Inside Out Part 5

Bull opened his door and got out of the car. He walked around the back and waited for Zach to join him. "How can I be dangerous in a good way?"

"Well, you're strong. You could probably snap me like a twig if you wanted. But you don't," Zach said. "Do you remember when you lifted me out of the crowd of people? You picked me up off the floor and carried me away from danger, and you did it with such care. You were gentle. You could have been heavy-handed, but you weren't. And that's what I mean, I guess. You have all this strength and power, but you don't use it unless you have to. At least you didn't with me."

They reached the door of the restaurant, and Bull held it open for him. "I don't get it. Most people take one look at me and either back away or they're the slave submissive types who think I'd be the daddy they've spent all their lives trying to find. What did I do that made you see something different? If you tell me, then I'll be sure not to do it again."

"Har har," Zach said, trying to cover for the fact that the only answer he had for that question wasn't much of an answer at all. "The only thing I can tell you is that I get the feeling we aren't all that different."

Bull raised his eyebrows in surprise and looked down at himself and then at Zach. "I don't see it."

"Maybe because in this case, the similarities aren't on the surface," Zach said. He could tell Bull wasn't convinced, but he saw it, or at least thought he did. Before he could say anything more, Bull stepped up to the podium and gave his name for the reservation. The hostess reached for menus and led them through the restaurant to a table off to one side. They had a nice view of the dining room, and Zach took his seat and waited for Bull to do the same. "Have you been here before?"

"Yes, a few months ago. They have great steaks and wonderful pasta dishes. I haven't had anything else, but most things are quite good," Bull said. They opened their menus and looked them over while a busboy filled their water gla.s.ses. The server then stopped by, introduced herself, and took their drink and appetizer orders.

"You said you hadn't been on a date in a while," Zach said. He felt he needed to keep the conversation going.

"No. My social life lately has consisted of bringing guys home for-well, let's say most of them didn't stay the night. Because I rarely let them. The few who did left in the morning, and I promptly forgot them." Bull reached for his water. "I don't let people get close to me. Since I left the job as a mercenary, I haven't let anyone into my life."

"Then why are you letting me?" Zach asked. "Or is this just a prelude to what you hope will be another of those one-night stands? Because that isn't what I want. I deserve better than that."

"No. That's not why we're here," Bull said and then turned toward the server as their appetizers and drinks were set on the table. She took their entree orders and then left them alone.

Zach took an onion ring and let it cool before taking a bite. He waited to see if Bull would give more of an explanation, but nothing seemed forthcoming. "So... why are we here?"

"You don't believe in cutting a guy any slack, do you?"

"Nope," Zach answered. "But if it makes you feel better, I haven't been on many dates either. Well, to be exact, I've been on one date before. It didn't go very well. He figured he could buy me dinner, a few drinks, and then that gave him the right to do what he wanted." Bull narrowed his eyes. "He didn't get what he wanted and went home with a case of very sore b.a.l.l.s from where I kneed him when he wouldn't take no for an answer. So whatever nervousness you're feeling, I'm going through the exact same thing." Zach reached for his water, and Bull mirrored the action, but didn't offer any more to the conversation.

Zach wasn't sure what else to do. Conversation seemed like pulling teeth, and he wasn't sure what other topics to bring up. Bull didn't seem to want to talk about himself, and Zach wasn't really up to talking about his past or his family. He'd done that once already, and the drool stain on Bull's shirt was only now drying. Zach shifted his gaze to the table and picked up another onion ring. He nibbled at it and tried to think of something to talk about. Maybe he and Bull didn't have as much in common as he'd thought. They barely knew each other, and Zach realized he might have been projecting his own feelings and emotions onto Bull.

"Do you like sports?" Bull asked him.

"Not really. I used to play soccer when I was a kid, but I was terrible. My mom drove me to the field every Sat.u.r.day for months, and most of the time I sat on the bench and watched. I guess that should have been a clue to everyone about the kind of guy I was. Eventually I was put into the game. The ball came at me, and I ran up to it to kick as hard as I could." Zach paused, remembering like it was yesterday. "I kicked and fell on my back, completely missing the ball. That was the end of my soccer career. I'm not good with b.a.l.l.s."

