Heartsease; Or, The Brother's Wife Part 40

'No, there is no occasion; and I wish to be at home as soon as I can.'

'Well, my dear, you must decide your own way, but I thought you would be glad of the opportunity of being with John, and I should be glad, too, that you should see more of your sister. She is a very engaging person, and I am sure you would find her a more satisfactory companion than Mrs.

Finch.'

After this speech, Theodora would have suffered considerably rather than have gone.

'They will soon be at Martindale,' she said, 'and I cannot stay longer away from the village.'

'I wish at least that you would go down as I did for a day with Arthur.

You would enjoy it, and it would give them all pleasure. Indeed, I think it would only be a proper piece of attention on your part.'

She made no answer, but the next time Arthur was going, she instantly stopped all her father's arrangements for her accompanying him, by saying she was going to a lecture on electricity; then, when Lord Martindale began asking if Arthur could not change his day, she majestically said, 'No, Arthur would not disappoint Mrs. Martindale on my account.'

'If you would go, Theodora,' said Arthur, eagerly, 'Violet would not mind waiting. She would be specially pleased to show you the boy. It is very jolly there.'

The first time he had spoken to her of his three months' old son. If she had not been in a dire fit of sullen jealousy, it would have softened as much as it thrilled her, but she had the notion that she was not wanted, except to do homage to the universally-petted Violet.

'I cannot spare a day.'

So Arthur was vexed, and the frost was harder. John had not much expected Theodora, and was more sorry for her sake than his own. The last month was still better than the first, the brother and sister understood each other more fully, and their confidence had become thoroughly confirmed. The baby had taken a start, as Sarah called it, left off unreasonable crying, sat up, laughed and stared about with a sharp look of inquiry in his dark eyes and tiny thin face, so ridiculously like his grandfather, Mr. Moss, that his mother could not help being diverted with the resemblance, except when she tormented herself with the fear that the likeness was unpleasing to Arthur, if perchance he remarked it; but he looked so little at the child, that she often feared he did not care for him personally, though he had a certain pride in him as son and heir.

Violet herself, though still delicate and requiring care, had recovered her looks and spirits, and much of her strength, and John walked and conversed more than he had done for years, did not shrink from the society of the few families they were acquainted with, and seemed to have derived as much benefit from his kind scheme as the objects of it.

In fact his hopes and affections were taking a fresh spring--the effects of his kindness to Arthur and Violet had shown him that he could be useful to others, and he thus discovered what he had missed in his indulged life, crossed in but one respect--he saw that he had set himself aside from family duties, as well as from the more active ones that his health prohibited, and with a feeling at once of regret and invigoration, he thought over the course that lay open to him, and soon began to form plans and discuss them with his ever ready listener. His foreign winters need no longer be useless, he proposed to go to Barbuda to look after his mother's estates--indeed, it seemed so obvious that when he once thought of it he could not imagine why it had never occurred to him before; it would save his father the voyage, and when he and Violet began to figure to themselves the good that could be done there, they grew animated and eager in their castles.

That month sped fast away, and their drives were now last visits to the places that had charmed them at first. Their work was prepared for Mr.

Fotheringham's inspection, and Violet having copied out her favourite pa.s.sages of Helen's book, returned it on the last evening. 'I don't think I half understand all she says, though I do admire it so much, and wish I was like it.'

'You will be, you are in the way.'

'You don't know how foolish I am,' said Violet, almost as if he was disrespectful to Helen.

'Helen was once seventeen,' said John, smiling.

'Oh, but I have no patience. I fret and tease myself, and fancy all sorts of things, instead of trusting as she did. I don't know how to do so.'

'I know how weakness brings swarming hara.s.sing thoughts,' said John; 'it is well for us that there are so many external helps to patience and confidence.'

'Ah! that is what shows how bad I am,' said Violet, despondingly.

'I never keep my mind in order at church, yet I am sure I was more unreasonably discontented when I was not able to go.'

'Which shows it is of use to you. Think of it not only as a duty that must be fulfilled, but watch for refreshment from it, and you will find it come.'

'Ah! I have missed all the great festivals this year. I have not stayed to the full service since I was at Rickworth, and what is worse, I do not dislike being prevented,' said Violet, falteringly; as if she must say the words, 'I don't like staying alone.'

