How to Write Clearly Part 8

_A number in brackets by itself, or followed by a letter,_ e.g. _(43), (40 a), refers to the Rules._

_Letters_ by themselves _in brackets_, e.g. _(b), refer to the explanations or hints appended to each sentence._

_N.B..--(10 a) refers to the first section of Rule (10); (10 a') to the Rule following Rule (10)._

1. "Pleasure and excitement had more attractions for him _than_ (_a_) (36) (37 _a_) _his friend_, and the two companions became estranged (15 _a_) _gradually_."

(_a_) Write (1) "than for his friend," or (2) "than had his friend," "had more attractions than his friend."

2. "(_a_) He soon grew tired of solitude even in that beautiful scenery, (36) the pleasures of the retirement (8) _which_ he had once pined for, and (36) leisure which he could use to no good purpose, (_a_) (30) _being_ (15) _restless by nature_."

(_a_) This sentence naturally stops at "purpose." Also "being restless" seems (wrongly) to give the reason why "leisure" could not be employed. Begin "Restless by nature...."

3. "The opponents of the Government are naturally, and not (_a_) (40 _a_) _without justification_, elated at the failure of the bold attempt to return two supporters of the Government at the recent election, (_b_) (10 _a'_) _which_ is certainly to be regretted."

(_a_) "unjustifiably." (_b_) Write, for "which," either (1) "an attempt that &c.," or (2) "a failure that &c."

4. "Carelessness in the Admiralty departments has co-operated with Nature to weaken the moral power of a Government that particularly needs to be thought efficient in (_a_) (5) _this_ _respect_, (_b_) (29) _to_ counterbalance a general distrust of its excessive _desire_ (_c_) (47 _a_) _to please everybody_ in Foreign Affairs."

(_a_) Write "the Navy." (_b_) Instead of "to" write "in order to," so as to distinguish the different infinitives, (_c_) "obsequiousness."

5. "(_a_) He was sometimes supported by Austria, who, oddly enough, appears under Count Beust to have been more friendly to Italy _than_ (37 _a_) _France_, (30) _in this line of action_."

(_a_) Begin with "In this line of action." Why? (_b_) Write "than was France" or "than France was."

6. "There was something so startling in (_a_) (5) _this_ a.s.sertion, (_a_) (4) _that_ the discoveries of previous investigators were to be (_b_) (47 _a_) _treated as though they had never been made_, and (4) _that one who had not yet_ (47 _a_) _attained the age of manhood_ had superseded the grey-headed philosophers (8) _who_ had for centuries patiently sought after the truth, (4) _that_ (_a_) (5) _it_ naturally provoked derision."

(_a_) "This," "that," and "it," cause a little perplexity. Write "The startling a.s.sertion that the discoveries...." (_b_) "ignored." (_c_) "a mere youth," "a mere stripling."

7. "One of the recommendations (_on which very_ (_a_) (26) (47, _a_) _much depended_) of the Commission was that a council in each province should establish smaller councils, each to have the oversight of a small district, and (_b_) (37) report to a central council on the state of Education in (_c_) (5) it."

(_a_) Write "cardinal recommendations." Derive "cardinal." (_b_) Write, either (1) "and should report," or (2) "and to report."

(_c_) Write "in its province," or "district."

8. "At this (_a_) (1) _period_ an (_b_) (11) _event_ (_c_) (1) _transpired_ that destroyed the last hopes of peace. The king fell from his horse and died two hours after the fall (_d_) (30), _which was occasioned by his horse's stumbling on a mole-hill, while he was on his return from reviewing his soldiers_."

(_a_) What is a "period"? (_b_) Express the particular kind of event ("accident"). (_c_) What is the meaning of "transpired"?

(_d_) Transpose thus: "While the king was on his return ... his horse ...; the king fell and &c." The cause should precede the effect.

9. "He determined (_c_) on selling all his estates, and, as soon as this was done (40 _a_), _to_ (_c_) _quit_ the country, (_a_) (33) believing that his honour demanded this sacrifice and (40) (40 _a_) _in_ (_b_) _the_ hope of satisfying his creditors."

(_a_) Begin with "Believing that &c." (_b_) "hoping thereby to satisfy &c." (_c_) "to sell" or "on quitting.".

