I Found My Heart In San Francisco: Karma Part 4

After another five minutes of incendiary kisses, Jamie yanked her head away forcefully and cried out, "My b.r.e.a.s.t.s! G.o.d, please touch my b.r.e.a.s.t.s!"

"Love to," Ryan purred as her hand slid up under the enormous sweatshirt. Jamie's bra was still in place, so Ryan just ran her short fingernails over the aching nipples - teasing them through the silky fabric.

"Touch my skin!" she implored after a few moments of the torture.

"Do you want me to undress you?" Ryan asked softly.

"G.o.d, yes!' she cried as she thrust her hips against the air.

Ryan smiled down at her as she helped her into a sitting position, then gently removed her sweatshirt and slipped the bra off her shoulders without Jamie even knowing it had been unhooked. Now her head dropped until it was less than an inch from the deep mauve tip of Jamie's right nipple. But instead of taking it into her mouth, she used her hands to once again tease and torture the incredibly sensitive mound. Jamie could feel the warm breath glide across her responsive nipple, but Ryan made no move to touch it with her mouth.

After enduring more torture than she thought possible, Jamie finally begged shamelessly, "Please, Ryan, please kiss my b.r.e.a.s.t.s."

Immediately the dark head closed the distance and began to plant light kisses all over every inch of flesh. These tender, teasing kisses only made her need grow and before she even knew what she was doing, she roughly grabbed Ryan's head and forcibly pushed it onto her throbbing breast. "Suck me," she growled deep in her throat, as Ryan began to feed hungrily on the hot flesh. Ryan's hands and her mouth worked as one to excite her partner until she thought the smaller woman would explode from sensation. "Harder, Ryan," the blonde urged as she pushed against her tormentor's wide-open mouth. "Bite my nipples! Oh G.o.d! Yes! Yes!"

As Ryan's teeth found the throbbing nipples again and again, Jamie's legs spread wide and she shifted her body until one of Ryan's thighs was right between her legs. Her hips were never still as she rubbed against her partner furiously, while still holding the voracious mouth to her breast with both hands.

When the suckling became overpowering, she pushed Ryan's mouth away so abruptly that a loud pop broke the silence as the suction was severed. Jamie was finally at the end of her rope, and she decided that drastic measures were called for. Grasping Ryan by the face, she stared at her with a gaze so heated it could smelt iron. "Make me come, baby. Make me come now."

"You're the boss, Jamie," Ryan smirked as she slid down the lithe body, maintaining eye contact the whole while. The blonde's remaining clothing was removed so effortlessly that she a.s.sumed Ryan had accomplished the feat by telepathy, but seconds after she issued her demand, her legs were spread wide with Ryan's dark head moving slowly as she consumed her greedily.

Ryan barely had time to enter her before her partner screamed out her release in a very loud voice, thrilling the dark-haired woman to the core, as the rough moans continued unabated. Jamie maintained her vise-like grip on Ryan's head as the spasms continued to thrum through her body, her fingers never relaxing. Her breathing was starting to calm, but after working so hard, she had no desire to abandon her pleasure so quickly. "Stay with me," she urged gently. Meeting Ryan's eyes, she smiled and said, "You're good at this."

"Well, I don't like to brag..."

"Enough chitchat. Back to work." Jamie grasped Ryan's hand and slid it between her legs. "Gently... " she urged, gazing up into Ryan's love-filled expression. Her fantasy over, she lay back and just let the love and devotion she saw there fill her soul. As many times as they had made love, she had never failed to be completely charmed by the deep pleasure that she could see in Ryan's eyes as she brought her to o.r.g.a.s.m. Jamie knew that her lover got nearly as much satisfaction from the experience as she did, and she tried to hold her gaze to share the sensation as much as she could. Their eyes locked together, Ryan touched her with a whisper-soft pressure, searching her face for the first signs of her climax. She didn't have to wait long. Unable to keep her eyes open, Jamie moaned out another debilitating o.r.g.a.s.m, and lay limply in Ryan's arms.

"d.a.m.n, you're good," the smaller woman mumbled. "What was your name again, honey?"

"Princess Charming," Ryan gloated. "And I've still got it, ba-bee!"

