How Successful People Lead Part 5

If you want to win people's permission and lead effectively on Level 2, you must like people and become more likable yourself.

6. Permission Leadership Forces You to Deal

with the Whole Person

Auto pioneer Henry Ford once asked, "Why is it that I always get the whole person when what I really want is a pair of hands?" Let's face it: relationships are messy. Many leaders would rather deal with people only in terms of their work life. But the reality is that when you lead someone, you always get the whole person-including their dysfunctions, home life, health issues, and quirks. Good leaders understand that the heart of leadership is dealing with people and working with the good, the bad, and the ugly in everyone.

The messiness of people problems is what can make leadership no fun. So often, as we get to know others and we start to see their flaws, we become disillusioned with them. Each of us has imperfections and irritating habits. We all fail. So we must learn to accept that about one another and still work together.

As a leader, you may be tempted to build relationships only with the people you like, or with whom you are highly compatible, and to ignore the others. However, by doing that, you have the potential to lose a lot of people. It's important to remember that while the things we have in common may make relationships enjoyable, the differences are what really make them interesting. Good leaders on Level 2 deal successfully with these differences and leverage them for the benefit of the team and organization. They understand that conflict is a part of progress. Often it is even constructive. Good leaders are able to look at hard truths, see people's flaws, face reality, and do it in a spirit of grace and truth. They don't avoid problems; they solve them.

The bottom line on Level 2 is that most of the downsides of leadership come from dealing with people. If you care about people and understand them, then you expect things not to go smoothly. If you go into leadership on the Permission level with that expectation, it frees you to lead with a positive att.i.tude and an open mind. You know that as long as people still have a pulse, you will be dealing with messy and difficult situations.

Best Behaviors on Level 2

How to Gain People's Permission

If you find yourself in a place where you need to start working to win people's permission on Level 2, do the following.

1. Connect with Yourself Before Trying to

Connect with Others

One of the secrets of connecting with people and building relationships is knowing and liking yourself. To become someone who is good at building relationships with others, you must become the kind of person you would want to spend time with. There are five components of connecting with yourself: Self-Awareness-Know your personality type, temperament, talents, strengths, and weaknesses.

Self-Image-Deal with any personal issues you may have so that you can think of yourself in a positive way.

Self-Honesty-Look at yourself realistically and decide to face reality, no matter how much it may hurt.

Self-Improvement-Make a commitment to grow in your ability to develop relationships.

Self-Responsibility-Acknowledge that you are responsible for your own actions and att.i.tudes.

Every significant accomplishment begins with one person stepping up and committing to make a difference. That person then takes responsibility to pa.s.s it on to others. If you don't take responsibility for yourself, then don't expect your life to become any different from what it is right now.

2. Develop a People-Oriented

Leadership Style

Permissional leaders don't rely on rules to lead people. They don't depend on systems. And they never try to rule with a stick. (Anyone who does needs to know that every stick eventually breaks.) Instead, they use a personal touch whenever they deal with people. They listen, learn, and then lead. They develop relationships. They have more than an open-door policy-they know the door swings both ways. They go through it and get out among their people to connect.

Good leaders never take people out of the equation in anything they do. They always take people into account-where they are, what they believe, what they're feeling. Every question they ask is expressed in the context of people. Knowing what to do isn't enough to make someone a good leader. Just because something is right doesn't necessarily mean that people will let you do it. Good leaders take that into account. And they think and plan accordingly.

If you want to be successful on Level 2, you must think more in terms of people's emotions and human capacity and less in terms of systems and regulations. You must think more in terms of buy-in and less in terms of procedures. In other words, you must think of people before you try to achieve progress. Exhibit a consistent mood, maintain an optimistic att.i.tude, possess a listening ear, and present to others your authentic self.

3. Practice the Golden Rule There is a fine line between manipulating people and motivating them. I agree that leaders who put an emphasis on motivating people can use leadership for personal gain at the expense of others. However, a permissional leader can keep that tendency in check and keep from crossing over from motivation to manipulation by following the golden rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated.

The golden rule cuts across cultural and religious boundaries and is embraced by people from nearly every part of the world. Practicing the golden rule in leadership enables everyone to feel respected. That changes the entire environment of a department or an organization. When leaders change from driving people in a positional environment to respecting people in a permissional environment, their people go from feeling like a stake to feeling like a stakeholder.

4. Become the Chief Encourager

of Your Team

As a leader, you have great power to lift people up. People enjoy affirmation from a peer. But they really value it from their leader. The words "I'm glad you work with me; you add incredible value to the team" mean a lot coming from someone who has the best interest of the team, department, or organization at heart.

If you want people to be positive and to always be glad when they see you coming, encourage them. People are naturally attracted to people who give them confidence and make them feel good about themselves. You can be a leader who does that if you're willing to become an intentional encourager. Try it out. For the next two weeks, say something encouraging to someone on your team every day. Then watch to see how the person responds. Do that with everyone on your team, and they will not only want to work with you, but they will also get more done.

