Homeruns: Wild Pitch Part 14

"I didn't know for sure that I was going to do it until about twenty minutes ago," he informed me with a casual shrug. He swallowed hard and looked like he was about to puke all over the floor. "I'd been thinking about it for a while, but some s.h.i.t Ike said to me made the decision easier. And as for the other, I have no clue, but I won't deny it if I'm asked again. I can't, Sean."

He reached out to me and I jerked away. I was so p.i.s.sed, I couldn't imagine being in the same room as him for fear I'd say something I couldn't take back. I'd managed to keep my s.e.xuality a secret for years, and all it took was one minute and a bitter ex-wife to put the final nail in the coffin of my career. Of course, it was easier for Mason, he'd just announced he wasn't going to play anymore, so it wouldn't matter to him if people didn't want him in the locker room with them.

"Atley, get your a.s.s back to the office. Now!" Coach Martinez's face was beet red and the vein near his temple was bulged and throbbing.

"I'm going to get a workout in while you're getting your a.s.s handed to you," I told him. "We'll talk about this later." Mason called out to me as I walked away from him, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything other than wave at him over my shoulder.

I pulled my phone of my pocket and saw that I already had five missed calls. Two were from a couple of my teammates and the other three were from Mason's dad. The guys could call me all they wanted and I wouldn't give them any information, but I figured Mr. Atley wouldn't take too well to being ignored. Since Mason couldn't exactly ask Coach and Ike to hold on while he took a call, I ducked out a side door to make the call.

"Sean, it's Bill." I laughed, wondering who he thought I expected to answer his phone. "Did you know he was going to do that?"

"No, sir. I was just as surprised as everyone else," I admitted. Mason's mom was in the background telling Mr. Atley to ask me questions for her, but I couldn't make out what she wanted to know, not that I had any answers right now. "He's in with Coach Martinez right now. I won't know anything else until he's done, and then he'll be able to talk to you himself."

There was a long pause on the line. "And how are you holding up, son?"

"About as well as you'd expect," I admitted to him. My call waiting kicked in and I saw that it was my father calling me. I knew what he'd have to say about all of this, and didn't know if I'd ever be ready to hear it, so I ignored the call. "I wish I knew how that woman knew..."

"Well, if I had to hazard a guess, I'd say someone probably overheard something Teresa said and twisted it to fit what they thought would make a good story," Bill offered. "Look, I know you're trying to process everything right now, but don't throw away what you and Mason have. Both of you need to face whatever comes at you there, but you need to do it together. Show everyone that you're not willing to give up on baseball or each other because of this."

It seemed so simple to hear him offer the unsolicited advice and I wished it'd be that easy to listen to him. I saw Angel and Rebecca storming down the hall toward me. "Bill, I have a feeling I'm about to have a really uncomfortable conversation of my own. One of us will call you when we're done. In the meantime, don't answer the home phone or the door. And if Abi hasn't already heard, please let her know and keep an eye on her."

"You don't have to ask," Bill a.s.sured me. "The two of you are family to us. We'll do everything we can to help you through this."

"Angel, Rebecca," I greeted them as I walked toward their way. "Safe to a.s.sume you'd like me to follow you?"

"Yeah, let's go," Angel growled. I felt smaller than I had in my entire life. "Boy, your only saving grace is that Mason stepped in it deeper than you did today."

I noticed that he didn't question whether she'd been telling him the truth. He knew. Everyone knew. Those who hadn't would be able to connect the dots and see what they'd been ignoring. "I know, sir."

"So what do you plan to do?" Rebecca asked.

I didn't hesitate before answering. "I won't deny it," I said with conviction. "I'll understand if that's going to create too much ha.s.sle for the team to deal with, or if they think it's for the best if I'm no longer a Maverick, but I won't turn my back on him."

"Good, I'm glad to hear that." I tripped over my feet. Rebecca turned when she heard me stumble, a wicked grin on her face. She motioned for Angel to head to the office so we could talk privately. "Look, I can't speak for Angel, Coach, or anyone else, but I'm proud of you. It takes courage to face something like this head-on, and it'll send a message to future players that they don't have to hide. We'll get through this meeting and I'll start putting together an official statement from the team."

