If I Break: Beautifully Broken Part 14

"It's not your concern," I tell her, simply s.n.a.t.c.hing away.

"It is my concern. You're my son and I love you!" she says and for a moment I almost believe her, but she doesn't care about me, only the person that I keep at bay.

"Cal, please!" she says, grabbing my arm again as I turn away from her.

"How can you love her when you shut love out? How can you know what love is?!" she asks, looking directly in my eyes.

"She's love! I love her more than anything. If you screw this up for me, I'll disappear and you'll never see Chris again," I say before s.n.a.t.c.hing away from her. I turn around and see Lauren heading my way.

f.u.c.k!

"Leave. Now," I tell Gwen before heading back to the building. Before I can enter Lauren's come outside and we meet right at the door. My heart is about to blow the f.u.c.k up. She looks down the street right at Gwen, who thankfully is walking in the opposite direction.

"What was that about? Who was she?" she asks, eyeing me suspiciously. I shrug, trying to be as casual as possible. If she only knew how fast my heart was going, my palms are sweaty, I have to calm down.

"Nothing," I tell her, walking back through the entrance of our building and waiting for her to come in. I hate lying to her, I try to never do it, this isn't exactly a lie but it makes me feel like s.h.i.t. She looks back at me and then back in Gwen's direction and my throat is about to close up. Gwen's stopped walking.

s.h.i.t! What the f.u.c.k am I going to do?

I glance at Gwen and her eyes connect with mine. The only thing I can do is shake my head.

f.u.c.k it.

I mouth please to her. I've never asked anyone for much. I regret little, but right now I wish I could go back in time and get on my f.u.c.king knees and beg Gwen not to say anything. She nods slightly, it's subtle and even Lauren won't notice it but it's enough to make my heart stop slamming into my chest.

"Are you coming?" I ask Lauren impatiently. She looks over at me but she doesn't move and glances back in Gwen's direction but she's gone by that time. Her eyes narrow in on mine. She's p.i.s.sed. I can deal with p.i.s.sed, after what I could be dealing with, p.i.s.sed is welcome.

"Nothing," she says bitterly as she walks past me into the lobby.

"I took care of it; she didn't want anything important," I say casually, my heart rate returning to normal. I sit down in one of the big chairs in the lobby. I've never needed to sit down as much as I have today.

"Well, what happened? What did she want with me?" she asks anxiously.

I'm going to have to tell another f.u.c.king lie.

"She really wasn't making any sense. She seemed hopped up on something. I told her to leave." I pull out my cellphone so I don't have to look at her. I can't look her right in the eye and lie to her.

"Well maybe you should have let me talk to her," she says, nudging me. She does it again until I look directly at her. Her hazels won't let go of mine. I don't want to lie to her again, but I can't lose her. If I told her now I'd lose her.

"Look. She wasn't making any sense. She probably pulled your name off an article of some event we've been to with Dexter. You have to be careful about just anyone trying to see you. When you're a.s.sociated with the Crestfields, people see dollar signs and will sell you any sob story thinking you can write them a check. Most people have some type of agenda and I'm sure she did but she won't be back. You can't just trust anybody now, okay?" I feel like s.h.i.t. A crock of bulls.h.i.t, but it sounds like it makes sense, but she knows me and she's not buying it. I grab her hand and she sighs and nods just a little bit. She wants to believe me, but she's not stupid.

"Okay," she says simply, but it's forced and hesitant and she pulls her hand from mine and folds them in her lap. She's thinking, she knows this doesn't add up.

"Mr. Scott, your car is here," one of the car attendants informs us.

"Thanks," I tell him, standing. I wait for Lauren to do the same, and she doesn't.

"You're coming right?" I say jokingly but in all honesty I don't know if she's coming. She glares at me and rolls her eyes before following the attendant.

This is going to be a long f.u.c.king night.

Engagement Party Checklist: Ridiculously large banquet hall, check.

Overly expensive food, check.

Hundreds of people you don't give a s.h.i.t about telling you congratulations, check.

p.i.s.sed off and annoyed fiance, check and check.

