Hobson's Choice: A Lancashire Comedy in Four Acts Part 21

HOBSON. Oh, but... there's a difference between affording and paying.

MAGGIE. You can go to the courts and be reported in the papers if you like. (_Moves to above table_, R.C.)

HOBSON. It's the principle I care about. I'm being beaten by a lawyer.

VICKEY (_going to_ HOBSON). Father, dear, how can you be beaten when they wanted a thousand pounds and you're only going to give 500 pounds?

HOBSON. I hadn't thought of that.

VICKEY. It's they who are beaten.

HOBSON. I'd take a good few beatings myself at the price, Vickey. Still, I want this keeping out of court.

ALBERT. Then we can take it as settled?

HOBSON. Do you want to see the money before you believe me? Is that your nasty lawyer's way?

ALBERT. Not at all, Mr. Hobson. Your word is as good as your bond.

(_Moves back_ L.)

VICKEY. It's settled! It's settled! Hurrah! Hurrah! (_Moves_ L. _to_ FREDDY.)

HOBSON. Well, I don't see what you have to cheer about, Vickey. I'm not to be dragged to public scorn, but you know this is a tidy bit of money to be going out of the family. (_Sits sofa_, R. C.)

MAGGIE. It's not going out of the family, father. (_Moves up_ R.)

HOBSON. I don't see how you make it out.

MAGGIE. Their wedding-day is not so far off as you thought, now there's the half of five hundred pounds apiece for them to make a start on.

(ALBERT _and_ ALICE, FRED _and_ VICKEY _stand arm in arm_, L.) HOBSON.

You mean to tell me--

MAGGIE. You won't forget you've pa.s.sed your word, will you father?

HOBSON (_rising_). I've been diddled. (_Moves_ C.) It's a plant. It--

MAGGIE. It takes two daughters off your hands at once, and clears your shop of all the fools of women that used to lumber up the place.

ALICE. It will be much easier for you without us in your way, father.

HOBSON. Aye, and you can keep out of my way and all. Do you hear that, all of you?

VICKEY. Father...!

HOBSON (_picking up his hat_). I'll run that shop with men and--and I'll show Salford how it should be run. Don't you imagine there'll be room for you when you come home crying and tired of your fine husbands. I'm rid of ye, and it's a lasting riddance, mind. I'll pay this money, that you've robbed me of, and that's the end of it. All of you. You, especially, Maggie. I'm not blind yet, and I can see who 'tis I've got to thank for this. (_He goes to foot of stairs_.)

MAGGIE. Don't be vicious, father.

HOBSON. Will Mossop, I'm sorry for you. (_Over banisters_.) Take you for all in all, you're the best of the bunch. You're a backward lad, but you know your trade and it's an honest one.

(HOBSON _is going up the stairs_.)

ALICE. So does my Albert know his trade. (_Goes_ R. C.)

HOBSON (_half-way up-stairs_). I'll grant you that. He knows his trade.

He's good at robbery. (ALICE _shows great indignation_.) And I've to have it on my conscience that my daughter's wed a lawyer and an employer of lawyers.

VICKEY. It didn't worry your conscience to keep us serving in the shop at no wages.

HOBSON. I kept you, didn't I? It's some one else's job to victual you in future. Aye, you may grin, you two, but girls don't live on air. Your penny buns 'ull cost you tuppence now--and more. Wait, till the families begin to come. Don't come to me for keep, that's all. (_Going_.)

ALICE. Father!

HOBSON (_turning_). Aye. You may father me. But that's a piece of work I've finished with. I've done with fathering, and they're beginning it.

They'll know what marrying a woman means before so long. They're putting chains upon themselves and I have thrown the shackles off. I've suffered thirty years and more and I'm a free man from to-day. Lord, what a thing you're taking on! You poor, poor wretches. You're red-nosed robbers, but you're going to pay for it.

(_He opens door and exits_ R.)

MAGGIE (_coming_ C.). You'd better arrange to get married quick. Alice and Vickey will have a sweet time with him.

FREDDY. Can they go home at all!

MAGGIE. Why not?

FREDDY. After what he said?

MAGGIE. He'll not remember half of it. He's for the "Moonraker's"

now--if there's time. What is the time?

ALBERT. Time we were going, Maggie--(_going to her_, C.);--you'll be glad to see the back of us. (_He shows_ MAGGIE _his watch_.)

WILLIE. No. No. (_Rising_.) I wouldn't dream of asking you to go.

MAGGIE (_moving up to get hats_). Then I would. It's high time we turned you out. There are your hats.

(_She gets_ ALBERT'S _and_ FRED'S _hats from rack_, R.)

Good night.

(ALBERT _and_ FREDDY _go upstairs_. MAGGIE _comes back_, C.)

Good night, Vickey.

VICKEY (_with a quick kiss_). Good night, Maggie.

(VICKEY _goes upstairs. She and_ FREDDY _go out_.)

MAGGIE. Good night, Alice.