The warm water beat down on the two women, their embrace protecting the shorter one from the sharp spray. Her voice was m.u.f.fled by a good deal of warm, wet flesh, but Ryan could easily understand her. "Did you enjoy yourself last night, love?"

"Ohh, yeah," Ryan growled, her voice low and rough. "We're gonna have to do that more often."

"I think the thrill will wear off over time, honey, but I'll give it another whirl sometime. Heck, you turned me on so much I might have gone with you if I was acting like myself from a year ago. Maybe I didn't need to be in character at all!"

"Aww, you're just trying to b.u.t.ter me up," Ryan smiled. "It's working, by the way." She dipped her head to make eye contact and said, "I was positively blown away by how realistic the whole thing was. I was really angry when you accused me of trying to jump you!"

"And I was really hurt," Jamie chuckled. "I guess that part of my personality is easily accessible, huh? I really felt like myself - just in a different locale and a different timeline."

"I love you in any timeline," Ryan grinned. "I could fall for Colorado Jamie in a snap. Although in reality I wouldn't have slept with you last night," she added.

"What?" Jamie's face turned up so quickly that she got a mouth full of warm water. Spluttering, she repeated, "What?"

"I wouldn't have," Ryan explained. "You were sending off all sorts of 'I'm afraid I'm a lesbian' signals. I never slept with women who did that. I only slept with the 'I'm mostly straight, but I'll try anyone once' types."

"Well! If we play the game again, I guess I will have to act like Mia," she chuckled.

"We can buy you some different wigs to alter your look," Ryan teased. "I'd like to see if I can snare you under a variety of situations."

"Face it, Tiger, I'd fall for you in any situation possible. But, speaking of falling, I was surprised that you feel asleep so quickly. Weren't you frustrated?"

"Huh-uh. I was in my old way of thinking," she reminded her. "My goal was to give women pleasure. That's how I got my pleasure. When you let me start to taste you, I was fully satisfied."

"That's so odd," Jamie decided. "You never do that now."

"I know, honey. We have a partnership - a mutually satisfying partnership. That's not what I used to strive for... but I'm glad I've got it now."

"Me too, love. You deserve to receive pleasure." She slid her hands down and cupped two firm, slippery cheeks. "Can I interest you in a little now?"

Ryan lifted her arm, and cast a quick glance at her watch. "Team breakfast at eight. Then we leave for the airport. Business before pleasure, babe."

"Lord! Who says athletes have all the fun?"

PART 3.

IT WAS NEARLY five p.m. when they returned home to Berkeley that night, and Ryan began to unleash her frustration as they came in the house. The issue of her playing time had obviously been weighing on her mind, because she brought it up as she sorted through the mail on the entry table. "I'm not saying I'm better than the starting forwards, but when you're getting your a.s.ses kicked, it's time to try a different subst.i.tution pattern!" she grumbled. "How does she know I can't help if she won't give me a try?"

"Maybe you should speak to her, Ryan."

"Aww, coaches hate it when you take up their time to whine about playing time," she muttered. "I just have to make the most out of my three f.u.c.king minutes!"

Jamie came up and slid her arms around her grouchy partner's waist. "This has never happened to you before, has it?"

"What?"

"That you don't get to play much."

Ryan lifted her head as she considered the question. "I guess it hasn't, now that you mention it. But this is what happens - the compet.i.tion gets stiffer as you go up in cla.s.s."

"Do you really think the other forwards are more talented than you are?"

"Uhm, I can't really say, Jamie. That's Coach Hayes' call. They're obviously doing what she wants, or she'd give me more of a chance."

"Well, I still think you should talk to her. At least let her know that you want to contribute more."

"We'll see," she said absently as she looked at the list of phone messages scribbled in Mia's nearly indecipherable hand. "Does this say Rich Placer or Mick Jagger?" she asked.

"Do you know Mick Jagger?" Jamie chuckled.

"How can I know him if he won't call?" Ryan conceded absently as she carried her bag up the stairs.

They were both too tired to cook, so Ryan offered to go pick up a pizza from Zachary's, leaving Jamie to unpack while she was gone. When she pulled into the driveway, she was surprised to see Catherine's Mercedes. Hmm... I didn't know Catherine was coming over. She must have been in the neighborhood.