"Okay." It meant the world to me that I had at least one person from the organization in my corner. Lord knew I was going to need it once Coach got his hands on me. "This is what you do, so I'll trust you."

Chapter 24.

"What in the ever livin' h.e.l.l was that stunt you pulled out there?" Coach's southern drawl was more p.r.o.nounced than I'd ever heard it, and I figured it was only a matter of time before he started throwing furniture across the room. We'd joked after bad games that you knew how p.i.s.sed Coach was by how thick the accent he studiously tried to hide was, but it wasn't far from the truth. The way I figured it, he was about thirty seconds from going Incredible Hulk on my sorry a.s.s. And now that the heat of the moment had pa.s.sed, I knew I had it coming. Coach had never been anything but good to me, and he deserved to know about my decision before the rest of the world.

"Sir, I'm sorry I didn't inform you before the press conference," I apologized, wringing my fingers under the table. "It wasn't done to intentionally keep the news from you, but as we were walking into that press room, I realized that it's time for me to hang it up."

"And you figured you blurting it out like that was the best plan of action?" he seethed. "You know, I'm seriously questioning the qualifications of the doctors up here. It's apparent to me, a dumb jock, that you have a pretty serious head injury if you're willing to throw away your career because of one injury."

"Sir, with all due respect, it's not about whether or not I'm able to make a full recovery," I told him. I didn't bother to tell him that I'd changed my bandage this morning after taking a shower and still have problems with my vision in my left eye. It might be correctable with gla.s.ses, but I highly doubt it'll ever be what it was, no matter what the doctors say.

But even so, my injury and my vision weren't the only things I considered when making my decision. It had just as much to do with the fact that the game I used to love had become tedious work. Long ago, I made myself a promise that I'd only play as long as I loved the game, because I watched too many players keep going, trying to live up to the expectations of others when their hearts had left long before. I didn't ever want to turn into one of those men.

"We both know there's no way the head office is going to sign off on a contract extension for me after the way my year went," I admitted to him, ashamed that I let my personal life affect my performance as much as it did. The team paid me a healthy salary, and I failed them. Until I sorted out everything else, I'd be no good to any team.

"Whether that's true or not, it doesn't change the fact that you have talent, Atley." Coach had calmed down enough that he sat at the chair he had been ready to rip apart minutes earlier. "You're right that it was a tough year for you, but the fact that you recognize that tells me that it's possible for you to turn it around. I've already spent hours fighting with management to get you a one year extension."

G.o.d, hearing that made me feel like a huge a.s.shole. I figured he'd be glad to see me go. Knowing that he'd stood up for me made me regret not talking to him before my announcement.

"Look, you've had one h.e.l.l of a week. I'm still livid that you did what you did out there, but I'm not ready to give up on you yet." I looked up to see Coach Martinez tapping away at his keyboard. "I don't do this often, but I don't want to lose you. I can't guarantee anything right this minute, because you've ruffled more than a few feathers, but I'd like to put you on the forty-man roster. That way you can take some time to think about if this is truly what you want to do, and we can see what the doctors have to say about your prognosis. We'll get together in December to make a final decision. Together."

As much as I thought I was at peace with my decision, I thought that seemed like a fair compromise. Coach had always been there for me, and maybe I could take the next few months to honestly think about where I saw my life heading over the next year or five.

"I can live with that," I told him. The fact that he was pressing so hard for this showed me that I might not be as washed up as I figured. Coach looked to be in a hurry to get somewhere when Ike popped his head in the door to remind him of the time. I stared at the table in front of me as he stood to leave.

"There are no guarantees at this point, Atley," he informed me without turning to face me. "You pulled a pretty bone-headed stunt in there and I doubt the suits are going to take kindly to being caught off guard that way."

"I understand, sir." Coach stood to leave, and I considered ignoring the elephant in the room the same as he seemed to be. I let him get almost to the door before speaking up. "Coach, one more thing..."

He leaned against the wall, knowing what I was going to ask. "Mason, what you do in your private life is none of my business. I can't say the rest of the team will feel the same way, or that the suits won't think your relationship is too much of a distraction, but to me, it makes no difference at all. The only thing I care about is whether or not you can get your head back in the game."

