Honor Guards Part 31

Cam said nothing. There was nothing she could say that would make the truth any more bearable.

1854 11 September 2001; The president has returned on board helicopter Marine One to the White House.

"Stark," Cam said quietly. "I'll need you on the first shift in the morning. Go get some sleep."

"I'm fine, Commander. You don't have enough people for perimeter patrol without me."

"Our perimeter is secure on three sides unless there is an ocean approach, and we'll hear that coming in plenty of time. Davis and I will cover the front."

Stark looked as if she was about to protest further, but Cam turned and walked into the other room where Davis waited, giving her no opportunity to object.

"Paula," Blair said gently, "you do need to get some rest."

Stark sat forward on the sofa, her elbows on her knees, and cradled her head in her hands. She stared at the floor, and when she spoke, her voice was thick with pain. "I'm afraid Renee is dead." She raised anguished eyes to Blair's. "G.o.d. All those people."

"You can't think that." Swiftly, Blair rose from the chair where she had been pretending to read the newspaper and crossed to the sofa. Without conscious thought, she slipped her arm around Stark's waist. "She's an FBI agent stationed at the epicenter of a terrorist attack. You know her-she's going to be working nonstop for days. Plus, it's got to be chaos there, and who knows what the communication situation is like. There's no way she would have been able to call you, even if she could find a free minute to do it."

"Her office was in the South Tower." Stark shuddered. At the news of the towers' collapse, she hadn't been able to think of anything except that she had lost the woman she loved. Voice breaking, she whispered, "I don't think I can take it."

Blair knew exactly what she was feeling. She'd almost lost Cam, and she was never going to get over the terror of those few days when Cam had lain in the hospital on life support. She pulled Stark into her arms and kissed her forehead. "You can't give up, okay? You just have to keep on going. Okay? Promise?"

Stark was silent, because she couldn't bring herself to lie. She wasn't certain where she would find the strength to carry on. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to be comforted. For that isolated moment, the steady strength of Blair's heart beating close to hers was enough.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE.

B lair leaned on the railing of the upper deck, listening to the surf and watching the moonlight dance across the waves. The water was nearly as dark as the midnight sky overhead. She turned at the sound of the sliding gla.s.s doors opening behind her and recognized Tanner's form backlit by the few lights burning in the house. "Hi. I thought you'd turned in."

"No, I'm too wired to sleep."

"Me, too," Blair sighed.

"Mind a little company?" Tanner asked quietly.

"No." Blair regarded Tanner in the moonlight. "I haven't had much of a chance to talk to you. Sorry."

Tanner shook her head. "It's not a great time for catching up."

Blair studied Tanner's bold profile, silvered by moonlight. "You know, you look...older."

"I'm not sure how to take that," Tanner remarked with a short laugh.

Blair laughed as well. "Actually, you don't look older as much as you look...calmer. Even in the midst of everything that's going on, you look settled somehow."

"My life here is pretty much just what I want it to be, that's true."

"You managed to escape the clutches of the dreaded Whitley Corporation?"

"I still go into the offices on the mainland a few days a month, but I spend most of my time running the marina. Adrienne's stationed nearby, and the island is our home."

"You sound as if that agrees with you."

Tanner smiled, thinking about the new direction her life had taken in the last few years. "I can't even begin to tell you how good it is...my life now...working here on the island, living with Adrienne. All of it."

Considering the way her own life had changed in less than a year, thinking of Cam, Blair said, "Believe it or not, I can imagine it." She shrugged and gave a small laugh. "I never thought I'd be able to say that, but being with Cam...it's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Well. I think I'm speechless."

"Yes. I am sometimes, still, too." Blair sighed. It seemed a very long time ago that she and Tanner had been young and wild and, for all their youthful pain, blissfully naive. "Have you heard from Adrienne?"

"No." Tanner rolled her shoulders and distractedly ran a hand through her thick dark hair. "I'm sure that doesn't mean anything, but I'd feel a h.e.l.l of a lot better if I could just hear her voice."

Blair reached over and covered Tanner's hand where it curled over the railing. She tapped the thin gold band on Tanner's ring finger. "I noticed this earlier. Congratulations."

"Thanks." Tanner lifted her face to the sky and closed her eyes briefly, wondering if life would ever be the same again. "You know, I can't reach my mother in DC, either. Her husband is a navy captain. He's got an office in the Pentagon."

"Oh, Tanner. G.o.d. You must be so worried, and I never even asked. I'm sorry. You've been a lifesaver today and-"

"Don't apologize." Tanner b.u.mped Blair's shoulder with hers. "I don't know what happened to you this morning in New York, but considering that two of your security team showed up here with gunshot wounds, I figure you had other things on your mind."

"It almost feels like a dream." Blair shivered, more from memory than the chill gust of ocean air. "A terrible, horrible dream."

"I know." Tanner took a deep breath and fought back the melancholy and fear. "I've tried calling my mother, but I can't get through. From what I can gather from the television reports, it might be hours or even days before the phone systems get sorted out"

"At the moment," Blair said with regret, "there isn't even any way that I can contact someone in DC to try to find out for you. I'm sorry."

