Inside Out Part 4

"Because now you probably won't call him, and I think you should. I didn't want you to get your hopes up, but it also could be different. I saw the way he kept looking at you at the club. The big guy couldn't take his eyes off you." Kevin settled back against the cushions.

"Then why didn't you say anything last night?"

"Because I thought you knew. He kept watching our table. Every time you laughed, he was watching. I thought, him being a bouncer, he thought we might have been up to something, but now I think he was watching you."

"So what do I do?" Zach asked, pulling out the card again. "Should I call him or not?"

"In a few days. If you say who you are and he's excited to hear from you, then that's a good sign. But if he can't remember who you are, then forget about him and move on," Kevin told him seriously. Zach sat and watched Kevin for a few seconds. "What?"

"If you know so much about getting a date and going out with guys, then why do you spend every weekend with me? You certainly aren't going to get any." Zach jumped up as Kevin lunged for him. He laughed as he raced toward the bedroom. A throw pillow sailed past his head. Zach scooped it up and lobbed it back at Kevin, hitting him square in the chest. "So when was the last time you were out on a date?"

"I've got one for Friday night, if you must know," Kevin told him. Zach stopped and walked back to the sofa, throwing the pillow against the arm. "I met him while you and the big guy were talking. His name's Louie, and I've seen him around the club a few times. We've talked, and he asked me out last night. Since most guys are there looking to hook up, I'm excited he actually asked me out instead of just to go into the bathrooms or something."

"Do guys really do that?"

"Yeah. The bathrooms are one of the hookup spots. Those stalls have seen tons of action. But no one goes near them if Bull's around, though. I heard a few weeks ago he dumped cold water on a couple of guys who were trying to get busy." Kevin laughed. "Apparently the screams could be heard all the way to the dance floor."

SOMEHOW Z ZACH managed to wait until Tuesday afternoon on his coffee break before trying to call Bull. His hand shook a little as he dialed the number on the card. He'd spent the past two days deciding between making the call and throwing the card away because he figured he was being a complete idiot. In the end, he decided it was only a phone call and it would be dumb not to try. He waited for the call to connect. managed to wait until Tuesday afternoon on his coffee break before trying to call Bull. His hand shook a little as he dialed the number on the card. He'd spent the past two days deciding between making the call and throwing the card away because he figured he was being a complete idiot. In the end, he decided it was only a phone call and it would be dumb not to try. He waited for the call to connect.

"h.e.l.lo," Bull said.

"Umm," Zach began. "This is...." A crash sounded in the background and Bull swore under his breath.

"Can you hold on a minute?" Bull asked, and then a thud sounded as the phone was set down. Zach waited and heard a few more crashes, smiling when he realized they were pots and pans as opposed to something worse. "Dang cupboard shelf decided to go."

"Umm, this is Zach," he said once he thought Bull was listening.

"Zach." The excitement in Bull's voice was unmistakable. "I was hoping you'd call."

He swallowed. "I wasn't sure you really wanted me to. Since you gave me the card I hoped you were sincere, but I wasn't sure because after the whole.... Sorry, I'm rambling," he said, and then he paused to take a breath. "I tend to do that when I get nervous."

"Just so you know, I never give anyone a card with my personal number on it that I don't want to call." He heard Bull sigh. "And I was hoping you'd call."

"You had said we could get together for lunch. I have to work during the week and only get half an hour...."

"For me, lunch is at your dinnertime, so I'd like to take you out to dinner," Bull said, and Zach's stomach did a little flip-flop.

"Is this, like, a date?" Zach asked tentatively. What Kevin had told him about Bull had been running through his mind for days, and he'd finally come to the conclusion that if Bull was only interested in a quickie, then he'd say no thank you and move on. Zach knew he was young, but he wanted to find love-to be in love. Yeah, he wanted to have s.e.x, but he didn't think he wanted to just have s.e.x. His thoughts got all messed up, especially at night when he jerked off thinking about Bull.

"No, it's not like like a date," Bull said. a date," Bull said.

"Oh...," Zach muttered.

