Hunter Hill University: Reaching Rose Part 26

The tension has lifted and Isaiah excuses himself, informing Johnny he'll be in the next room.

"Does he stay with you?" I ask. "Is he your PT or is he a nurse?"

"Both. He's my nurse, but he does therapy with me too."

"He lives here?"

"No. I think Mom wishes he could though."

"She could use the help?"

"That. And I think she likes him."

"That bother you?"

"Nah. I mean, she needs somebody to take out the garbage." He laughs. Again, Rose isn't getting Johnny's humor. Not that I think he's laughing on the inside though.

"Don't be so quiet, Rose. What's going on?"

"Not much. I hang home most of the time." She pauses. "Actually, all of the time."

"You don't go out."

"No. To the butcher and back, that's about it."

"The butcher? You like meat that much?"

This gets her laughing.

"Get this," I say. "Her family eats their pets."

"Oh my G.o.d, we do not. We don't, Johnny, he's just..." She elbows me.

"Do you or do you not own your animals?" I joke.

"Stop." She laughs.

"Do you or do you not kill these animals and cook them?"

"s.h.i.t," Johnny says.

"Johnny, my father's business is raising livestock for the local butchers, restaurants, and markets. It's an organic farm and we don't eat our pets."

Johnny cracks up. His laugh is accompanied by hacking coughs, but if he could throw his head back in laughter, he would.

The joking continues until finally Johnny says, "So, Rose, what the h.e.l.l you doin' staying on the farm? Ben says you're a senior. Don't you want to graduate?"

Rose looks at me.

"Hey, we're friends, we talk," I say, explaining why Rose came up in my conversation with Johnny.

"I don't know," she tells him.

"You afraid of what people will say?"

She shrugs. "Maybe."

"I'm afraid too."

"You are?"

"But you don't let that hold you back, right, man?" I ask.

"No. I don't let what people think hold me back. I let my own noodle legs do that."

"That...Hmmm." Johnny's different. "I was telling Rose how you're gonna be the next Stephen Hawking. Gonna make millions for your mom, right?"

Johnny's silent for once in his life. Then he starts coughing. When he doesn't stop, I get up and locate the tubes that weren't attached to his chair last time I was here.

"How's this thing work, dude?"

"I don't need the oxygen, Ben."

"Won't it help your cough?"

"I don't really give a f.u.c.k," he says between hacks.

"Dude, what's going on? Do you not like Isaiah hanging around?"

"I love Isaiah hanging around. My mother needs him."

"He's your nurse."

"But he's a man. Who happens to laugh at all my mother's lame-a.s.s jokes."

"What's the problem, then?"

"I'm tired. Rose, you got two working legs. You may not have been born with one of them, but they work. Get the f.u.c.k off the farm."

Rose writhes in her seat and nods.

"Don't give up, dude," I tell him. "You sound like you're giving up."

"Don't worry. I'll still be here next week, next year, a decade from now...if G.o.d doesn't quit this cruel joke of His."

I look at Rose, uncomfortable now. Bringing her here was a mistake. Maybe Johnny just needed me here today.

"Hey, bud. Why don't I bring Rose home and come back?" I look at Rose, who is nodding in agreement.

"No. No. I'm sorry. It's..." He can't finish this time, because his coughing gets out of hand, so I go grab Isaiah and bring him back.

"John. I knew this would happen. I shouldn't have allowed you to take it out."

Isaiah turns on the machine and sticks the tubes up Johnny's nose.

Rose walks over to Johnny and sits on the coffee table in front of him. "It's getting to you," she acknowledges.

He blinks.

"Your life's not what you'd planned. It's like someone slipped the rug out from under you."

"Yeah. And now I have no way of getting up."

"You say my legs work, but I feel the same exact way as you do. I had plans. Now I don't."

"Rose. Make new plans. I get it. You were a dancer, right? Well...now you can't dance. But you can live. You can sit, you can stand. You know what? I can stand too. Watch this."

