Gypsy Kiss: Micah Part 11

"Okay...so...how come you've never had a proper relationship before?"

He rolled his eyes and smiled, amused. "What sort of question is that?"

I shrugged and half-smiled. "I find it incredulous. I mean I have no trouble at all believing you've...put it about a bit..."

He scoffed at that. "You have me pegged as quite the man wh.o.r.e, don't you Jewls? You think I'm easy and just after the next easy lay?"

"I've seen you in action, Micah. At work, seen what you're like with the girls."

"That's my job," he said, "I flirt because it gets them to come on the ride, spend their money. That's all. That said, I have always had a healthy s.e.x life, yeah."

"But no girl has ever caught your eye and made you want...I dunno...more than s.e.x?"

"Sure," he said, "well sort of. There's been times I've liked someone enough to give it a go, with something more, but it's never worked out, for a few reasons I guess. Looks...they are the first thing that draws you to someone. No use people saying that's not true, because it is. When you fancy someone you look twice, something stirs in you. At that stage...you're looking for quality. But...as time goes on and a relationship tries to form, you start looking for quant.i.ty, for something more than a pretty face. Women do, anyway. And there...I always kinda fail."

I frowned, confused. "I don't understand..."

He sighed and sat up, thinking carefully. I shifted in his lap, a.s.suming it was an indication he wanted me to move, I figured his leg had to have gone dead by now, but he squeezed his arms around me, holding me to him. The fingers of his right hand lazily slid up and down my back.

"Okay Jewls...think of it this way. You have a Christmas tree. And under the tree, there's loads of presents. But one stands out. It has shiny paper, much shinier than the others. Maybe a bow on the top...it's been expertly wrapped and it just looks...so amazing next to the others in the cheap paper. As Christmas gets nearer you get more excited about what's in that wonderful parcel. And then the time comes to look, to go a little deeper and...it's a scarf. It looked amazing but it's just a scarf and the disappointment is monumental."

I sat silently, waiting for him to go on, before I realised he was done, watching me expectantly. I burst out laughing and shook my head.

"Micah Machvaya, you are not and never could be just a scarf!"

He grinned at that and I swear I saw him blush. "A very nice scarf I'm sure, but just a scarf."

"Shut up!" I laughed. "You're not a scarf. And if you were, you'd be one of those exquisite ones made of pure cotton or silk, made in some far off foreign land, that's a vast array of different bright colours and turns heads in admiration. And you would belong draped around a beautiful lady, a princess maybe..."

He raised one eyebrow and I realised I had gotten carried away, the writer in me escaping out my big mouth. I felt the heat of a blush spread across my cheeks.

He flipped me over in one smooth motion before I had a chance to protest, swinging a leg over me and straddling me, grinding up against my body, his tee shirt riding up a little to reveal that flat hairy stomach smattered with dark hair that I loved so much, l.u.s.ted over. He hovered over me, his lips almost touching mine almost, but not quite and met my eyes with his, making it impossible to look away. My emotions were scattered all over the floor, an odd mix of l.u.s.t, arousal and slight fear.

I had always had an issue with personal s.p.a.ce, when people got too close to me it scared me sometimes, I found the sensation suffocating and scary. I'd love to be able to say that Micah being that close wasn't scary, that with him it was different, but the fear was still there, the uncomfortable knot in my stomach. And yet with him it was thrilling too. I liked him that close to me but it also terrified me. The realisation made me angry.

I had felt many emotions over the years when I thought about Andrew. Fear was the most obvious one. Of course I was afraid of him, when he had snapped, which happened more and more as time went on, his eyes glazed over and I knew he was going to hurt me, yes...I was scared of him.

Disappointment was another emotion I a.s.sociated with him. Because I wanted him to love me properly and I realised fairly early on that was never going to happen. I had settled for second best when I married Andrew, and I was always going to be disappointed when I didn't get the relationship with him that I wanted that I now wanted with Micah.

Chapter Eight.

