Jaguar Addams - Learning Fear Part 16

aIam on my way to you,a he said, and hung up.

Before he left, he punched in the telecom code for Jaguaras apartment. Rachel was staying there while her apartment got put back together. When her face appeared, sleepy and confused, he said simply, aHear anything from OaBrien?a aNothing. He shouldave called in by now. Gailas with him, too. Sheas good.a aNot that good,a he said. aThey wonat find her. Be lucky if they get back alive.a Operation School of Fish. Jaguar the bait. Theyad use her to get at him. Soul thief, trying for his gift. Whoas their man on campus? Esper, Telekine, Adept. No. Not Adept. If it was, why would they want him?

aRachel, I need you to do something for me,a he said. aGet into the ID codes and reset Casey Maloneyas chip to my scan and prints. Can you?a aYes,a she said. And he appreciated her more than he ever had when she asked just one more question of him. aWhen?a Not why. Just when.

aIad kiss you if you were here,a he said. aNow.a aNow is when youad kiss me? Or now is when you need it.a aBoth,a he said. aAnd what size are you?a At this she showed surprise. aWhat size is my what?a aLike, skirts and whatnot. Would they, by any chance, fit me?a Rachel cleared her throat. aIam a small woman, Alex. Size three. Jaguaras about a ten, though.a aPick something out for me and bring it over around six a.m., would you?a aAnything in particular? Evening wear, day wear?a aTry the category of something I can wear,a he suggested. aSomething thatall keep any surveillance off me if I want to take a walk alone.a aOh. Right. I got it. Okay. Iall see you at six.a He signed off, and sat drumming his fingers against his desk. He realized that his hands were sweaty and his heart was beating hard. Once Jaguar had stolen a shuttle and blown it up to save his life. What had gone around was coming around, he thought. Which was certainly fair, if only it would carry them both safely home.

17.

JAGUAR WAS RELIEVED WHEN BOTH STEVEN AND Katia showed up for cla.s.s. She had been afraid theyad be absent, that it would be already too late.

s.h.i.t.

Telekine.

Katia was quiet and Steve looked exceptionally nervous, and a Telekine was on the loose. A Telekine who had been toying with her since she arrived. Pressing the neurons to release the memory of Alexas voice. Pressing at her for s.e.xual response. Pressing into Emily until her mind snapped. And what damage had he already done to Katia? To Steve?

Telekine. d.a.m.n and h.e.l.l.

And why hadnat he killed her yet?

She wondered if he read her night walks. If he knew enough to catch that graceful spirit in flight. No. If he did, shead be dead by now. Probably he was waiting to learn enough to steal it from her.

Telekine, and a soul thief.

The Mertec and Maya called Telekines Lightning Fingers. You canat outrun lightning, her grandfather told her when she was little. You have to curl up in a ball and ground yourself. Or direct the lightning somewhere else.

Divert it. He brought her out during a storm and let her feel the crackle against her skin, showed her how to become small and smooth and unreachable. Showed her how to stay calm when she felt the lightning approach.

Telekine.

When she was wandering Manhattan after her grandparents were killed, afraid to go back to the apartment where their bodies lay rotting, unsure where else to go, shead seen one, without knowing how to name what she saw. A woman wearing diamonds. She remembered the diamonds, and the way the sun sparked off of them. She wanted to touch them, hold them in her hand like magic. She remembered the womanas eyes, which were large and ice blue. They had something of sorrow in them that Jaguar also wanted to touch, as if she could stroke out tears and let the running water melt that ice the sun sparked off like diamonds. She walked toward the woman, mesmerized by the diamonds. Then a man b.u.mped into the woman.

She whirled toward his receding back and held up a finger. Cut a swath in the air with it. He spasmed as if head stuck his hand inside a transformer, blood pouring from his ears and nose.

Jaguar remembered how quickly she turned and walked away.

Lightning. You canat stop it. You can only divert it or ground yourself, stay close to the earth.

Poor Emily. She never had a chance. And Jaguar, not knowing, couldnat have saved her or Brad. But she wouldnat let it happen to anyone else. Now that she knew who, it was time to call a halt. If only she could figure out how.