Bull began to laugh. "How do you know?"

Zach stared for a second and then he got it. He smiled and then laughed right along with Bull. "I guess I don't know yet." His laughter faded. "Were you good at sports?"

"G.o.d, yes. I played everything when I was a kid: football, basketball, some baseball. I was really good at football. I was always a big kid, so football really fit. Basketball was great until high school. Then I really filled out, and that counteracted my height. My dad had hopes that I'd play professional football. He died when I was still in high school, and a few years later, my mother started the never-ending parade of stepfathers. As soon as I graduated high school, I enlisted in the army. College wasn't for me, I knew that for sure, and I needed a job. The military gave me that, and then I discovered some skills and talents I hadn't realized I had. I'd never shot a gun before, but I turned out to have a natural ability for marksmanship and quickly developed spot-on aim. I also found I had a mind for strategy and counterstrategy. When planning a mission, I could think many moves ahead of the others. If something happened, I'd almost always already thought about it and had a plan in place to deal with it." The server brought their food, and Bull quieted until she left. "After that, I started planning and leading missions. That was a big part of my life, though I still can't talk about any of the details."

"I suppose there are lots of things you can't talk about," Zach said as he took a small bite of his pasta. Bull had been right about the food. He closed his eyes as the tangy, rich sauce coated his tongue. After he swallowed, he heard a small groan. When Zach opened his eyes, he saw Bull staring back at him, his mouth slightly open.

"It's good?" Bull asked. "Because, d.a.m.n... the way you looked...." Bull leaned over the table, and Zach saw him shiver.

"Yes, it's really good. Some of the best I've ever had," Zach said. "Do you want some?" He put some pasta on his fork. Bull opened his mouth, and Zach slipped the fork between his lips. Bull chewed and smiled.

"It is good, but I really like watching you eat it." Bull's eyes danced, and Zach wondered if he should be self-conscious. He looked down at the table. "Hey," Bull said. "Watching you with that pasta was s.e.xy as h.e.l.l. I love how you throw yourself into whatever you like. Whether it's dancing, your drawings, or enjoying your food, you immerse yourself in what you do. That's attractive."

"I didn't know I was doing anything," Zach said.

"You were just being yourself," Bull told him.

"Well, most of the time, being myself wasn't good enough," Zach said. Too many times the other kids, even some of the adults around him, had made it plain he didn't measure up or fit in.

"It's good enough for me," Bull said. Zach nearly dropped his fork. "You don't have to be anything other than yourself. That's all that's required, and it's what I like." Bull returned to his food as though he hadn't just said what he'd said. And maybe he simply didn't realize what those words had meant to Zach. Very few people in his life had accepted him for who he was, and the most important of those people were gone. His parents probably hadn't understood, but they'd loved him and wanted him to be himself. His friends accepted him-at least he hoped they did. But to most of the other people who'd been part of his life, Zach had been an embarra.s.sment; he knew that. He still was. "What?" Bull asked after a few seconds, and Zach realized he'd been staring.

"Nothing," Zach said with a smile. "You made me happy. That's all."

"Good. I like making you happy." Bull took a bite of his steak.

"Why?" Zach took a small bite of pasta. "What's so special about me?"

"You really don't see it, do you?" Bull asked, and Zach shrugged. "You're not devious and you don't hide what you're feeling. You don't have ulterior motives when you ask a question. I've spent my entire adult life trying to figure out the motives behind everyone's actions. Some people are easy. Take my mother. She'll do anything so she can have as easy a life as possible. She's married three or four men since my dad died because they promised to take care of her. Whenever she calls, she wants money so she doesn't have to go out and earn it. She's happiest when she doesn't have to make decisions and has someone to simply handle everything in her life for her. She'll connive, lie, use guilt, anything she can, to get what she wants."