"Thank you, sir." I knew as I watched him walk away that he was right. Even though he said he didn't care, that didn't mean s.h.i.t in the clubhouse or front office.

Sean didn't answer when I tried calling him, and I worried that he'd left me here. Between his reaction to my retirement announcement and the fact that we'd both been caught off guard by the accusations about our relationship being the cause of my divorce, anything was possible. He'd spent years protecting this part of his life from everyone, and all it took was one minute for everyone to know. And while I didn't know how the word got out, I knew it was my fault. It had to be, because that b.i.t.c.h not only knew about us, she knew about Teresa signing the divorce papers.

I sulked to the employee entrance and cracked the door open just far enough to see two things. First, I caught a glimpse of Sean's Camaro in the parking lot, which meant he was here somewhere. Second, I noticed that the ma.s.s of reporters waiting for us to leave the building had grown substantially. I'd rather be anywhere but here, but there was no safe escape for me.

With game time approaching, it was hard to find a quiet corner to wait out the storm. I picked up my phone several times and shoved it in my pocket, telling myself this wasn't the time or the place for this phone call. I wasn't completely surprised when it rang.

"What do you want?" I spat out. I'd been considering calling Teresa for the past forty-five minutes, but now that she was on the other end of the line, she was the last person I wanted to talk to.

"Mason, I swear I didn't say anything to anyone," she cried. The bitter part of me wanted to ask if she was mourning the imminent loss of her divorce settlement, but I couldn't muster the energy to be a d.i.c.k. "I meant it that night in the hospital when I told you I accepted that we were through. I love you. You have to know I'd never do something to hurt you."

"How, Teresa?" I ducked into an empty storage room to keep my words from echoing through the hall. "How am I supposed to believe you wouldn't be a vindictive b.i.t.c.h? You admitted you came to the game that night so you could try to convince me to reconcile, so why should I suddenly believe you wouldn't do anything to sabotage my relationship with Sean?"

"You're right," she agreed. I heard her ragged sobs echoing in the receiver. "You're absolutely right, but I'm begging you to believe me. Other than when you and I talked in your room that night, the only person I said anything to was Sean on my way-oh c.r.a.p..."

I waited for her to share whatever she'd just thought of, but she didn't continue. "Teresa? Did you have something else to say?"

"Mason, I was so stupid." The waterworks started again. Having been on the receiving end of her exaggerated cries many times, I knew this was different. She bawled until she hiccupped, her ugly cry as she put it. "There was a woman sitting in the hall when I was talking to Sean. I didn't think anything of it at first, but when I looked over my shoulder on the way to my car, I saw her again. That has to be it."

"I'll tell Maria and have her look into it," I a.s.sured her. I didn't know if there was anything our press manager could do, but she'd be able to dig deeper than I could to find out where the rumor, or truth as it were, started.

Rebecca led me to Stu's office, where he and Angel were waiting for us. Stu stopped speaking mid-sentence when we walked through the door. He motioned for the two of us to sit and proceeded to stare at me, fingers steepled in front of his tightly pursed mouth. "Have you somehow managed to fool all of us? Are you telling me you're one of them queers?"

Bile rose in my throat at the slur on Coach's lips. He was nearly sixty years old and not terribly open-minded, so I shouldn't have been so appalled by his reaction. But I was, dammit. I'd more than proven my worth year after year, been loyal to the Mavericks, even when my agent got upset with me for turning down more lucrative deals, but it seemed it was all coming down to where I stuck my d.i.c.k at night.

"Stu, you can't say things like that," Rebecca scolded him. She swallowed hard before turning to me. "Sean, please know that Coach didn't mean anything by his statement. I think he's trying to process everything that's happening, as well as how it relates to one of the Mavericks' key players."

"I know you're doing your job, but I don't need you to speak for me," Coach argued. "Sean, I'm sorry. That was insensitive of me. I just... well, s.h.i.t."

Coach slumped back in his chair, defeated. "Sir, I know it's a lot to take in, but it's not the first time a team has had to deal with this situation. And you have the opportunity to handle it differently than it has been in the past.

