He Who Gets Slapped Part 11

ACT II

_The same room, during the evening performance. Occasional music, laughter, shrieks, and applause are audible. Through the small windows, back centre, the light is shining._

_Consuelo and Baron Regnard occupy the stage; Consuelo wears her stage costume; she sits with her feet on the sofa, a small shawl covering her shoulders. Before her stands the Baron, a tall stout man in evening dress, a rose in his b.u.t.ton-hole; grasping the ground with feet well apart, he gazes at her with convex spider-like eyes._

BARON

Is it true that your father, the Count, has introduced you to a certain Marquis Justi, a very rich man?

CONSUELO

[_Surprised_]: No, he is only joking. I have often heard him speak of a Marquis Justi but I have never seen him----

BARON

And do you know that your father is just a charlatan?

CONSUELO

Oh! Don't say that--Father is such a dear.

BARON

Did you like the jewels?

CONSUELO

Yes, very much. I was very sorry when Father told me I must return them.

He said it would not be nice for me to keep them. I even cried a little about it.

BARON

Your father is only a beggar and a charlatan.

CONSUELO

Oh, no, don't scold him--he loves you so much.

BARON

Let me kiss your hand----

CONSUELO

Oh, no, it isn't proper! One may kiss the hand only when one says how do you do or good-bye. But in the meantime you can't.

BARON

Everybody is in love with you, that is why you and your father make such a fuss about yourselves. Who is that new clown they call HE? I don't like him, he's too shrewd a beast.... Is he in love with you, too? I noticed the way he looked at you....

CONSUELO

[_Laughing_]: Nothing of the kind. He is so funny! He got fifty-two slaps yesterday. We counted them. Think of it, fifty-two slaps! Father said, "if they had only been gold pieces."

BARON

And Bezano, Consuelo.... Do you like him?

CONSUELO

Yes, very much. He is so good-looking. He says that Bezano and I are the most beautiful couple in the world. HE calls him Adam, and me Eve. But that's improper, isn't it? HE is _so_ improper.

BARON

And does HE speak to you very often?

CONSUELO

Yes, often.... But I don't understand him. It seems as if he were drunk.

BARON

"Consuelo"!... It means in Spanish ... Consolation. Your father is an a.s.s.... Consuelo, I love you.

CONSUELO

Talk it over with Father.

BARON

[_Angry_]: Your father is a swindler and a charlatan. He should be turned over to the police. Don't you understand that I _cannot_ marry you?

CONSUELO

But Father says you can....

BARON

No, I cannot. And what if I shoot myself? Consuelo, silly girl, I love you unbearably ... unbearably, do you understand? I am probably mad ...

and must be taken to a doctor, yanked about, beaten with sticks. Why do I love you so much, Consuelo?

CONSUELO

Then, you'd better marry.