How to Be a Demon King for Dummies Chapter 3 Part1

Oh hey! School Starts this week. The first week of school is as tiring as anyone could imagine. Projects start throwing themselves at you from left and right and you know you can’t dodge it. I wanna cry.

Anyway, Enjoy Chapter 3, the Demon king is going out for a field trip hehe.

In a day where it is hot and humid, I am sitting in the meeting with doc.u.ments in hand that needs to be present to the council about the hero’s hygiene. Who told him to walk through the forest for three whole days without bathing? They can’t find a way out even till now. This time, I have to try suggesting on having a hut built in the middle of the forest with a kind old lady that will let them stay and give them baths. It’s a pity that if a spa was built in the middle of the forest would be a little suspicious, I might get negative points for this idea anyway.

My meeting table is now a table made out of legendary steel that was said no one can cut through it. The council members all chipped in on buying this table after the first teak table and another two steel table was sliced in half like tofu by my princess when one council member tried to oppose her idea of the hero’s lunch menu.

This time, the meeting is a debate between the fire crab chancellor and the red bull Chancellor on who should face the hero first. In Alicia’s name list, she listed these two in the same line, that is why it caused trouble for the two chancellors to spit their argument every where. They tried to suggest to let the hero tour the ocean floor and check out the coral reef or let the hero immerse himself in the beauty of the sacred mountain.

I am only waiting to raise the points in my hand and yawned for several times already while one hand is busy caressing the three color fur cat chancellor on my lap. The other hand is flipping through the great Damon magazine secretly that has a picture of me being the demon king with a beautiful face that exudes charms, calmness, seems a bit naughty, likes to show… and on it goes. Let’s just say I am now famous. Incorrect. It should be that my ‘face’ is famous that a poster of it in colors are out of stock! There’s some company asking for permission to have my face print on pajamas already. The price is three hundred, does not include vat. If you are interested, you can order and buy it.

Oh yeah, in the magazine there is a letter from the kid next door that sends his and all the villager’s regards. I almost teared up from reading it. Not because it’s touching or anything but because the content of the letter asked whether I have been recruited to do labor work in the castle rather than be a demon king because the demon king on the magazine cover looks five times better than my real self.

I shook off the idea of running back home and blast it to bits and continued watching the debate between Chancellor crab and Chancellor bull. There are voice dubs echoing enjoyingly beside me coming from the smiley demons. Right now Chancellor crab is throwing a death blow, ah no, raising his pincers that have discount coupons for the under sea restaurant. Okay, I choose chancellor crab but wait a minute, Chancellor bull is also dealing a death blow by showing a coupon for accommodations and luxurious lunch for three days two nights. Hmm, or should we visit the mountains views?

They continue to bicker, behind me continued to dub, my eyes are getting drowsy. While I’m trying to lean back and nap, a sweet sound suddenly voiced out.

“I want a mechanic doll from the demon doll village!”

Chancellor crab and Chancellor bull looked at each other before turning to the source of the voice.

Alicia, who is wearing an embroidered blue dress with chiffons today, is sitting on a soft cushion chair with a frown on her face. Let me tell you, her chair is even better than my own. She kept whining that the meeting chair makes her stiff, I and the council members then had to, ah are willing to chip in, to buy her a new chair.

“I want a mechanic doll from the demon doll village!” she chimed again.

Alicia… Didn’t you listen to the topic of this meeting?

“But… Princess the content of today’s meeting is about who will be the leader of troops to face the hero.” One smiley demon answered humbly. But why do you have to put a vegetable pot over your head like that? Do you think Alicia can’t slice through your vegetable pot?!

“The hero’s matter must be more important than your measly matters!”  She announced firmly. “I want the mechanic doll to be in the hero’s co.”

Hmm? Your reason sounds logical, but I know you, Alicia, you should tell them the truth that you just want it because you were so hooked up on the doc.u.mentary on the demon doll village of Damon Channel last time and I also saw that you were enjoying reading the ‘Demon doll love diary’ that is the best-selling novel right now from Damon publishing.

