Jaguar Addams - Learning Fear Part 15

Somewhere in the room Jaguar scented the ethereal perfume of the full moon, saw a young woman walking into the door of a dimly lit house. She knew. Some part of her knew. If only it would tell the rest of her.

aI know,a she said. aTell them I know.a Dr. Johnston lowered her gaze and asked, without any emotion at all, aWhat will you do?a aThatas my business. You just tell your army buddies to watch their backs. And stay the h.e.l.l off mine.a She stood and turned her head down toward President Johnston. She lifted two fingers and pushed them against her forehead, letting the energy flow into her. The soft growl of a friend could be heard. The breath of the universe was warm and moist on her face. The president gasped, her hands struggling against the edge of the desk.

Jaguar laughed.

aTell them there are some powers even the Pentagon canat control,a she said.

She covered the floor between desk and exit, and at the door she turned and bowed her head to President Johnston. aThank you so much for the tea. Itas been such a pleasure to meet you, after hearing so much about your work.a Then she was gone, and President Johnston sat alone in the room. She reached under her desk and pressed a b.u.t.ton. She heard a short buzzing sound in the adjacent suite of rooms, and the door that led from there to hers opened. Lieutenant General Durk walked in.

aYou heard?a President Johnston asked.

He nodded.

aAll of it?a He nodded again.

She slapped her hand against her desk, her face going hard and sharp. aSay something, you supreme idiot,a she barked at him.

Durk sniffed. aWeall take care of it.a aI suppose thatas what you told the last president after those girls started disappearing.a aYouall get your funding, if thatas what youare worried about. We wonat back out.a She lifted her chin high and regarded him as if he were an inferior specimen. aIt wonat do me any good if the University continues to be a locus of scandal. I want to know what you plan to do to keep that woman under wraps.a Durk smiled. aDo you? Do you really want to know?a Her chin dropped, and her demeanor followed.

aWhatever it is,a she said coldly, athis time, see to it that itas done off campus.a Planetoid Three, Toronto Replica aAlex,a Rachel said, her eyes wide and frightened as she stared at him over the telecom screen, aRachela"are you okay?a aAlex,a she said, athey killed my bird.a Alex held her gaze and spoke with her subvocally.

Be still, Rachel. Tell me what it is. Are you safe?

He saw a shudder run through her, and then she spoke, words drawn out with difficulty, but making sense. aTheya"someoneas been in my apartment. Itas wrecked. They killed my bird.a Jesus. She mustave found something. But what?

aRachela"what was in the files I asked you to research?a She shook her head, pressed a hand against it. aYou.a aWhat?a aYou, asa"as operative something. Operative goal. Not your name. Your army ID. Under a larger file. Operation School of Fish.a Rachel looked around her. aI didnat understand a lot of it. It was Deep Red code, so I couldnat download. I could only save it to the internal drivea"you know how I do that sometimes? But my computeras smashed.a aDo you remember anything else about it, Rachel?a aJust what I said. Alex, they killed my bird.a aListen, I want you to leave there. You have a key to Jaguaras place? Stay there. Iall find out what I can.a Alex was an essentially nonviolent man. He knew how to respond in self-defense, but he carried no weapons except his hands. For an Adept, head found, that was enough, as long as you kept your hands connected to your art, and used them sparingly. Tonight, though, he wanted to kill someone. At first just about anyone would have been fine. After a while he grew a little more specific. He wanted to kill Rich Forrest, and Matt Durk.

By the time he got to Rachelas apartment and started looking through the rubble, he wished it was possible to kill them each more than once.

af.u.c.king h.e.l.l,a he commented, walking through the apartment, stepping over the stuffing of couch cushions and around strewn papers. This was more than looking for something. It was wanton destruction, just to scare her. Broken disks were everywhere. Besides her computer, theyad smashed her telecom and her stereo and a bunch of plates.

Then two items caught his eye.

The first was a parrotlet, neck bent, dead, lying on the windowsill. Someone had slit it open from throat to legs, and disemboweled it.

The second was the shards of a small clay bowl that had once held a red feather. Jaguar had made the bowl and painted it with the signs of her people. The red feather, traditional offering to a desert deity she felt particularly close to, was included in this gift to Rachel.

She had given it to her when theyad returned from Israel, as a sign of friendship and trust.