5. Strike a Balance between Care and Candor Some people think that succeeding in permissional leadership means treating the people on their team as though they were family. That is almost always a mistake. People don't deal realistically with their families. I don't. I have a commitment level with them that is deeper than with others. Regardless of what my family does, I am committed to giving them unconditional love. They have privileges that I extend to no other people. And compromise is a constant. (Anyone who says they don't believe in compromise has never been married-or stayed married.) What makes a family great isn't what makes a team great. Families value community over contribution. Businesses value contribution over community. The best teams strike a balance.

Other people think that being a permissional leader means giving team members permission to do whatever they want. That idea is also wrong. Just because you care about people doesn't mean you let them work without responsibility or accountability.

If you care about people, treat them with respect, and build positive relationships with them, you actually have more numerous opportunities to speak candidly and have hard conversations with them that will help them to grow and perform better. Every person has problems and makes mistakes in the workplace. Every person needs to improve and needs someone to come alongside them to help them improve. As a leader, it is your responsibility and your privilege to be the person who helps others get better by balancing care and candor. Care without candor creates dysfunctional relationships. Candor without care creates distant relationships. But care balanced with candor creates developing relationships.

Here's how care and candor work together to help a leader succeed.

Caring Values the Person

While Candor Values the Person's Potential

Caring for others demonstrates that you value them. However, if you want to help people get better, you have to be honest about where they need to improve. That shows that you value a person's potential. That requires candor.

One of the secrets of being candid is to think, speak, and act in terms of those who have the potential for growth and to think about how you can help them improve. If you're candid with others with their benefit in mind, it doesn't have to be harmful. It can be similar to the work of a surgeon. It may hurt, but it is meant to help and it shouldn't harm. As a leader, you must be willing and able to do that. If not, you won't be able to help your people grow and change.

Caring Establishes the Relationship

While Candor Expands the Relationship

The things that usually help to establish a relationship are common ground and care. But those things usually aren't enough to make a relationship grow. To expand a relationship, candor and open communication are required. Most leaders I talk to have a difficult conversation that they know they need to have but are avoiding. Usually they are reluctant for one of two reasons: either they don't like confrontation, or they fear that they will hurt the person they need to talk to. But if a leader can balance care and candor, it will actually deepen and strengthen the relationship.

Not everyone responds well to candid conversations. Let's face it: honesty can hurt. Some people shut down when you criticize them. Others leave and work somewhere else. However, if you have candid conversations with someone who hangs in there and grows, that person becomes a candidate for the climb up to Level 3 and beyond.

Caring Defines the Relationship

While Candor Directs the Relationship

Solid relationships are defined by how people care about one another. But just because people care about one another doesn't mean that they are going anywhere together. Getting the team moving together to accomplish a goal is the responsibility of the leader, and that often requires candor. Getting results always matters, and good leaders never lose track of that. Retired army general and former secretary of state Colin Powell noted, "Good leadership involves responsibility to the welfare of the group, which means that some people will get angry at your actions and decisions. It's inevitable-if you're honorable." If you want to lead people well, you need to be willing to direct them candidly.

Caring Should Never Suppress Candor

While Candor Should Never Displace Caring

The bottom line is that good leaders must embrace both care and candor. To help you keep the balance between the two, I've created a "caring candor" checklist. Before having a candid conversation, make sure that you can answer yes to the following questions: Have I invested enough in the relationship to be candid with this person?

Do I truly value this person as an individual?

Am I sure this is his or her issue and not mine?

Am I sure I'm not speaking up because I feel threatened?

Is the issue more important than the relationship?

Does this conversation clearly serve this person's interests and not just mine?

Am I willing to invest time and energy to help this person change?

Am I willing to show this person how to do something, and not just say what's wrong?

Am I willing and able to set clear, specific expectations?

If you can answer yes to all of these questions, then your motives are probably right and you have a good chance of being able to communicate effectively.

The next time you find yourself in a place where you need to have a candid conversation, just remember this: Do it quickly-shovel the pile while it's small.

Do it calmly, never in anger-use the caring candor checklist.

Do it privately-you want to help the person, not embarra.s.s him or her.

Do it thoughtfully, in a way that minimizes embarra.s.sment or intimidation.

If your goal is to help the individual, improve the team, and fulfill the vision of the organization, then this is the path you should follow as a leader.

As you work with people and have candid conversations, allow me to remind you of one more thing: candor is a two-way street. If you want to be an effective leader, you must allow the people you work with to be candid with you. You must solicit feedback. And you must be mature and secure enough to take in people's criticism without defensiveness and learn from it. Caring for people, making good decisions for everyone involved, and building solid relationships is what Level 2 is all about. This is Permission at its best.