Jewls Despair, that was a major emotion I had experienced over and over with Andrew. That feeling of just being trapped and being unable to see any way out.

But that anger...that was new. I was mad, because I realised that for all the bruises he had given me, this right here was going to be his real parting gift to me. The bruises were long gone, but the psychological damage was going to last a lifetime. The feelings of inadequacy, the claustrophobia, the inability to be physically close to someone without feeling suffocated that was his legacy. He had broken me down and made me weak, and I hated that even though I had left him, I was still living with the effects of our relationship. Like he had left his fingerprints all over me. The thought made me shiver. I wanted to let Micah all the way in, I wanted to trust him but I felt completely incapable of doing so. The realisation sat bitterly inside me.

Micah was everything I wanted, and we were never going to be able to have a relationship because I wasn't capable. And sooner or later he would get bored of pursuing me and getting nowhere and he would move on. And maybe there would be others come along, but the same thing would happen again.

I was damaged goods and that was never going to change, no matter what Micah said or did. He could tell me a hundred times a day that he thought I was beautiful, exceptional, what he wanted...I would probably never be able to fully believe him.

I felt my whole body tense up, torn between wanting to shove him off and create distance lots of distance between us, and wanting to have him closer, wanting to grab him and kiss him. I could feel his breath on me, hot and heavy, and good G.o.d I could feel his erection pressed against my thigh. Jesus, if he tried anything on now I was likely to knee him in the b.a.l.l.s on sheer reflex and run crying in floods of tears. My body might want him, my heart too...but my mind was not ready for this, not even remotely.

"Draped around a beautiful lady, huh...? Like...like this...?" he trailed kisses along my neck, from my ear to my jaw, each one sending a jolt of electricity through me.

In those moments, where his lips touched my skin, something extraordinary happened, something I never imagined possible.

I forgot.

I forgot everything my fear, my emotional turmoil, all of it. The only thought, the only sensation of any description, was him, Micah. He took over my entire world and made it good.

I gulped and managed to nod. "Uh huh...mmm...yeah, kinda like that..."

He nodded, seemingly satisfied with my response and let out a low moan, almost as though collecting himself and trying to backtrack a little.

"I want to kiss you so badly, Jewls. But I know you're not ready. I can tell...there's like an invisible barrier around you. I intend to break it down, but there's no rush. All the time in the world. I don't know...what happened to you, but I do know I can make it better, when you're ready to let me in. No rush, no pressure. Okay?"

I nodded stupidly, my senses a gooey mess on the floor.

He smiled brightly, his beautiful eyes sparkling and nodded. He leaned forward again and kissed my nose, and then rubbed our noses together affectionately, smiling again.

I never would have believed that any man could look at me like that, least of all a man like Micah. How on earth had an ordinary girl like me caught the eye of such a beautiful human being? This was utter madness and too good to be true.

And yet I found myself once again daring to believe. That's what he did for me, above all else, with one simple look. He made me believe in myself. He made me believe in the fairy tale. And above all, with one simple look, he made me feel loved. He was already chipping away at my defences, at that invisible barrier around my heart.

That's what Micah did for me. And it was wonderful, exhilarating and scary as h.e.l.l.

Micah It was a risky move, jumping on her like that, and a mistake. I knew that almost right away. It was a mistake, for two reasons.

First, I was h.o.r.n.y as h.e.l.l, and being straddled on her like that was so arousing and beyond frustrating. Any other girl I had been with, any other girl, and that moment there would have ended in hot, fast, rough s.e.x. That was never on the cards with Jewls. Never, or at least not yet. And leaning over her like that, my rock hard c.o.c.k as obvious as h.e.l.l bulging in my jeans...it felt wrong, crude somehow. Like I was trying to mark my territory or something, which I wasn't but...I could see almost right away how it looked.

