Homeward Bound Part 25

"Do you think so?" Karen asked anxiously.

"You bet I do." Jonathan used an emphatic cough even though they were speaking English. "If he tells you no, you can sic Dad on him, and you'd better believe he doesn't want that."

Karen judged Jonathan was right. Atvar had enough important things to quarrel and quibble about with Sam Yeager that something as monumentally trivial as ice cubes would only prove an irritation. If she were Senyahh, she wouldn't have cared to risk the fleetlord's wrath.

Time scurried on. Just before-just before-the deadline, the Race's equivalent of a doorbell hissed for attention. Two Lizards with a square metal box on a wheeled cart stood outside. A cardboard carton full of plastic cups lay on top of the metal box. "You are the Tosevite who wanted a freezer?" one of the Lizards asked. He sounded as if he couldn't have cared less one way or the other. before-the deadline, the Race's equivalent of a doorbell hissed for attention. Two Lizards with a square metal box on a wheeled cart stood outside. A cardboard carton full of plastic cups lay on top of the metal box. "You are the Tosevite who wanted a freezer?" one of the Lizards asked. He sounded as if he couldn't have cared less one way or the other.

"I am," Karen said.

"Well, here it is," he said, and turned to his partner. "Come on, Fegrep. Give it a shove. As soon as we plug it in, we can go do something else."

"Right," Fegrep said. "Pretty crazy, a freezer in a room. And why does the Big Ugly want all those stupid cups?" He'd just heard Karen speak his language, but seemed to think she couldn't understand it. Or maybe he just didn't care.

Under other circ.u.mstances, Karen might have got angry. As things were, she was too glad to see the freezer to worry about anything else. The workmales wheeled it into the room, eased it down off the cart, and plugged it in. Then they left. Karen opened the freezer. It was cold in there, sure enough. She started filling the measuring cups full of water and sticking them inside the freezer. "Ice cubes!" she told Jonathan. "All we have to do is wait."

"They're round," he observed. "How can they be ice cubes?"

She corrected herself: "Ice cylinders. Thank you, Mr. Webster's Dictionary of the English Language." Her husband might have got angry, too. Instead, he took a bow. As he must have known it would, that annoyed her even more.

After she started making ice cubes (she refused to think of them as cylinders) she kept opening the freezer every so often to see how they were doing. "You're letting the cold air out," Jonathan said helpfully.

"I know I am," she answered. "I don't care. I've been waiting all this time. I can wait a little longer."

Some small stretch of time after she would have had ice cubes if she'd been patient, she had them anyhow. Coaxing them out of the measuring cups wasn't so easy, but she managed. She put five of them in a gla.s.s of room-temperature-which is to say, lukewarm-water, then waited for them to do their stuff. After five minutes, she rested the gla.s.s against her cheek for a moment.

"Ahh!" she said. Then she drank. "Ahhhh!" she said. She'd never thought of ice water as nectar of the G.o.ds, but it would do. It would definitely do.

"Let me have some," Jonathan said.

"Get your own gla.s.s," Karen told him. "I earned this one." He bent into the posture of respect and gave her an emphatic cough. Her snort turned into a laugh. Jonathan fixed himself a gla.s.s of ice water. He made the same sort of ecstatic noises as she had. She laughed again. She'd known he would.

Atvar gave only half a hearing diaphragm to Senyahh's complaints. When the female finally paused to draw more air into her lung, he cut her off: "Hear me, Kitchen Chief. Any reasonable requests from these Tosevites are to be honored. Any-do you hear me?"

Senyahh glared at him out of the monitor. "I do not call a request for a freezer and a swarm of measuring cups reasonable, Exalted Fleet-lord."

Members of the Race were more patient than Big Uglies. At times like this, Atvar wondered why. "Let me make myself very plain. Any request is reasonable that does not involve major expense-a yeartenth's hotel revenues, let us say-or danger to a member of the Race. Anything within those limits, your only proper response is, 'It shall be done, superior Tosevite.' And then you do it."

