Inside Out Part 8

"Where is he now?" Zach asked, lifting his head and meeting Bull's gaze.

"He's dead," Bull answered, and Zach lowered his head back to his shoulder.

"Is that why you're so closed off sometimes?" Zach asked. Bull had been lazily rubbing Zach's back. He stilled his hand.

"Maybe. I don't know. Things between Junior and me were rocky-sometimes really good, other times not so much. Things ended badly, and then they ended for him permanently." Bull sighed. He didn't want to talk about this. "We don't have to talk about everything, do we?"

Zach lifted himself up. "No." He continued shifting away from him. "You know, I heard the rumors that all you wanted were guys to take home to f.u.c.k," he told Bull and got off the bed. "I guess I was pretty stupid to think I might be different. That you saw me as something more." Zach hurried around the room, gathering his clothes. "All that nice talk and everything else was just a huge pile of s.h.i.t to get me to sleep with you, wasn't it?"

"No," Bull said. "It certainly was not. If that was all I wanted, I could get that any night." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wished he'd kept his big mouth shut.

"Yeah, you probably could. So was I some challenge?" Zach began pulling on his clothes.

Bull climbed off the bed and walked to where Zach was working to yank on his shirt. "It wasn't like that at all. I care for you, and you are much more than just s.e.x. But there are things that are hard for me to talk about." At least that made Zach pause. "To answer your question, yes, I think Junior is the reason I keep away from everyone. You can't get hurt if no one gets close."

"And you always guarantee you end up alone," Zach added. Bull knew he was right, but he wasn't ready to talk about what had happened. Too many things had all gotten wound together for him to just open up.

"Give me some time," Bull asked and reached out to Zach before gently pulling him into his arms, although honestly he wasn't sure which of them was in real need of comforting. "I haven't thought about all these things in a long time. I need a chance to process it."

"How can you not think about it? Do you have some superpower that allows you to forget the stuff you want to? Because, man, I'd like to be able to do that. I could forget about what my uncle did to me and what happened to my parents. I could wipe away the fact that everyone I grew up with hates me because of who I am." Zach trembled, and Bull held him tighter. "I'd really like to forget that part," Zach whispered against his neck.

"It doesn't work like that. But you learn to suppress things, and I've kept a lot of stuff locked away for a long time," Bull said. He was really good at it. All the mental military training came in very handy. Whatever he didn't like or couldn't deal with, he simply pushed aside and never thought or talked about again. At first it was difficult, but after a while it got easier and easier, though he'd gotten grouchier and pulled away from more and more of the people in his life. "G.o.ddammit!"

"What?" Zach asked.

"My mother was right." d.a.m.n, he hated when that happened. Bull led Zach to the bathroom, where they cleaned up the remnants from earlier, and then they went back to the bedroom. They climbed on the bed, and Bull held Zach while staring at the ceiling, wondering just what he'd unlock if he opened that huge box of c.r.a.p he'd been carrying.

Chapter 6.

ZACH HAD HAD no idea what to think. He'd talked to Bull a few times over the past few days, but he was having a hard time with the way Bull kept everything closed off and bottled up inside. "I want to be in a relationship with someone I trust," he told his buddies as he set a bowl of chips on the coffee table. no idea what to think. He'd talked to Bull a few times over the past few days, but he was having a hard time with the way Bull kept everything closed off and bottled up inside. "I want to be in a relationship with someone I trust," he told his buddies as he set a bowl of chips on the coffee table.

"Sometimes it takes time. Trust doesn't happen overnight, and for some people trust has to be earned," Jeremy said as he reached for a handful of chips and then began popping them into his mouth one at a time.

"I just don't know." Zach flopped onto the sofa and grabbed his sketchpad from the coffee table before something got spilled on it. He'd made a lot of progress on his comic and the story seemed to be coming along well. He'd decided that when his hero was in bull form, he wouldn't be able to speak. He could only grunt and growl the way Bull seemed to when he was angry or trying to avoid a subject. Kevin took the pad and began looking through it. "Did I tell you about this guy Bull called Spook, who was watching us when we went to lunch?" Zach said. "Bull said he was someone from his past. Then he said this Spook guy was nothing for us to worry about because if he'd wanted to hurt us we'd already have known it. I mean, what else is going to show up? I already met his mother. She makes Jane Fonda in Monster-in-Law Monster-in-Law look like Julie Andrews." look like Julie Andrews."

Kevin closed the sketchpad and whapped him on the head with it. "Doesn't matter what you say, we know the truth. Every time you talk about the big lug, you go all gooey-eyed. You care for him and you're sitting here worried about him."

"I just wish he'd talk to me," Zach said. After what they'd done, he was feeling a little insecure, because no matter what Bull said, Zach was still afraid he was just a lay and nothing more.

