Humour of the North Part 8

"_Non capisco. Ma quelle, balordaggini ed intormentimente, che sono si non segni manifesti d'amore?_"

"I don't understand, marm, a single word of that."

The Signora smiled. The Senator took courage again.

"The fact is this, marm," said he firmly, "I want to get my clothes washed somewhere. Of course you don't do it, but you can tell me, you know. Hm?"

"_Non capisco._"

"Madame," said he, feeling confident that she would understand that word at least, and thinking, too, that it might perhaps serve as a key to explain any other words which he might append to it, "my clothes--I want to get them washed--laundress--washy--soap and water--clean 'em all up--iron 'em--hang 'em out to dry. Ha?"

While saying this he indulged in an expressive pantomime. When alluding to his clothes he placed his hands against his chest, when mentioning the drying of them he waved them in the air. The landlady comprehended this. How not? When a gentleman places his hand on his heart, what is his meaning?

"_O sottigliezza d'amore!_" murmured she. "_Che cosa cerca_," she continued, looking up timidly but invitingly.

The Senator felt doubtful at this, and in fact a little frightened.

Again he placed his hands on his chest to indicate his clothes; he struck that manly chest forcibly several times, looking at her all the time. Then he wrung his hands.

"_Ah, Signore_," said La Rocca, with a melting glance, "_non e d'uopo di desperazione._"

"Washy, washy----"

"_Eppure, se Ella vuol sposarmi, non ce difficolta_," returned the other, with true Italian frankness.

"Soap and water----"

"_Non ho il coraggio di dir di no._"

The Senator had his arms outstretched to indicate the hanging-out process. Still, however, feeling doubtful if he were altogether understood, he thought he would try another form of pantomime. Suddenly he fell down on his knees, and began to imitate the action of a washer-woman over her tub, washing, wringing, pounding, rubbing.

"_O gran' cielo!_" cried the Signora, her pitying heart filled with tenderness at the sight of this n.o.ble being on his knees before her, and, as she thought, wringing his hands in despair. "_O gran' cielo!

Egli e innamorato di me non puo parlar Italiano e cosi non puo dirmelo._"

Her warm heart prompted her, and she obeyed its impulse. What else could she do? She flung herself into his outstretched arms as he raised himself to hang out imaginary clothes on an invisible line.

The Senator was thunderstruck, confounded, bewildered, shattered, overcome, crushed, stupefied, blasted, overwhelmed, horror-stricken, wonder-smitten, annihilated, amazed, horrified, shocked, frightened, terrified, nonplussed, wilted, awe-struck, shivered, astounded, dumfounded. He did not even struggle. He was paralysed.

"_Ah, carissimo_," said a soft and tender voice in his ear, a low, sweet voice, "_se veramenta me ami, saro lo tua carissima sposa----_"

At that moment the door opened and b.u.t.tons walked in. In an instant he darted out. The Signora hurried away.

"_Addio, bellissima, carissima gioia!_" she sighed.

The Senator was still paralysed.

After a time he went with a pale and anxious face to see b.u.t.tons. That young man promised secrecy, and when the Senator was telling his story tried hard to look serious and sympathetic. In vain. The thought of that scene, and the cause of it, and the blunder that had been made overwhelmed him. Laughter convulsed him. At last the Senator got up indignantly and left the room.

But what was he to do now? The thing could not be explained. How could he get out of the house? He would have to pa.s.s her as she sat at the door.

He had to call on b.u.t.tons again and implore his a.s.sistance. The difficulty was so repugnant, and the matter so very delicate, that b.u.t.tons declared he could not take the responsibility of settling it.

It would have to be brought before the Club.

The Club had a meeting about it, and many plans were proposed. The stricken Senator had one plan, and that prevailed. It was to leave Rome on the following day. For his part he had made up his mind to leave the house at once. He would slip out as though he intended to return, and the others could settle his bill, and bring with them the clothes that had caused all this trouble. He would meet them in the morning outside the gates of the city.

This resolution was adopted by all, and the Senator, leaving money to settle for himself, went away. He pa.s.sed hurriedly out of the door. He dared not look. He heard a soft voice p.r.o.nounce the word "_Gioia!_" He fled.

Now that one who owned the soft voice afterward changed her feelings so much toward her "gioia" that opposite his name in her house-book she wrote the following epithets: _Birbone_, _Villano_, _Zolicaccio_, _Burberone_, _Gaglioffo_, _Meschino_, _Briconaccio_, _Anemalaccio_.