10. "He read patiently on, Leading Articles, Foreign Correspondence, Money Article and all; (_a_) (43) during which his father fell asleep, and he (_b_) went in search of his sister."

Point out the absurdity of "during which" applied to the last part of the sentence. (_a_) "Meanwhile." (_b_) Insert "then."

11. "The general was quite (_a_) (1) _conscious_ (40 _a_) _how_ treacherous were the intentions of _those who were_ (_b_) (49) _entertaining_ him, and (40 _a_) _of the_ dangers from which he had _escaped_ (15) _lately_."

(_a_) Distinguish between "conscious" and "aware." _(b_) "entertainers."

12. "If _certain_ (_a_) (11) _books_ had been published a hundred years ago, there can be no doubt that _certain recent_ (_b_) (11) _historians_ would have made great use of them. But it _would_ (_c_) (15 _b_) _not_, on that account, be judicious in a writer of our own times to publish an edition of the works of _one of these_ (_b_) (11) _historians_, in which large extracts from these books should be incorporated with the original text."

(_a_) "Mrs. Hutchinson's Memoirs." (_b_) "Mr. Hume." (_c_) Add at the end of the sentence, "Surely not."

13. "He made no attempt to get up a pet.i.tion, (32) though he did not like the new representative quite so well _as_ (_a_) (37 _a_) _his colleagues_."

(_a_) "as did his colleagues" or "as he liked his colleagues."

14. "Though he was (_a_) (15) _obstinate_ and (15) _unprincipled_, yet he could not face an angered father (15 _a_) _in spite of his effrontery_."

(_a_) Begin with "Obstinate."

15. "He was known to his country neighbours (_a_) (15) _during more than forty years_ as a gentleman of cultivated mind, (40 _a_) _whose principles were high_, (40 _a_) _with polished address_, happy in his family, and (_b_) (40 _a_) _actively_ discharging local duties; and (40 _a_) _among_ political men, as an honest, industrious, and sensible member of Parliament, (40 a) _without_ (_c_) _eagerness_ to display his talents, (40 _a_) _who_ (10 _g_) _was_ stanch to his party, and attentive to the interests of _those whose_ (_d_) (47 _a_) _representative he was_."

(_a_) "During more &c.," is emphatic, and affects the latter as well as the former half of the sentence: hence it should stand first. (_b_) "in the discharge of." (_c_) "not eager." (_d_) Condense into one word.

16. "The poor think themselves no more disgraced by taking bribes at elections _than_ (_a_) (37 _a_) _the rich_ by offering them."

(_a_) Write (1) "Than the rich think themselves disgraced," or (2) "Than they think the rich disgraced."

17. "We are told that the Sultan Mahmoud, by his perpetual wars, (_a_) (41) and his tyranny, (_a_) (41) had filled his dominions with (_b_) (1) _misfortune and_ (_c_) (11) _calamity_, and _greatly_ (_d_) (11) _diminished_ the population of the Persian Empire. _This great Sultan had_ (_e_) (50) _a Vizier_. _We are not_ (_f_) (55) (15) _informed_ whether he was a humorist or an enthusiast, (_g_) _but he_ pretended (_h_) that he had learned from (_i_) (11) _some one_ how to understand the language of birds, so that _he_ (_j_) (5) knew what was said by any bird that opened its mouth. (_k_) (44) One evening he was with the Sultan, returning from hunting. They saw a couple of owls _which_ (10 _g_) _were_ sitting upon a tree (_l_) (8) _which_ grew near an old wall out of a heap of rubbish. The Sultan said (6) he should like to know what the two owls were saying to one another, _and asked the_ (_m_) _Vizier to_ listen to their discourse and give him an account of it. The Vizier, (_n_) (31) pretending to be very attentive to the owls, approached the tree. He (_o_) returned to the Sultan and said that (6) he had heard part of their conversation, but did not wish to tell him what it was. (_p_) (5) _He_, not (_q_) (31) being satisfied with this answer, forced him to repeat everything the owls had said (20) _exactly_. (_r_) (44) (5) (6) _He_ told (5) _him_ that the owls were arranging a treaty of marriage between their children, and that one of them, after agreeing to settle five hundred villages upon the female owl, had prayed (6) that G.o.d would grant a long life to Sultan Mahmoud, because as long as he reigned over them they would never want ruined villages. The story says (_s_) _that_ (_t_) (5) _he_ was touched with the fable, (30) and (_s_) _that_ he (_a_) (39) from that time forward _consulted_ (15) _the good of his people_, and that he rebuilt the towns and villages (_v_) _which_ had been destroyed."