"Give him time. This is the kind of guy who doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve. He has secrets and he's done things that he can't talk about." Jeremy munched on another chip and turned back to the television. "You said he was a mercenary, and to get the job done those guys sometimes have to do things that aren't necessarily aboveboard."

"Yeah," Zach said, leaning back on the cushion. "I just wish he'd tell me instead of hiding stuff."

Kevin snorted, as did Tristan. "You have things you don't want to talk about. So does he, and he's older than you, so he has more years of dumb stuff to not talk about. Give the guy a break," Kevin told him. "Bull obviously likes you. He actually talks to you without grunting, growling, or telling you to get the h.e.l.l out of the line."

"Did it ever occur to you that he might have reasons for not wanting you to know?" Tristan asked, and everyone turned to him. "Maybe there are dangerous things in his past. He actually said there was nothing to worry about because if this Spook guy wanted to hurt you guys, you'd already know it. That sounds pretty ominous to me. I mean, this is Harrisburg, not some hotbed of spy-versus-spy stuff, and yet he's got a guy watching him who could kill him?" Tristan shifted closer to the edge of his seat. "If you want my advice, I'd say ignorance is bliss, and I sure as h.e.l.l hope none of Bull's friends-or worse, enemies-are following me around." Tristan reached for the bowl of chips and then stopped. "Have you seen anyone else following you or had the feeling you were being watched?"

"No," Zach said, but Tristan had a good point, and his nerves went through the roof. "But I probably wouldn't know unless they decided to confront me or something." G.o.d, what if they tried to kidnap him or hurt him to get at Bull? Would Bull even care? Zach shivered and slumped into the sofa cushions.

"Okay, that's enough," Kevin told Tristan. "All you're doing is scaring Zach." Tristan and Kevin had a mini glare-fest for a few seconds, and then Kevin turned to him. "On a brighter note, did you notice that Brantley wasn't in the office today?"

Zach smiled slightly. He'd had a great day at work. The tension usually present in the office seemed, if not gone, at least less intense. "I thought he was on vacation or something," Zach said.

"He is. A permanent one. It seems a list of the c.r.a.p he'd been pulling managed to filter its way to the president's office." Kevin grinned and tilted his head to the side modestly.

"You didn't," Zach said, and Kevin shrugged. "How?"

"Let's just say it looks like some anonymous person saved a bunch of doc.u.mentation, dumped it into an envelope, and when they were in New York, dropped it into the mail." Kevin could barely sit still. "He was pulling so much junk that could get him in trouble, it wasn't even funny."

Zach took a deep breath and then released it. That was one huge complication in his life that had been removed.

"Is there any more beer?" Jeremy asked as he added his bottle to the small collection of empties on the coffee table.

"No, those were the last of them," Zach said. He'd thought he had another case. "There's a beer distributor just around the corner. I can get some more." Zach stood up and started heading to the door.

"It isn't really necessary," Jeremy said.

"Come on, guys," Kevin encouraged. "We're celebrating the demise of one of the world's great a.s.sholes. We have to have one more beer so we can toast our freedom."

"I'll go with you," Jeremy offered, and he followed Zach out of the apartment and down to the sidewalk. "So," Jeremy began as they walked. "You really like this guy, don't you?"

"Yeah," Zach admitted with a smile. "He's, like, hard as rock on the outside, but melty chocolate on the inside. He growls a lot and looks tough, but he's always nice and kind to me. I don't know why he shows that side of himself to me sometimes, but he does, and I keep thinking that's a big leap for him."

"Are you sure about all this?" Jeremy asked. "Not that I want to put a damper on your happiness or anything, because you're a good friend, and you've been happier these past few weeks. It's good to see. You weren't sour or anything before, but you have a spark you didn't have before." Jeremy nudged his side. "Or is that because you're getting laid?"

"Maybe a combination of both," Zach offered wickedly and then broke down into laughter. "The s.e.x was nice, but...."

"You want something more?" Jeremy asked. "You sound like a girl."

"I do not. My folks loved each other and cared for each other and me. I know yours divorced, but I saw how happy my mom and dad were when they were together. It didn't matter how bad things got, because they had each other. I guess I want that same thing." Zach glanced at Jeremy as they walked. "Maybe I should just sow my wild oats and screw everything that moves, but I don't want a revolving door on my bedroom."

"Does Bull want the same thing? See, that's the trick: both people wanting the same thing at the same time, and maybe he doesn't," Jeremy said as they approached the corner. "He is older than you...."

"Yeah, so he should be ready to settle down," Zach said. "After all, I already met his mother and survived it. You'd think that since I didn't go running for the hills I'd be a definite keeper."