"Wow," Zach said under his breath. "Are you sure you aren't a little biased?"

"Probably," Bull said. "But dealing with her for so many years has left me with little tolerance for her. It wasn't like she was the most loving or caring mother. Before my dad died, she was different, happier, but afterwards, she got bitter and more self-absorbed."

"Okay," Zach began. "How about we talk about happier things? I think we've exhausted parents, previous jobs, and family." He set down his fork. "You know what I always wanted to do? Fly model airplanes. You know, the kind with the remote controls."

"I flew some of the real remote-control airplanes when I was in the military. They can be a lot of fun. Once, over...." Bull stopped and shook his head. "Are you really interested in flying model planes or did you just pick that out of the air?"

"It got us off the subject of family," Zach said with a grin. Bull laughed.

"That it did. Okay, we'll talk about fun things. How about afterwards we go dancing? I know a place where we can have the time of our lives."

"But today's your day off," Zach said. "Won't everyone at the club start asking you for things and expecting you to take charge and stuff?"

"I wasn't talking about the club," Bull said. Zach wasn't quite sure what he meant, but a little surge of electricity shot through him and he nodded before allowing any second thoughts.

They finished their meals, and Bull took the check and paid the waitress with a credit card. Then they left the table and went out to Bull's car. The evening was still warm and the fresh air felt great as they drove through town and then to a quiet residential area. Bull pulled into the drive of a small home and parked the car in the garage.

Zach got out, expecting Bull to lead him inside, but instead, Bull opened the gate and they went into the landscaped backyard. Zach looked around at the manicured green shrubs and large trellis with a swing beneath it.

"The people I bought the house from did an incredible job with the backyard." Bull seemed to remember something. "I'll be right back." He hurried into the garage and returned with a cushion he placed on the seat of the swing under the trellis. "Have a seat if you like." Bull motioned, and Zach sat down, then slowly rocked back and forth while Bull went inside.

When Bull returned this time, he had a bottle of wine and two gla.s.ses. He pulled up a small table and set them down. Then he sat next to Zach on the swing.

"It's very pretty and quiet back here," Zach said.

"It is," Bull said as he shifted on the swing. "You're the first person I've ever brought here. I love to sit here and enjoy the peace and quiet sometimes before I go to work." Bull lightly stroked Zach's cheek and then leaned in.

Zach held still with antic.i.p.ation. Bull kissed him gently and then deepened it, wrapping Zach in his arms. He placed a hand on Bull's strong chest, lightly sucking on his lip. It was a nice kiss that quickly deepened into one that curled Zach's toes. Bull tasted sweeter than Zach had expected, and when he realized it and that he wanted more, he shifted on the swing, pressed himself to Bull, and took it.

Bull moaned when Zach thrust his tongue in Bull's mouth, tasting him deeply. Bull held him close, and within minutes, Zach felt as though he were floating on the combination of Bull's heady scent and rich sweet taste.

The sound of a throat clearing stopped him dead still. Zach pulled away and swallowed before turning to look in the direction of the sound. An older woman stood at the back door of the house, staring at the two of them. Bull groaned, and Zach's cheeks flamed as he straightened up and turned around to sit properly in the swing, wishing the ground would swallow him. "Who's that?" he asked softly.

"My mother."

Chapter 5.

BULL STOOD STOOD up. "What are you doing here?" He glanced at a very confused and shocked-looking Zach before walking over to where his mother stood. up. "What are you doing here?" He glanced at a very confused and shocked-looking Zach before walking over to where his mother stood.

"I told you I was coming for a visit. You never called me back, so I got in the car and drove up to see you," she said as though it were the most normal thing in the world for her to drive twelve hundred miles just to visit him.

"I told you I was very busy," Bull ground between his teeth.

"I can see how busy you are. Now tell your little playmate to go home," she said.

"Excuse me, Mother, but this is my home, not yours. You weren't invited, so I really hope you made plans as to where you were going to stay," Bull said, knowing full well she had planned to move in with him for the duration of her visit.