"Hi there," Ryan smiled as her mother-in-law rose to greet her. "This is a nice surprise." Ryan's eyes darted from Catherine to Jamie, and she knew immediately that something was very, very wrong.

A second, longer look revealed that Catherine was obviously upset, and had been crying. Ryan opened her arms and Catherine nestled into her embrace, leaning against her heavily while Ryan's eyes frantically searched Jamie's face - seeing the same desolate sadness that filled her mother's eyes.

Catherine lifted her head and said, "As I just told Jamie, I've had Jim served with papers, and I'm going to file for divorce."

Jamie looked over at her partner with an ineffably wounded look, hearing the news for the second time not making it any more palatable.

"But I thought..." Ryan started to say, but Catherine shook her head.

"I thought so, too, dear, but things haven't worked out like I had hoped." She pursed her lips while shaking her head a little, looking like she was arguing with herself. "I wouldn't normally tell you details like this, but it won't make any sense if I don't." She lifted her head and squared her shoulders, saying, "I was watching the congressional session on C-SPAN on Wednesday and saw the woman Jim has been having the affair with. She's still with him," she added in clarification, her lower lip quivering.

"Are you sure, Mom?" Jamie asked, her tone bordering on frantic. "Maybe there's a reasonable explanation..."

"I spoke with your father, honey," she admitted. "He claims they're no longer involved, but I just can't let myself believe that. He might be telling the truth, but I don't trust him enough to believe him."

"But what if he is telling the truth, Mom? Is it fair to let him try to work towards reconciliation, and then dump him because of a suspicion?" Jamie realized that her words sounded harsh, but she wanted to make sure her mother was thinking this through thoroughly.

"Maybe it's not fair," she admitted softly, "but life isn't fair, dear. I was committed to giving this my best effort, and I think I have. It seems to me that my best isn't good enough." She sank into a chair, looking as if every iota of energy had been drained from her body. Having expressed all that she felt needed to be said, she fell silent. A silence that lengthened as Jamie and Ryan processed what was going on, and struggled for an appropriate, supportive response.

After her original question, Ryan hadn't ventured another word. She finally walked over to Catherine and sank to her knees in front of her. Catherine's head c.o.c.ked slightly in question, and Ryan silently extended her arms, offering an embrace. Leaning forward, Catherine fell against her, while Ryan held her tightly, saying simply, "I'm so sorry."

Though Jamie was devastated by the unexpected turn of events, she took the cue from her partner, and stopped trying to cross-examine her mother. She moved across the room and joined Ryan, cuddling up against her mother's side as she hugged her tight. "I'm sorry, too, Mom. I know you tried your best. He got more chances than he deserved."

Catherine sniffed a little, trying to maintain her composure, drawing comfort from the obvious love in the embraces encircling her. "I couldn't have gotten through this a year ago, Jamie. You've helped me find strength I didn't know I had."

The younger woman kept her arms tight around her mother. "We'll get through this, Mom. We'll be there for you whenever you need us."

"You already have been, sweetheart." Catherine smiled, focusing not on what she had lost, but rather on what she still had. "You already have been."

They convinced Catherine to stay while they ate, but she had no appet.i.te, and didn't join them. The hours pa.s.sed slowly, since none of the women had much to say - each of them struggling with her own feelings. At around nine, Catherine stood and said, "I'd better get going."

She looked so lost and alone, that Jamie immediately protested. "I don't want you to be alone tonight, Mom. Please stay with us."

"No, honey," Catherine protested. "I've taken up your whole evening. There's nothing more to say, anyway."

"It doesn't matter if we talk," Jamie insisted. "I just don't want you driving home tonight." She walked over to her chair and sat on the arm. "Please?"

Catherine shook her head decisively. "I'm really fine," she said. "You needn't worry about me."

Ryan finally spoke up. "We do worry about you, Catherine. Both of us do. I'd feel better if you'd spend the night, but if you won't do that, we'll drive you home. Whatever you prefer."

"Oh, I wish I had just called," she sighed. "I hate to be a burden."

"That's so far from the truth that it's not even in the ballpark," Jamie insisted. "You're not burdening us, Mom. We're sharing this with you. That's a very different thing. We're all sad... Let's spend the evening supporting each other, okay?"