"I knew it was only a matter of time before the truth came out, and I'd been trying to find a way to tell you because I wanted to avoid this exact situation," I admitted. Rebecca seemed to have a spark of inspiration as she started furiously scribbling notes on a legal pad she s.n.a.t.c.hed off Stu's desk. That was annoying, because I'd kind of hoped she'd help me out here. "I'd been hoping that we could keep this under the radar until the off-season, because I didn't want my personal life to negatively affect the team. I'm not foolish enough to think everyone's going to be cool with my personal life, and I don't want their feelings toward me to cause problems on the field."

"Well, they're going to have to get over it." This time it was Angel chiming in. All eyes snapped to him in disbelief. "Look, I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm also not saying it's going to be easy, but the league has policies in place and the management staff will do everything in their power to make sure it's understood that we will not tolerate ignorance or hate, on or off the field."

"Forgive me, Angel, but you can't be stupid enough to think those boys are going to accept this and move on as if nothing's changed, can you?" Stu was struggling to bite his tongue, and Rebecca was quick to jump in again, reminding him that his att.i.tude was a prime example of why we'd been trying to keep this secret.

"Stu, the team is going to look to you and the rest of the coaching staff for guidance on this," she reminded him, casting a critical glance Angel's way as well. "If you can't or won't accept the fact that Sean is still the same pitcher he's been all season, it'll be harder on them. On the other hand, you have a wonderful opportunity in front of you. You are the first manager who'll have to deal with an out player on his roster. You have the ability to show the world that it doesn't make a lick of difference who your players go home to as long as they're playing the best game possible.

"The league took a stand last year, but a lot of people still see the commissioner's press conference as little more than lip service," she continued. "They brought in a gay former player and gave him a fancy t.i.tle, but beyond that, little has been done to foster an accepting environment."

"Oh, come on, Rebecca! Are we talking about the majors here or are you trying to build a better school for underprivileged kids? An 'accepting environment'? Are you kidding me?" Stu slapped his hand down on the desk. "No matter what the league had someone write up as an official policy, that's not going to mean a d.a.m.n thing if the rest of the team is uncomfortable showering in the same locker room as a gay man. They'll be worried about whether or not he's going to make a pa.s.s at them or check them out."

It had been a s.h.i.tty morning, and that was the final straw. I lurched out of my chair quick enough that Stu flinched, thinking I was coming over the desk for him. Instead, I planted my hands on edge of the desk and leaned in so I knew he'd hear me. "Not once in all my years on the team have I ever checked out another player. I'm intelligent enough to know the difference between picking up tricks at a bar and doing my job," I snarled. I looked back to see Angel and Rebecca both smirking, and I had an idea. "Tell me, Stu... when we walk out of the office, will you be staring at Rebecca's backside? Is it difficult for you to sit here without staring at her cleavage?"

"Absolutely not!" Stu responded emphatically. Now, his face was beet red and the vein near his temple throbbed as he stood, mirroring my position so our faces were inches apart. "That would be completely inappropriate and I'd lose my job if she filed a s.e.xual hara.s.sment complaint."

I sat back in my seat, crossing my arms over my chest as I tried not to smile. "Seems to me you just made my point for me," I stated calmly. "Besides the fact that I've had years of watching what I do in the locker room because I never wanted anyone to get too close to the truth, it'd be career suicide for me to openly ogle other players simply because my secret is out there now. Why is it that you think you're capable of being professional, and yet you a.s.sume I won't be?"

"WellIs.h.i.t, I guess I didn't look at it that way," Stu admitted, shaking his head. "I can't guarantee how the guys are going to handle this news, but I'll take your word for it that nothing changes when you're here. If any of the guys take issue with this, I will make sure it's known that management has your back."

"Thank you, sir." It didn't go without notice that he was glaring at Rebecca the entire time he spoke. It wasn't that he was okay with my s.e.xuality, he was simply doing what needed to be done to keep the suits upstairs from blowing a gasket.

"As much as I'd love to sit here and chat all day, Angel and I do have a game to prepare for," Stu said dismissively. "Rebecca, until you have a statement prepared, I'll instruct everyone to refrain from commenting on this story any more than they may have already. Tucker, in light of everything that's happening, I think it'd be for the best if you take the day off."

