House Of Obsidian: Flawed Love Part 20

How did things go from so wonderful to so bad so quickly?

I haven't seen Rainer for an entire week. He's been missing in action. I waited at his house for a few days after school, but each day nothing changed. He isn't there, and that scares me. Rainer is into something bad, I can feel it in my bones. He said his dad had debts, and I worry about how he's repaying them. I have a bad feeling it's by illegal means.

Today is day eight, and I decide to break in. I've been peering through the windows, but today I'm going to enter.

I use some of my dad's tools and bust the side window, the one that was always broken. I climb through it and into the dark, damp-smelling s.p.a.ce. No one is here, and I'm certain now that they haven't been. My heart aches with fear. What if something has happened to Rainer and he's in danger?

What if it's worse?

Tears well in my eyes as I flick on some lights and start rummaging through drawers, trying to find clues. I find a few bills, and some messily written numbers, but nothing that means anything or makes any sense. I rush up to Rainer's room and swing the door open. His bed is unmade and there are clothes scattered across the floor. I walk in and start searching through his things, too, trying to find answers.

"What the f.u.c.k are you doing, Emy?"

I jerk upright with a scream, dropping the items I had in my hands, and spin around to see Rainer at the door. He's glaring at me, and he looks super p.i.s.sed. He also looks as if he's been living in a dump the past week. His hair is a mess, his clothes are grubby, and he looks exhausted. His eyes are red-rimmed and sunken, and he's got light bruises on his cheeks.

"I was trying to find a way to find you," I say, straightening. "Where the h.e.l.l have you been, Rainer?"

He crosses his big arms. "None of your f.u.c.king business."

"I'm your friend!" I yell. "It is my business."

"It's not," he roars. "Do yourself a favor and stay out of my s.h.i.t. Go to school, enjoy your life, and leave me to mine."

I swallow the pain that rises up in my chest at his words. "Are you seriously going to push me away?" I whisper. "Jesus, Rainer. I thought we meant more to each other . . ."

He steps into the room and storms past me, lifting his shirt and tossing it off. "We kissed a couple of times. It meant nothing."

It's as if someone has slapped me in the face. I thought it meant a whole lot more than nothing, even to him.

"You don't mean that..."

He looks over his shoulder at me. "I do. You need to move on with your life."

"Rainer," I whisper. "You're my friend."

"Yeah, and s.h.i.t has happened and my life isn't the same anymore. You need to accept that. You don't need to ruin yours. Now, can you leave? I'm busy."

"Rainer," I croak, my voice thick with emotion.

"Night, Mali," he mutters, stepping into the bathroom and slamming the door.

I let out a sob, and wrap my arms around myself.

Then I leave.

I can't sleep that night.

I don't know what the h.e.l.l is going on in Rainer's world, but I know it isn't good. Whatever has happened has him changing before my eyes. I know he's feeling the loss of his dad, even though he won't admit it. He's hurting, and he's alone in the world. He has no siblings and no one to lean on. Which is exactly why I don't want him to push me away. I'm the only family Rainer has left and I'm tired of it. I need him to know exactly how I feel, no matter the cost.

I roll over and take my phone, finding his number and punching it in. Then I send a text. It's not the way I wanted to do this, but I don't know that he'll take it any other way. I love Rainer, I didn't realize it until last week, but there it is. I don't want him hurting. I don't want his heart breaking. I want him to know he isn't alone.

Emalie: You're trying to push me away, and I get that. Right now, Rai Rai, you have no one else left in your world and that must feel like your soul is being ripped out. I don't know what is going on and if you don't want to tell me, that's your choice, but I need you to know a few things.

I love you, Rainer Torrence. More than I should. I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner, but there it is. I need you to know that, not because I want you to sweep me off my feet, but because you need to understand that while you might not have anyone in your world, in my world, you're everything. I'll always be here.

I place the phone down and roll to my side, letting my tears fall hard and fast until they soak my pillow. I sob and tremble, unable to stop it. I'm devastated for him and I feel helpless, as if I can't help him, no matter what I do. He's in pain, and he is shutting me out. Life without Rainer terrifies me, and I don't know what I'll do if he decides he just can't have me in his world anymore.