She knows something is up. She wouldn't talk to me in the car, she keeps moving when I try to touch her and it's killing me. My gratefulness to Gwen has expired. Why the f.u.c.k would she come here? How dare she show up at my house, threatening to tell my future wife about my past? It's the past, our future doesn't include them, nothing before her matters.

f.u.c.king Dexter had to have told her I was engaged, and to show up the day of my engagement party? If Gwen had talked to Lauren, everything would be ruined. My life would be ruined. She's never looked at me how she is now. With...distrust, like she she's seeing me as another person. I don't want her to look at me like, like I'm the villain, she's never done that before.

Since the incident she's been distant and quiet the entire ride over. The first time I've ever had to flat out tell her a lie.

We both plastered smiles on our faces as we greet a bunch of people we don't even f.u.c.king know. This was all Helen and Dexter's idea. We shouldn't even be here, but Lauren lit up at the idea of a big engagement party. Dex didn't spare any expense, taking the t.i.tle of best man and running with it. I can't wait until I get to talk to him about his little game. Sending her the day of my engagement party.

"A toast, to an invaluable part of Crestfield Industries, my friend who I consider my family. Cal Scott and his beautiful future wife Lauren." Everyone raises their gla.s.ses and toasts to us. She looks over at me and we kiss, but it's different. There's always been something behind it, pushing its way out of both of us, but right now it seems like she's pulling instead of pushing. The applause roars throughout the room as gla.s.ses clink and pictures are taken. I don't give a s.h.i.t about any of it if Lauren isn't feeling this. I lean over and whisper in her ear.

"Love you, babe." She smiles at me but it's weak.

"I love you too." It's dry and half-hearted.

Before I can call her on it, Lauren's Aunt Raven and her best friends are near us.

"You look so beautiful, honey," her aunt says.

"Cal, extremely dashing as always," her aunt adds, squeezing my shoulder. I wink at her and she blushes. If I didn't know any better I'd swear this lady had a crush on me.

"How much did they drop on this? I feel like if I drop a plate I'd be out of a car," Angela teases.

"What's wrong, L?" Hillary asks, eyeing me suspiciously. Hillary and I didn't get off on the right foot but I like her now. She really loves Lauren and is protective of her, I can't fault her for that even if she acts like a wh.o.r.e.

"Nothing, everything's fine," she replies meekly. Everything isn't fine and I know exactly who to blame.

"I'm going to go talk to Dex," I say, excusing myself and heading over to Dexter and Helen. I didn't get a chance to really talk to him since Lauren and I arrived almost thirty minutes into the dinner.

"Excuse me," Dex says to a flock of buzzards who are only here for a stab at his wallet. I throw my arm over his shoulder as a friendly gesture when I want to pull him into a choke hold.

"Talk to Gwen lately?" I ask, once we're out far enough away from the crowd.

"I did," he says simply.

"What'd you tell her?" I ask, smiling tightly.

"I may have mentioned that I was attending your engagement dinner today."

"What the f.u.c.k is your problem?" I say, crossing my arms to keep from punching him in the face.

"I didn't know your engagement was confidential," he retorts smugly.

"She could have told Lauren everything Dex, and she thinks something is up. She's distant at our f.u.c.king engagement party."

"Well it's about time," he adds with a grin. I scowl at him.

"Tell her the truth," he says, looking me squarely in the eye, "I don't want this blowing up in our faces later."

"Nothing's going to blow up if you let me handle it. Helen and I are handling it, stop running your f.u.c.king mouth," I warn him.

"I think you need to realize who you're talking to Cal," he says adjusting his cufflinks.

"The great Dexter Crestfield. I don't give a s.h.i.t. You're supposed to be my friend, you're not my mentor or my daddy."

"Then stop acting like a child and I will!" he says, stepping closer to me. I'm a little surprised.

"This can go very badly for all of us. Then you know who is going to get involved? I'm trying to keep him out of it,"

"I'm not afraid of your father," I laugh.

"Well you should be."

"Why would he care about who the h.e.l.l I marry?"

"Because you're adding another person to the equation who you have to trust."

"She doesn't know anything," I retort.

