Heaven Hill: Losing Control Part 11

Chapter Twenty-One.

"I could get used to this. With you here, I'm not cold."

Jagger laughed. The two of them were lying on her couch, watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory. He had laid down first and opened his arms for her. With only a little bit of hesitation, she had fallen into those arms and pulled a blanket over them. For over an hour, she had snuggled so tightly against him that he didn't know where he ended and she began. If asked, he might even say that this would be a defining moment of his life.

"That's all I am to you? A heater?" He put his hand over his heart. "You wound me."

Moving her head to the side so that she could look at him, the grin that came over her face was contagious. "Speaking of wounding you, when did you take that picture to put on my phone?"

He cracked up in earnest now, laughing so hard she could feel his abdominal muscles contract. "I was wondering when you would see that. You didn't have a picture of me on there so Layne took one of me for you."

"Why were you T-Swifting in it?" she asked, laughing along with him.

"Isn't that the popular thing to do for young couples in love?"

Shock blanketed her face. Was he being serious? He was in love with her?

"Relax." He cupped her face. "I'm not confessing my everlasting love for you right now. It was just an expression."

She opened her mouth and closed it. "Okay. I mean, I don't want you to think that I don't care about you, but I've never thrown around the world 'love'," she explained.

"Either way, I just thought it would be cute. Layne gave me a bunch of s.h.i.t for being lame."

Running her hand through his hair, she pulled his mouth down to hers. She kissed him twice before pulling away. "Well thank you for being lame for me."

"d.a.m.n, you thought it was lame too?"

"Nooo." She drew her head back from his. "What would be lame is if you brought your guitar over and serenaded me with a song guaranteed to make you get lucky."

"Is there a list of those songs somewhere?" he asked dryly. "Because I would gladly memorize those chords and sing those lyrics."

"h.e.l.lo, I just said that would make you lame."

He flipped her over so that she faced him. "I think you're subconsciously telling me this because you want me to do it. I'm on to you, B." He ran his hands down her sides and gripped her hips.

"Maybe I'll make you a list sometime." She winked, entangling her leg with his.

Clearing his throat, he gestured to the TV. "We were watching a show here."

"We were, but I like talking to you a lot more," she confessed, hooking her foot along the back of his calf.

"So what, my dear, do you want to talk about?" he asked, pushing the hair back from her forehead.

She wracked her brain. What did she want to know about him? Already he had told her a little bit about his parents, but she craved to know more. In actuality, she wanted to know everything about him.

"What was your first car?" she blurted, surprising even herself. Out of all the things she wanted to know, that was the first thing that had come to mind.

"A late model Honda. That movie The Fast and The Furious had just come out. Everyone wanted a rice burner, and it just so happened I worked enough the summer I turned 16 to be able to get one."

Tucking her hand under her chin, she gazed up at him. "Did it make you popular?"

"Oh f.u.c.k yeah," he grinned. His gaze became soft and unfocused, obviously taking him back to another time. "Every girl in school wanted to be with me. Not just because I had my own car, but because I fixed it up. It was fast, and I drag raced it out on Highway 185."

"What happened to it?"

He grimaced. "Got drunk one night and wrapped the d.a.m.n thing around a tree. I'm lucky to be alive. Don't ask me why I tempt fate riding motorcycles. That's the first thing my Mom said to me when I told her I was goin' to prospect for Heaven Hill."

Her fingertips lightly ran against the soft fabric of his t-shirt. "Did it change your life?"

"The wreck or the motorcycle?"

That caught her off guard, but it was a legitimate question. "Both, I guess."

Jagger cleared his throat and tucked her head under his chin, wrapping his arms around her tightly. "The wreck changed a lot of things for me. I realized that I'm not invisible, and just because my parents told me not to do something didn't mean I had to. I was faced with my own mortality. Which, I'm sure you know, as a teenager is the last thing on your mind." He paused to collect his thoughts. "I'm really just glad and lucky that no one was with me. I'd had a date that night and had just dropped the girl off. She'd been drinkin' too and her Dad tried to take my keys, but I was a dumb f.u.c.ker back then."

"How in the h.e.l.l did you get into bikes?" she asked, her voice slow and lazy.

"My Dad, believe it or not. A couple of weeks after the wreck, I was b.i.t.c.hin' about everything. I was p.i.s.sed off that none of my 'p.u.s.s.y brigade' wanted to see me again; I was sick of sitting at home while everybody else went partying. That night, he rolled up with a bike on the back of his truck. Told me if I wanted to kill myself, I could d.a.m.n well do it, but I would have to wait until I was 18."

It all clicked in her head. "So that's when you left. The day you turned 18, you left on the back of the bike he gave you."

"Sure did...and I ain't ever looked back."