The second reason was her reaction, which she did her best unsuccessfully to cover up. I felt her body tense and I could almost sense her fear as though it were my own. It was more than nerves; it was fear, though I could tell it was conflicting inside her with the same l.u.s.t that I felt. I think I hope I made up for my less than gentlemanly behaviour by letting her know I was in no rush, and that it was okay to feel the way she did, and she did relax, but I still felt kind of bad. Still, I was learning just like she was. And just like Jewls, I was in unfamiliar territory here.

The big league.

After I moved my stupid big b.u.t.t off her knee and sat beside her again I felt her exhale and I shared that feeling. Like coming down off a major adrenalin rush.

"So," I said, keen to move on, "my question. It's my birthday on the twenty-fifth of this month. My family well, my sister are planning a barbeque to celebrate. And I was wondering if you would come?"

She seemed genuinely surprised at that and raised her eyebrows, actually pointing to herself. "Me?"

I grinned and nodded. "Yes Jewls. You. My house, for my birthday barbeque on the twenty-fifth. What do you say?"

I waited for her to come up with an excuse why she couldn't make it. So I was surprised when she smiled broadly and nodded. "I'd love to."

"Great!" I said, happily. "Yeah, that's great."

Jewls I loved spending time with Micah. Be it at work, walking home, sat on the beach eating our lunch...I just loved being around him. I could not get enough of the man, more so since we seemed to be more on the same page now. I had made a real effort to let him in, to relax a little and try to trust him. I can't say I completely trusted him I didn't completely trust anyone but I felt safe enough with him to be myself and by some minor miracle he seemed to like me just as I was. It was surreal to say the least. I was enough, for the first time in my life.

At least, I thought I was.

What I have learned about me and Micah is there will always be something to trip us up. The next drama is always just around the corner. It's the just the type of couple we are.

Over the weeks since we had met we had been up and down more times than The Screamer, the park's rollercoaster and main attraction. Though it could be argued the main attraction was the waltzer when Micah was on duty. From me tripping on my shoelace and landing on him, to our fun filled shifts together, to the disastrous bet fiasco, to his subsequent apology, him buying me the phone, to him messing up with the money...he was making me giddy, but in a good way.

I was beginning to open up, to really open up and as a result I was growing as a person, growing in confidence and happier than I had been in...well, happier than I had ever been.

I had a life, a job I loved, my freedom, friends, money to call my own and the most gorgeous man in the whole world actually wanting to be with me. I truly believed nothing would ever bring me down again, because I believed that if anything ever threatened to, Micah would have my back, and anything that threatened to hurt me he would squash like a bug under his shoe.

Without realising it, I had begun to trust him more than I had ever thought myself capable of.

So the sheer emotional agony I felt when I walked into the park that night and caught him with his hands all over one of the girls from the dodgems Amy her name was kissing her neck the same way he had kissed mine, I can't even begin to explain.

I had just been walking through the park, in no hurry because I was half an hour early meeting Micah from his shift when I heard the giggle coming from behind the waltzer. Naturally my eye was drawn that way, and what I saw made all the blood in my body seemingly turn to ice in my veins. I could have cried right there on the spot if I hadn't been so numbed by what I was seeing.

Amy had her back up against the back of the ride and he had his hands on her hips, grinding into her and kissing her neck furiously down to the top of her cleavage.

Ordinarily I would have hurried along, a little embarra.s.sed to have intruded on such a private moment but there was something about the man that had stopped me in my tracks. Even from behind I recognised him. His build, his stance, his shiny black hair. There was something different about him, something I couldn't put my finger on, but my head already knew what my heart refused to acknowledge just yet. My heart was still in denial, until Amy finally spoke no, purred into his ear and simultaneously broke my heart.

"Ooh...Mr Machvaya, we must stop meeting like this. Mmm, I'll give you a lifetime to quit that..."

The responding chuckle was the knife twisting into my already shattered heart. "Mmm, you love it."

"Yeah, but still you...oh, f.u.c.k..."

It took me a second or two to catch up that Amy had clocked me standing there. She was trying to shove him off; he was having far too much fun trying to devour her b.r.e.a.s.t.s to comply.