(_a_) "abroad ... at home." (_b_) "ruin." (_c_) "desolation."

(_d_) "half unpeopled." (_e_) "The Vizier of &c." (_f_) "We are not informed" is emphatic, and therefore should be inverted, "whether he was, &c., we are not informed." (_g_) "but he" will be omitted when "the Vizier" is made the subject of "pretended."

(_h_) "Pretended" once meant "claimed," "professed." Write "professed." (_i_) "a certain dervish." (_j_) Introduce a new subject that you may subst.i.tute "Vizier" for "he," thus: "so that not a bird could open its mouth, but the Vizier knew &c." (_k_) "As he was, one evening, &c." (_l_) Note that the tree is represented as growing out of _ruins_. This is in accordance with the story of the mischief Mahmoud had done. (_m_) Omit this.

(_n_) "Suspense" is out of place in a simple narrative like this; the sentence therefore ends with "owls." (_o_) "Upon his return."

(_p_) "The Sultan" (_q_) "would not be satisfied." (_r_) "You must know then, &c." (_s_) Omit. (_t_) "so touched ... that."

(_u_) end with "people." (_v_) Addison here uses "_which_"

probably because of the preceding "that." We have to choose between sound and clearness. "Which" implies that _all_ the villages in the country had been destroyed, whereas the country had been only (see above) "_half_ unpeopled."

18. "Though this great king never permitted any pastime to interfere with the duties of state, which he considered to be _superior to_ (54) _all other claims and of paramount importance_, and (_a_) (37) kept himself so far under control that he allowed no one pursuit or amus.e.m.e.nt to run to any excess, yet he _took_ (54) _great pleasure in_ the chase, _of which he was_ (_b_) (2) _excessively_ (54) _fond_, and for the purposes of which he created several _large_ parks _of considerable_ (54) _magnitude_."

(_a_) Either repeat "though," or else strikeout the first "though" and begin a new sentence after "excess." (_b_) Point out the contradiction between "excessively" and what precedes.

19. "To inundate (_a_) (11) their land, to man their ships, to leave their country, with all its miracles of art and industry, its cities, its villas, and its (_b_) (11) pastures buried under the waves (_c_) (11); to bear to a distant climate their (_d_) (11) faith and their old (_e_) (11) liberties; to establish, with auspices _that_(10 _a) might perhaps be happier_, the new (_f_) (11) _const.i.tution of their commonwealth_, in a (_g_) (11) foreign and strange (_h_) (11) land, in the Spice Islands of the Eastern Seas, (38) were the plans which they had the spirit to form."

(_a_) Introduce "d.y.k.es." (_b_) Introduce something _peculiar_ to the Dutch, _e.g._ "ca.n.a.ls," "tulip gardens." (_c_) "of the German Ocean." (_d_) The Dutch were Calvinists. (_e_) The country was in old times "Batavia," so that "Batavian" would be a fit epithet to denote what the Dutch had inherited from their forefathers. (_f_) "Stadthaus," the German for "town-hall." (_g_) "other stars."

(_h_) "strange vegetation."

20. "During twenty years of unexampled prosperity, _during_ (_a_) _which_ the wealth of the nation had shot (14 _a_) _up and extended its branches_ on every side, and the funds _had_ (14 _a_) _soared_ to a higher point than had been ever attained before, (_b_) (15) speculation had become general."

(_a_) Omit. (_b_) Begin a new sentence: "This, _or_ Prosperity, had increased the taste for speculation."

21. "At that time (_a_) (16) a mere narrow-minded pedant (for he deserves no better name) had been set up by the literary world as a great author, and as the supreme (_b_) critic, alone qualified to deliver decisions _which could never be_ (_b_) _reversed_ upon (15 _a_) _the literary productions of the day_."

(_a_) End with " ... one who was--for he deserves no better name--a mere narrow-minded pedant." (_b_) "Which could never be reversed" can be expressed in one word; or else "the supreme ...

reversed" may be condensed into a personification: "a very Minos of contemporary criticism."