She looked around the room. Steven, nervous and closed. Katia, quiet. Glen, relaxed behind a certain guardedness. Maria, drumming her fingers on her desk. Taquana, fierce and angry. Ivy, her eyebrows furrowed in thought. First, though, she had to deal with this.

aOkay,a she said, perching herself on the desk. aLetas talk about Emily Rainer.a She looked directly at Steven, and waited.

aYou killed her,a he said, glaring at her. aYouare one of them.a Jaguar looked to Katia, who lowered her head and would not meet her gaze. Then she let his words pa.s.s over her own lips. aOne of them?a she asked. aMeaning what?a He stared at her belligerently. aYouare an empath,a he said. aKatia told me.a aPerhaps,a she said, looking directly at Katia again, ait takes one to know one.a Steven pushed himself up from his seat with such force that he knocked it over. He turned to the cla.s.s and pointed a portentous finger. aI only came tonight to warn you,a he said. aSheas an empath and a murderer. She killed Professor Rainer, and sheas f.u.c.king with your minds.a He clumsily gathered up his materials, papers and disks falling from his hands, and walked to the door. Katia cast one apologetic glance at Jaguar before she hustled out the door after him.

She watched their retreating backs, then turned to her students.

They were uncomfortable, unsure, afraid. So was she. She pulled a studentas desk over to them, placing it within their circle. To her surprise, n.o.body pulled away from her.

aIf you think I killed Professor Rainer, you shouldnat be here,a she said. aYou should walk out right now and not listen to anything I say because Iam not fit to teach you. I promise,a she added, aI wonat fail you for it.a n.o.body moved. n.o.body got up and left.

aDr. A,a Selica said, aI think everybody who believes youare a killer just left the room. I mean, the cops cleared you, and to my mind, it just doesnat seem like your style. I think if you killed someone, youad stand right up and say it, because youad have good reason.a Jaguar bowed her head, feeling somehow pierced by this. Trust. Such trust. It was frightening, and it humbled her. Two new experiences.

aThank you,a she said simply. aI appreciate that more than I can say. And if thereas anything you want to ask me, well, Iam here. Donat be afraid to know something, or to say what you believe. Thatas how you learn. Bya"by facing the fear, and speaking to it.a A student raised a tentative hand. aWhat Steve said about you. Being an empath. Are you?a That was direct enough, and to be expected, but of all the questions they might ask, for some reason this was the last she felt prepared to answer. Maybe because it was so true, and a truth she was so used to hiding.

aWhat would it mean if I was?a she asked quietly. aHow would that matter to you?a aIt might mean that you coulda"like, control us?a Jesse suggested.

aThat I could make you believe, for instance, Iam not a murderer when I am?a Murmuring, and shifting. Yes. That was some of their fear. They might trust her, but how could they trust themselves to be putting their faith in the right place?

She nodded. aA shadowed empath will try to control you. Someone whoasa"sick with fear and power. But so will someone whoas sick with fear and power and not an empath. Theyall just try it in different ways.a aBut this waya"with an empath,a another student said, awe canat do anything about it.a aBecause why?a she asked.

aBecause we donat know how it works?a one student suggested.

aMm,a she said. aSeems like thatas a good reason to have the empathic arts course on campus. Or a good reason to learn from empaths what they really do and are.a A voice from the circlea"a face she couldnat seea" said some words.

aCan we learn from you?a the voice asked.

aYeah,a Jesse said nervously. aAre you an empath?a Should she tell them the truth? They placed trust in her. Should she?

She felt danger, and smiled grimly at it. As if, she thought, this will put me in more danger than I am in already. No. It was just the epicenter where the new stories grow.

Are you an empath?

aYes,a she replied, aI am.a She ducked her head down, and brought it back up, her sea eyes scanning their silent faces. She had liked them very much, and they had liked her. She hoped that wouldnat change.

aI donat use it here any more than you doa"for instance, when you look at me and try to tell by my face what answer you think I want to hear.a Some laughter at this, nervous and small. She smiled at them. aItas not bad. Nor is it necessarily good. It justa"is.a She ran her gaze around the circle, holding her empty hands palms up to them. aIt just is,a she repeated, hoping they would understand.