"That is outrageous!" Senyahh exclaimed.

"I am sorry you feel that way," Atvar replied. "But then, your record at this hotel has been good up until now. I am sure that will help you gain a new position once you are released from this one. For you will will be released from this one if your insubordination continues for even another instant. Do I make myself plain enough for you to understand, Kitchen Chief?" be released from this one if your insubordination continues for even another instant. Do I make myself plain enough for you to understand, Kitchen Chief?"

"You do. You are not nearly so offensive as the Big Ugly I dealt with, though," Senyahh said.

"Is that a resignation?" Atvar asked.

With obvious reluctance, the kitchen chief made the negative gesture. "No, Exalted Fleetlord. It shall be done." She broke the connection.

Atvar hoped he had put the fear for a happy afterlife into her. He wouldn't have bet anything he worried about losing, though. If she'd tried so hard to obstruct one Tosevite request, she was liable to do the same or worse with another. Some males and females enjoyed being difficult. She might as well be a Big Ugly, She might as well be a Big Ugly, Atvar thought. His mouth fell open in a laugh. A moment later, he wondered why and snapped it shut. That wasn't funny. Atvar thought. His mouth fell open in a laugh. A moment later, he wondered why and snapped it shut. That wasn't funny.

But the real trouble with the Big Uglies wasn't that they reveled in making nuisances of themselves. The real trouble was that they were too good at it. He'd thought that too many times back on Tosev 3. That he had reason to think it here on Home only proved he'd been right to worry on the other world, and that the males and females who'd recalled him hadn't known what they were doing.

It proved that to Atvar, anyhow. Several of the officials who'd ordered him back from Tosev 3 still held their posts. By all appearances, they were still satisfied they'd done the right thing. That they now had to deal with Big Uglies here on Home should have given them a hint that the problem on Tosev 3 hadn't been Atvar. It should have, but had it? Not likely, not as far as the former fleetlord could see.

The trouble-well, a a trouble, anyhow-with the Big Uglies was that they were too good at whatever they set their minds to. The way Ka.s.squit and Sam Yeager were approaching their imperial audiences was a case in point. He hadn't said so to either one of them, but few members of the Race could have matched how much they'd learned, or how quickly. trouble, anyhow-with the Big Uglies was that they were too good at whatever they set their minds to. The way Ka.s.squit and Sam Yeager were approaching their imperial audiences was a case in point. He hadn't said so to either one of them, but few members of the Race could have matched how much they'd learned, or how quickly.

He hissed softly. That thought reminded him of something he had to do. He called the protocol master in the capital. The male's image appeared on the screen. "This is Herrep. I greet you, Exalted Fleetlord."

"And I greet you, Protocol Master," Atvar replied politely. "I wonder whether your staff has yet finished researching the question I put to you not long ago. The time for the wild Big Ugly's audience with his Majesty fast approaches."

"I am aware of that, yes," Herrep said. He was an old male, older even than Atvar, and had held office a long time. His scales had the dusty tone age gave them, and sagged slightly on his bones. Because of their looser hides, old males and females looked a little more like Tosevites than younger members of the Race did. Herrep went on, "I hope you you understand this is a matter from the very ancientest days, and not one to be researched in the same way as one from more recent times." understand this is a matter from the very ancientest days, and not one to be researched in the same way as one from more recent times."

"Why not?" the fleetlord asked. "Research is research, is it not? So it would seem to me, at any rate."

But the protocol master made the negative gesture. "Not necessarily. For most research, anyone with a computer connected to the network and a certain curiosity can do as well as anyone else. But much of the material we are looking through is so old, it never went into the computer network at all. We have to locate it physically, to make sure we do not destroy it by examining it, and sometimes also to interpret it: the language is so very old, it has changed a good deal between that time and this."

Atvar let out another low hiss, this one of wonder. "I did not realize your material was as old as that. You have my apology. You might as well be dealing with the same sort of situation as the Big Uglies do when they go through their archives."