Jeremy chuckled slightly. "Maybe he'll never want to settle down. Have you thought of that? Or maybe he wants someone his own age." Zach growled, and Jeremy giggled. "Did you pick that up from him?" Zach growled again and held his serious expression for about two seconds, then smiled. He knew what Jeremy said was a possibility, but one he didn't want to fathom. He really liked Bull, and he thought Bull liked him. He hoped Bull more more than liked him, but he wasn't going to go too far down that route. than liked him, but he wasn't going to go too far down that route.

They approached the beer store, and Zach held the door open for Jeremy. "This is such a pain," Jeremy mumbled as they walked inside. The alcohol purchase system in Pennsylvania was bizarre to say the least. Wine and liquor had to be purchased at the state stores, six-packs of beer could only be purchased in bars, and beer by the case was only sold at beer distributors. "The whole system sucks," Jeremy continued as they wandered down the aisles stacked with cases of beer.

"I know," Zach said as he trailed behind. They had this same conversation whenever they were together and alcohol shopping was on the agenda. They found what they wanted, and Zach lifted the case of Miller Lite to carry it to the registers. "Jeremy," he whispered, and motioned him over from where he'd been looking at the Sam Adams none of them could afford. "That's the guy," he said, turning toward the back of the aisle as Spook rounded the end of the aisle.

"Are you sure?" Jeremy asked. "What's he doing here? Do you think the business is a front for something?"

"What should I do?" As soon as the question crossed his lips, he knew Jeremy was going to be no help. Zach pulled his phone out of his pocket and tapped in Bull's number as he left the aisle, moving in the opposite direction of the other man. "Bull," Zach whispered when his call was answered.

"Are you okay?" Bull asked.

"I'm at the beer store near my apartment, and that Spook guy from the restaurant is here. What should I do?" Zach's entire body shook with excitement.

"Nothing. Leave him alone and let him leave," Bull said. "No, wait.... Walk up to him and tell him Bull wants to talk to him now. Then pay for your stuff and leave. That ought to shake him up enough that he'll contact me."

"Okay," Zach said, his heart thumping. "Should I tell him to meet you at the club?"

"That won't be necessary. He'll already know how to get in touch with me." Bull paused. "I want you to call me when you get home."

"I will, and you need to call me later," Zach said, and Bull promised he would. Zach hung up and walked through the store and up to the counter. He set the case down and told the clerk he'd be just a minute. Jeremy stayed by the counter, and Zach wandered back down the other aisle and up to the smaller man. For a second he wasn't sure, but then he saw the tattoo. With his heart pounding, he walked up to the man. "Bull said he wants to talk to you."

Spook whipped his head around to him and his mouth dropped open for a second before he said, "You're the guy from the restaurant-"

"Bull wants to talk to you, Spook," Zach interrupted and then turned and walked back up to the counter. He paid for the beer, then he and Jeremy left the store and walked briskly back toward the apartment. No cars followed them and no one tried to stop or talk to them. His phone rang when they were a little more than halfway home. Zach handed the beer to Jeremy and answered the call.

"Where are you?" Bull asked.

"Jeremy and I are on our way home. No one is following us or anything. That Spook guy was sure shocked. He recognized me from the restaurant, but I caught him by complete surprise."

"Okay." Bull sounded nervous. "Go home and stay there." He swore under his breath. "Having you approach him was probably the dumbest thing I've ever done. Make sure there are people around, and I'll be there as soon as I can. Promise me," Bull added before Zach could say anything.

"Okay, we're almost there. The guys and I are watching movies and stuff, so we'll keep the door locked and wait for you," Zach said. He started walking faster, his heart racing.

"Good. I'm already on my way to my car," Bull said. Zach hung up but kept his phone in his hand. They entered the building and climbed the stairs, then let themselves into the apartment. The other two guys barely looked up from the television. Zach closed and locked the door behind them. Then he placed some beer in the refrigerator to chill and filled a pan with ice for the rest. He sat with them to wait, ignoring the television while Jeremy told the others what had happened at the store. Once Jeremy was done, the guys peppered Zach with questions he couldn't answer and went instantly silent when a brisk knock sounded on the door.

"Is that him?" Jeremy asked. Zach checked the peephole and unlocked the door. Before he could say anything, Bull surged inside, closed the door, and engulfed him in his strong arms.

"Are you okay?" Bull whispered into his ear. "Telling you to do that was the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life." Bull squeezed him and Zach held him back. "I should have had you just go home."

"Umm, guys," Tristan said from behind him. Zach groaned because he didn't want this to stop.

"Bull," Zach said, and he released him, but stood close. "These are my friends-Jeremy, Tristan, and Kevin. They were with me at the club." Bull nodded to all three but didn't say anything.

"Maybe we should be leaving," Tristan said, but none of them made any sort of move. Bull growled and they all stood up.

"Do you think it's safe?" Kevin whispered.

"It should be fine," Bull told them, and they all grabbed their things and filed out.