"Yes, sir." I tried to ignore feeling as though I was being punished over something I couldn't control. He was right; my presence at the park would only detract from what truly mattered. However, there was one thing I had to do before heading home. I stood to follow Stu to the door. "Sir, if it's okay with you, I think I need to talk to the guys before I leave. I'm sure some of them will have already heard, but I'd rather they have the opportunity to hear this directly from me."

"I think that's a good idea," Angel agreed. "Sean's been an important part of our team for years now, and they'll respect him more if he addresses them directly."

"I'd prefer to not do this before a game, but I don't know that we have a choice. Come on, most of the guys should be getting ready by now."

The four of us walked down the corridor to the clubhouse. Stu had called down and asked that everyone meet us there in five minutes. When my teammates saw me walk in behind them, a few turned to look away and I knew that they all knew. Jason quirked an eyebrow before giving me a curt nod. This simple gesture rea.s.sured me that not everyone would turn their backs on me after today. Stu whistled to get everyone's attention.

"Before we head out to warm up, Tucker has something he needs to say to everyone. I'm sure you've already heard the rumor that was started at this morning's press conference. Sean wanted to give everyone an opportunity to clear the air so we can get back to playing ball."

He motioned for me to step forward. That annoying lump formed in my throat and I wished Mason were here to help me. Unlike me, he had no problem saying what was on his mind. The longer I went without speaking, the louder the whispers grew, to the point Coach let out a shrill whistle and scolded everyone to pipe down. "Guys, there's no easy way to say this," I started, wiping my sweaty palms against my thighs. "This morning, a reporter asked a question I've been trying to avoid for years. If you have something to say about anything you might have heard on your way in today, I trust that you guys know me well enough to know you can say it to my face."

"d.a.m.n, Tucker, whatever's going on spill it already!" My head snapped up and I saw Drew Jackson smirking at me. Hopefully his c.o.c.ky expression wouldn't morph into disgust when I finished my thought.

"Sorry, this is tougher than I thought it'd be." A few of the guys added their supportive comments as I took a deep breath. It reminded me that we were more than just teammates. We were a family, and even if they didn't like what I was about to say, they'd find a way past it. "Thanks, it means a lot to me to hear you guys tell me I'm freaking over nothing, but this is a really big f.u.c.king deal for me."

I looked around the room to see everyone watching me with rapt attention, even the guys who were doing everything they could to avoid direct eye contact. I was s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g this up. "f.u.c.k, okay...I'm sure you've all noticed that I'm one of the few single guys on the team. h.e.l.l, I know a few of you've made a pastime out of giving me s.h.i.t about it. The truth is, I'm not single, and I'm quite possibly happier than I've ever been."

"Does anyone else hear the closet door creaking open?" one of the outfielders quipped, causing a few snickers. And then the room went completely still as my teammates realized I wasn't disputing what he said. I hadn't once tried to deny what they already knew thanks to some sports reporter hoping to make a name for herself.

"Is that what this is all about?" Jackson asked. I cracked my knuckles and risked a look around the room.

"Yeah, I guess it is. Like I said, I know some people are going to be p.i.s.sed off, but I'm the same person today that I was yesterday."

It was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. A few guys stormed out of the room, but most of them were too shocked to move. "Alright boys, as much as I'd love to sit around shooting the s.h.i.t all day, there's work to be done," Coach hollered, breaking the silence. "As Tucker said, if you have something to say, you will say it to him or to me. But know this, the Mavericks organization stands behind his decision, and we'll do everything we can to make it known that his s.e.x life is no more interesting than any of you other a.s.sholes. There will be a zero tolerance policy for any bulls.h.i.t retaliation. Sean has made it abundantly clear that who he is off the field won't change his performance on the field, and I trust him to hold to that."

With that, we were dismissed to the field. Coach whistled again before we reached the doors. "One last thing before we head out there today. I shouldn't have to remind you of this, but if I see the words 'an anonymous source reports' anywhere online regarding this, I will find the leak and the punishment will be painful in more ways than one."