"I do not know what sort of research the Big Uglies do, or what sort of archives they have," Herrep said. "But I do know I have an answer for you, or the beginnings of an answer."

"Do you?" Atvar said eagerly. "Tell me, please!"

"However little I care to admit it, your wild Big Ugly of an aspirant appears to be correct," the protocol master replied. "The imperial laver and imperial limner are not not involved in the ceremony when the representative from an independent empire greets the Emperor. In ancient-est days, before Home was unified, the Emperor sometimes sent out amba.s.sadors of his own to other emperors. Their lavers and limners- for they too had such officials-were not involved, either." involved in the ceremony when the representative from an independent empire greets the Emperor. In ancient-est days, before Home was unified, the Emperor sometimes sent out amba.s.sadors of his own to other emperors. Their lavers and limners- for they too had such officials-were not involved, either."

"I thank you," Atvar said. "So independence is what matters? I do not suppose that Sam Yeager's coming from a not-empire would affect the situation?"

"A not-empire?" Herrep said. "Please forgive me, Exalted Fleet-lord, but I am unfamiliar with the term." As best he could, Atvar explained the American Tosevite penchant for snoutcounting. The protocol master's eye turrets moved in a way that said the idea revolted him. It revolted Atvar, too, but the Big Uglies seemed to thrive on it. Herrep asked, "On Tosev 3, such a temporary, snoutcounted sovereign is considered the equal of any other?"

"That is a truth. You need have no doubt of it whatever." Atvar used an emphatic cough. "Not-empires are more common than empires there. The United States is one of the oldest ones; it has used this system for more than five hundred of our years."

Herrep hissed scornfully. "And this is supposed to be a long time?"

"By our standards, no. By the standards Big Uglies use, Protocol Master, it is is a fairly long time," Atvar answered. a fairly long time," Atvar answered.

"You realize I would have to stretch a point, and stretch it a long way, to consider the representative of such a sovereign equal to an amba.s.sador from a true empire," Herrep said. "There is no precedent for such a thing."

"There may not be any precedent on Home, but there is a great deal of it on Tosev 3," Atvar said.

The protocol master made the negative gesture. "On Tosev 3, there is precedent for fleetlords treating with such individuals. There is none for the Emperor the Emperor to do so." to do so."

"If you refuse-and especially if you refuse at this stage-you offer the American Big Uglies a deadly insult. This is the sort of insult that could prove deadly in the most literal sense of the word," Atvar said. "As for stretching a point-there is all the Tosevite precedent for empires dealing with not-empires. If we recognize the United States as independent-and what choice do we have, when it is is?-we have to recognize that precedent, too. And remember, the American Big Uglies are here. here. They are also as formidable as that implies." They are also as formidable as that implies."

"I do not want to do what is expedient," Herrep said. "I want to do what is right."

Alarm coursed through Atvar. He wished he'd never uttered the word not-empire not-empire in the protocol master's hearing. By the nature of his job, Herrep cared more for punctilio than for the real world. The real world hadn't impinged on the imperial court for more than a hundred thousand years. But it was here again. One way or another, Herrep was going to have to see that. in the protocol master's hearing. By the nature of his job, Herrep cared more for punctilio than for the real world. The real world hadn't impinged on the imperial court for more than a hundred thousand years. But it was here again. One way or another, Herrep was going to have to see that.

Carefully, the fleetlord said, "If helping to ensure peace not just between two independent ent.i.ties"-that took care of empires and not-empires-"is not right, what is? And if you consult with his Majesty himself, I think you will find he has a lively interest in meeting the amba.s.sador from the United States."

On the monitor, Herrep stirred uncomfortably. "I am aware of that. I had, for a moment, forgotten that you were as well." Atvar almost laughed, but at the last moment kept his amus.e.m.e.nt from showing. That struck him as a particularly revealing comment. The protocol master went on, "Very well, Exalted Fleetlord. I have no good reason to accept Tosevite precedents, but you remind me I have no good reason to reject them, either. We shall go forward as if this wild Big Ugly represented a proper empire."