"I understand, and I wouldn't expect you to anyhow." Tanner turned her back to the water, leaned her hips against the railing, and looked into the house. Through the gla.s.s doors, she saw a shadow move across the swath of light that angled out from the living room. "Are Cam and Felicia going to stay up all night standing guard?"

"I'm sure that's what they have planned," Blair said grimly. "But that's not going to happen. We've all been through a lot, and Cam has been shot. She's going to get some sleep tonight, no matter how much she protests."

"I think I might be able to help out there," Tanner said, pushing resolutely away from the railing. "Let me make some calls."

Cam stood by the leaded-gla.s.s windows that looked out onto the curving approach road to Whitley Manor. In the moonlight, the landscape appeared untamed, almost otherworldly. It was hard to believe that beyond the confines of that isolated, protected place, the world was in chaos.

Blair hooked her arms around Cam's waist from behind and rested her cheek against Cam's back. "What are you thinking about?"

Cam laced her fingers through Blair's and absently drew Blair's hand beneath her jacket and pressed it to her stomach. The warmth of Blair's palm against her body eased the ache in her heart. "Just wondering what's happening out there tonight. Trying to get a grip on what happened today."

"Come to bed, Cam."

"Tanner has called in her corporate security team," Cam said, ignoring Blair's request. "She a.s.sures me they'll ask no questions and do the job as efficiently and effectively as military police. In fact, some of them used to be military police."

"And you don't believe her?" Blair slowly rubbed her hand up and down the center of Cam's abdomen and pressed more closely against her back, needing the contact more than she had realized.

"No, I do believe her. I'm absolutely certain that she knows exactly what her people are capable of." Cam sighed. "Unlike me."

"Cam..."

Cam turned, keeping her hand in Blair's. Her smile was rueful. "I should apologize. I don't ordinarily indulge in self-pity."

"Darling, don't." Blair lifted a hand and caressed Cam's cheek. "At least wait until we understand what happened with Foster. If there's blame to be a.s.signed, I know that you will accept responsibility for whatever part might be yours. But until then, don't torture yourself. Please."

"How is it that you know me so well?" Cam rested her forehead against Blair's. G.o.d, I'm so tired.

"Because I love you so much." Blair gave Cam's hand a tug and, to her enormous relief, Cam followed her as she led the way through the house and upstairs to the bedroom they would share. "Just sleep with me for a few hours and then, if you have to, you can go back downstairs. But I need you now."

"I need you, too." Nearly stumbling with fatigue, Cam stripped off her clothes and left them in a heap by the bed. She kept her weapon holstered on a table by the bedside. She and Blair slid into bed at the same time and moved into each other's embrace.

Blair curled into the curve of Cam's side, her head on Cam's shoulder and one leg and an arm thrown over her body. "How's your headache?"

Cam gently kissed Blair's mouth before closing her eyes. "Better."

"When we get home," Blair's voice hitched, but she continued after drawing a steadying breath, "I want you to move in with me. I don't want to wait. I love you, and I want you in my life. Full-time, all the time."

"Is this because of today?"

"Partly, yes. But ever since we got back from Europe, I've been struggling to feel okay about being without you. Today made me realize that there are no certainties in life, and that the most important thing in mine is you."

"Oh, Christ, I love you." Cam turned on her side and gathered Blair into her arms, their bodies joining along their lengths. She cupped the back of Blair's neck in the palm of her hand as she kissed her, still gently, but deep and long. When she drew her mouth away, she whispered, "If I lost you, it would kill me."

Blair gave a small cry and tightened her hold on her lover. She pressed her face to Cam's neck and stroked her hand up and down Cam's back, over her shoulders, until finally she laced her fingers into Cam's hair. "We'll take care of each other. We'll be together- do you hear me? We're going to be together. I promise."

Finally, safe in the comfort of her lover's arms, Cam slept.

The first thing she saw was Parker, lying on her back, her arms stretched out to her sides. Her eyes were open, empty, glazed with that peculiar blankness that only death can bestow. The crimson starburst in the center of her chest seemed nothing more than an afterthought once she'd looked into those eyes.

Turning, she ran, the breath burning in her chest, the muscles in her legs trembling, threatening to abandon her before she could reach... She almost tripped on the leg extending out into the stairwell from the landing just above. Grasping the metal railing with her free hand, clutching her weapon in the oilier, she looked down. Stark lay still, a perfect maroon circle punched between her thick, dark brows. A river of red snaked down from that tiny crater and pooled in the corner of her eye before overflowing onto her cheek like tears.

Oh Jesus. I'm going to lose them all.

Heart pounding, stomach heaving, she stared up the final flight of stairs to the solid gray metal door at the top. Beyond that door lay everything that mattered in her life. She couldn't move her legs. She couldn't climb the stairs. She couldn't reach-would never reach-the top in time. She crumpled to her knees, her weapon dropping unnoticed from her limp fingers. Hands clutching at cold stone, she dragged herself upward, one agonizingly slow step at a time.