"You certainly know how to clear a room," Zach said.

"They're safest if they're at home," Bull told him and then started wandering around the apartment. "Go on and pack a bag. I don't want to leave you alone."

"Why not stay here?" Zach asked.

"Because that bed is way too small for the both of us, and I intend to keep you extremely close," Bull told him. Zach swallowed. "I know you probably think I'm overreacting, and maybe I am, but...."

"Just say it," Zach said as he pulled out his bag and put a few things in it.

"I was scared half to death as soon as I hung up the phone," Bull admitted, and Zach figured that was as close to a declaration of Bull's feelings as he was going to get. Zach finished packing his things and turned around. Nervous energy radiated off him.

"Is there something you aren't telling me?" Zach asked.

"No. I...." Bull paused. "I was just... concerned." The nerves seemed to slip away, replaced by the in-charge guy Zach was used to seeing.

"Because you care or because you felt responsible?" Zach asked. He set the bag on the bed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"f.u.c.k," Bull said.

"Maybe, but only if you answer my question," Zach pressed. This was fun. A small vein on Bull's forehead throbbed.

"You're a...," Bull started. "Because I care, all right? I was worried because I care about you, and as soon as you hung up I went crazy worrying I might have put you in harm's way."

Zach moved closer. "Was that really so hard? I care about you too." He reached up and threaded his arms around Bull's neck. "There's nothing weak about telling someone they mean something to you."

"There is if they use it against you," Bull corrected, and Zach gasped.

"Did this Junior person you mentioned do that?" Zach tightened his arms. Bull didn't answer, but he didn't need to. Zach could already see the answer in the swirl of conflict in Bull's eyes. "If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him."

"Okay, tiger," Bull said, pulling him close. "Let's not get all wound up. Have you got your stuff for work?"

"Yes. I just need my sketchbook and then we can go." No way would he leave that behind. If everything worked out, he hoped he would get a chance to draw Bull a few times. Zach rested his head on Bull's chest. "I'm glad you came over. I missed you." They shared another hug, and then Zach got his things. As he was leaving, he remembered the beer sitting in ice in the sink. He ran back and took care of that before he locked the door and followed Bull out to his car.

THE MAN MAN drove like a bat out of h.e.l.l, weaving around cars on the road and racing through traffic signals. Zach held on the entire way and kept quiet, hoping they arrived in one piece. At the house, Bull parked in the driveway and got out of the car. Zach waited while Bull checked the backyard and then around the house before unlocking the door and walking inside. drove like a bat out of h.e.l.l, weaving around cars on the road and racing through traffic signals. Zach held on the entire way and kept quiet, hoping they arrived in one piece. At the house, Bull parked in the driveway and got out of the car. Zach waited while Bull checked the backyard and then around the house before unlocking the door and walking inside.

The man Zach had seen in the beer store sat at Bull's kitchen table.

"I got your message that you wanted to speak to me," Spook said evenly, watching Zach the entire time. "I guess I thought you'd be alone." He got up from the table and walked toward the door. "Maybe another time."

"No, you'll talk now, or leave and not come back," Bull growled.

"Not in front of him," Spook said. "He's not part of this."

"You made him part of it when you did such a sloppy job watching us at the restaurant," Bull said in a low, threatening tone. "Just so we're clear, since we've never actually met, I'm Bull, and I know you're Spook. Your reputation precedes you, although I'm a little surprised Zach, here, was able to make you at the restaurant." Bull put his arm protectively around Zach, and Zach moved closer. "I hadn't noticed you until I caught a glance of you in the parking lot, but Zach saw that you'd ordered but weren't eating." Spook's gaze shifted to him, and Zach thought he saw a touch of respectful surprise. "So do you want to tell me what you were contracted to tell me?"

Spook sat back down at the table, but said nothing. "The client is very secretive, and we have specific instructions to speak only to you."

"Then you can tell the client my answer is no and be on your way. I've been out of the business for the past four years, and I'm not particularly interested in taking any new jobs. I have a good life and I don't want to take a step backwards into the life," Bull answered forcefully.

Spook met Bull's gaze. "You know it's never that easy. This particular client has an affinity for your work, and he doesn't take no for an answer." Zach looked from Spook to Bull and instantly knew that Bull knew who Spook was talking about. "He also has a very long reach and a very delicate job that needs to be done."

Zach swallowed hard and waited for Bull's response. "Tell the client," Bull began slowly, "that I will not be bullied and that things have changed. I have not been in his employ for some time. I always keep my word, but if threatened, certain information will find its way to people your client will not be pleased about. Some of this information could prove lethal for your client." Bull remained calm, but Zach was getting more and more nervous. He tried to follow this conversation, but too many details had been left out.

"That would be a violation of all agreements," Spook said.