I'm still sobbing hard, so I don't hear the window slide up. I don't hear the footsteps across my floor. I only realize he's in my room when my blankets are pulled back, and a big hard body slides in beside mine. I don't stiffen, or freak out, because I know it's him. He's the only person who would come into my room and climb into my bed.

I keep crying. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close, tucking my body into his. We lie like that for a long time, long enough for me to stop sobbing. He keeps his arms around me, so tight, so secure, and every now and then he nuzzles his face into my hair. I lace my fingers through his and just hang onto him, needing to feel him every second he's giving me.

"I love you, too, Emalie," he murmurs against my hair. "Have since the day you came into my life."

My eyes open, and my heart starts pounding. "You do?"

"Yeah. I thought it was just normal friendship-love, until I kissed you that first time. Then I realized it's so much more. I'm so f.u.c.kin' sorry I was a c.u.n.t earlier. I'm . . . I need you to be safe right now."

"Rainer, you're scaring me," I say, rolling so we're facing each other.

"Yeah, I know that, kid, but can you trust that I know what I'm doing?"

"Are you going to get hurt?"

He goes silent.

"Rainer," I whisper, my voice shaky.

"I'll try as hard as I can not to, I promise you that."

"How long are things going to be like this?"

"Not much longer."

I shuffle forward and press my forehead against his. I can feel his hot breath against my mouth and my body breaks out into a thousand tiny p.r.i.c.kles. He moves forward and his bottom lip grazes mine. G.o.d. He smells amazing and I want him. I don't want to wait anymore. I want to be with him. I couldn't want anything more in my life.

"Rainer?" I murmur against his lips.

"Yeah, kid?"

"You asked me to promise that I'd save myself for the right person-that I'd hang onto it until I knew it was right. It's right, Rainer . . . with you, it's right. I want it to be you."

He doesn't say anything for so long I wonder if he heard me, or maybe he doesn't know how to respond.

"Emalie," he says in a hoa.r.s.e tone. "You need to be sure . . ."

"I'm sure. You've been my friend a long time, and I don't know what this is growing between us, but I know I trust you more than anyone."

"I don't want you to regret this."

"I'd never regret you."

"You're not eighteen yet . . ."

"And we're not doing anything wrong, Rainer."

He sighs and brings his lips back to mine, kissing me softly. It seems as if that's all he's going to do, and I wonder if he just doesn't want it. His mouth is soft against mine, and his tongue is gently stroking, but I want more. I want him to touch me. I want to feel everything. I reach for his hand and press it against my breast and he groans.

"Emalie . . ."

"Please, Rainer . . ."

"I can't promise you that it'll be any more than this, and you deserve so much more. I f.u.c.king love you, I will for the rest of my life, but I don't know that it'll ever be more than that."

"I don't care. I only care about right here and right now."

"Baby," he murmurs.

"Please, Rainer, I want it to be you."

He crushes his lips against mine again and I'm guessing that's his answer. Thank G.o.d. I want nothing more. I reach up and curl my fingers into his thick, lush hair. He groans and our tongues dance in a frantic yet sensual pace as our bodies press closer together. There was a good, long time when I'd never have thought about being in this position with Rainer, but now I'm here I wonder why I never thought about it sooner.

Rainer rolls me gently to my back and brings his body over mine, kissing a path down my jaw. I close my eyes, loving every single second. He makes light work of my clothes and if it wasn't for the dark, I'd be covering myself with shame. What if I'm not what he likes? Are my b.r.e.a.s.t.s big enough? Do I have too much curve, or not enough? Rainer's hands find my shoulders, and slowly he starts dragging them down my skin.

"You're f.u.c.king beautiful, Emalie," he rasps, reaching my b.r.e.a.s.t.s and gently cupping them.

"You really think so?" I breathe.

"f.u.c.k yeah, I do."

