"What ships have we commandeered?" said Rust.

"There's more than twenty now, if you include the Indestructible Indestructible, the Indolence Indolence and the..." Lieutenant Hornett looked at his list again, "...and the and the..." Lieutenant Hornett looked at his list again, "...and the Prid of Ankh-Morpork Prid of Ankh-Morpork, sir."

"The Prid Prid?"

"I'm afraid so, sir."

"We should be able to take more than a thousand men and two hundred horses, then."

"Why not let Vimes go?" said Lord Selachii. "Let the Klatchians deal with him, and good riddance."

"And give them a victory over Ankh-Morpork forces? That's how they will see it. d.a.m.n the man. He forces our hand. But still, perhaps it is for the best. We should embark."

"Are we entirely ready, sir?" said Lieutenant Hornett, with the special inflection that means "We are not entirely ready, sir."

"We had better be. Glory awaits, gentlemen. In the words of General Tacticus, let us take history by the s.c.r.o.t.u.m. Of course, he was not a very honorable fighter."

White sunlight etched dark shadows in Prince Cadram's palace. He, too, had a map of Klatch, made of tiny colored tiles set into the floor. He sat looking at it pensively.

"Just one boat?" he said.

General Ashal, his chief adviser, nodded. And added: "Our scryers can't get a very clear picture over that distance, but we do believe one of the men to be Vimes. You recall the name, sire."

"Ah, the useful useful Commander Vimes." The Prince smiled. Commander Vimes." The Prince smiled.

"Indeed. And since then there has been a lot of activity all along the docks. We have to take the view that the expeditionary force is setting out."

"I thought we had at least a week, Ashal."

"It is certainly puzzling. They cannot possibly be prepared, sire. Something must have happened."

Cadram sighed. "Oh, well, let us follow where fate points the way. Where will they attack?"

"Gebra, sire. I'm sure of it."

"Our most heavily fortified city? Surely not. Only an idiot would do that."

"I have studied Lord Rust in some depth, sire. Remember that he doesn't expect us to fight, so the size of our forces really doesn't worry him." The general smiled. It was a neat, thin little smile. "And of course in attacking us us he is piling infamy upon infamy. The other coastal states will take note." he is piling infamy upon infamy. The other coastal states will take note."

"A change of plan, then," said Cadram. "Ankh-Morpork can wait."

"A wise move, sire. As always."

"Any news of my poor brother?"

"Alas no, sire."

"Our agents must search harder. The world is watching, Ashal."

"Correct, sire."

"Sarge?"

"Yes, n.o.bby?"

"Tell me again about our special qualities."

"Shut up and keep pedaling, n.o.bby."

"Right, sarge."

It was quite dark in the Boat. A candle swung from a bracket over Leonard of Quirm's bowed head as he sat steering with two levers. Around n.o.bby, pulleys rattled and little chains clicked. It was like being inside a sewing machine. A damp one, too. Condensation dropped off the ceiling in a steady stream.

They had been pedaling for ten minutes. Leonard had spent most of the time talking excitedly. n.o.bby got the impression he didn't get out much. He talked about everything everything There were the tanks of air, for example. n.o.bby was happy to accept that you could squeeze air up really small, and that was what was in the groaning, creaking steel-bound casks strapped to the walls. It was what happened to the air afterward that came as a surprise.

"Bubbles!" said Leonard. "Dolphins again, you see? They don't swim through the water, they fly through a cloud of bubbles. Which is much easier, of course. I add a little soap, which seems to improve matters."

"He thinks dolphins fly, sarge," whispered n.o.bby.

"Just keep pedaling."

Sergeant Colon risked a glance behind him.

Lord Vetinari was sitting on an upturned box amidst the clicking chains, with several of Leonard's sketches open on his knees.

"Carry on, sergeant," said the Patrician.

"Right, sir."

The Boat was moving faster now they were away from the city. There was even a brackish light filtering through the little gla.s.s windows.

"Mr. Leonard," said n.o.bby.

"Yes?"

"Where're we going?"

"His lordship wishes to go to Leshp."

"Yes, I thought it'd be something like that," said n.o.bby. "I thought: 'Where don't I want to go?' And the answer just popped into my head, just like that. Only I don't think we'll get there, the reason bein', in about another five minutes my knees are going to fall off..."

"Oh, my word, you won't have to pedal pedal all the way," said Leonard. "What did you think the big auger on the nose is for?" all the way," said Leonard. "What did you think the big auger on the nose is for?"

"That?" said n.o.bby. "I thought that was for drillin' into the bottom of enemy ships-"

"What?" Leonard spun around in his seat, a look of horror on his face.