To look at him now, she wouldn't think he was such a rebel. To her, he had always just been himself. Even in the first couple weeks of them knowing each other, she had been a little bit scared of him. His face was always so intense, and he always carried an air of authority about him. She imagined-scratch that-knew that when he got something in his head, he went for it. Without a doubt, that's why they lay right where they were at this particular moment in time.

He coughed lightly, shifting so that he could gaze into her eyes. "So Bianca, tell me something about you."

It was only fair to share, but this made her nervous. "What is it that you want to know?"

Her eyes took him in when he tipped his head back, deep in thought. He was quiet for so long, she thought that perhaps she wouldn't have to actually say anything. She thought that maybe he had taken pity on her. "What's the one thing in life you're most scared of?"

s.h.i.t. Jagger had gone right for the jugular. No questions about her first car from this man who was so playful one minute and so serious the next. She wondered if she should just lie her way through this or be honest.

"Seriously?" Her eyebrow lifted, showing how she felt about his line of questioning.

"Hey, it's not my fault you p.u.s.s.ied out and asked me about my first car."

He had her there. "Oh okay," she huffed, blowing out a breath so deep that it moved her hair.

"No pressure and no judgment here. We're two people trying to get to know each other and trying to make this new relationship work. We have to find stuff out about each other," he reasoned.

Bianca knew he was right, but it didn't make admitting her deepest, darkest fears any easier. "Everything," she whispered.

"Care to pinpoint a couple of things?"

Tears sprang to her eyes, and for the first time, she gave voice to the things that nagged her conscious every day. "No, I'm serious. I'm scared of everything. I'm terrified that I'll never finish school, I'll never get out of this piece of s.h.i.t apartment, I've never taken a vacation and I feel like I'll never have the money for it, I'm worried that I won't be a good teacher. Will I ever be a wife? Will I ever be a mother? Will I ever be something other than what I am right now?" She was almost hyperventilating as she finished.

"Believe me when I say this to you," Jagger told her in a soft voice, trying to calm her down. His hands ran down her arms comfortingly, grasping her fingers tightly, forcing her to look at him. "You're perfect to me. I like every weird nuance and quirk you have. You don't have to change for me."

Acceptance had never been important to her, but for some reason hearing him say those words allowed her to breathe easier. "You sure?" she asked, not believing that he could like her neurotic tendencies.

He laughed. "I'm very sure. You're an enigma, Bianca Hawks. You act like such a bada.s.s, when really all you are is someone who worries about everything. It's sweet, and I'm kind of glad to know you have these hang-ups. It makes me feel normal."

With shaking hands, she clung tightly to his body. It felt good to be normal, even if normal was in the eye of the beholder. "You make me feel normal too. I know that it seems like we're taking this at a snail's pace and we're doing everything a.s.s backwards, but I'm glad you understand me."

"Baby, I don't understand a d.a.m.n thing about you. I'm just lucky," he deadpanned, catching her off guard and causing her to giggle.

She couldn't tell if he was joking or not and maybe that's what kept her coming back. That and the fact he never made her feel stupid for having a breakdown about the things that were important to her. Grinning, she leaned up, kissing him slowly on the lips.

"Then we're both pretty lucky."

"Yeah." He bit his lip and dug his fingers into her hair. "I'm beginning to think that maybe we are."

Chapter Twenty-Two.

Bianca awoke to sunlight streaming in from the blinds they had forgotten to close the night before and a heavy arm resting across her stomach, holding her closely. Entwining her fingers with Jagger's, she gave his hand a light squeeze. Not enough to wake him up, just enough to let him know she was there. He answered by tightening his arm around her and burying his head deeper into her hair. She could feel the sc.r.a.pe of an unshaven face on her neck. It was intimate and the epitome of all things that happened in relationships. A small smile worked its way across her face and she sighed happily.

She had slept through the night for the first time since the gunfire outside the apartment, feeling safe with him there. It wasn't that she felt like someone was going to break in and maim her at all times, but there was an uneasiness about being a female living alone. With him, she could let her guard down. Gone was the fatigue that normally dragged her down and the low-lying hum of wariness that she usually carried with her even during the day. Living the life she normally did was very lonely.

"I can hear you thinking."

For just a moment, she allowed that deep, sleep-roughened and slow voice to wash over her. It was a physical caress. Gooseb.u.mps appeared on her arms, and her legs rubbed together of their own volition.

"I can't help it," she admitted, running her hand over his. "When I have too much down time, my brain runs away from me."

Using his arm, he pulled her so that she lay with her back flat against the bed. Propped up on an elbow, he looked down at her. "We can't have that now, can we?"

The startling blue of his eyes were almost black as his gaze roamed her face and down further. She was nervous and she wasn't sure why. The tone of his body language told her that she was the prey and he was the hunter right now. Antic.i.p.ation tingled from her stomach all the way up to her mouth as she let out a soft giggle.