"I thank you," Atvar said. "By the spirits of Emperors past, I think you are doing that which is best for the Empire."

"I hope so," Herrep said dubiously. "But I wonder about the sort of precedent I I am setting. Will other wild Big Uglies from different not-empires come to Home seeking audience with his Majesty? Should they have it if they do?" am setting. Will other wild Big Uglies from different not-empires come to Home seeking audience with his Majesty? Should they have it if they do?"

"It is possible that they may," replied Atvar, who thought it was probable that they would. A starship from the SSSR was supposed to be on the way, in fact-but then, the SSSR's rulers had killed off their emperor, something the fleetlord did not not intend to tell Herrep. "If they succeed in coming here, they will have earned it, will they not? One group of independent Big Uglies, the Nipponese, have an emperor whose line of descent, they claim, runs back over five thousand of our years." intend to tell Herrep. "If they succeed in coming here, they will have earned it, will they not? One group of independent Big Uglies, the Nipponese, have an emperor whose line of descent, they claim, runs back over five thousand of our years."

"Still a parvenu next to the the Emperor," Herrep said. Atvar made the affirmative gesture. The protocol master sighed. "Still, I could wish they had got here first. We shall just have to endure these others." Emperor," Herrep said. Atvar made the affirmative gesture. The protocol master sighed. "Still, I could wish they had got here first. We shall just have to endure these others."

"They are all nuisances, whether they come from empires or not-empires," Atvar said. With a sigh of his own that came from years of experience, much of which he would rather not have had, he went on, "It may almost be just as well that many of them have kept their independence. They are too different from us. We had little trouble a.s.similating the Rabotevs and Hallessi, and we thought building the Empire would always be easy. Even if we do eventually succeed with the Big Uglies, they have taught us otherwise."

"You would know better than I," Herrep said. "Aside from the obvious fact that snoutcounting is ridiculous, everything I have seen of these Big Uglies-the ones who have come to Home-suggests they are at least moderately civilized."

Atvar made the affirmative gesture. "Oh, yes. I would agree with you. The American Tosevites sent the best they had. I was not worried about their lack of civilization, especially not here on Home. I was worried about how fast they progress in science and technology, and about how different from us they are s.e.xually and socially. I do wonder if those two difficulties are related."

"What could we do if they are?"

"As of now, nothing has occurred to me-or, so far as I know, to anyone else."

"Then why waste time wondering?"

"You are a sensible male, Protocol Master. Of course this is what you would say," Atvar replied. "The trouble is, the Big Uglies make me wonder about the good sense of good sense, if that makes any sense to you." By Herrep's negative gesture, it didn't. Atvar wasn't surprised. Nothing about Tosev 3 really made sense to the Race. Trouble? Oh, yes. Tosev 3 made plenty of trouble.

Dr. Melanie Blanchard and Mickey Flynn were floating in the Admiral Peary Admiral Peary's control room when Glen Johnson pulled himself up there. Johnson felt a small twinge of jealousy listening to them talk as he came up the access tube. He knew that was idiotic, which didn't prevent the twinge. Yes, Dr. Blanchard was a nice-looking woman- one of the nicer-looking women for more than ten light-years in any direction-but it wasn't as if she were his. And she would be going down to the surface of Home before long, a journey on which neither he nor Flynn could hope to follow.

"It's too bad," she was saying when Johnson emerged. "That is really too bad."

"What is?" Johnson asked.

"News from Earth," Mickey Flynn said.

Johnson waited. Flynn said no more. Johnson hadn't really expected that he would. With such patience as the junior pilot could muster, he asked, "What news from Earth?" news from Earth?"

"An Arab bomb in Jerusalem killed Dr. Chaim Russie," Melanie Blanchard said. "He was the grandson of Dr. Moishe Russie, the man for whom the Lizards' medical college for people is named."

"Did you know this Chaim Russie?" Johnson asked.