“But… ”

The pitiful Chancellor that haven’t even finish his sentence that he is about to say… but… this thing… both him and me…. were stunned and bewildered.

The legendary table that is made from legendary steel that was said to be the strongest and cannot be cut became….. a new legend. Rest in peace dear table. I will never forget you.

The whole hall is in silence, and ten points raised silently every where.

Hero… Could you bear not bathing a few more days?…

After the meeting ended, we, consist of me that has a very scary blood shot eyes because I can’t sleep while thinking about the hero… would he die from being dirty for consecutive of days? because he didn’t get to have a bath, Alicia that is making a delightful expression, and a dozen of smiley demons. We are marching up north on the flying ship.

“This is the demon doll village?”

The atmosphere is hair raising chilly. The land I’m standing on is dry and filled with cracks, there’s not even a single blade of gra.s.s. The sky is gloomily dark and gray.  There are tons of gravestone standing in columns long into the distance in the fog. If I stand here any longer and be swept up by in the moment, I might even think that I am an owner of one of these gravestones.

“We don’t have the right to go any further, please take care of yourselves sire and princess.”

No! don’t leave me alone with her~!

“With the princess with sire, we don’t have to worry about your safety now.”

Don’t have to worry my ghost! You need to be extra cautious when traveling with her alone.

“Safe trip now sire.” The smiley demon troop ignored my tearful eyes and waved good bye. Do you know, whenever I see your smiles waving good luck to me through my manly tears, I always thought that you are trying to chase me away. I might be imagining it. Boohoo~

What is this place now?

Upon arrival, the first thing I saw was something mysterious that emits sparkly lights all over. If you want more description of the thing, try imagining a ginseng that has round beady eyes, tiny cute mouths, beaming with lights around itself, plus the lights emitted for each one are different. And those mentioned strange beings are walking with their small legs towards me.

“It’s nothing like what was described in the book,” Alicia complained. “I didn’t come here to look at thousand years ginseng.”

“Umm…. I don’t think these guys are ginseng.” I soften my tone while glancing at those ginsengs ah no… demons of the village that turned to look at me and Alicia with teary eyes. I know, I get it. Don’t cry now, your body will swell and won’t sell for a good price like this. Ah! No no no, I didn’t mean to say that.

“You are your majesty king Archer right?” This time it’s not a ginseng but an old elder that has white beard and eyebrows that stretch down to the floor. But what makes me shock is the hair on his head, it is a rainbow color on an afro, plus his body is emitting brightly which hurts my eyes. What the heck is this thing? “Your majesty, I’m the head villager.” The elder with rainbow hair bowed respectfully to me which made his hair situated in front of me. Uwaaa his hair even has sparkling glitter on it.

“On the Damon channel, you weren’t like this,” Alicia complained loudly. Yeah, I had to stay up late to watch the channel with her and what I saw was not this old guy in front of me.

“I wore a wig, your majesty.”

“Oh, this rainbow hair of yours is a wig? I see.” I get it now.

“What are you saying, your majesty.” The head villager made a tone like I accused him of something terrible. “The hair I used when appearing on the channel is the wig.”

Eww…. what?! This rainbow fluffy afro is your real hair? I don’t wanna believe this. When I turned to Alicia. Ahh… She seemed like she just had an enlightenment of something. What she is enlightened with, I don’t think I wanna know.

“This way please, your majesties.” The elder with rainbow hair smiled brightly. I think the more this guy is happy, the more he beams brightly. Ah~ my eyes….. “Well, No one has been interested in our products for a long time. Even though our products got an approval from the ‘Legendary item appraisal organization’ in the field of plant fiber dolls for more than five thousand years consequently and also got a green pa.s.s from the ‘Green environment council’ that our products are made from real plant fibers 100% which is eco-friendly, and we also got…”

And so, he went on and on about all those certificates that they got from various organizations. By the way, I gotta have a talk with the Legendary item appraisal organization a bit about the legendary steel that cannot be cut. They should replace that legendary steel since it is now a dead legend. They gotta find something to replace it or else I have to buy new meeting tables every week. Once I retire, I might have to sell all those sc.r.a.p tables as a side job for extra money.