"You think this is funny?" His eyebrows lifted in question.

She shook her head from side to side. "Not at all, but you've got me just a little bit nervous," she admitted.

The side of his mouth lifted, a s.h.i.t-eating grin taking shape. "Maybe you should be."

Before she could answer, he dropped his head to her chest, zeroing in on where her nipple stood, already taut and ready for his attention. His mouth was warm against the cotton of her t-shirt, the sharpness of his teeth muted because of the barrier. As he worried the hard nub, it abraded against the texture of her shirt, causing her to moan loudly. With a mind of their own, her hands moved to his hair and buried themselves there, tugging his mouth more firmly against her. Wanting to get as close to him as she could, her back arched, driving her flesh deeper into his mouth. In answer to her moan, he moaned, moving so that he now lay atop her.

"Jagger," she breathed out on short pants of air. He was getting her hot and getting her hot faster than any other man had ever been able to.

The hardness pressing against her stomach told her just how much she was affecting him, and it gave her confidence. Reaching down, she grasped the sides of the boxer briefs he had slept in and pushed them down, just so that his c.o.c.k was freed from those confines.

Their hands smacked against one another as she lifted her shirt just over her belly and his fingers went to her core, wrenching aside the cloth of her panties. She wrapped her legs around him, urging him on.

Pulling his mouth away from her breast, Jagger heaved a breath. "Are you on anything?" This was way out of control, and someone had to make sure things were taken care of. He knew without a doubt that he wasn't ready for a child just because it was an "oops" moment.

"Yeah," she answered, pulling his mouth down to hers. The kiss was explosive as he thrust deeply into her body. She moaned, twirling his tongue with hers as she dug the heels of her feet into his back.

"f.u.c.k, Bianca," he groaned out. Nothing had ever felt like this before. No other woman he had been with had fit him so perfectly. It wasn't work withdrawing and plunging back into her body.

Digging her nails into his shoulders, she nodded. "I know." The voice she answered him with was guttural. The nip of her nails into his shoulders unleashed feelings in him that he didn't want to examine right now, but he knew they would have to be at some point.

Reaching under her body, his large hand grasped one cheek of her a.s.s, bringing it flush with him, allowing him to go deeper. She hissed, and he ran his lips down her neck. "You okay?" he asked against the slippery skin. Sweat began to bathe their bodies as they rocked against one another, the headboard of her bed slapping against the wall.

Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, she nodded. "I'm okay, it's just...a lot."

He knew what she meant. The feelings blossoming between the two of them were almost enough to send him running, and knowing that, he held on tighter to her. If given a chance, Jagger knew that she would be gone before he could even blink. "Stay with me, B," he pleaded with her.

"I'm here," she answered.

But for how long? The voice in his head asked. Jagger growled, frustrated that his mind was going there now, of all times. With superhuman effort, he took all those doubts and thoughts and shoved them into a box, locking it away from his mind. Those would just have to stay there because the woman he held in his arms was his life. He had no room for the doubts that kept trying to creep in.

Bianca moaned as he found an angle that pleased her greatly. "Don't stop, Jagger," she breathed out, almost chanting as he withdrew and pushed back into her body.

"I won't," his voice a promise. With strong fingers he gripped her around the thighs, hauling her as close to him as they could be. Once he crushed her body with his, he moved one hand up to brace himself against the mattress. "Hold on," he warned her.

With one hand, she gripped around his bicep, holding on as he sent them both further up the bed with the force of his thrusts. With her other hand, she cupped him around the neck, running her nails along the tendons there.

"Jagger," she panted. "I can't stand it."

"Me neither," he admitted.

Knowing that he was feeling everything she was gave her the confidence she needed. "Jagger, come for me," she pleaded, desperately needing to know that she could get him there.

"Only after you, baby," he told her as he spread her legs further apart with his body and grasped one of her hands in his. "Help me out," he told her, a wicked look in his eyes. With his hand, he directed her to the nub of her pleasure, dragging his finger across the distended flesh, bringing her hand along with his.

Her breath rasped deeper in her throat and her hips jerked faster against him.

"C'mon, B," he encouraged her as he picked up the pace. "If you get any tighter on me, I'm not gonna make it."

She could feel her entire body tightening as the feelings and sensations settled deep into the core of her body. When everything had just started to become too much, she erupted, gasping and undulating against him. Making a noise she had never heard from her throat before, she exposed her neck to him as she gave her body over to the vibrations wracking her from the inside out.

Jagger's rhythm faltered as she felt him jerk, burying his face in the curve of her neck and sucking strongly at a spot behind her ear. The groan that wrenched from his body gave her gooseb.u.mps again as he rolled away from her, collapsing on his side.