I Found My Heart In San Francisco: Karma Part 13

"Thanks, pal," Ryan smiled warmly. "What are we having?"

"Whatever I can stick into the microwave," she chuckled. "If we don't have leftovers, it might be popcorn!"

When Jamie got home from her day at the library on Tuesday, Mia was already poking around in the kitchen looking for dinner. "So what's on the agenda for tonight?" she asked as Jamie set down a couple of big grocery bags.

"Do you mean the menu?" she asked perceptively.

"Well, I was getting a little hungry," Mia admitted. "I was almost reduced to making something for myself."

"Oh, Mia, I want you to promise me you'll call me if you ever get a crazy notion like that again!" she cried as she wrapped her arms around her friend, and tossed her back and forth roughly.

"Okay, okay," she giggled. "You might think I'm helpless in the kitchen, but I'll have you know I made lunch for your girlfriend today."

Jamie gave her a quizzical look and said, "You made lunch for Ryan? I thought she was planning on staying at the library all day."

Mia gave her a wry smile and said, "For as smart as she is, she's really a dope sometimes. She slept in because she was so tired, and then asked me not to tell you. Does she really think I'd keep something like that from you? Lord, she needs a full time supervisor!"

Striding purposefully to the phone, Jamie muttered, "I'm calling my doctor."

"No, you don't need to, James. She didn't have a fever and she was acting totally normally. She was just bone tired and had a headache."

"For her to voluntarily stay in bed all morning..."

"She did that so she'd be rested enough to go to practice. It was apparently some big deal for her to show that last night didn't bother her." She rolled her eyes and said in exasperation, "Jocks!"

Shaking her head slowly, Jamie muttered, "What am I going to do with her?"

"You'd better not tell her that I told you," Mia warned. "If she thinks she can trust me, she might tell me things that you'd never learn otherwise."

"Good point," Jamie mused. "Okay, I'll keep my mouth shut." She walked over and gave her a hug. "Thanks for telling me, babe. I need all the help I can get in watching out for my big girl."

"Big girls do need a lot of pampering," Mia agreed. She looked at the bags of groceries and offered, "Let me help you make dinner."

"Help?" Jamie laughed. "What on earth has come over you?"

Mia looked slightly embarra.s.sed, as she hemmed and hawed for a moment. Finally she looked up through her dark brown eyelashes and said, "I need to talk to you, Jamie. And this is probably the only time we'll have alone today."

"I don't really need help, since I'm just going to put things out for sandwiches," Jamie explained. "I have my first final tomorrow and I'm stressing, not cooking. But I've got time to spend a few minutes with you, pal. Come in the living room and tell me what's bothering you."

Mia allowed herself to be led into the room, where she flopped down into an overstuffed chair. "I'm kinda freaking about Jordan leaving," she said quietly. "I... I... I'm really gonna miss her." She was staring at a spot on the coffee table in a blank daze, but Jamie recaptured her attention when she patted the loveseat beside her.

"Come sit by me," she urged her friend. Mia shot her a grateful look, and scampered over to curl up under Jamie's outstretched arm. Jamie hugged her housemate tightly, then brought her hand up to trail through the curly brown hair. "You've fallen in love with her."

There was a long silence as Mia tried to organize her thoughts. "I shouldn't... or I mean... I don't know... oh, s.h.i.t," she cried. "I have fallen in love with her. But I know she doesn't feel the same about me!" Her head grew heavier against Jamie's shoulder, as soft sobs began to flow from her shaking body. "I just know she doesn't love me."

"How do you know?" Jamie asked as she began to rock her gently. "Have you told her how you feel?"

"No," she said, shaking her head forcefully against Jamie's cotton-clad shoulder. "I mean, it's so stupid. She likes me because she thinks I'm safe. She doesn't want to get tied down for at least five years, Jamie. She's told me that a number of times! She knows I've been with guys almost exclusively, and I think she thought there wasn't a chance in the world that I'd stop seeing guys for her. But I would, Jamie," she said earnestly. "I'd give up guys permanently for Jordan. She's everything I've ever wanted in a lover."