There was silence for a long time. Then, next to her, someone said, aLike wind.a aOr rain,a someone else replied.

aThunder.a aTrees.a aBlack skin.a aSnow.a A chorus of voices suggested that which was in nature, uncontrollable, unbearably beautiful, and undeniably mundane. The shockingly everyday beauty of natural forces. The infinite humor of the divine. It just is. She sighed deeply. They would, she decided, be all right.

aAre there any other questions about it?a she asked.

Half a dozen hands shot up, and she took a moment to gather her thoughts so she could teach them something real about what she knew best.

When cla.s.s ended, she left the humanities building and walked across the campus toward her rooms, her mind a jumble of student questions and her own concerns. She would go back to her rooms and call Alex, she decided. She needed help on this, and there was no one else she could trust.

As she crossed the quad, she heard a voice calling her and she stopped.

aDr. Addams,a it whispered hoa.r.s.ely. aHere.a Katia. Katiaas voice.

She turned back and walked toward the grouping of trees between buildings. She could almost see her.

aKatia,a she said, keeping her voice low as she approached. aAre you okay?a Katia gestured to her, and she walked into the trees.

Into the darkness. Katiaas eyes glittered at her from the bushes likea"like Emilyas eyes. Emilyas eyes.

s.h.i.t, Jaguar said to herself, catch a clue.

But Katia was looking at a point behind her and nodding, and Jaguar was aware of a sinking in her belly. Katia cooperating with the Telekine. Shead put on a good act.

aNice piece,a she said when she felt the muzzle at her back. aA 2010 laser fire?a aShut up,a Stevenas voice said behind her, low and intent. aJust do what I say.a He turned her around and walked her to an air runner that was waiting at the edge of the quad. He put her in it and pulled out a piece of black cloth, wrapped it around her head, and tied it tight as the air runner kicked into motion.

aKatia,a she asked, awhy are you doing this?a aItall be okay, Dr. Addams,a she said. aHeas not gonna hurt you. I made him promise not to hurt you. Heas just gonna make you normal again, so you wonat hurt anyone else.a Of course, Jaguar thought sadly. Of course.

aIs that what heas doing for you, Katia? Making you normal? Not an empath anymore.a A hand grabbed the back of her hair and shook hard. aShut up. Katia, donat listen. He told us we shouldnat let her talk.a The air runner braked and came to a halt, and Steve pulled her out of it, pushed her ahead of him roughly. She counted twelve steps along a flat path. Three steps up. The sound of a door opening. They moved forward and she felt the shift from cold outdoor air to warm inside air. She heard the door click closed behind them.

aGood,a Ethanas voice said. aVery good. You two go on upstairs and wait. Iall take it from here. Your weapon, Steve.a A moment of silence, and then she heard Katia, her voice rising into hysteria. aWhatare you doing? Steve? Professor Davis, whatare youa"a Jaguar jerked toward the sound, felt pressure pushing against her, heard a gurgling in the throat that subsided.

No. He couldnat. She couldnat let him. Couldnat stop him. Pressure wrapped her head. He pushed her forward without touching her. She felt her legs moving down stairs fast.

aWhatare you doing?a she asked. No answer. The air around her grew cooler.

aStop,a he said, and her legs obeyed.

aWhereas Katia?a No answer.

She felt breath on her neck. Air on her eyes. She brought her hands up to her face and felt for the blindfold. It was gone. The darkness was around her, maybe in her, rather than something she wore. It washed against her in waves of impenetrable silence.

Was she alone? Was he watching? Had he already stolen her vision? Her hearing?

Danger. There was danger. How immediate? Like lightning. Soul thief, pressing close.

She breathed, feeling her lungs working air in and out, hollow s.p.a.ce filling with empty air. She was breathing.

Danger. There was danger. Immediate danger.

She was alone in the thick dark and she could smell the Telekine gloating, waiting to steal her gifts. A Telekine like lightning. She couldnat run. She couldnat hide. She couldnat fight. But her grandfather had taught her well.

You canat outrun lightning. Canat outpower it. All you can do is find the earth and drop.

She knew what to do.

Dark.

Call darkness to dark, and let the singing be the shadow. Shadow cat stalked and she felt the wind in its wake. Old friend, finding her, circling her.

Dark. Drop into it. Solstice dark. Drop down.

She began to curl in on herself.

