It Is Never Too Late to Mend Part 131

"And much I marvel that any man or even any woman who has been in a gold mine and seen and handled virgin gold should take mica" (here he knocked the mica clean off the table) "or pyrites" (here he spanged that in another direction) "for the royal metal."

"I'll tell you what to do, Mary," began Robinson, cheerfully. "Hallo!

she is crying. Here is a faint heart."

"Och! captain dear, Pat an' me we are kilt right out for want of luck.

Oh! oh! We niver found but one gould--and that was mikee. We can't fall upon luck of any sort--good, bad or indifferent--that is where I'm broke and spiled and kilt hintirely. Oh! oh! oh!"

"Don't cry. You have chosen a bad spot."

"Captain, avick, they do be turning it up like carrots on both sides of huz. And I dig right down as if I'd go through the 'orld back to dear old Ireland again. He! he! he! oh! oh! An' I do be praying to the Virgin at every stroke of the spade, I do, and she sends us no gould at all at all, barrin' mikee, bad cess to 't. Oh!"

"That is it. You are on two wrong tacks. You dig perpendicular and pray horizontal. Now you should dig horizontal and pray perpendicular."

"Och! captain, thim's hard words for poor Molly McDogherty to quarry through."

"What is that in your hand?"

"Sure it is an illigant lump of lead I found," replied poor Mary; the base metal rising in estimation since her gold turned out dross. "Ye are great with the revolver, captain," said she, coaxingly, "ye'll be afther giving me the laste pinch of the rale stuff for it?"

Robinson took the lump. "Good heavens! what a weight!" cried he. He eyed it keenly. "Come, Mr. Levi," cried he, "here is a find; be generous. She is unlucky."

"I shall be just," said the old man gravely. He weighed the lump and made a calculation on paper, then handed her forty sovereigns.

She looked at them. "Oh, now, it is mocking me ye are, old man;" and she would not take the money. On this he put it coolly down on the table.

"What is it at all?" asked she, faintly.

"Platinum," replied Isaac, coldly.

"And a magnificent lump of it!" cried Robinson, warmly.

"Och, captain! och, captain, dear! and what is plateenum at all--if ye plaze?"

"It is not like your mica," said Isaac. "See, it is heavier than gold, and far more precious than silver. It has n.o.ble qualities. It resists even the simple acid that dissolves gold. Fear not to take the money.

I give you but your metal's value, minus the merchant's just profit.

Platinum is the queen of the metals."

"Och, captain, avick! och! och! come here till I eat you!" And she flung her arm round Robinson's neck, and bestowed a little furious kiss on him. Then she pranced away; then she pranced back. "Platinum, you are the boy; y'are the queen of the mitals. May the Lord bless you, ould gentleman, and the SAINTS BLESS YOU! and the VIRGIN MARY BLESS YOU!"*

And she made at Isaac with the tears in her eyes, to kiss him; but he waved her off with calm, repulsive dignity. "Hurroo!" And the child of Nature bounded into the air like an antelope, and frisked three times; then she made another set at them. "May you live till the skirts of your coat knock your brains out, the pair of ye! hurroo!" Then with sudden demureness, "An' here's wishing you all sorts of luck, good, bad an'

indifferent, my darlin's. Plateenum foriver, and gould to the Divil,"

cried she, suddenly, with a sort of musical war-shout, the last words being uttered three feet high in air, and accompanied with a vague kick, utterly impossible in that position except to Irish, and intended, it is supposed, to send the obnoxious metal off the surface of the globe forever. And away she danced.

* These imprecations are printed on the ascending scale by way of endeavor to show how the speaker delivered them.

Breakfast now! and all the cradles stopped at once.

"What a delightful calm," said Robinson, "now I can study my police-sheet at my ease."

This morning, as he happened to be making no noise, the noise of others worried him.

"Mr. Levi, how still and peaceful they are when their time comes to grub. 'The still sow sups the kail,' as we used to say in the north; the English turn the proverb differently, they say 'The silent hog--'"

"Jabber! jabber! jabber!--aie! aie!"

"Hallo! there's a scrimmage! and there go all the fools rushing to see it. I'll go, too!"

Alas! poor human nature; the row was this. The peaceful children of the moon, whom last we saw gliding side by side, vertical and seemingly imperturbable, had yielded to the _genius loci,_ and were engaged in bitter combat, after the manner of their nation. The gig umbrellas were resolved into their const.i.tuent parts; the umbrellas proper, or hats, lay on the ground--the sticks or men rolled over one another scratching and biting. Europe wrenched them asunder with much pain, and held them back by their tails, grinning horribly at each other, and their long claws working unamiably.

The diggers were remonstrating; their morality was shocked.

"Is that the way to fight? What are fists given us for, ye varmint?"

Robinson put himself at the head of the general sentiment. "I must do a bit of beak here!!!" cried he; "bring those two tom-cats up before me!!"

The proposal was received with acclamation. A high seat was made for the self-const.i.tuted beak, and Mr. Stevens was directed to make the Orientals think that he was the lawful magistrate of the mine. Mr.

Stevens, entering into the fun, persuaded the Orientals, who were now gig umbrellas again, that Robinson was the mandarin who settled property, and possessed, among other trifles, the power of life and death. On this they took off their slippers before him, and were awestruck, and secretly wished they had not kicked up a row, still more that they had stayed quiet by the banks of the Hoang-ho.

Robinson settled himself, demanded a pipe, and smoked calm and terrible, while his myrmidons kept their countenances as well as they could. After smoking in silence a while, he demanded of the Chinese, "What was the row?"

1st Chinaman. "Jabber! jabber! jabber!"

2d Chinaman. "Jabber! jabber! jabber!"

Both. "Jabber! jabber! jabber!"

"What is that? Can't they speak any English at all?"

"No!"

"No wonder they can't conduct themselves, then," remarked a digger.

The judge looked him into the earth for the interruption.

"You get the story from them, and tell it."

After a conference, Mr. Stevens came forward.

"It is about a nugget of gold, which is claimed by both parties."

Robinson. "Stop! bring that nugget into court; that is the regular course."

Great interest began to be excited, and all their necks craned forward--when Mr. Stevens took from one of the Chinese the cause of so sanguinary a disturbance, and placed it on the judge's table. A roar of laughter followed--it was between a pea and a pin's head in magnitude.

Robinson. "You know this is shocking. Asia, I am ashamed of you. Silence in the court! Proceed with the evidence."

Mr. Stevens. "This one saw the gold shining, and he said to the other, 'Ah!'"

Robinson (writing his notes). "Said--to--the-other--'Ah!'--Stop! what was the Chinese for 'ah'?"