'You must conquer that,' said John, earnestly. 'That feeling must never keep you away. Your continuance is the best hope of bringing him; your leaving off would be fatal to you both. I should almost like you to promise never to keep away because he did.'

'I think I can promise,' said Violet, faintly. 'It is only what mamma has always had to do; and, last Christmas, it did keep me away. I did think then he would have come; and when I found he did not--then I was really tired--but I know I could have stayed--but I made it an excuse, and went away.' The tears began to flow. 'I thought of it again when I was ill; and afterwards when I found out how nearly I had been dying, it was frightful. I said to myself, I would not miss again; but I have never had the opportunity since I have been well.'

'It is monthly at home,' said John. 'Only try to look to it as a favour and a comfort, as I said about church-going, but in a still higher degree--not merely as a service required from you. Believe it is a refreshment, and in time you will find it the greatest.'

'I'll try,' she said, in a low, melancholy voice; 'but I never feel as good people do.'

'You have had more than usual against you,' said John; cares for which you were not prepared, and weakness to exaggerate them; but you will have had a long rest, and I hope may be more equal to the tasks of daily life.'

They were interrupted by tea being brought; and the conversation continued in a less serious style.

'Our last tea-drinking,' said John. 'Certainly, it has been very pleasant here.'

'This island, that I thought so far away, and almost in foreign parts,'

said Violet, smiling; 'I hope it has cured me of foolish terrors.'

'You will bravely make up your mind to Martindale.'

'I shall like to show Johnnie the peac.o.c.k,' said Violet, in a tone as if seeking for some pleasant antic.i.p.ation.

John laughed, and said, 'Poor Johnnie! I shall like to see him there in his inheritance.'

'Dear little man! I hope his grandfather will think him grown. I am glad they did not see him while he was so tiny and miserable. I am sure they must like him now, he takes so much notice.'

'You must not be disappointed if my mother does not make much of him,'

said John; 'it was not her way with her own.'

Then, as Violet looked aghast, 'You do not know my mother. It requires a good deal to show what she can be, beneath her distant manner. I never knew her till two years ago.'

'When you were past thirty!' broke from Violet's lips, in a sort of horror.

'When I was most in need of comfort,' he answered. 'There has been a formality and constraint in our life, that has not allowed the affections their natural play, but indeed they exist. There have been times when even I distrusted my mother's attachment; but she could not help it, and it was all the stronger afterwards. Madeira taught me what she is, away from my aunt.'

'I do hope it is not wrong to feel about Mrs. Nesbit as I do! I am ready to run away from her. I know she is spying for my faults. Oh! I cannot like her.'

'That is a very mild version of what I have felt,' said John; 'I believe she has done us all infinite harm. But I am hardly qualified to speak; for, from the time she gave up the hope of my being a credit to the family, she has disliked me, said cutting things, well-nigh persecuted me. She did hara.s.s Helen to give me up; but, after all, poor woman, I believe I have been a great vexation to her, and I cannot help being sorry for her. It is a pitiable old age, straining to keep hold of what used to occupy her, and irritated at her own failing faculties.'

'I will try to think of that,' said Violet.

'I wonder what powers she will give me over her West Indian property; I must try,' said John; 'it will make a great difference to my opportunities of usefulness. I must talk to my father about it.'

'How very kind Theodora is to poor little Miss Piper,' said Violet.

'Yes; that is one of Theodora's best points.'

'Oh! she is so very good; I wish she could endure me.'

'So do I,' said John. 'I have neglected her, and now I reap the fruits.

In that great house at home people live so much apart, that if they wish to meet, they must seek each other. And I never saw her as a child but when she came down in the evening, with her great black eyes looking so large and fierce. As a wild high-spirited girl I never made acquaintance with her, and now I cannot.'

'But when you were ill this last time, did she not read to you, and nurse you?'

'That was not permitted; there might have been risk, and besides, as Arthur says, I only wish to be let alone. I had not then realized that sympathy accepted for the sake of the giver will turn to the good of the receiver. No; I have thrown her away as far as I am concerned; and when I see what n.o.ble character and religious feeling there is with that indomitable pride and temper, I am the more grieved. Helen walked with her twice or three times when she was at Martindale, and she told me how much there was in her, but I never tried to develop it. I thought when Helen was her sister--but that chance is gone. That intractable spirit will never be tamed but by affection; but, unluckily, I don't know,'