"It is is a date," Bull clarified, and Zach laughed. "I want to take you on a dinner date. You'll have to bear with me because it's been a long time since I went out on a real date. Mostly lately...." Bull paused briefly, and Zach waited. "I haven't met anyone I wanted to date in a while." a date," Bull clarified, and Zach laughed. "I want to take you on a dinner date. You'll have to bear with me because it's been a long time since I went out on a real date. Mostly lately...." Bull paused briefly, and Zach waited. "I haven't met anyone I wanted to date in a while."

"Why not?"

Bull didn't answer right away, and Zach wondered if he'd crossed some kind of line. "How about I tell you that when I see you?" Bull was hedging; Zach could feel it.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to," Zach said. Lord knew he had plenty of stuff he didn't like to talk about.

"Okay. Are you free Thursday night? About six o'clock? I could pick you up if you give me your address."

Zach smiled. "Thursday would be nice." He gave Bull his address along with his phone number. "Do you have to work tonight?"

"No," Bull answered. "I usually have Monday and Tuesday nights off. I've decided to take Thursday this week so I can have the evening with you, but that's unusual. Friday and Sat.u.r.day nights are impossible. Unless there's an emergency, I always work those nights."

"I can understand that," Zach said. He glanced at the clock and realized he needed to get back to work. "I have to go or I'll be in trouble, but I'm glad I called, and I'll see you Thursday at six." They said good-bye, and then Zach hung up, left the breakroom, and walked back to his desk.

"Did you call him?" Kevin whispered as he poked his head around the cubicle part.i.tion.

"Yeah," Zach whispered and pumped his hand in the air before breaking into a grin. "Thursday for dinner," he added before returning to work in case Brantley caught him. He tried to keep his excitement in check, but it was most definitely difficult, and he wondered how he would make it through the next two days.

HE DID DID, somehow. Thursday afternoon, Zach got out of work on time and rushed home. Almost as soon as he stepped into his apartment, his phone rang. Of course it was Kevin. "He's picking me up at six," Zach said before Kevin could ask. "What I don't understand is why my date is so important to you." somehow. Thursday afternoon, Zach got out of work on time and rushed home. Almost as soon as he stepped into his apartment, his phone rang. Of course it was Kevin. "He's picking me up at six," Zach said before Kevin could ask. "What I don't understand is why my date is so important to you."

"You're my friend, and I want you to be happy. No one I know deserves to be happy more than you." There was something unusual in Kevin's tone.

"What is it you aren't saying?" Zach asked as he pulled open his closet door and started looking for something nice to wear, thumbing through the hangers. He was by no means a clotheshorse.

"Nothing at all. I just want to make sure you have a good time." Kevin went quiet for a while, then said, "I guess I'm a little worried. He's so big, and his reputation.... What if he hurts you or something?"

"He's taking me to dinner at a restaurant." Zach's mind drifted back to the night Bull had rescued him-twice-at the club. "I think everyone has him wrong or at least might might have him wrong. The few times Bull has touched me, he's been nothing but gentle and caring." have him wrong. The few times Bull has touched me, he's been nothing but gentle and caring."

"So you're saying he's a p.u.s.s.ycat on the inside," Kevin remarked skeptically.

"I don't know if I'd say that. But I find him attractive and interesting and I'm comfortable around him. Or as comfortable as anyone can be when they're talking to a guy the size of a brick outhouse." Zach chuckled.

"What if he is the way everyone else says?" Kevin asked.

"Then I'll call you to come get me," Zach told him. "I promise on a stack of Bibles." Somewhere deep inside he knew it wouldn't come to that. He had little idea why other than the way Bull had treated him. Yes, the guy was intimidating as all h.e.l.l, there was no doubt about it, but there was something else too. Zach paused and sat on the edge of the bed. "You're going to think I'm really stupid, but when we were at lunch the other day, Bull's mother called, and after he hung up, I saw... something in his expression."

"O-kay," Kevin drawled skeptically.

Zach chose to ignore it. "The thing is, it was an expression I've seen more than once when I've looked at myself in the mirror." Kevin scoffed softly. "I know, and maybe I'm seeing things, but maybe he's been through the same kind of h.e.l.l I've been through." Zach checked his watch and jumped up. "I gotta go, but I'll have my phone with me and I promise to call if he so much as hints that he's after my virtue." He knew Kevin was rolling his eyes as they disconnected. Zach hurried back to his closet and hunted down a pair of dress slacks. They were a few years old, but thankfully they still fit. He found a shirt to go with them and changed clothes in a hurry. Then he rushed into the bathroom and brushed his teeth, wanting to have clean breath. He also splashed on a little cologne. When he was done, he checked his reflection in the mirror and left the bedroom as a knock sounded on his door.