Jamie squeezed Mia tighter as she suggested, "I think you need to tell her. You'll never know what's going on in her mind if you don't talk to her about it."

"I just can't do that to her, Jamie! She's got six finals jammed into the next three days, and then we have the weekend together, and she's gone! I want to be with her this weekend even if she doesn't love me," she sighed. "And if I told her, she wouldn't want to make love to me anymore. I know her, Jamie. She's very honorable like that."

"Oh, Mia, I hate to have you keep this to yourself if there's a chance she feels the same way..."

"Jamie, that wouldn't be fair to her," she cried. "She needs to be able to concentrate when she gets to Colorado Springs. You just don't know how much this means to her," she emphasized. "I mean, if she makes the team, I might be able to tell her, but until then I really think I have to back off and let her have her freedom... even though it's killing me," she said through her tears.

"You poor baby," Jamie said softly. "I really do know how you feel."

Mia sat up and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. "I'll be okay," she said stoically. "I just never expected that a woman would throw me for a loop like this. I thought only guys messed with your mind."

"No," Jamie smiled. "Women are just as good at mind-messing as men are."

They went into the kitchen together and started to arrange the cold cuts and cheeses that Jamie had purchased on her way home. "Do you feel like talking about why you love her?" she asked as Mia leaned over her work, concentrating fiercely.

She dropped the cheese she was slicing and got a faraway look on her face. "I don't know, James. It's really snuck up on me," she said as she bent to focus on her task again. Looking up at her friend she said, "I do know that I've never felt more special than I do when I'm in her arms. She just makes me feel cherished," she said softly as she pursed her lips together to fight back the tears. "That's never happened to me before," she let out in a strangled cry. "Never!" She placed her hands on the counter and let her head drop down while she struggled to regain her composure. "I thought I was in love before, James, but it felt nothing like this. Jason said he loved me, and in some ways I think he did, but it always felt like he loved having s.e.x with me more than he loved me. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I think I do," Jamie agreed.

"It's not like that with Jordan," Mia continued. "I mean, we obviously love to have s.e.x, and she's a h.o.r.n.y as Jason ever was, but there's something so different about it." She grew thoughtful and paused for a minute, trying to put her feelings into words. "Jason wanted to have s.e.x because he needed the release. He wanted me to have fun, too, and he was always concerned with my pleasure, but it was mostly just a way for both of us to get off." She lifted her head and stared out the kitchen window for a moment, then said, "Jordan wants to have s.e.x to show me how she feels about me. She's a very physical person. I guess all jocks are," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "I think she finds it easier to express herself with her body than with words." Wiping at her eyes again she continued, "d.a.m.n, Jamie, she makes me feel like she treasures me. That's such a powerful feeling."

Her tears returned in earnest, and Jamie went to her friend to offer comfort. It took a long while for Mia to calm down, but she eventually sucked in a shaky breath, and stood up. "She's so gentle and sweet with me, and so totally concerned with my pleasure. She's just so kind... I guess that's what I find most lovable about her," she said reflectively. "I mean, I know she teases Ryan all the time, and she tries to act like she's cool, but that's not how she is when we're alone." Pausing to come up with the right term she blinked slowly a few times and said, "She's very fragile, Jamie. Very open and accessible - even though it's obvious that it's hard for her. But she risks it when we're together. It's such a gift to be able to see her fragility. I just can't hurt her, or put any more pressure on her right now. Do you understand?"

"I do, Mia, I really do," she replied softly as she brushed the curls from the dark eyes. "But you're describing someone who loves you, Mia, not someone who's just marking time until she leaves for Colorado."

"I... I... I think she might love me," she admitted quietly. "But I don't think she wants to. I don't know what would be more painful, James - having her not love me, or having her try to deny her feelings."

"Mia, you're trying to deny yours too," Jamie reminded her.

"Yeah, but only because she's been so adamant about not falling in love or having attachments."

"Mia, you still insist that you're straight," Jamie said. "You haven't given her much to go on, either."

"s.h.i.t!" the curly-haired woman mumbled. "We've managed to screw this up ma.s.sively. This just couldn't come at a worse f.u.c.king time."

