How to Be a Demon King for Dummies Volume 1 Chapter 1 Part1

‘Because demon king exists, heroes are needed’ or is it ‘because there are heroes, demon king exists’

“Either way, the world still needs a demon king like me right?”

“That is half correct, sire”

“Why’s that?”

“True, that this world needs a demon king, but demon kings don’t need to be like you, sire”

Ugh, that hurts

“……….me?….. a Demon king?”

That’s my first sentence that starts my tragic life as the twelfth demon king, Archer the great demon king. Even though that nickname behind my name is what I made up myself just now, whatever. In principle, even if the next time I show up and say a different nickname, no one could interject me anyway.

At the present moment, I am facing off with the hero for the first time. In principle (again), I have to make him lose for five or six times, make it a close death, but he can still make a miracle escape, then I’ll give up to him in the end.

hmm? Oh, you didn’t hear it wrong. I’ll carefully explain it to you while the hero is trying to gather light magic. Where should I start… oh right, why don’t we start here…

Hey! Hero, I’ve been laughing  ‘haha’ evilly till my face is all cramped up already. If you wanna shoot something-of-ma-jig at me, please do it a little faster.

Where was I?…. Oh right

The starting point of my life as a demon king, we have to look back to the village in the middle of a meadow, which is my birth place.

hmmm? what? You think I have misspoken? Demon kings are supposed to be born in a castle right? you haven’t heard wrong. My life started at the fifth hut of the village in the middle of a meadow, which has only bright eye piercing greenery all around.

“……….me?….. a Demon king?”

“heh, sir is not yet old, your ears have gone bad already?” the questioner send me a big smile. I remember it clearly then, I was in a cotton shirt, shorts, and have dirt all over me. One of my hands holds a jam bottle that I got for free from the aunt next door. My messy like a bird’s nest light brown hair points out in all direction like it has never been combed before, but then again, I really haven’t combed it in a while.

I blinked several times, looking at the scene in front of me confusingly.

A demon taller than me is on its knees bowing respectfully, but that is not the point that got me confused.  I’m confused about the demon, it has a shape like a human’s face that has arms and legs popped out of it, looking like a walking face. Plus, it is a face that smiles widely all the time like this life it never faced sorrow or pain. A demon as weird as this is a first for me since I was born.  Moreover, that demon is talking in a very cheerful tone like I’ve just won the lottery.

“I have come to pick you up, Archer the twelfth demon king of the demon world.”

“What are you filming?”

“I’m not joking about this” after saying that, he took out a seal, used exclusively for high ranking demons that work in the castle only, to show me. Then I heard a voice from the witch that lives across from me mumbling that it’s the real deal.

I stood stiffly for a while. After I am sure that there is no camera demon sticking its tongue out at me saying ‘This is a joking program’ or something similar like that, I then asked with a strange voice.

“What did you say?! What kind of method did you use to choose ahh?! I am just a normal country b.u.mpkin who couldn’t even plus numbers more than three digits correctly” I started to stammer, “I…. I used to fall off a horse and rolled thir… thirty full rolls. I made a new record of the village!” the words spilled out is off the point by miles.

“Those things are not important now Mister Archer” The smiley thing interrupted me, that could not stop his hands from wavering wildly. “I a.s.sure you that this is the highest honor of you as a lord over all demons”

“But I don’t wanna be it. I…I am just an ordinary farm boy, how can I be a demon king” I’m feeling like I’m gonna stutter, but how could I not panic. So what if a demon king rules over all demons. I don’t even wanna start on this, this occupation is on the top list of occupation that everyone will ewww at for the last five thousand years consecutively, ranked by The Great Demon magazine that is the top best seller consecutively for five thousand years now. My neighbor is a member, that’s why I get to read it occasionally. Then there is someone who told me that I got the job that people are disgusted with the most, even if you kill me I won’t accept it!

“Oh, or is it that truthfully, my father has royal blood from the previous demon king in him? or is it my mother?”

If that is the case, I can push this trouble onto my cousin. wait a minute, let me think… where did they live again?

“No, sire” the smiley demon shakes its head vigorously then smashed my dreams, which my drunken father is the son of the previous demon king and my fat cousin that lives two hills away from mine will become a scapegoat for me, instantly. “The previous demon king used lottery to choose”

“What?”

“Your ears have gone bad again, I said lottery, sire” The smiley demon repeated while waving its hands like it is not a big deal like it is what they normally do. “You are the lucky one in a million. The previous demon king randomly chose you from the civilian census of this year’s pile”

“You say…..” My mouth hangs wide open in shock, I almost dropped the jam bottle. Then I started to shout loudly that made all the villagers come out of their houses to see what is going on “YOU SAY YOU USED LOTTERY?!!!”

Not waiting for him to speak, I started to berate the other party.

“ARE YOU CRAZY?! YOU CHOSE A DEMON KING FROM A LOTTERY?! YOU EVEN SAID ITS THE HIGHEST HONOR OCCUPATION! DO YOU KNOW, THE KID NEXT DOOR TO ME NEEDS TO DO ROCK-PAPER-SCISSOR TO CHOOSE A BAG HE WANTS TO BUY! BUT YOU CHOSE TO DO LOTTERY?!!!”

“Big bro Archer, I think you missed the point there” the kid next door mumbled in a loud voice. The kid’s face leaned out from the side window to my house, the length between our houses could not even afford to have a cat struggle to dead in between. But I was very angry back then, so I just didn’t care about anything else.

“You get out of my house immediately! This demon king business I don’t want to have anything to do with it!”

Finishing what I just said, I flickered my head away from the smiley demon instantly. However, the demon that is bigger than me by two sizes jumped down and clamped on my legs in an instant. HEY! You’re pulling at my shorts, it’s gonna fall!

I tried to pull my shorts up in place and prepared to make another scolding at a person… ah! demon, but I haven’t even opened my mouth when that demon started to wail in a pitiable tone.

“bu…. but the hero in a thousand years will appear soon. If there is no demon king, what are they gonna do?”

I shook the clingy demon off my leg instantly.

“So what? The hero gets rid of the demon king, so if there is no demon king to slay then it’s okay”

“No! That meant we broke the vow we made to the G.o.ddess of darkness and light. If she gets angry, our land will fall into chaos.”

A little notion for people who do not know, The G.o.ddess of darkness and light is actually the same person in the same body but has two hearts. One heart protects the human world and the other protects our demon world.  From what the nonagenarian and old people said, if either of the hearts lost balance, the world will fall into chaos. The rest of the story is in the demon’s grade schooler textbook, buy it and read it yourself then.

In summary, if the situation is deadly serious like this, then don’t use the lottery to choose! I can only complain in my head weakly, I don’t even have the strength to shout at the demon’s face. The smiley face demon then just kept on frothing on and on without caring about me who wants to cry but has no tears.