"I met him once. He was still a boy then," she answered. "I knew Reuven Russie, his father, a little better. He'd married a widow. She had a boy, and they'd had Chaim and another son of their own, who I think was also a doctor, and they were happy." She shook her head. "Reuven Russie would have been up in his eighties when this happened, so he might not have lived to see it. For his sake, I hope he didn't."

Johnson nodded. The news was fresh here, but all those years old back on Earth. Dr. Blanchard had taken that into account. A lot of people didn't. Johnson said, "Was the bomb meant for Lizards or for Jews?"

"Who knows?" she answered. "I don't think the bombers were likely to be fussy. They weren't before I went into cold sleep, anyhow."

"No, I suppose not." Johnson looked at Flynn. "There were advantages to being out in the asteroid belt for so long. News from Earth had to be big to mean much to us. When the Lizards fought the n.a.z.is, that mattered-especially because they blew up the Germans' s.p.a.ceship."

"The Hermann Goring, Hermann Goring," Flynn said.

"Yeah." Glen Johnson felt a certain dull surprise that the name didn't rouse more hatred in him than it did. Back in the vanished age before the Lizards came, Hitler had been public enemy number one, and the fat Luftwaffe Luftwaffe chief his right-hand man. Then all of a sudden the n.a.z.is and the USA were on the same side, both battling desperately to keep from being enslaved by the Race. Goring went from zero to hero in one swell foop. If the Germans started shooting missiles at the Lizards, more power to 'em. And if they'd been building the missiles to shoot them at England or the Russians, well, that was then and this was now. Nothing like a new enemy to turn an old one into a bosom buddy. chief his right-hand man. Then all of a sudden the n.a.z.is and the USA were on the same side, both battling desperately to keep from being enslaved by the Race. Goring went from zero to hero in one swell foop. If the Germans started shooting missiles at the Lizards, more power to 'em. And if they'd been building the missiles to shoot them at England or the Russians, well, that was then and this was now. Nothing like a new enemy to turn an old one into a bosom buddy.

That was then and this was now. Now Now was unimaginably distant for anybody old enough to remember the days before the Lizards came: the most ancient of the ancient back on Earth, and a handful of people here who'd cheated time through cold sleep. He looked out through the antireflection-coated gla.s.s. That was Home unwinding beneath him, in its gold and greens and blues: seas surrounded by lands, not continents as islands in the world ocean. The was unimaginably distant for anybody old enough to remember the days before the Lizards came: the most ancient of the ancient back on Earth, and a handful of people here who'd cheated time through cold sleep. He looked out through the antireflection-coated gla.s.s. That was Home unwinding beneath him, in its gold and greens and blues: seas surrounded by lands, not continents as islands in the world ocean. The Admiral Peary Admiral Peary was coming up toward Sitneff, where Sam Yeager and the rest of the American delegation were staying. was coming up toward Sitneff, where Sam Yeager and the rest of the American delegation were staying.

"Looks like a pretty good dust storm heading their way," Johnson said. The gold-brown clouds obscured a broad swath of ground.

"That kind of weather is probably why the Lizards have nict.i.tating membranes," Dr. Blanchard said.

"Gesundheit," Mickey Flynn responded gravely. "I've heard the term before, but I never knew quite what it meant."

Why, you sandbagging so-and-so, Johnson thought. If that wasn't bait to get the nice-looking doctor to show off and be pleasant, he'd never heard of such a thing. He only wished he'd thought of it himself. Johnson thought. If that wasn't bait to get the nice-looking doctor to show off and be pleasant, he'd never heard of such a thing. He only wished he'd thought of it himself.

Melanie Blanchard was only too happy to explain: "It's their third eyelid. A lot of animals back on Earth have them, too. It doesn't go up and down. It goes across the eye like a windshield wiper and sweeps away the dust and grit."

"Oh," Flynn said. He paused, no doubt for effect. "I always thought it had something to do with cigarettes."

"With cigarettes?" Dr. Blanchard looked puzzled.