"You still have time, babe. I can see that you don't want to talk about this during her finals, but you have the weekend."

"Yeah. I don't know, I guess I'll see how things go. I've got to get myself under control," Mia mumbled. "She's coming over soon, and I don't want her to know anything's wrong."

Just then they heard the door open, and Ryan and Jordan's voices sounded in the parlor. Mia ran over to the sink to splash water on her reddened eyes, and she was wiping them dry when the twosome entered. Jordan immediately looked at her with concern. "What's wrong, Mia?" she asked, swiftly crossing the kitchen.

Mia immediately pasted on her normally sunny disposition and answered lightly. "The first time I volunteer to help get dinner ready, and Jamie makes me slice onions," she said as she patted her on the b.u.t.t. She tossed her arms around her lover's neck and said, "Dinner's almost ready. Hungry?"

"Famished," she replied with a grin as she nibbled on Mia's lips, "for you."

Giving Ryan a small frown, Jamie demanded, "Come over here and kiss me like you love me." Ryan dutifully did so, adding a tender squeeze of her own volition. Their friends went into the dining room to set out the platters, and Ryan leaned down and whispered, "There aren't any onions here, what's really wrong with Mia?"

She hated to be disingenuous with her lover, but she felt that Mia would want her secret kept. "Just stress, you know... end of term... a little PMS."

"Is she okay?" Ryan asked solicitously.

"Yeah, she's just a little sensitive. Be nice to her tonight," Jamie warned.

"When am I not nice?" she asked as she stood up abruptly.

"Oh, you're always nice, you big dope! Just be nicer!"

"I'm going to be so busy with you that I won't even know they're here," Ryan murmured, grabbing Jamie from behind and grinding her pelvis into the tempting b.u.t.t in a s.e.xy movement.

"Mmm," Jamie murmured as she reached back with a free hand and grabbed a handy cheek. "Hey, you're making me lose my train of thought. How's Janae?"

Ryan shook her head. "It doesn't look good. She has a severe concussion. She was just kept overnight, and they claim she'll be fine, but my bet is that she's done for the season. I got her address - I'm gonna go by tomorrow before practice."

"The poor thing," Jamie sighed. "Is there anything we can do? Anything she needs?"

"I don't think so," Ryan said. "When I've had a concussion, all I wanted to do was sleep."

"If there's anything she needs, you make sure she gets it, okay?"

"I will."

Jamie took a long look at her partner and said, "You look like you're all recovered. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yep," she whispered as she nibbled on a tasty ear lobe. "I actually feel great. My thighs are a little stiff, but I bet you could help me work out the kinks." Ryan grasped her lover's hand and placed it on her thigh, then started to thrust her hips just a little. "Mmm, feels better already. They just need a little love."

"No way! Just because you're able to get by without cramming, doesn't mean I can too. I've got a final in the morning, and I've got to study."

Ryan gave her with a theatrically injured look. "I'm always supportive of your scholastic efforts!"

"Yeah, yeah," she said as she patted her on the b.u.t.t. "Now go get some warm clothes on, babe. It's cold in here tonight."

"Be right back," she promised as she gave Jamie a devastatingly s.e.xy kiss along with a firm two-handed squeeze of her b.u.t.t.

"Give me strength," Jamie muttered as she tried to remind herself that her studies had to come before she did.

"So, Ryan," Jordan asked after they had been munching on their sandwiches for a few minutes, "what's up with that ignoramus coach of yours?"

"Don't remind me when I'm eating," she complained. "She's got this really inflexible set of rules, and when you break one, she makes you take 25 wind sprints."

"What in the h.e.l.l did you do?" Jordan asked. "Jamie told us about getting 25 for not taking the bus, which sounds stupid enough. What else did you do, slug her?"

"No, not yet at least," Ryan chuckled. "I got another 25 because Jennie came down to hug me."

At that, Jordan nearly spat the food out of her mouth. "Are you s.h.i.tting me?" she cried.

"Nope. She has a very firm rule about not making contact with people in the stands before the game. She thinks it destroys your focus."

