Death's Door 38 Volume 3: Chapter 4: Abandon Self

In a world where everyone else is so powerful, each one has what I lack, power, wealth, and most of all, family….I once had the same thing. Once I was a servant to the angel who I came to call my master and I even had a son with her…sort of. But I did not realize that back then, I had everything. Those two were my family, the one who gave me purpose and the one I created…I …I miss them so much…

Why did that G.o.ddess have to take me away from them? What did she do to them? How can I find my way back home? I…I …I am lost. Stranded in the middle of nowhere, no this is not a dream, but I sure wish it was. Dreams always end when you wake up, but this nightmare keeps going non-stop. Please let it be over with, I can't take it anymore, I just wish to die, I just wish it to end, please someone, kill me!

Ambition, what ambition? I never had any! Those demons, they forced me to come here only to get captured here and experience h.e.l.l…

I will never forgive them…but they have a card on me, if I don't do this, they will easily kill her and since I am bound by contract I will die as well, this can't be any worse.

Why me? What did I do to deserve this? What kind of sin could I have committed in my previous life to be treated this horribly by this world.

Maybe it is because I am weak.

Nur Finnerman…is weak.

I was weak. I relied so much on the fact that I received a contract that I did not think of the consequences. I relied too much on dragon for safety. Now that both have been taken from me, I realize I am nothing. Nothing special, even lower than average if you may. In the end, I couldn't do anything but get captured even before I could rescue the one the Demons want to be saved, the Demon lord Arin Draco.

My life depended on it, if I don't save that Demon lord from this prison, then the Demons will kills Sariu, which by contract will kill me. That is what I thought at first, but now I realize…I was a fool. Overconfident, rash, and most of all, weak. There was no way a weakling like me could have done anything, anything of value…I am trash…a loser, a lowlife…a weakling. I just wish this to be over with.

As I got tortured more and more, with my body in pain as I watched the fatso cut me into pieces right before my eyes. He even had a mirror to make me see every time I was cut, every time a piece was removed, every time I was skinned, every time I was pierced with a long needle.

My arm, my legs, my stomach, my neck, all covered with multiple needles at least foot long. He even pierced me with hot skewers just like a meat being cooked on a skewer. Then from the coals he took a sword shaped like a needle, heated to the max and stabbed me in the eye, the eye ended up melting as I screamed. Now only able to see with my left eye…

This continued on for what seemed like an eternity.

I was broken. In body and soul, I was broken. Without Sariu's mana supplied to my body, I am just another mortal, I am not invulnerable to physical damage, I am just…a weakling.

I was not alone there. As I lay on the floor I could see another prisoner there looking down at me. But instead of pity, I saw something in his eyes. I a.s.sumed it was he, I couldn't really tell. He looked like a hybrid of a giant snake and human. With a cobrlike hood on his head, and scales all over him. He might have seemed hideous, with his slitted eyes, claws and fangs, but I was not afraid. No, he was my fellow sufferer. Covered in scars, so many injuries, even more than me. His face, aside from his cobrlike hood and eyes, were obscured with bandages. It looks like the torturer did not want to see snake-man's face.

As I lay there, unable to move. He put his hand upon my forehead and whispered.

"Don't give up. Everything will be ok."

I wish that was the truth. The next day, he was tortured, and from what was left of his body, I could tell he was no longer alive. The torturer, Fatty as I called him, literally cut the snake person out of his body. His skeleton, his insides, all have been gutted.

By the time I saw him again, it was just a giant skin of a serpentine with skin for arms and legs attached, but no flesh. He was gutted and skinned alive. My only companion in this prison of h.e.l.l, he was there even longer than me. He was here when I was first left in this prison. I did not talk to him, more like, I couldn't. My mouth was gagged with ropes and my vocal cords have been crushed. But he was my fellow sufferer, in a way; he was my compatriot, maybe even a friend. Now I was left alone.

He was killed, and I was still alive. I was too weak. I couldn't save him. I couldn't even save myself for crying out loud! Why? Why am I so pathetic? Why can't I do anything when the lives of those near me are at stake, why can't I even save myself?

I just…I just hate myself.

As the Fatty kept slicing me, I remember his words 'Abandon self, you are n.o.body~'

Yeah, he is right. I am n.o.body.

'Abandon self…'

No, I am Nur Finnerman!

STAB!

'Abandon Self'

I am Nur Finnerman!

'Abandon self.'

I…I am… Nur Finnerman…

Slash

This continued on, repeatedly, by the time he was done, I no longer knew who I was.

I was not Nur Finnerman, no, more like I no longer want to be him.

Nur Finnerman was an unfortunate soul, everywhere he went, anything he did; it all came crashing down on him. He never could do anything right, he never could save those who matter to him. He never could reach his goals; his dream of returning to his family was just a dream. A dream I learned to abandon.

Nur Finnerman was weak…I left him behind.

Now I am none…I don't want to be anyone.

The weaknesses that held Nur Finnerman back, I throw you away.

The attachments Nur Finnerman held, his master and his son, they no longer are here, they are forgotten, abandoned along with his fond memories.

I am…I no longer am him.

I am n.o.body. A blank slate.

Nur Finnerman was held back by his morals, his pitiful ambitions and attachments. I shall have none of that. I am n.o.body…so I can become anyone.

As my eyes faded, I realized I was slowly dying of blood loss.

My life, no, Nur Finnerman's life was slipping away, less and less of him was present, but I still remained. I was calm. I knew this all too well. My weakness that was Nur Finnerman was going to die. I couldn't be happier. Without him, I no longer have to hold back. No, I will not hold back at all.

As the darkness within my heart seemed to swallow us, I relished it. Nur Finnerman was being destroyed, but I, I only grew stronger. I am not Nur Finnerman who is being consumed by darkness, I am the darkness.

And in what seemed to be ages, the struggle between the darkness and Nur Finnerman ended. Darkness was victorious.

Nur Finnerman was gone; the only one left is me.

The Fatty now proceed to behead the body, but at the last moment I couldn't help but smile.

Now I was free, free of Nur Finnerman, at last…

Nur Finnerman was weak, but I am strong.

Nur Finnerman couldn't reach his full potential because of his morals, well; I have none to speak of. I am what he is not, and he is not what I am.

My body may be weak, for now, but all it means I have room to grow, if I don't have something, I just need to take it from someone else.

As my beheaded head hit the floor, for a few seconds I could see the body tumbling down to the ground.

This is Nur Finnerman's last ending…

…And my new beginning.