Johnson did, too, but only for a moment. Then he groaned. His groan made the doctor think in a different way. She groaned, too, even louder. Flynn smiled beatifically. He would have seemed the picture of innocence if he hadn't been so obviously guilty.

"That's one more thing these evil people did when they shanghaied me," Johnson told Dr. Blanchard. "I used to spend more of my time on Earth than I did in s.p.a.ce, and I used to smoke. So when they tied me up and carried me away on the Lewis and Clark, Lewis and Clark, I had to quit cold turkey." I had to quit cold turkey."

"Take a good look at him," Flynn told the doctor. "Can you imagine anyone who'd want to tie him up and carry him away? Anyone in his right mind, I mean?"

She ignored that and replied to Johnson: "In a way, you know, they did you a favor. Smoking tobacco is one of the dumbest things you can do if you want to live to a ripe old age. Lung cancer, heart disease, stroke, emphysema . . . All sorts of pleasant things can speed you out the door."

"I liked it," Johnson said. "Nothing like a cigarette after dinner, or after . . ." He sighed. It had been a very, very long time since he'd had a cigarette after s.e.x. He tried to remember just how long, and with whom. Close to seventy years now, even if he'd managed to dodge a lot of them.

Now Mickey Flynn surveyed him with an eye that, if it wasn't jaundiced, definitely had some kind of liver trouble. He knew why perfectly well. He'd managed to hint about s.e.x in front of Dr. Blanchard. If he hinted about it, he might make her interested in it, perhaps even with him.

Or he might not. Doctors were unflappable about such matters. And Melanie Blanchard didn't like-really didn't like-cigarettes. "d.a.m.n things stink," she said.

"Been so long now since I've had one, I'd probably say you were right," Johnson admitted. "But I sure used to like them."

"Lots of people did," she answered. "Lots of people back on Earth are paying for it, too. Back when disease was likely to kill you before you got old, I don't suppose there was anything much wrong with tobacco. Something else would get you before it did. But now that we know something about medicine, now that most people can expect to live out their full span, smoking has to be one of the stupidest things anybody can do."

Johnson busied himself with looking out the window. He hadn't had a cigarette in something close to fifteen years of body time. If a kindly Lizard offered him a smoke, though, he suspected he would take one. A male of the Race who hadn't been able to enjoy a taste of ginger in a long time probably felt the same way about his chosen herb.

Johnson never got tired of the view. One of the reasons he'd become a flier was so he could look down and see the world from far above. Now he was looking down at another world from even farther above. As such things went, Home was an Earthlike planet. A lot of the same geological and biological forces were at work both places. But, while the results they'd produced were similar enough for beings evolved on one planet to live fairly comfortably on the other, they were a long way from identical. The differences were what fascinated him.

He got so involved staring at an enormous dry riverbed, he almost missed the intercom: "Colonel Johnson! Colonel Glen Johnson! Report at once to Scooter Bay One! Colonel Johnson! Colonel Glen Johnson! Report at once to-"

" 'Bye," he said, and launched himself down the tube he'd ascended a little while before. As long as n.o.body was screaming at him to report to Lieutenant General Healey's office, he'd cheerfully go wherever he was told. He'd go to see Healey, too; he was military down to his toes. But he wouldn't be cheerful about it.

"Good-you got here fast," a technician said when he came gliding up.

"What's going on?" Johnson asked.

"We got a Mayday call from the Lizards, if you can believe it," the tech answered. "Their stuff is good, but it looks like it isn't quite perfect. One of their scooters had its main engines go out not far from us. We're closer than any of their ships, and they ask if we can bring the scooter crew back here till they make pickup."

"I'll go get 'em," Johnson said, and started climbing into the s.p.a.cesuit that hung by the inner airlock door. He paused halfway through. Laughing, he went on, "They'll fluoroscope every inch of those poor Lizards before they let 'em into their ships. Gotta make sure they aren't smuggling ginger, you know."

"Well, sure," the technician said. "They'll probably send that Rabotev for the pickup, too. He doesn't care anything about the stuff-though he might care about the money he can bring in for smuggling it."