"Amy, what?" he muttered, frustration evident in his tone. He pulled away from her and his eyes locked with mine.

There was something different about him, something I couldn't place, but I was too upset to think too deeply about it. Still I could only stand and stare at them both.

And then he smiled at me, more of a smirk, and that was the trigger that had me turning on my heel and running away from the sight before my eyes, a sight I was sure would be burned in my memory forever. The day that the universe righted itself and put me back in my place.

Jewls The fairground at night is a truly beautiful place. It's filled with happiness and good vibes. Music, wonderful smells and life. The lights everywhere are just beautiful if you take the time to stop and look around you, to look up.

There is something ominous and eerie and utterly romantic about an old fairground. They seem to soak up history and hold it all like a sponge. Like years of joy, laughter and fun all stay and seep into the big wheel and the carousel and all the other rides. And each night these emotions explode in a kaleidoscope of colour, lights and sounds for new people to come and feel and add to. It's a special place, a place for childhood memories, romantic encounters and for dreams to come true.

For me, it's where I met the man of my dreams and fell in love...with him, and with myself.

It's where I was reborn........but now....it could be where I was broken.

I stood in the middle of the park in a total trance, oblivious to everything but those beautiful lights, and felt my heart breaking. I loved this place so much; it had come to mean the world to me. It had been the place that had saved me and given me a new life and it had occurred to me that if my feet ever found the energy to move forward, I would have to walk out the gate and never come back. How could I work here now?

And yet, almost beyond my conscious awareness, my feet were already moving, slowly but surely, until I found myself standing in front of the waltzer, just staring up at it, as though trying to work out how I got there.

"Jewls...?" I vaguely heard Alex say. "You okay, Jewls? Mic, get over here, she's crying I think..."

Micah I followed Alex's gaze down onto the gra.s.s next to the ride and sure enough, there she was, standing just looking up at the ride. In the lights flashing around her I could see her eyes sparkling. She just stood there, staring at nothing in particular. Something about her stance and those obvious tears in her eyes made my blood run cold and I jumped down all the steps in one, standing before her.

"Jewls?"

Her eyes turned to mine, and she looked at me like I was a complete stranger. Not just a stranger, but one she didn't particularly like. The fact that she still hadn't said anything didn't sit well with me at all. I reached out a hand to touch her arm and she shrugged me off violently.

"Don't touch me." she hissed aggressively.

I moved my hand away again. "What's wrong?"

She narrowed her eyes. "You're actually gonna do it."

"Do what?" I asked. I had no clue what the h.e.l.l she was on about, and she seemed in no hurry to elaborate and put me out of my misery.

Christ, what have I done now?

"Pretend."

I sighed, trying so hard not to lose my patience, but d.a.m.ned if she wasn't testing it. "Pretend what?"

She slapped me then, for the second time in our up and down relationship and this time she didn't hold back at all. The force behind that slap was incredible, almost knocking me sideways. I looked at her incredulously, throwing both hands in the air.

"Christ, what the h.e.l.l was that for?"

"You know fine well!" she screamed. "Do me a favour and stay the f.u.c.k away from me, right? Never talk to me again!"

"Jewls, what am I supposed to have done?" I asked, trying hard to contain my rising emotions. I was frustrated, angry and scared all in one go.

Jewls Was he for real? Although the anger was a welcome distraction from the heartache, I can't deny it still hurt like h.e.l.l. And his att.i.tude was hurting me almost as much as what I had seen behind the ride.

"Well...I guess you can take the boy out of the gypsy, but you can't take the gypsy out of the boy, huh?" I snapped. That was below the belt, but I couldn't help myself. I was mad, but more than that, deeply hurt. Scratch that, devastated.

He frowned, clearly offended. He grabbed my arm and practically dragged me round the corner from the ride, out of the way of all the eyes on us. Of course he did he didn't want his adoring public finding out what an utter t.w.a.t he was.

"What's that supposed to mean?"