He hurried to the door and pulled it open. "You're a little early, but I'm almost ready." Zach stared at the man on the other side of his door. "What are you doing here?" He slipped his hand in his pocket, clutching his phone in case he needed to call for help.

"Is that any way to speak to family?" his Uncle Hiram said as he stepped into the apartment.

"I'm sorry, but all of you turned your back on me some time ago," Zach said. Why is he here and what does he want? Why is he here and what does he want? "So I'll ask again: What are you doing here?" "So I'll ask again: What are you doing here?"

"I was in town and got your address from the Internet. I thought I'd stop in and see how you were doing." His uncle looked around the room, and Zach saw it the way he probably was seeing it-the old, mismatched furniture, bookshelves cobbled together from bricks and planks of wood, the secondhand rug that covered the scuffed floor. "Obviously not very well." He turned to Zach. "You know, if you gave up this deviant lifestyle, you could return to the family."

"Uncle Hiram, I am who I am and I like the life I've built for myself," Zach said nervously. His uncle was the head of the family, and the values Zach had been raised with died hard. His parents had deferred to Uncle Hiram for important decisions, and that training still existed inside him. "I'm not interested in returning, so you don't have to worry about me embarra.s.sing you or the family. I have a life here and I take care of myself. I won't be calling to ask for anything, and I expect the same courtesy from you."

"That is no way to speak to your elders and betters," his uncle said forcefully and stepped forward. Zach's instinct was to back down, but he suppressed it and stood firm.

"You turned your back on me, remember? When you did that, you stepped out of my life, and in a weird way freed me from your overbearing control." His uncle raised his hand. "Don't you dare," Zach challenged. "I'm not a child, and any physical abuse will result in me calling the police. This isn't Townsend, where you have everyone in your back pocket."

His uncle was speechless for a few seconds. "I told your aunt this was a useless errand, but she insisted I see you while I was here to try to talk some sense into you. It seems since your departure, other young people are looking to leave the family."

A knock sounded on the doorframe, and then Bull said, "Am I interrupting anything?"

"No," Zach told Bull with a smile. "My uncle was just leaving." He watched as his uncle turned and saw Bull, and he saw his uncle's eyes widen. "Unless you want to discuss things further with my boyfriend, I suggest you go, Uncle Hiram." Zach knew he was taking a chance, and he hoped Bull would understand and let him stretch the truth. They were hardly boyfriends, but Zach needed the illusion of strength-that was all his uncle understood. Bless his heart, Bull growled and stepped forward. Zach watched as his uncle warily stepped around Bull and then left the apartment without another word.

"What was that about?"

"My father's older brother. He's the patriarch of my family." Zach glanced around and stepped closer to Bull. "I'm ready to go when you are."

Bull glared at him. "He looked like he was about to hit you," he said almost accusingly.

"He probably was. Uncle Hiram was always a bully. When I was a kid, I lived in fear of him, and that was what he wanted. All the kids did what he wanted, and that carried right on into adulthood."

"Sounds like some sort of cult," Bull observed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"It's just very old-fashioned and conservative, or at least that's how it started. But I think my uncle runs the family like his own little fiefdom. The land my family farms is owned by the entire family, in some sort of trust. No one owns their own part of it, and Uncle Hiram is the leader, so what he says goes," Zach explained. "I told you my folks tried to understand me, but the people in the community turned their backs-well, that was led by my uncle."

"Where are your parents now? Do they still live there?" Bull asked.

"No. The house I grew up in burned to the ground with them inside less than a year after I left home." Zach swallowed and turned away, trying to wipe his eyes so Bull wouldn't see. The loss of his parents still really hurt. "Most of the people back home turned their backs, but my parents still loved me. I know that. They came to visit me a few times, but it was hard on them. I know they didn't understand my being gay and that it hurt them, but they still tried. What I don't understand is why my uncle was so angry and hurtful." Zach caught his breath and stopped himself from blubbering for the millionth time since he'd gotten the news.