Slowly, like the ungrowth of a leaf, she furled her body in, folding matter over spirit over matter in the dark. All internal talk silenced. All energy focused into a sphere of light that she hugged to her center. All of her, layered in a protective circle around a small core. She curled in like a sleeping deity. Rolled herself inward as if her body was the atmophere curving around a great blue planet, as if she were the wings of a great bird hugging the sun. Slowly, she rolled herself up and put herself away until she was only layers of thought curved over a song, which she began to sing.

This song, which would sing her into the darkness.

This song, which would hold her within it.

This song, which would fill her.

When she was small and singing, layered spirit under layered flesh that was still as ice, still as a rim of gold over a mountain, something like grace circled out of its spin through the solar system and came to rest near the spiraling song she had become.

Something like a tossing of light, protecting and protected by her song, as she folded into herself and the darkness, totally vulnerable, and totally enclosed.

Planetoid Three, Toronto Replica Gerry eyed Alex hard. aI donat think that scarfas a good color for you,a he noted. aSomething about yellow washes you out.a aThanks,a Alex said. aThe skirtas not really my size, either.a Gerry stepped out of the doorway, and Alex entered, closing the door behind him.

As soon as he was in, he took a deep breath of relief and let it out. Then he stripped from the skirt and scarf, pulled off the shades and coat, and rolled his pants back down over his boots.

aUm,a Gerry asked, ais there something I need to know here?a aNot a thing,a Alex said. aWe set to go?a Gerry scratched at his head. aI guess,a he said.

aThen letas move.a

18.

ALEX AND THE BAND MEMBERS FOUND JAGUARaS apartment empty when they arrived that afternoon. When he searched for any lingering signal, any scent of her presence, it seemed as if she had been gone for some time. How long? And where had she gone to? He stifled his growing panic.

aMaybe sheas in her cla.s.sroom,a Gerry said, still leaning on her buzzer. aWhaddaya think?a aGo on and check,a Alex said to Gerry, aIf sheas there, send her here. Iall stick around and see if she shows up.a aYeah. Sure. Geez, itas not like Jag to stand us up. We gotta rehea.r.s.e before tomorrow.a aI think thereas probably a reason why sheas not here,a Alex said. aTry and keep things quiet. If anyone asks about Dr. Addams, tell them she was overcome by the flu or something. If neither of us shows up by tonight, call Rachel. Sheall know what to do. Okay?a aSure. Yeah. Okay.a As soon as he was gone, Alex used a trick Jaguar taught him to open the door to her building. He ascended the three flights to her apartment and opened that door as well. Once inside, he tried to relax. Tried to focus.

Tried not to think about where Jaguar might be or how little time, if any, he might have left.

He just focused, and felt for anything that might give him a clue as to where she would be.

aSave it,a a voice said behind him. aI can tell you where she is.a He whirled around and found himself staring at a very tall and broad man in his late forties, who wore his thick dark hair in a ponytail that went halfway down his back. Alex recognized the face from the files head read. Leonard Peltier.

aWhere?a he asked.

aWith Ethan Davis,a he said. aAnd sheas in deep s.h.i.t. Iall explain along the way.a He was already heading out the door as he spoke.

aWait,a Alex said. aWhyare you involved in this?a The man turned back and grinned. aYou ask questions like someone else I know. Because I was asked to be.a aYouare Peltier. Ex-army. Another one of Durkas brats?a Leonard shook his head. aIam Lakota. Native, like this Mohawk student I have. Katia. Someone I was asked to keep an eye on. Sheas the one Iam going after.a aWhy should I believe you?a Alex asked.

Alex felt the twinge that was a subvocal request to speak telepathically. There was one good reason to believe him. He asked permission.

Okay, Alex said. Any other reason?

None, Leonard replied. But maybe you Should learn to believe yourself.

They stood and stared at each other. Alex read both fear and understanding in Leonardas eyes. He wondered what Leonard read in his. Every impulse in him was directed toward one goal. Find Jaguar. Find Jaguar. Find Jaguar.

aIall tell you everything I know, which isnat everything,a Leonard said out loud, aonly Iam concerned about time. Maybe we should keep moving while I talk?a Alex hesitated only one moment more. aLetas move,a he said.