The bowl was smashed. The feather was crushed.

af.u.c.kers,a he shouted, and fire surged from the back of his head, coursing through his retinas to the back of his eyes. A rapture of rage filled him, and he was off and running with it, knowing where it wanted him to go.

He had no memory of getting his wings. He had no memory of driving them anywhere. He had no memory of walking into the armyas new building. The next thing he remembered of this day was slipping the lock on the door to Richas office and going inside.

The office was empty.

All signs of life vanished.

A breeze blew through open windows. He stood in the emptiness and tried to understand it. As he stood, he became aware of another person entering the room. He whirled, and saw Paul Dinardo standing there.

aTheyare gone, Alex,a he said. aCleared out yesterday. Said their research grant was pulled and they had to go home. They were through.a aAnd so am I, if I donat start getting some answers.a Paul grabbed a chair out and sat. He pulled in as large an amount of air as he could, and expelled it loudly. aI stopped at your office and I figured youad be here. I came toa"Alex, I want you to know I had nothing to do with the s.h.i.t they pulled on you.a aIt might help if you were specific. Names, for instance, are useful.a aAnyone ever tell you youare overeducated, and snotty with it? You know who I mean. Durk and his buddies. I didnat know about it, and I had nothing to do with it.a Alex found a chair and sat down. It was a swivel chair, so he swiveled. Made a triangle with his index fingers and thumb, pushing it in and out.

aAnd the stuff with Addams. I didnat know about all that, either.a Alex continued to consider the triangle of his fingers.

aIave got a team going to the home planet to pull her out,a Paul continued. aYou call her and let her know sheas coming back.a Alex swiveled and said nothing.

aWell?a Paul asked.

aWell what? Her a.s.signment is cla.s.sified as mandatory rest leave, and I wonat have supervisory discretion until sheas officially reinstated. You know the procedure, Paul. You wrote it.a aForget the procedure,a Paul said. aWe didnat expect this to happen, and we canat afford to have it go any further. Get in touch with her and tell her to cooperate.a Alex swiveled back and forth, back and forth.

aNo,a he said. aIam not her supervisor.a Paul ran a thick-fingered hand through what was left of his hair. aListen,a he said, aShe wonat answer my calls. Wonat call back. You gotta tell her to get her a.s.s back here beforea"a aBefore what?a Alex stopped swiveling. aBefore she discredits you, or gets herself killed?a aJesus. We never meant for her toa"a Paul stopped. Turned away.

aI guess Iall never know,a Alex commented, awhich verb you were about to choose.a aWhat do you want?a Paul asked.

That was better, Alex thought. Paul was getting the hang of this.

aI want a reinstatement letter for her, signed by you and the Board president. And I want it by five oaclock.a aYou and old man kangaroo,a Paul said. aWant us to clear her records, too?a aYes. And sheas overdue for a pay raise.a aYou mean this, donat you?a aMean it? Get that letter to me, or she wonat be the only employee youave lost. Iall be right on her heels, Paul.a Paul eyed him suspiciously. aWhen I get it to you, whatall you do?a aGet on a shuttle and bring it to her. If weare lucky, and she accepts the apology Iall offer, Iall bring her back,a he said.

Paul shook his head. aYou canat.a aThen forget it. Iall quit and join her.a Alex waited while Paul sat and stared, his knuckles white against the arm of his chair. After a few minutes he pushed himself up and stood staring at Alex.

aOkay,a he said. aOkay. Listen to this, Dzarny, because I wonat repeat it. OaBrienas on his way to get her. You tell her to get her a.s.s back here with him. And you arenat going anywhere.a Alex pushed the heels of his hands against the arms of his chair and lifted himself up. aMuch as I enjoy chatting with you, Iave got a shuttle to catch.a Paul jabbed a finger at him. aTry it. Youall be arrested before you hit the streets. Your shuttle pa.s.s is suspended, for security reasons.a aSecurity reasons?a aYeah. Your security. Because your sweetheart Jaguar isnat who they want. Sheas just the bait.a Alex frowned. aWhoas the fish?a he asked.

aYou are,a Paul said. aYou are, a.s.shole. Get it? So stay the h.e.l.l away from the hook.a Alex sat back down. aPaul, whatever this is, youad better tell me all of it.a aI am telling you if youad shut up and listen. Thereas somebody on campus working for the army. A specialist, they call him, and whatever he does, it isnat pretty, because even the Pentagon is scared of him. They give him what he wants, and donat ask questions. And his affiliation is very unofficial, so the uniforms can all stay nice and clean. Look, Alex, thereas more and you wonat like it, so just get used to being p.i.s.sed off.a Alex settled into this expectation. aGo on,a he said.