"Okay," Catherine finally agreed, the tiniest of smiles curving her lips. "We'll have a sleepover."

"How ya doing?" Ryan asked gently as she sat down on the bed after they had Catherine squared away in Ryan's room.

Jamie looked at her for a second, and then climbed onto her lap, knowing that Ryan's touch would help her calm herself. "I'm sad... I'm disappointed... I'm angry with my father for his inability to control himself... I'm a little angry with Mother for starting down the path of reconciliation if she was going to give up so soon... I'm sad for both of them." She rested her head against Ryan's neck and sighed. "I'm sad for myself, too. I want my parents to love each other, Ryan."

"Of course you do," the larger woman soothed. "That's a very natural reaction, honey. Every child is affected by divorce... no matter how old you are."

"I guess that's true," Jamie murmured. "I'm just a little disappointed in myself. I want to be there for my mom... I don't want to be so wrapped up in my own feelings right now. She's the one who's in pain."

"So are you," Ryan reminded her. "And if you let yourself experience whatever feelings you have - even the ucky ones - you'll be able to be there for her when she needs you."

"How'd you get so smart?" Jamie asked softly as she leaned back in her partner's embrace and settled a few flyaway strands of her hair.

"I learned that in my grief support group after Michael died," she said. "I was having terrible nightmares for a while, and one day the group leader got me to admit that I was furious with him for dying. As soon as I let that out, the nightmares stopped, and I was able to get past my anger and let myself feel the loss."

"That was a long time ago, and you were just a kid," Jamie marveled. "How'd you remember that all of this time?"

"I use it a lot," Ryan explained. "It was honestly one of the most important lessons I've ever learned. If I can allow myself to feel the dark, ugly emotions that always come up when something upsetting happens, I'm able to let my gentle feelings come up, too. It's like the bad ones have to come out to let the good ones flow."

"Do you have bad feelings about my parents divorce?" the smaller woman asked softly.

"Yeah, I do," Ryan admitted, "but I don't want to share them. It works better for me if I keep them to myself." She waited a second and said, "But feel free to share yours if it helps. It just doesn't work for me."

"Okay, if something comes up I might, but this is probably the kind of thing it's best to share with Anna. It's nice to have a therapist at times like this," she sighed.

"You might need to see her a few extra times. The holidays are gonna be hard for you if there's a lot of strife between your parents."

"Okay. I might do that," she agreed.

"Are you going to call your dad?"

"Yeah," Jamie said softly. "I'll call him before I leave for cla.s.s. I'm not looking forward to it," she added needlessly.

When Ryan emerged from the bath the next morning, Jamie was sitting at her desk chair, her head in her hands. "Well, the deed is done," she declared, looking up when she heard Ryan enter.

"How was he?"

"Not good. He was going to come home for Thanksgiving to surprise me. Mother called him on Wednesday night to tell him to stay in Washington."

"Oh, Jamie, I'm so sorry. He must really be in pain."

"He is. He swears that he hasn't slept with his... mistress... since the weekend of the Stanford game. I believe him, Ryan, I really do. I think he was making a totally sincere effort here."

Ryan gave her a sympathetic look, trying not to allow her own grave doubts to show. "I guess it doesn't matter if he's telling the truth at this point. It's your mom's decision, and only her opinion matters."

"I know, I know, and I'm going to try my best not to get in the middle. Daddy actually begged me to try to get Mother to listen to him - but I can't, Ryan. This has to be between them."

"I know it'll be tough to stay neutral, babe, but I really think it would be a mistake to get involved. You have no power here - you can only be pulled in both directions."

"I know, but it's hard to say no when I hear him crying on the phone. He was sitting in his office on Thanksgiving, Ryanwith no one to talk to. We were all having a blast, and he was alone." She looked out the window as she bit her lip to keep from crying. "It just doesn't seem fair."

"It's not," Ryan agreed. "Especially if he's telling the truth."

"Especially then," Jamie agreed.

Jamie's focus was far from sharp when she showed up for golf practice. The morning was crisp, cold, and windier than she liked, so she spent some extra time stretching before she started to work. Scott G.o.dfrey, the head coach, nodded at her, and she gave him as warm a smile as she could muster. "Have a nice Thanksgiving?" he asked.