"I'm sorry," Bull said, and Zach saw he really understood. The sadness Zach felt on a regular basis was mirrored back at him.

"The sucky part was no one bothered to tell me until after the funeral. I got a call from one of my parents' friends and she told me what had happened. My uncle couldn't be bothered. Mrs. Phillips, the woman who called me, she said my uncle was afraid I'd disrupt the solemnity of the funeral or something." Zach swallowed really hard. "I think the old goat envisioned me jumping on the tables at the luncheon and doing a striptease." Zach began to laugh, and then he couldn't stop. He laughed until tears came to his eyes. Then he felt Bull put his arms around him and hold him, and he buried his face against Bull's chest.

The dam burst, and he began to sob. He knew this was a terrible idea, and dang it, he'd cried enough over the loss of his folks, but he couldn't help it. When Mrs. Phillips had called to tell him about his parents' death, Zach had been alone and at school. There had been no one he could turn to, or at least no one he felt comfortable turning to, so he'd dealt with it as best he could on his own. And he'd been doing that same thing ever since. "I'm so sorry," he mumbled wetly. He had to be getting Bull's shirt wrinkled and damp. "You look so nice, and I'm messing you all up." Zach moved to step away, but Bull held him tighter. Zach lightly stroked Bull's chest. "You dressed up for me, didn't you? I always see you in black jeans and a black T-shirt, but you dressed up for me."

"I wanted you to have a nice evening," Bull said without letting him go. "You know, this is really nice. Like, it feels right to hold you like this."

Zach wiped his eyes and sniffed. Bull let his hands fall to his sides, and Zach stepped back. "Maybe we should go." He felt like a sniveling idiot-not the impression he wanted to make. "I drooled on your shirt." Zach hurried to the kitchen and returned with a towel. He used it to help dry Bull's shirt. "Sorry about the mess."

Bull took his hand, stopping it midwipe. "It's okay. It's only a shirt." Bull tugged him closer, and Zach lifted his gaze. Bull slowly moved nearer, and Zach tilted his head, his eyes sliding closed. He braced himself, and within seconds, Bull lightly kissed him. Then Bull held him close and kissed him again. Zach moaned softly, and Bull deepened the kiss further for just a few seconds. Then he gentled it and pulled his lips away.

Zach opened his eyes and blinked a few times, wondering if this was real. Had Bull just kissed him? He stared into Bull's deep-green eyes and smiled. It was was real and not some weird trick of his imagination. He'd imagined those eyes staring into his and Bull's lips on his so many times. But this had been nothing like he'd imagined-it was so much better. "You kissed me." G.o.d, he sounded stupid. real and not some weird trick of his imagination. He'd imagined those eyes staring into his and Bull's lips on his so many times. But this had been nothing like he'd imagined-it was so much better. "You kissed me." G.o.d, he sounded stupid.

"Yes, I did," Bull whispered. Zach smiled and closed his eyes, resting his head on Bull's chest.

"I won't drool this time, I promise."

Bull laughed, his chest vibrating with what sounded to Zach like deep happiness. "You can drool on me anytime you like." Bull lightly wrapped his arms around Zach's shoulders. "How about we go to dinner? I'm really hungry."

"Okay," Zach agreed, but neither of them made a move.

"Why did your uncle show up now?" Bull asked. Zach shrugged. His uncle had given him some lame excuse about his aunt, but Zach knew that was bullsquirt. "Do you think he'll hang around?"

"No." Zach answered softly. "He'll go home and terrorize the locals."

"Did they ever figure out why your parents' home burned down?"

"They said it was faulty wiring or something like that. I think it was just an excuse because my parents weren't really interested in doing what Uncle Hiram wanted them to."

"He really has that kind of power?" Bull asked.

Zach stepped back. "Uncle Hiram controls the largest plot of land in the county. That brings in a lot of money, so, yeah. Everyone does what my uncle says back home. If he lived in New York, he'd be, like, the G.o.dfather. Maybe what p.i.s.ses him off is that I got out. I'm one less person under his thumb. I really don't care any longer. He lives sixty miles away and he's welcome to do what he wants. I don't visit anymore or talk to anyone from back home." Zach gave Bull a half smile. "I'm on my own now, and I think I really like being able to make my own decisions."