"That just sucks," Mia said sympathetically. "How are you supposed to control what people in the stands do?"

"She's a control freak," Ryan said, shrugging her shoulders. "She believes you should have a chat with your friends and family members and tell them that you can't make contact with them. She thinks that we spend as much time obsessing about the game as she does."

"It's ridiculous," Mia decided.

"What's really ironic is that I went out of my way to stop by the U.S.F. locker room before warm-ups, since I know the coaches and the seniors on the team from when I played there. I knew Coach Hayes would go ballistic if any of them even acknowledged my presence. I'm really trying not to hit her hot b.u.t.tons," she said with a wan smile. "I hope I've finally learned all of them."

"That's my Tiger, always seeing the bright side," Jamie said, giving her a sweet smile.

"In her defense, she did give me the option of doing the laps after practice, but our practices are much harder than our games. I was afraid of hurting myself if I did them when I was really exhausted."

"I'm glad you did what you thought was safest," Jamie said. "Although it was torture to watch you."

"Thanks again for not making a scene," Ryan smiled. "I'm not sure I would have been able to control myself if I'd been in your shoes."

Jamie grinned at her. "It would have been harder if I'd been alone. But trying to keep a handle on your father and brothers helped focus me. I love the family, but I didn't want us all to have to go to jail together."

Ryan gave her a smile, and made the small announcement she'd been saving. "I'm not sure why, but I guess I'm the starting center now."

Jamie and Mia didn't look particularly surprised by this, and they voiced their congratulations. "Why do you act like that's a puzzling thing, honey?" Jamie asked. "You're the biggest player, next to Janae."

"True - from a height perspective, at least. Jaleesa is a little shorter than I am, but as you can tell, she weighs more."

"Yeah, her hips and thighs are ma.s.sive," Jamie agreed. "I'd think that would make you better, though. You're obviously in much better shape."

"Probably," Ryan agreed, "but as long as you can get up and down the court, conditioning isn't the key for a center. Her lower center of gravity is a big plus."

"Is your coach an escapee from a mental asylum?" Jordan asked, her face contorted in anger. "You'll get tossed around like a doll in the PAC-10!"

"That's a definite possibility," Ryan informed her. "And if I don't get beaten up by the other centers, the ones on my own team might take me out. Jaleesa was not happy about the announcement, and La Trice didn't look like she thought it was a good idea, either."

"Just what you need," Jamie muttered, "more enemies."

"Yeah, I sure don't need help in that department," she mused. "You know, I think Coach tried to cut me a break today. After she made the announcement that I was going to start, she had me spend the entire time in Andrea Scoggins' office going over plays. I think she did that just so I didn't have to exercise today."

"Is Andrea the really tall coach?"

"Yeah," Ryan nodded. "She's actually my age. She was a pretty good center when she played, and when she graduated two years ago she stayed on as an a.s.sistant. I haven't really worked with her up until now, but from here on in we'll be joined at the hip. Lynette mainly works with the forwards, so I have to get used to a new coach, too."

"Do you think you'll get along with her?"

"Oh, sure, she seems fine. I don't think she agrees with Coach Hayes that I should be the starter, but that shouldn't interfere."

Jamie just gave her a worried look, thinking that nothing was ever as it seemed with this team.

Ryan cleaned up after dinner, since she was the only one who didn't have a final the next day. Mia was pretty calm about her tests, but Jordan and Jamie were both stressed, Jordan even more so than Jamie. Ryan padded back out to the library where Jamie was ensconced, and slid across the leather surface to sit next to her. "Are you going to behave?" Jamie asked warningly as she looked up through her dark blonde eyelashes and batted her eyes at her partner "Me?" Ryan asked in amazement as she jerked her thumb sharply towards herself. "Me?" she asked again in a higher voice.

"Yes, you s.e.xy thing. You," her partner whispered fondly as she leaned in close for a long kiss.

"I think you should spend a moment looking in a mirror, my sweet," Ryan grinned as Jamie backed up just an inch. They were so close together that Ryan felt her eyes cross slightly as she tried to keep her lover in focus.