"Which means that you don't think that you can trust her. So, if you can't trust her to even tell her the truth about yourself, can you trust her with anything else?"

"It's not that I don't trust her," I sigh, running my hands over my face.

"I want her to love me for me," I say quietly. "Not for who I was. Not for who everyone thinks I should be."

"I don't want her to look at me like I'm some broken man how everyone else does."

"If she loves you. Really loves you, she'll understand," he tells me squeezing my shoulder.

"If you don't tell her, this is going to go bad. And I'm not going to fix any of it. You're on your own."

"The medicine's working," I tell him adamantly.

"So that's what you're placing all your cards on. A medicine that's still under trial, that you're the test subject for?" he asks.

"You bet on Helen, I'm betting on her too," I retort. He shakes his head.

"Starting your marriage on secrets and lies doesn't make for the most stable foundation," he sighs. And I can't help but laugh.

"So that's not what yours and Helen's marriage is based on?" I laugh and he scoffs almost as if he's offended.

"Of course not. We have tons and secrets between us but they are not ours, only other peoples," he says, squeezing my shoulder before walking away from me and back into the crowd.

I let out a deep groan. I don't drink but I've never wanted one more than right now. I glance at my watch, this is f.u.c.king boring. My life almost just fell apart and I need something to distract me, I need something to intoxicate me but it won't be anything in a bottle, but a little slinky grey dress. I work my way through the crowd avoiding meaningless conversations with people I don't even like. It takes me about twenty minutes before I b.u.mp into Angela who's wobbling a bit having had a few too many drinks herself. She grabs my arm and pulls me into a dance.

"You and I need to talk mister," she says, her words a bit slurred.

"How can I help you?" I joke back. Angela's one of the few people I like. She's smart, funny and straight forward and I know she'd go to war for Lauren which makes her okay in my book.

"L really loves you," she says sternly.

"Well I'd hope she does," I kid with her.

"No. I'm serious," she pouts. "She's never loved a guy how she loves you. You've changed her." She says the last part off handedly.

"What do you mean?" I ask as she pulls my arm for me to spin her around.

"She's grown up. Not the same nave girl who got off the bus from Michigan," she says, stopping her dance and motioning for me to follow her from the dance floor. Once we are we sit down at an empty table.

"You know we didn't know what to think of you and her at first. I will admit I didn't think you could give her what she wanted," she continues and I wonder if this girl is a mind reader.

"I want to give her everything she wants," I say simply.

"Good. Because she deserves it," she says, the slur almost gone from her voice.

"A guy like you could break a girl's heart," she says, standing from the table. She then pats my chest.

"But you wouldn't do that, right?" she says in my ear before gliding back on the dance floor.

I wouldn't do that. I can't do that.

I maneuver throughout the hall and spot Lauren grabbing a gla.s.s of champagne and heading up the stairs to the second level. I quicken my pace to catch up with her but to stay as far as I can behind her. The second floor is virtually empty, everyone being on the main floor so I know she must be as over this as I am. She walks to the end of the hall where it's dimly lit and sits at a table alone. I take a deep breath and walk toward her.

"Drinking alone isn't good," I wink at her.

"Well it's a good thing you're here then," she says sarcastically.

"To you," she says, lifting her gla.s.s briefly downing the champagne. She stands as I near the table and starts to walk past me. I grab her wrist and she lets out a deep sigh.

"Really Lauren? You're going to act like this at our engagement party?" I ask.

"How should I be acting Cal?" she asks, wryly. I step closer to her and whisper in her ear "Like the sight of me makes you wet."

"You are disgusting," she says but I can hear the slightest amus.e.m.e.nt in her voice.

"I have to know if I'm right," I tell her pulling pressing her up against the wall. She stops my hand as it starts to creep under her dress.

"Am I really enough for you Cal? Just me, one woman, for the rest of your life?" she asks me, sincerity pouring from her voice, those eyes revealing everything, and it hits me. She thinks that Gwen could have been another woman. I have to lean down so we're face to face. She's in her come f.u.c.k me pumps, they're tall but she still only comes to my chest.