I smile shakily but it's cut off quickly with a gasp when Rainer starts rolling his fingers over my nipples. Oh gosh. Nothing has ever felt so amazing in my entire life.

"Rainer," I gasp.

"You're beautiful here."

He does this until my body is arching up into his, then he slowly continues his path down my body. I can feel his erection pressing against my thighs as he trails kisses down my belly. My skin is alive and alert, fully aware of him. Every touch, every kiss-it's as if my body knows who is delivering it. My entire world comes to a stand still when he reaches my most private place.

"Rainer," I breathe, squirming beneath him.

"f.u.c.k. You smell amazing."

His fingers slide out and graze over my flesh, making my entire body jerk to life. Pleasure unlike anything I could have ever imagined builds as he strokes and taunts my s.e.x, encouraging me, teasing me, taunting my body, preparing me for him. When his mouth closes over mine, warmth explodes in my body. I can hear my whimpers of pleasure, but I don't even try to stop them.

Rainer works my body like that until I'm shuddering with my first ever o.r.g.a.s.m. I've never felt something so amazing in my life-I want it over and over again. He sits back and strips his clothes, then moves his big body up mine, and his skin is soft and warm. His body is so hard, so built, and so masculine. My fingers slide over his arms, his back, and stop at his neck where I pull him down to kiss me as he positions his body between my legs.

I feel him there, hot and ready, and fear swells in my chest. Will this hurt? If so, will it last a long time? Will it be over quick? Will I enjoy it?

Rainer must notice my panic, because he stops the soft sucking on my neck and he cups my face in his hands. "You doin' okay, sweetheart?"

"Y-y-y-yeah. I'm nervous, Rai."

"Don't be. I won't hurt you."

"You might not get to decide that."

He presses his forehead to mine. "Then I'll do everything I can not to hurt you."

"Okay."

"Do you trust me?"

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

He kisses my lips softly, then he shifts, taking his jeans into his hand and pulling out a condom. I swallow and start to tremble as he tears the packet open and puts it on. My heart is pounding when he brings himself over me again. I don't know how this is going to feel. I want it to be incredible, but I know it rarely ever works like that.

"Relax, Emy," he murmurs, meeting my eyes. "You need to relax for me."

"I'm scared."

He strokes a piece of hair from my face. "I'd never hurt you. If it's awful, I'll stop, immediately."

I nod, and he brings his lips to mine softly as he gently spreads my legs apart farther. He presses his erection to my entrance, and I shudder at the pressure. Gently, he pushes forward. At first, it doesn't seem too awful, but then he pops past something and pain explodes in my body. "Rainer," I cry out, pressing my hands over my face.

"Jesus, sorry," he says, stopping as he promised he would.

"I'm sorry," I whisper between shaky sobs. "I didn't realize it would hurt so much."

"I've got an idea. Hang on."

He pulls back a little and reaches down between us, placing a finger over that aching nub. He rotates gently and pleasure shoots through my core. I close my eyes, forgetting the pain and focusing only on the pleasure. He keeps doing that, and at the same time, he pushes himself inside me. It's uncomfortable, but so much less when he's doing that.

"Rainer," I gasp when he slides into me, right into me.

"G.o.d, Emy, you feel so f.u.c.king amazing."

"I . . ." My body arches up as he rubs a little harder. "Oh G.o.d."

I explode around him and while I'm doing that, he starts thrusting. I'm wet and ready for him, so his thrusts glide in and out with ease. A gasp escapes my throat at the feeling of fullness I experience, but that quickly subsides into a slight tingle of pleasure. It's not enough to take me over the edge, but it's pleasant, and that's good for my first time.

What I focus mostly on, is Rainer. His big body moves over mine like a graceful lion. His sleek muscles pull and flex as he shifts. He works his hips slowly, not pushing too hard, not going too fast. I reach up and cup his face, and we kiss during each beautiful thrust. He groans against my mouth and I shiver, knowing that my body is making him feel good right now. That's amazing.

"Rainer," I breathe against his mouth. "Does it feel good?"

"G.o.d, yes, baby," he pants. "Amazing."