While the head villager leads the way for Alicia to choose her dolls, I took this chance to explore this place a bit. I really didn’t stroll too far and got lost. I swear. Ahhh! I haven’t sworn the whole thing when a blue streak lightning already strikes the place beside me. Sword of Ratification you are no fun, can’t I rant a little bit huh? Ahhh!!  I’m sorry, I won’t say anything about you again.

However, this place is really dark, damp, and really cold. It’s super creepy. Hmm? Where is this place? I ran from the lightning strikes all the way here and now I don’t know where I am. There’s a feeling of something creeping behind me and cold sweat ran down my back. A good thing that nothing popped out to scare me at this time.

………..

I take back what I just said. In front of me, there is a guy with black hair that covers his face entirely making it so that I can’t see his expression at all, but I’m sure that he is a….. thing that is not alive. I know because he is see through and I am sure that fog demons, jelly demons, or any other demons that are see through does not emit chilly atmosphere like he is doing. Eh… he might be a snow demon. But from what I know, snow demons are mostly girls and although I say this place is north, it is still considered north of the south region. It is too hot here for snow demons to survive. And what am I doing a.n.a.lyzing things like this for?!

“Th… the…. the dead should be with the dead, the living should not be with the dead. Big bro, please don’t haunt me.” While saying that I stepped back a step but I haven’t stepped more than three when a blue lightning strike again. Waah! Sword of Ratification, what are you playing at?!

No matter if I went left or right, do a somersault with three and a half flip, I was still stricken by the lightning nonstop. In the end, I have to obey heaven’s order and walked to the see-through body in front of me with nothing to lose.

A ghost at most just scares me, but the sword of Ratification can scorch me.

Someone like me, Archer Teil, has a motto of ‘better scared than scorched‘.

The spirit smiled at me and I smiled dryly back. Then we walked… Not right. I should say he floated and flashing while leading the way. Does that mean, I really came upon the real deal? Help me G.o.ddess. Even if I like to watch horror movies, it does not mean I want to meet one myself. Huuu Let’s just say my legs are shivering violently while following him obediently. We reached a tall wall and so we stop, then he pointed at a coffin. So it’s a gla.s.s coffin, I glanced at what is inside it a bit and turned to look at the spirit but he is gone. Don’t tell me this is his coffin?!

My wild imagination thought up of a plot where the spirit came to ask me for help to release him from the sealed coffin so he can be reincarnated. But wait a sec. In the coffin lies a young man, he wore an ancient looking armor for knights, but his face looks like he is older than me by just a few years. His skin is healthy white, maybe he used the same brand as Alicia… Okay, I’m getting off-topic. Other than his white skin, both his hair and what he wore are all black, which contrasts with his white fair skin. Or is the spirit just now really him?

Uwaaa~ His eyelashes are so long, his nose bridge is high and his mouth is a perfect shape. Looking at him closely, this guy is super handsome that don’t even mention jealous, I don’t even have the strength to be jealous. The more I look at him the more I think that ‘This world is unfair‘ floating in my head. Just think about it, I have to be slapped here and there, scrubbed countless of times, and have to painstakingly find a camera angle to become a demon king worthy of the name Archer the great demon king. This guy just has to sleep here silently and could be super handsome and cool. Do you still think this world is fair? Boohoo~

His silver tag around his neck reflected brightly like it is in the sunlight. I tried to read the script on it, but the light reflected is too bright that I have to squint my eyes. Why is it so bright here? Wait a minute, there shouldn’t be any sun light here. Eh, I just noticed, but the fog around me has already dispersed.

…..

“What are you doing here, your majesty?”