Johnny maneuvers the mouth tube on his chair with his tongue and he slowly rises. His chair stops when it reaches full height and he's nearly in standing position. "I can f.u.c.king stand. How 'bout that? Now what can I f.u.c.king do with that?"

Rose drops her head.

Johnny comes back down. "I'm sorry, Rose. It beat me. I was trying, you know, for my mother's sake."

For the first time ever, I see Johnny cry. It doesn't take long for Rose to follow.

"What made you...so happy before? If you don't mind my asking."

"Hope."

"You don't have it anymore?" she asks.

After some heavy inhales, he says, "I can't even flip a decent bird. Chances are I won't get much movement past my fingertips."

"What about the whole Stephen Hawking thing and your hi-tech computer?" I ask.

"Mom needs somebody to pay the bills."

"And?"

"Maybe Isaiah will take that place," he says seriously. I realize his garbage comment was not a joke at all.

"So what? You just sit here 'til the end of time? How's that any better?" Now I'm mad.

"I can't even play my f.u.c.king video games. They set me up with this thing-" he looks down at some square thing on his chair "-but I gotta f.u.c.kin' blow into it to make moves, and it's so f.u.c.king slow it's lame. Maybe I'll just write movie reviews. All I do is watch movies all the d.a.m.n time."

"Then write f.u.c.king movie reviews. Don't just sit here and give up."

"Easy for a two-legged, perfectly capable baseball player to say."

"Okay," Rose chimes in. "Let's not do this, please."

"I'm sorry, Rose," Johnny tells her.

"Yeah. Sorry," I repeat. "Johnny, let me bring Rose home and you and I can hang out. Can I crash on your couch tonight?"

"Really?"

"Yeah."

About fifteen minutes later, Rose and I are in my car pulling away from the curb.

"I'm really sorry about canceling our date tonight, Rose. I just think he really needs a friend right now."

"Please don't apologize. I think he needs a friend too. I feel so bad. I wasn't...well...you told me how together he was, so I wasn't expecting him to be like that, but truthfully...that's how I would have originally thought him to be. It amazed me that he wasn't."

"Really? You think he's acting normal?"

"In my opinion, yes. I mean look at me...and like he said, I have two working legs...yet I still can't get over it. I'm glad you're his friend, Ben. He needs someone like you."

I am sad the whole car ride home and I think Rose feels it, because she doesn't talk much and neither do I. Our date tonight is important to me, but something tells me Johnny's life is at stake here. He doesn't have the means to end it, but I could see in his eyes that he wants to. I'm pretty sure Rose suspects something like that too, but we don't talk about it. We ride in silence instead. Not even the radio is turned on.

Back on the last stretch of road that leads to Rose's farm, I remember that things weren't going too well with her sisters. "Rose, are you gonna be okay at home? It just occurred to me that you and your sisters had an argument."

"I'll be fine. It was just a sister thing." She pats my hand on the gearshift. "Please don't worry about me. Worry about Johnny. He really needs you. I'll be fine."

In her driveway, I put the car in park and turn toward her. "I really do want to take you out on a date, you know."

"I know," she says, smiling. "We'll get there. This is important."

"Yeah."

"Ben?"

"Yeah?"

"You seem...very compa.s.sionate for a college guy. Maybe that's why you're in the field you're in and all...but...I don't need for you to...fix me. I hope that's not why you're here."

I shake my head. "No, not at all."

"I mean, you came to my rescue the other night. That was sweet. You saved me from a cold night in the truck. But please don't feel obligated to be with me like you do Johnny."

"I don't feel obligated to be with Johnny. Not because he needs fixing or I feel sorry for him. I like him. Isn't that what friends do? Aren't friends there for one another when they need them?"

"Of course. Of course that's what friends do. I'm sorry. I am. About saying that about you being obligated. I didn't mean that. Just...please don't try to heal me." She pauses, but then says, "I might not want to be healed."

I nod, not quite sure how to take that. Why wouldn't she want to get better?

I open my door to get out and walk her to the porch. "I don't want to fix you, Rose. That's not what I'm about. But...when I care for somebody, I can't help it if I want to take care of them."