Paul found a chair and sat in it. aIt was like I told you. Someone on the Board set up this exchange program idea. It seemed pretty harmless. Drew funds, created good PR. Whatas wrong with it? Nothing, as far as anyone can see. When we start picking people for the University, the president explains about their situation and asks for someone with experience ina"you knowa" someone like you or Jaguar. Specifically, she named Jaguar. So I sent her, like I said, thinking itad be good for her. Good for me. Maybe even good for you. You werenat throwing out any objections, so I figured it was okay.a Alex stifled a profanity. Paul was right. He hadnat objected.

aThen,a Paul continued, awhen she gets all settled in, I get a call from Durk.a Alex sat up and began to pay attention in earnest. aGeneral Lieutenant Durk?a aThis is right. He says he wants Addams to do a job for him while sheas there, and he doesnat want you interfering. Says itas a matter of national security, highly cla.s.sified, and Iam to keep you the h.e.l.l away from it.a aWhat?a aYou heard me. He says itas something to do with their specialist, but he canat say what. And n.o.body is to know, especially not you, because youad blab it to her. Then he calls me yesterday. Says he has you and he can either hold you or send you back. Which would I prefer? I told him to send you back and he said fine, as long as I held you, because Jaguar was playing bait, and you were the fish.a Alex blinked, and waited for the world to come back into focus. aShe didnat know? She doesnat know?a he asked.

aDurk said he was handling it.a aChrist. She doesnat know. Sheas been working blind the whole time sheas been there.a aLook,a Paul said reasonably, athereas no reason for you to thinka"a Alex stood up and slammed a fist against the wall. aSomebody has to think around here,a he growled. aSomebody has to do something besides flap their G.o.dd.a.m.n lips and suck air.a aI kept you out of it, didnat I? I donat see you saying thank you for it, either.a aYouad cover my a.s.s and let her be chum for the sharks,a he said.

aYeah, well, I feel sorry for the sharks if they eat her,a Paul commented. aTheyall get more of a bellyful than they expected. Anyway, Iam pulling her out. Itas getting too messy. I told Durk Iam pulling her.a Alex shook his head. aIf you told Durk, itas probably too late. Heall push the game to the end. Besides, she wonat come,a he said. aNot unless I go get her. Even thena"a aThen sheas just gonna have to take her chances, because Iall lock you up at the first sign of flight. Jesus, Alex. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get good Supervisors?a Alex was appalleda"at the system, at the army, at the University, at Paula"and at himself. Jaguar was right. She wasnat white enough, male enough, quiet enough to merit protection.

He wiped his hand over his face. Stood up, and left.

aHey,a Paul said. aWhere you going?a aAnywhere,a Alex said. aExcept here.a THEY MET AS A GROUP AT THE SAME BAR where Jaguar had unwittingly started the brawl. Glen had called the meeting of the cla.s.s, and the others had agreed to it. They sat around a large table in relative quiet, during the off-hours between lunch and happy hour.

aSheas dangerous,a Steven said decisively. aSheall do something to us, I know.a He looked over at Katia. aShe already made us fight.a aSteven,a Katia replied, ayou made us fight. Not Dr. Addams.a aI wouldnat have fought with you if she wasnat putting ideas in your head. Empathic artsa"s.h.i.t. I should grieve her for undue influence. f.u.c.king murderer.a aLook,a Taquana said. aSheas not a murderer. They cleared her. Thatas why weare here, isnat it? To figure out a way to show her we know sheas okay.a aAnd to see if thereas anything we can do to help her,a Glen added.

aWhat do you suggest? A greeting card? In sympathy at your arresta"thatad be nice.a Joey Bursky slugged down a beer and put the mug down hard. aIf you donat want to be here, you donat gotta be,a he said. aAnd that goes for anyone who feels like you.a aStop it. Just stop it,a Katia said, her voice edged with hysteria. aI canat stand all this fighting.a She stood up and walked away from the others, and Steven followed.

aLet aem go,a Glen said when Jesse rose to go after them. aThey got something of their own going on. They wouldnat be any help anyway.a aSteven,a Jessica said, ais a major jerk.a n.o.body disagreed, and they moved on to more important matters.