I suppose you do," Bull said softly. "I understand what it feels like to have others making your decisions for you." Bull sighed. "I didn't like it either." He stepped back and cleared his throat slightly. "Let's go to dinner." He moved toward the door, and Zach checked that he had his keys and wallet before following him out and locking the apartment. Then he followed Bull outside to his car. Zach stared at the powder-blue convertible and whistled softly. "This is really nice."

"It's a '65 Mustang," he said. "I keep it in the garage and only drive it on special occasions. It was my dad's, and it's one of the few things I have from him." Bull leaned over and opened the door. "He never drove it much, and after he died, it was specifically left in his will to me." Zach slid into the seat and pulled the door closed. "There were so many times when I was younger that I thought of selling it. I needed the money so bad I could barely stand it. But I held on to it because it was my dad's, and because once it was gone, it would be gone forever and I'd never find another one." Bull started the engine and it roared to life, sending vibrations of power through the car and into the seat.

"Wow," Zach said, looking over at Bull. "This thing has power."

"Lots of it, but I promise to take it easy." Bull backed out of the parking s.p.a.ce and drove slowly away from Zach's building. "I wasn't sure what you liked, so I planned on eating at Black and Bleu. They have a good variety."

"Sounds nice," Zach said. He'd seen the place but had never stopped. He didn't go out for dinner much because he really couldn't afford anything other than when the guys came over and they ordered a pizza or something.

He rested his arm on top of the door and sat back, letting the sun and warm air caress his face. "Can I ask what you did before you bought the club?" Zach inquired when they stopped at one of the traffic lights.

Bull glanced over, and Zach saw him grip the wheel tighter. "I was a mercenary." Bull turned his gaze forward, and when the light changed color, he punched the accelerator and they jumped forward, speeding down the road. Zach didn't quite know what to say or exactly what Bull meant. He knew a mercenary was a soldier for hire, but did that mean Bull had hired himself out to kill people? He sat silently and stared out the windshield. Bull pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, found a place well away from the other parked cars, and turned off the engine, but didn't move.

"What does that mean?" Zach asked. "Were you hired to kill people?"

"I'm not an a.s.sa.s.sin," Bull said. "After high school I went into the military and qualified for a special unit. It was our job to go in and take care of problems that no one wanted on the evening news. We got in and out and no one knew we'd been there. After I was discharged, I was contacted about private work. My skills were in demand, and I worked for a number of people who required special protection."

"Oh, sort of like a security guard?"

Bull cleared his throat. "No. These were people who definitely had other people who wanted them dead, high-profile people who others were out to kill. It was my job to see to it that they stayed alive. I can't give you details because that's part of the deal. They don't talk about me, and I don't talk about them." Bull shifted in the seat. "If you want, I can take you home. What I did makes a lot of people uncomfortable, so I would understand."

"You don't do that sort of stuff now?" Zach asked, and Bull shook his head. "You didn't kill innocent people or hurt someone who wasn't out to get you?"

"No," Bull said. "I'm not a murderer. I did some things that others might not be happy about or think were necessarily aboveboard, but it was part of the job, and I was good at it. h.e.l.l, I loved it, but after a while I couldn't do it any longer."

"I'm glad you told me," Zach said. "I take it you don't tell many people." Bull shook his head, and Zach leaned over to him. "I'd say I understand, but I really don't. I suppose it's one of those things you had to be there for." Zach touched Bull's chin, and he turned toward him. Without saying anything more, Zach leaned close and kissed Bull on the lips right there in the parking lot with the top down. People could see, but he didn't really care.

"What would your uncle think if he saw what you just did?" Bull asked and then grinned.

Zach laughed hard. "He'd probably have sputtered and choked as he swallowed his false teeth." He reached for the door handle and then paused. "Maybe we should find him and give him a command performance. I bet he'd never come within a hundred miles of me again." Zach continued laughing and thought about the look on his uncle's pinched face. He'd probably look like he'd been sucking a lemon.

"So you're okay with this?" Bull asked.

"Why wouldn't I be? It was your job." Zach said, even though the thought was both hot and gave him pause. "I always knew you were dangerous, but in a good way."