"I'll stay with you, of course. I'm your mother." As though being his mother ent.i.tled her to anything and everything she wanted from him.

"How did you get in?"

"I have a key," she told him, holding up her key ring. For the life of him, Bull could not remember giving her one.

"I don't know what you're up to, but this ends now. I have plans and I need to work. This isn't a good time for you to be here." Bull shook his head. His mother had just dropped in on him. Of course she knew, just as well as he did, that if she'd asked, he would have said no. So she simply hadn't asked. "You can stay a few days and then you need to drive right back home."

"Is that the welcome I get for coming all this way?"

"Uninvited," Bull clarified and stared at her. She stared back, and in the past that might have worked, but Bull was just angry enough that he continued staring until he saw her discomfort. "Like I said, you can drive back to Florida in a couple of days. Until then, if you cause trouble, you'll have to move to a hotel." He tried to keep his voice as even as possible, but he knew his mother was trouble. During and just after her last divorce, she'd drunk herself into near oblivion more than once and had probably done other things she either couldn't remember or refused to acknowledge.

"Bull," Zach said from behind him, and Bull turned, softening his gaze.

"Zach," Bull said, remembering the manners his mother had never taught him, "this is my mother, Charlene. Mom, this is Zach." He hated the way she'd referred to Zach earlier, and he glared at her in case she made another remark. They shook hands, but the tension emanating from his mother could have filled an ocean. "We had planned to spend the evening together," he explained as a nice way of telling her that she had interrupted.

"Well, I need to get settled and then eat something." She looked at him as if he was supposed to take care of that for her.

"You know where the guest room is, and there is a little food in the refrigerator. If you don't find something you like, there are restaurants a few blocks south on Market." He seethed inside that she'd disrupted his and Zach's time together.

"All right," she said, and then she turned around and went back into the house.

Bull took Zach by the hand and led him back over to the swing. "I'm sorry about all this. I had no idea she was coming. The last time we spoke was when she called me while we were having lunch last weekend."

"It's okay. She's your mother," Zach said with longing. "Maybe you should take me home so you can spend time with her. She drove a long way, even if she didn't tell you, and you should spend some time with her."

"I was hoping to spend the rest of the evening with you," Bull said, but that would be impossible now. His mother's appearance had sent all the plans he'd had for the rest of their evening up in smoke. "Let me make sure she's settled, and then I'll take you home." Maybe it was for the best.

He stood up and went inside. Bull found his mother in the guest room, unpacking her things. "Is he leaving?" she asked without turning around.

"I'm going to take him home," Bull said as he entered the room. "What the h.e.l.l were you thinking coming here without so much as a call?"

"I'm your mother," she answered.

"That means nothing. After Dad died, you weren't much of anything to anyone except yourself. You can stay a few days, but then you're going back home."

"I need some time away so I can relax and try to think," she told him. Bull wasn't buying it, but he couldn't think of a counterargument right now.

"If you want something to eat, you can ride with Zach and me. We'll stop and get something when I take him home." Bull turned to leave, but stopped in the doorway. "But be nice to him."

"I'm always nice," she said with a smile.

"No, you're not. You've known I'm gay for years, but you refuse to accept it. Well, you will now or you'll go home. We haven't had much of a relationship in years, so I don't know why you expect one to sprout overnight simply because you don't want to be alone."

His mother turned and sat on the edge of the bed. "I don't know where else to turn."

"I know you don't. But dropping in on me without any notice was rude and an imposition. Like I said, you can stay a few days and go home. But my life doesn't revolve around you. I have to work, and because you wouldn't know it, tonight was the first real date I've had in years, and you interrupted it."

She scoffed. "You don't date date other men, you screw them. You date other men, you screw them. You date women, women, and when this whole gay idea has been screwed out of your system, you'll settle down the way you should." and when this whole gay idea has been screwed out of your system, you'll settle down the way you should."

