Hunter Hill University: Reaching Rose Part 10

Before I'm even aware of it myself, Ben says, "s.h.i.t, Rose, you're bleeding."

I look down, and there's blood on the cuff of my white shirt. My fingernails were jammed so far into my palm that I broke the skin. And now...on top of being self-conscious...I'm mortified.

I hadn't even realized Ben had left, but he's back with a few tissues and standing in front of me. He goes down on one knee and takes hold of my right hand to cover the nail marks with the tissues.

Feeling too tense and uncomfortable, I pull my hand back, and he gives the tissues to me instead of taking care of it for me.

"It doesn't look bad," he says, sitting back down on the couch.

Pressing the tissues to my hand, I tell him, "I think I better get back to my room."

He nods and stands, but tucks his hands in his sweatpants pockets.

I crumple the tissue, hold it inside my bleeding hand, and lift myself off the couch with the help of my cane.

Ben stands there, looking unsure if he should help me, so I just say, "I'll see you tomorrow or something. Thanks...for the movie."

His smile is awesome, and I would kick myself, if I could, for being so wishy-washy. I hate wishy-washy. But currently, I don't even know which way is up. I'm at a total loss about who I'm supposed to be right now. Being friendly and normal is not on my radar.

I hobble back to my room and call the night nurse to help me take off my tube, since I'm not supposed to sleep with it on. My irritability level has skyrocketed in the last fifteen minutes, and when the nurse doesn't come quickly enough, I roll up my yoga pants and start yanking off the tube from my leg. And hurting myself in the process. The pain in my shin is unbearable and freaks me out.

Because my shin isn't even there!

I've had phantom pain before. They tell me it's normal for...people like me.

But this time.

I can't handle it.

The latches on my robot leg are not cooperating, and I'm using force to rip it off.

In no time, and after an unsuccessful attempt to dislocate the metal from my leg because I never paid attention to how to do it, I'm kicking the plastic heel against the side of the bed and screaming.

Pain is everywhere.

My non-existent shin.

My stupid nub of a knee.

My whole left side.

My chest.

And that's the worst pain of all.

Why did this have to happen to me?

Why couldn't I have just gone back to the apartment with Jordan when she forgot her cell phone? Then none of this would have happened. None of it.

My G.o.d, why are you doing this to me?

It's a new nurse, and when she sees my state, she calls for help. At least I think that's what she does, because moments later, I'm being p.r.i.c.ked with a needle. And while I'm still screaming.

16.

BEN.

Rose walked out upset, and I'm embarra.s.sed by how that made me feel.

Like I was dumped.

In the middle of a date.

I know, I know - unreasonable.

For G.o.d's sake, I just met her. We're in here to recover. Not to date. But I tell you, it started to feel like a date.

Maybe because I'm attracted to her?

Maybe because I'm feeling something from her too?

But we are here to recover.

Rose is, especially.

I can't be thinking about her in that way.

But I am.

So I text Holly.

Me: You'll never guess who I met?

Holly: Mike Piazza.

Me: Mike Piazza? Really?

Holly: He's the only baseball guy I know. If it's not him, who?

Me: I'm not that obsessed with baseball. Anyway...the girl I kinda sorta like?

Holly: The girl made of gla.s.s?

Me: Yeah. Her name is Rosalie. Rose for short.

Instead of the popping sound of a text alert, my phone rings. I press answer and hear, "Where the h.e.l.l are you?"

I can't keep from smiling. "I'm at Orange Rehabilitation Center."

"Ho.Ly.Shiiit." She draws out the words. "You met Rose."

Sighing and smiling, I say, "I did. And Holly, I need your help with her." I keep my voice quiet, even though I'm the only one in my room.

"What do you mean you need my help?"

"I'm not sure if I should even be pursuing her. She has all this s.h.i.t going on. She's so...distant and..."

"And fragile?" Holly finishes.

"Yeah." I pause and run my free hand through my hair, and realize I need a haircut. "Am I crazy? She should be the furthest thing from my mind right now. I mean with baseball, my knee, and the whole fact that she's far from healed emotionally from her accident." I stop talking, waiting to see what Holly has to say.

"Well, you're definitely not crazy. Rose is the best. It's just..." I hear her sigh. "Right now, you're probably best to just...be a friend."

"Well, that's all I want to be right now, but maybe...maybe she just wants to be left alone."

"It's true that Rose is going through something we can't understand...I don't know. I wish she had a phone so I could call her, or at least text her."

"I hadn't even thought about that. You're right. I haven't seen her with a phone."

"Her mom told me it was crushed in...well, anyway. I'll try to get there this week. I just have to find someone to cover for me at work. She needs a friend. She's going through this all alone."

"I'm here."

"You know, I really wish her mother tried to contact me sooner." Holly ignores me. "I could have been there this whole time."

"Can you come tomorrow?"

"I work tomorrow. I can see if Donny can cover, but...I'll try."

Holly does come on Sunday to see Rose, only to be told that Rose isn't here.

"Rose signed herself out late last night. Her mother came and took her home," Holly tells me after she asks the front desk if she can visit with me instead.

"But why?" I ask, wondering why her mother would take her before she finished therapy.

"The woman couldn't tell me. Patient confidentiality and s.h.i.t," Holly says, waving her hands in front of her as if they fed her bogus information.

If I weren't so worried about Rose, I would have laughed. "d.a.m.n."

"If she went home, I can just go there and see her."

I nod, agreeing she should go visit her friend. I want to say, "But where's that leave me?" but I don't. Instead, I say, with an ache in my chest, "Please keep me posted on how she's doing."

Holly reaches for my forearm, and while she's rubbing it, she tells me, "Oh, honey, I definitely will. I'll text you every time I know something. Okay?"

"Sure."

She reaches in and hugs me. "Since Rose isn't here, I'm gonna get back to work. Donny wasn't too happy to pull two shifts. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

"Please."

Monday and Tuesday are quiet. Rose is gone, and Johnny hasn't been back in our room since Sat.u.r.day morning. At first I was afraid to ask about him, but now I'm getting worried. So, on Tuesday afternoon, during my afternoon PT session, I ask Craig.

"He had to be taken to the hospital Sat.u.r.day afternoon. He has pneumonia, and for someone in his condition-" Craig shakes his head "-it's not good, man."

Suddenly, I don't feel like finishing my session. I sit down on one of the benches and drop my head in my hands.

"It sucks," Craig says.

I look up at him. "Craig. I...Do we have to finish here? Today?"

"No, man, we don't. I was going to tell you this at the end of the hour, but...you get released on Thursday."

"Really?"

"Yup. But you have to go for that MRI. Did you tell your mother?"

"Yeah, yeah, she's supposed to be making me an appointment."

"Good."

I get up to go back to my room, but Craig stops me.

"He's at Saint Barnabas. Johnny. If you want to see him when you get out."

"Yeah. Thanks."

On Thursday, I'm released, but not relieved.

The first place I have my mother take me is to Saint Barnabas Hospital to see Johnny. He is someone I started to feel close to in such a short amount of time. I don't know if it is his wit or that he could look quadriplegia in the eye and laugh at it, but Johnny is a man of integrity. And one I'm proud to call friend.

I'm only allowed in for five minutes. He's in ICU, and I'm lucky they're even giving me that much time. He's awake, but tubes are coming out of him everywhere.

"Ben? What the...h.e.l.l...you doing...here?" he says, barely getting the words out between breaths, when he sees me standing alongside his bed.