Steven followed Katia out the door and to the crossing, where he reached her and grasped her firmly by the arm, turning her around.

aWhyad you leave?a he asked.

She turned her dark eyes to him. aBecause we know what we have to do. Justa"letas do it without all the talk.a She pulled away from his grasp. Sometimes, she thought, his hand felt as desperate as a drowning manas, clutching at her. It made her angry, and then guilty for her anger.

aLook, I have a responsibility to tell them what she is. If she hurts anyone else and I donat try and stop it, what does that make me?a Katia knit her brows over her dark eyes. aWhat if sheas not an empath? What if it isnat her making me feel this way, think the way Iam thinking? What if Iam just crazy or something?a He laughed. aCamon, Katia. You know better than that. Youare not crazy.a aHow can you be so sure?a He put his hands on her shoulders and held her facing him. She looked down at the ground, and he lifted her chin so she would see his face.

aHe warned us about that,a Steve said. aSheas very good, and sheall make you feel like sheas telling you the truth. Make you believe all kinds of things, like my father did with me. Thatas what empaths do. But you know what she did. What she can do. He explained it all to us.a aAnd you believe him?a aOf course. He knows all about her. Heas studied her for years. Her and people like her. And he showed us how she did Emily.a She closed her dark eyes. aI never want to see anything like it again.a aAnd you donat want to end up like one of them. Like my father. Like her. Do you? Do you, Katia?a aNo,a she said. aI donat. Only, I donat like the secrets. I like things to be up-front. And I donat want him to hurt her. If she canat help it, then itas not really her fault, is it? He shouldnat hurt her, should he?a aHe wonat. He said he knows how to do this. We gotta trust him. So letas stick to the plan. You take care of your part, and donat worry about anything else. Heall take care of the rest.a

16.

JAGUAR STARED AT THE COMPUTER SCREEN, wondering if what was on it made sense. Her on-line students sent questions to her regarding their exam areas, and she answered them as best she could, referring them to other professors when she couldnat. Then she would send more questions to them to help them prepare for their exams.

This student had been asked to explain positive and negative uses of ritual s.p.a.ce as proposed by J. Post in Unparticular Magic, and using this work, compare use of ritual s.p.a.ce in the Serials with use of ritual s.p.a.ce in the Lakota sweat ceremony. It was a standard question and the student had answered at length, but she couldnat tell if it made any sense. She turned away from the screen. Impossible to concentrate.

Tonight would be the first cla.s.s since the funeral. The first time shead see her students since the murder. And what would they say?

She wondered if Steve would show up, or Katia. Especially Katia, whom Leonard wanted her to guard. Katia whose eyes glittered like Emilyas. Molecular dispersion. Coming apart at the seams. Thatas what she suspected happened to Emily.

Telekine. It had to be a Telekine. But who? It could be anyone on campus. It could be the one man here who she knew practiced the arts. It could be the man whose bed she had refused. It could be the president, or someone she hadnat thought of yet.

A phrase kept circling her thoughts, but wouldnat come to the front where she could hear it. A phrase she was supposed to remember that kept skittering away. She did not pursue it. It would have to find her. Along with the army, she thought grimly.

If she didnat trust her own art so implicitly, shead be kicking herself around the block for what shead said to the president. Shead given it all away, left herself no secrets to cuddle. She even let the president see the chant-shape, and she had no idea why. Maybe it was meant to bring the danger close enough so she herself could see it. Smell it. Deal with it. Was that it? Somethinga"that phrase flitting about, not landing. What was it, and why should she remember it?

Her telecom buzzed, and she flicked the on switch, saw a face appear and disappear, and heard the crackling of static.

aWhoas there?a she asked.

More crackling, then, aahear me? Can you? If youaa It dissolved into noise. aWho is it? I canat hear a d.a.m.n thing.a aanothing. Ia very a us they wantaa aThey want? Who wants? Who is this?a A snapping sound, and the disconnection was complete.

She frowned at her machine, stood and stretched out her legs, then went to look out her window at the gray and chilly day. A hawk skimmed the air above the tower dorms, looking for lunch. Two crows mobbed it, one from the top, and one from the bottom. She pressed her hand and face against the cool gla.s.s. Her hand felt warm against it, and her breath made a circle of steam. A phrase lingered at the edge of her consciousness, waiting to be let in. Her hand felt warm against the cool gla.s.s.