Drew hung back while the rest of the guys left with little more than a quick wave. I supposed that had gone better than I could have asked for, because no one had made any outwardly bigoted comments. It remained to be seen if that was because it didn't matter or if they really didn't care. "Hey, I wanted to let you know I think it's really cool that you did that," he said. I looked over to him and swore I saw stars in his eyes. It was a look typically sported by the rookies when they first walked in, and Drew had recently been called up from the minors for the first time. "I know it had to suck, but I've always thought it was stupid that it was such a big deal."

"Jackson, get your a.s.s out here," Coach barked.

"Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I'll have your back if anyone tries to say anything," he a.s.sured me before jogging off. I stood there, fighting the emotions threatening to get the best of me. It wasn't lost on me that most of my longtime teammates hadn't given me nearly the amount of support this new kid had.

Chapter 25.

My dad didn't say a word when he pulled up at one of the remote side entrances to the park. That was a relief, because I wasn't ready to talk about everything yet. I didn't want to say anything to anyone until I had a chance to talk to Sean. I needed to apologize to him for my role in outing both of us. Dad tapped unsteadily on the steering wheel as he drove, his body restless from the anger and disappointment he was holding in.

"Thanks for the ride, Dad," I said as I got out of his car once we were home. I needed a pain pill and a nap.

I stopped when dad's thick hand landed on my shoulder. Apparently, my reprieve was only temporary. I knew what it meant when his fingertips curled into my flesh that way. "Go tell your mother that we're home and meet me outside. We need to talk."

The worst words in the English language. Nothing good has ever followed 'we need to talk'. With my head hung, I walked through the front door. The house smelled like oregano and garlic, a sure sign mom was trying to cook away her anxiety. We'd likely have enough food to feed a third world country for a month by the time she was done. I kissed her cheek and let her know it smelled great. She turned and cupped my cheek, allowing me to see the worry in her eyes.

"How are you doing, Mason?" she asked, her warm hand still caressing my cheek.

"I've had better days," I admitted to her. There was no point in lying to her because she knew. My mom always knew when something bothered me, but she'd never push me to share with her. She'd simply stew in private until I was ready to talk. "Right now, I'd be doing a lot better if Sean wasn't ignoring me. He was pretty p.i.s.sed when Ike called me into the office and I have to make it right. I never wanted this to come out this way. If he leaves me, everything today will have been for nothing."

Mom raised her other hand to my cheek, holding me steady. "You listen to me," she scolded. "You messed up this morning, but not the way you think you did. A relationship takes hard work and communication to work, and I think you're still trying to figure out how to talk to him when something's upsetting you. I also think this is new for him and he's not used to having to consider what anyone else feels. If you can't work through this, you'll never be able to face the disagreements that really matter."

"Gee, awesome pep talk, Mom," I quipped, trying to take a step back but she stopped me.

"Stop with the tantrum," she warned me, making me wonder if she was getting ready to pull out a wooden spoon to whoop me with. "What you're missing is that this is not the type of issue you can't overcome. Every couple has challenges, and everyone in a relationship has made a decision without consulting the other at some point. It happens. Now, you have to apologize to him, make him understand what led you to make that little speech today, and move on. If you ask me, that'll be easy after going out there to explain the same to your father. He's worried about you. We both are. But you know that we've always stood by you, and we will this time as well."

"Thanks, Mom." When we hugged, I let her hold me as I breathed in the comforting scent of the same perfume she'd worn for as long as I could remember. She patted me on the back, wishing me luck as we both looked to the patio where my dad was waiting for me.

I shivered even though the temperature was warmer than it'd been all week. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen my father so upset with me. What made matters worse was the way he was folded over with his elbows resting on his knees, his posture screaming that I'd let him down. It would have been easier to deal with if he was p.i.s.sed off, but that wasn't his style. No, my dad was a firm believer that his job was to raise me to make my own choices, even when they meant he'd spent years and thousands of dollars for me to give up. That meant he wouldn't be angry, he'd simply wait for me to explain my logic to him so he could attempt to understand.

"Dad, would you say something?" I begged. I took the chair across from him, leaving the wrought iron fire pit as a shield between us.