When she finally reached the door, there was no handle.

It's so heavy. I can't open it. Please. Please. I have to get through.

By the time she'd pried her fingers into the narrow crevice around the edges and inched the door open, her hands were torn and bleeding. Still on her knees, she fell through to the other side and saw, down the long tunnel of the hallway, the body outside the open door. Every laborious inch cost her blood, every breath clawed at her screaming lungs, and the terror in her belly eviscerated her with razor-sharp talons.

A lifetime later, her vision dim with sweat and tears, she touched a trembling hand to the pale, cold cheek. A single drop of blood, dew on the rose, lay like a forgotten kiss upon her lover's lips.

Blair. Oh G.o.d, Blair.

With a silent scream, Cam jolted awake, rolled from the bed, and stumbled hurriedly to the bathroom. She'd barely managed to get the door closed behind her, automatically thumbing the lock, before her legs gave out and she was on her knees, vomiting. It hurt, in her body, in her heart, as the images seared into her brain one after the other. Her stomach rolled, and she continued to retch long after there was nothing left inside her but grief.

In the distance, she heard a muted shout and felt the faint vibration of the bathroom door shaking. Some part of her brain registered that if she didn't get to her feet, get the door open, Blair would break it down. Pale and dizzy, she pulled herself up with one hand on the sink and turned on the cold water. She cupped her hands under the tap and splashed her face until her head stopped spinning.

"Cam! Cam, open the door!"

The words were clear now, and the pounding incessant.

Blinking to clear her vision, Cam opened the cabinet above the sink and fumbled out the small bottle of mouthwash. She rinsed, gagging again, but finally managing to hold everything in at last.

"Just a minute," she called hoa.r.s.ely. She took a breath, steadied herself, and unlocked the door.

Blair's eyes were wild as she came flying in. Her voice vibrated with fear and fury. "Don't you ever lock me out again when you need help."

"Blair," Cam said weakly, "I-"

"Oh G.o.d, what is it?" Blair cried, her trembling hands framing Cam's face. "Are you sick? Cam...oh, Cam." Tears overflowed her lashes and she pulled Cam against her, running hands over her shoulders, her back, wanting desperately to shield her, heal her.

"Dream," Cam gasped, wrapping her arms around Blair's waist and holding on. "Just give me another minute."

"All right, darling. It's all right." Blair found Cam's hand, clasped it tightly, and gently drew her back into the bedroom and into bed. Her heart was pounding, her own stomach tight with dread and the lingering panic she'd felt upon awakening to the terrifying sound of Cam moaning. She'd never, never known Cam to break. The very thought of how much pain her lover must be in for that to happen tore her heart to shreds.

Working hard to keep her voice steady and calm, she settled Cam against her side and stroked her face gently. "Sweetheart, can you tell me?"

"It was just a dream. A very bad dream," Cam replied, her voice stronger as the night terror left her. "I saw Parker...she was dead. Then Stark...her, too." Cam pressed her forehead hard to Blair's shoulder and closed her eyes tightly. "Oh G.o.d, then...you."

"No," Blair soothed, brushing her fingers through Cam's hair, her free arm holding her close. "No, darling. Not me. Not Stark. We're here. We're both all right."

Cam shivered. "I couldn't reach you. I couldn't save you." She lifted her face, her dark eyes bleeding with loss. "I couldn't save Parker, and that's no dream."

Blair held her lover's gaze. "I know. I'm so sorry." She kissed Cam's forehead, then her mouth, tenderly. "If there was any way you could have stopped what happened today, I know that you would have." When she felt Cam stiffen, she said quickly, "No. It's true. Tragic, horrible things happened to so many people today. Things probably no one could have stopped. Perhaps someday we'll know who or why or how, but of one thing I'm certain. If you hadn't been there, I'd be dead."

"I was so f.u.c.king scared that I couldn't keep you safe." The words burned in Cam's throat.

"But you did." Blair brushed her lips over Cam's again. I forget-we all forget--what that costs you. As she guided Cam's head down to her breast, wanting never to let her go, she murmured, "We're together now, and I'm not going to let anything change that. Ever."

The sound of Cam's phone woke them just after five. Cam's head pounded, but it was a clean, sharp headache with none of the sickness she'd felt the night before. Blair was beside her, naked and warm and alive. She felt her world right itself as she rolled over and picked up her phone.

"Roberts." She stretched out an arm as Blair moved closer to curl against her and wrap an arm around her waist. Automatically, Cam rested her chin against the top of Blair's head. "Yes sir, we're secure. No problems, and I don't antic.i.p.ate any. Yes, sir." Cam extended the phone to Blair. "Your father again." "Hi," Blair said. "You're at the residence? Is everything okay?...Yes, all right, if Cam thinks we should." Blair laughed quietly, rubbing her palm over Cam's chest. "Yes, Dad, I understand that you're the president. But she's my security chief."

"Blair," Cam whispered urgently.

Blair looked at Cam. "Well, you are."

"And I'd like it to stay that way. Tell him yes"

"Dad? You can go ahead and send a helicopter."