Her hand felt warm.

Ethanas hand felt cool. His hands were deft and cool on her skin. She felt the pulse of s.e.xual longing just thinking about it. Big magic, that. And yet shead refused it. Why?

There.

That phrase again, meandering randomly across her brain. The hand of something is always cool. The hand of something is always cool. She pulled back from the window. It was an old phrase, an old bit of lore shead picked up from The Etiquette of Empaths.

The hand of the something is always cool. Something. No. It started differently. The hand of the empath is always warm. That was it. The hand of the empath is always warm. And the hand of the Telekine is always cool.

The hand of the Telekine is always cool.

As simple as that. Just a cool hand run delicately over her face.

The hand of the Telekine.

Ethanas hand.

s.h.i.t, she thought.

Telekine.

Planetoid Three, Toronto Replica Alex sat in the middle of a great dark forest, where the trees were black marble columns reaching up toward a night that reeled around the sky. He tried to determine where the top was, peering up and up. They were, as far as he could see, endless.

He squatted at the base of a tree, listening.

There was silence.

There was the sound of breathing, a scooped-out sound like a respirator or breath within a cavernous chamber of echoes.

There was no sound of walking.

There was no sound of gliding motion as two figures approached, woman and shadow cat. He watched as she put her hand on the great black head, and the two merged, woman into shadow cat, cat into woman, two separate beings who shared the same soul.

They walked toward him.

Go. Go now. The Moon is waiting to carry you. . He sat very still, not sure what they were saying. Not sure what they wanted from him.

He sensed impatience.

Go. The Moon is leaving. Sheall carry you.

aI donat know what you mean,a he told them.

They lifted themselves and wrapped great hands around his shoulders, held him down with their eyes. The great teeth sank into his face, claiming him, and he pressed forward to let them enter even more deeply. He felt nothing like pain.

Wake up. Go. Now.

The dream dissolved and he was suddenly, fully, and urgently awake, standing at the telecom in his living room, his hand punching in the telecom code for Jaguaras office.

aAnswer,a he said into the screen. aCome on, Jaguar. Pick up. Pick up. I have to tell you.a He didnat even get a busy signal. Just static. He stared at the telecom.

aJesus,a he mumbled. aWhatam I doing?a Last thing he remembered, after he returned from his talk with Paul, he went and sat in his rocking chair, meaning to take a few minutes to clear his mind, expunge the emotional detritus of the day so he could figure out what to do next. But head fallen asleep and had this dream. About the moon carrying him somewhere he wanted to go.

ad.a.m.n,a he said. aMoon Illusion.a The band was scheduled to go to Jaguaras cla.s.s and play. They had a private shuttle booked. He knew, because head booked it for them after he spoke with Jaguar. And they were leavinga"when? Today? Tomorrow? He looked around and saw that it was dark. It wasnat today anymore. It was at least tonight.

He reached for the telecom and punched in Gerryas code.

A groggy male voice mumbled something that was either h.e.l.lo, or f.u.c.k off. He couldnat quite tell which.

aGerry,a he said. aItas Alex. What time does your shuttle leave?a aI didnat do it,a Gerry said. aHonest to G.o.d, I didnat.a aGerry,a Alex said, aitas okay. Youare not in trouble. Itas Alex. I just want to know when youare heading out.a There was a pause. aAlex?a the voice said tentatively.

aThis is right,a he replied.

aItasa"kinda late. You know that?a aNo. I donat have a clue what time it is.a aAbouta"well, exactly three thirty-seven a.m.a aThanks for the update. When are you heading to Jaguaras place?a aShuttle leaves at seven. Weare there for Wednesday rehearsal and Thursday night cla.s.s.a Alex swallowed his impatience. It was the best he could hope for, the best he could get.

aGreat. Iall be riding with you,a Alex said. aThereas one thing. I donat have a shuttle pa.s.s.a He heard a long, drawn-out rasping sound, which he understood to be Gerry at thought. aYou could have Caseyas. Heas not going.a aThen,a Alex said, aIall need his chip, too. Mineas Supervisor-coded. His would bea"a aService. Heas a garbageman.a Of course, Alex thought.