Bull shook his head slowly. "You're delusional, Mom," he told her in a whisper. "I like Zach, and I asked him out on a date because he's more than someone I want to mess around with. He's a kind, gentle person who's been through almost as much s.h.i.t as I have. Only he can still smile and laugh-something I don't do very often anymore." Bull stood up. "So get your things. I'm going back out to talk to him, and when we're ready to go, we're leaving, and you can come or not. But you will be nice." His mother said nothing as she stood up and left the room. Bull followed her as far as the living room. Then he went out back and found Zach sitting in the swing. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. She's your mother," Zach said softly. "I understand. You need to spend some time with her."

"She hasn't had anything to eat. But we'll stop after we take you home," Bull explained. Zach nodded, and Bull lightly touched his chin. "I don't want you to go. I'd rather spend the evening out here with you watching the sunset and waiting for the stars to come out." He leaned close and kissed Zach gently.

"It's okay. I really do understand. You should spend time with your mother. I'd give just about anything to be able to spend a little more time with mine." Zach's pain was clear on his face. "You should have the time you need with your mother."

"I'd rather be here with you," Bull said honestly and stood up. Zach did the same, and Bull kissed him again. Then he picked up the gla.s.ses and wine he'd never gotten a chance to open and carried them inside. He set the bottle and gla.s.ses on the table and returned to where Zach stood on the deck, looking out over his small yard. "I really am sorry."

"It's okay," Zach said with a smile. "I had a nice time."

"I did too," Bull said and leaned on the railing, his arm touching Zach's. "Do you think we could go out again? I'd like to have you over for dinner sometime. I don't get to cook very often, but I like it."

"You cook?" Zach asked. "I never would have guessed that."

"I bet there are lots of things about me you'd never guess."

Zach turned toward him. "I bet there are." The knowing look in Zach's eyes was both comforting and sent jitters through his stomach. Zach knew some of the things that Bull rarely talked about and he hadn't run away, but Bull couldn't help wondering how he'd react if he knew the rest. "I can't wait to find them out. You're a fascinating person, Bull."

He shook his head. "No, I'm not."

"You are to me," Zach said, moving closer. Bull pulled Zach into his arms, kissing him deeply. He felt so right in his embrace, their bodies pressed together. He ached inside his pants and felt reciprocating excitement from Zach. Bull moved his hips slightly, and Zach moaned softly into their kiss. For an instant, Bull thought about his mother and how she'd feel, but those thoughts didn't last long, not with Zach filling his ears with tiny whimpers that nearly had him coming in his pants.

Zach jumped as the door behind them slid open. His mother cleared her throat. Bull sighed and nipped lightly at Zach's lower lip before releasing him. Then he turned toward her. "I found this on the table, I hope it's all right," she said, raising her gla.s.s before taking a huge gulp of the wine. Bull clenched his fists. He'd bought that bottle especially for Zach and him to have on their date. It was a wine to be savored, for a special occasion, not be swilled and gulped like something from a box.

Bull growled and strode past her and into the house. He recorked the bottle and put it away. Granted, it wouldn't keep now that it was open, and he could get another bottle, but it p.i.s.sed him off. "Let's go," Bull said as he motioned his mother inside. He managed a smile for Zach, because even though he was p.i.s.sed as h.e.l.l, it wasn't Zach's fault Bull's mother felt ent.i.tled to whatever she wanted. He and Zach followed, and Bull closed and locked the sliding door. When he turned around, he saw his mother upending her gla.s.s. She held the gla.s.s toward him like he was supposed to refill it. He took it instead and set it in the sink.

"Are we going to take the Mustang?" Zach asked quietly, and Bull shook his head, leading them to the Camry he drove every day.

Bull unlocked the car, and his mother leapt for the front door. Bull shook his head and got in as well, making sure Zach was situated before starting the car and pulling away. He pulled to the main street and prepared to turn toward Zach's apartment. "I'd like to eat there," his mother said, pointing across the way.