Harper's Round Table, April 30, 1895 Part 12

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WISER THAN A WIZARD.

A Rare Combination of Natural History, Folk-lore, Charade, and Riddle, with Prizes to those who Unravel Most of the Forty Queer Questions.

Once there lived a very wicked King, a brother of the original Bluebeard. (1) He had an only daughter called Minnehaha. (2) She was a very obedient girl in every respect save one--she would not hearken to the suit of Harry Hotspur, (3) whom her father had determined she must marry. Continuing in her refusal, her father threatened to imprison her in the Plenty Perplexing Puzzle Palace, known as the Four Pi's, (4) the residence of the English Merlin. (5) Finally a compromise was effected--the princess was to marry that man, be he prince or beggar, who should present a query to the King's Wizard which he could not answer. If, however, the Wizard did answer correctly, the propounder of the query was to lose his head.

All the details being fixed, a band of naturalists on their way to the Island of the Moon (6) stopped to try their fortunes. In turn they asked for the edible English philosopher, (7) the species of mollusk that is used in all printing-offices, (8) the bird that is always in evening dress, (9) the bird (10) that sometimes brings corns on your feet, the animal that cannot say no, (11) the insect that fills the new Boston Public Library to the number of many thousands, (12) and the fish (13) that everybody seeks after. As the Wizard replied to all correctly, he chopped off the heads of the questioners. Then d.i.c.k the Scholar (14) arrived, and demanded the Story of Molorchos. (15) As soon as the story had been related, d.i.c.k's head followed the others into the basket. Next came the Knight of the Lions, (16) singing:

"A hundred and fifty if rightly applied To a place where the living did once all abide-- Or a consonant joined to a sweet-singing bird-- Will give you a name that you've oftentimes heard.

Which 'mong your friends at least one person owns; It's a rival of Grey, and as common as Jones." (17)

The Wizard was wise.

A quartet of historians now made their appearance; they asked, respectively, for the statesman (18) who has always been a thorn in the side of Americans; the Colonial general (19) who might have been used to close the Revolution; the American poet (20)whose mouth was larger than his head; and the New England doctor (21) for which the city of Philadelphia is famed.

Once more the King's agent triumphed. Next came the most learned (22) of all the Romans, who asked for Molly Maguires. (23) "You are only fit to wear a steeple-crowned hat," (24) said the wise man when he had given the required explanation, "but I will be lenient with you."

Just now a beautiful song is heard. It is sung by the Prince of the Ode, (25) and it runs as follows:

"My first makes all Nature appear with one face, At my second are music, beauty, and grace; And if this charade you cannot e'er guess,-- Throwing my whole at your head,-- I'll take the princess." (26)

But he didn't. The princess remained for another. A poor knight from the Land of Cakes (27) inquired for Tom of Lincoln, (28) but he did not live long enough to use the information when it was given him. An arrogant fellow who imagined the princess was his, said, "Tell me, if you can, to whom did the flying tapestry belong?" (29) That was the last question this man ever propounded. A tall minstrel, who reminded one of the Snow King, (30) presented this:

"My first we oft lend to each other in turn, To borrow it would be exceedingly droll; My next near my first you may often discern.

In my first too, alas! you perhaps find my whole." (31)

"Tell me where I can find the Key of Russia?" (32) inquired a bold adventurer. The Wizard told him, and, brave as he was, he lost his head completely.

"I am here to seek the First Gentleman of Europe," (33) said a young gallant. "You are on the road to him," rejoined the Wizard.

A jolly old chap, who resembled the King (34) noted for his penmanship, walking up slowly, shouted:

"What insects (35) does everybody sleep on?"

The princess was yet to be won.

Jack-amend-all (36) then said, "Who was the first Lady Magistrate?" (37) After poor Jack was despatched, there came up the citizen (38) of New Jersey who laid plans to kill King George III., but fired some British naval stores instead. He said this business of trying to get the princess was coming to be so hazardous that, old as he was, he would have to be allowed to ask four questions or none at all. The Wizard agreed readily.

"Who (39) made the first use of steam-power in printing?" he asked, and the Wizard answered promptly.

"In what city (40) was the first republican government in America established?" The Wizard again answered promptly.

The man began to look grave. Half his chances were gone. Summoning courage, he propounded this: "The name of the wife (41) of an English admiral who tried to get state secrets from an American gentleman by arranging some social games of whist." The Wizard related the incident, with names of all parties, without an instant's hesitation. The sweat began to start on the man's face. Only one chance remained. "Name the prince, (42) afterwards king of England," said he, desperately, "whose wife sucked the poison from his arm when he had a narrow escape from a.s.sa.s.sination while on his way home from a Crusade."

The Wizard named the prince and finished the Jerseyman in the same breath.