With the surprise, I jolted and my little toe hit the corner of the gla.s.s coffin coincidentally. The pain I felt almost made my manhood tears drop. My little toe… Boohoo.

Because of the pain, I have to lean on the gla.s.s coffin so that I won’t fall.

And the person that surprised me and almost killed me is the brightly lit head villager that is standing in front of me smiling with his bright teeth. Enough~ no matter what kind of toothpaste brand you use, stop smiling, my eyes will go blind from this.

“Well, I was thinking where did your majesty go off to. I tried to find you for awhile. This place is a forbidden area, your majesty.”

“Who is this guy?” I asked with a squeaky voice. Trying to maintain the demon king look that is now facing severe pain on his foot. Plus, my hands are trembling and shivering nonstop.

“That is a defect mechanic doll, your majesty.” The head villager answered me with a troubled look. But.. oww, don’t come too close to me, I’m seeing blurs already. Eh? Wait a minute, why are there two of you? I… My little toe is strangely numb. Don’t know why, the place is really cold but my foot is sweating a lot, my foot is getting sticky already.

Then I feel faint, like someone just pushed me off a cliff, not an exaggeration but Alicia kicked me off a cliff before. It was when I have a leg cramp and didn’t follow her back, a good thing that there are bushes below. I was only bruised a bit, but in truth, I can’t walk for three days thanks to that so I don’t think its a bit.

“You…. The coffin… the box that I’m leaning on….. what is it made from?” I tried to squeeze my voice out with difficulty and ask the head village.

“A special type of stone that is fused with holy water, your majesty. Ah! Your majesty, your shoes are stained with something dark there.”

Ummm without you telling me, I would have noticed. Why don’t I win the lottery like how I am now?

Something dark your ghost! Can’t you be thrilled with me that my blood is flowing out like water more than this?

“You… Help…” My voice is getting fainter. Seems like the old brightly lit elder in front of me is slow. He just smiled a bit and continue to explain about the magic coffin in his village. If you don’t hurry up and save me, I swear that if I don’t die from this I will stuff you in this magical coffin of yours. I swear it on Alicia’s name.

But my luck seemed to have been drained from me when suddenly, the coffin I was leaning on slides open. I that do not even have the strength to stand fell with the momentum. I tightly shut my eyes thinking that if my head hit any part of the coffin then these guys should be prepared to listen to complaints from the thirteenth demon king in my stead because I will be touring h.e.l.l with a one-way ticket.

My luck seems to exist a bit because before I hit the coffin, I was caught just in time. My eyes are blurry so all I can see is a black lump flashing.

The lump holds my shoulder and spoke with a low hoa.r.s.e voice, don’t know if it is a natural voice or is it because I’m fainting that the voice is hoa.r.s.e.

“I’m your servant, Hero.”

“I’m… a demon king.” I tried to correct him. No, wait, what am I wasting my time correcting what I am for? If I died because of loss of blood from my little toe, I will just be left with a t.i.tle of demon king that died the most miserable death of all times. Also, my diary will be kept a national secret from all the demons because it will be a shame to the royalty’s face. And what am I blabbering about this for?!

“Demon… king…” The black lump repeated my words. Right now, I can even be a c.o.c.kroach king if that means I won’t die because of blood loss.

I don’t have the strength to speak with you now. Someone help me stop the blood…. I beg you.

When I glanced… not right… when I stare till my eyes almost popped out of my socket at the head villager, he exclaimed in a panicked voice.

“Why? The holy coffin cannot be open if it does not receive the demon king’s blood.”

Good… If your holy coffin needs blood, the coffin gets it alright.

“Your majesty, did you receive injuries anywhere? Something like a cats’ scratch somewhere.”

Hehe… cat scratch huh. Are you blind or something for you not to see the pool of blood in front of you?! No way. I don’t want this anymore. Just let me die. If I die, I won’t know how my reputation will be spread. I give up!

My last sentence was then… “I am weak to holy attributes….” When I went in a dead faint.