Gruesomely Grimm Zombie Tales Part 9

"Yep, so do I," agreed the second.

"But I'd still like to grub on his liver," added the third.

Jake jogged back to his RV, leaving the trio of zombies in a cloud of dust. Driving along for a while, he found a neighborhood of upscale houses and pulled over. It looked like the military had tried to set up a base in a park that sat in the hub. There was a huge pen full of a mob of zombies, and they were very unhappy.

"...years we've been in here..."

"...get off my toes..."

"...can't feel my arm..."

"...don't have an arm, you idiot..."

Jake stood outside the pen, listening to the chorus of complaints. He never knew that zombies were so miserable and grouchy. An idea came and he went through several of the empty homes, finding a few useful items to load into his RV. When he was finished, he walked up to the gate.

"...bet he tastes delicious..."

"...just one teensy nibble..."

"...still on my foot..."

After busting the lock on the gate, he drove along the rest of the day until he arrived at a side road that was almost completely washed away and overgrown. It seemed the most safe from trouble and Jake turned down it. Soon he was deep into a lush forest. He cut the engine, sitting in silence for a while when he heard somebody scream. He crept out of the RV and snuck through the ferns until he came to the edge of a clearing. He arrived just as a pair of zombies stumbled away with the body of what had once been a young woman. Each of the zombies had half, one the upper and one the lower. On the far side of the clearing, a pair of legless zombies were dragging themselves along by their gnarled hands.

"C'mon, guys!" sobbed one. "Wait up. We helped with the kill!"

"It ain't fair!" added the second. "We deserve a bite or two. There's plenty."

"Sucks to be you," gurgled the zombie carrying the upper torso as he reached in and plucked out what might've been the spleen and stuffed it into his mouth.

"Ain't no more ADA," snuffled the one with the lower half as he munched what may well have been an ovary.

Jake sprung up and dropped both the mobile zombies. Then, quickly, before the corpse could turn, he brought the two halves back and tossed them at the legless zombies.

"That's the craziest thing I've ever seen," one of the zombies said around a mouthful of intestines.

"Murgh-mumph," agreed the second as he tore away at the meaty part of a thigh.

Jake walked back to the RV and went to start it up, but the tanks were dry. He knew that gasoline-at least any that hadn't gone bad from sitting so long-was an unlikely prospect. He loaded up a pack, chose a few good weapons, and set out on foot.

It wasn't long before he came to a small town in the middle of nowhere. It had a ten foot wall built all the way around it, and from on the hill where he stood, he could see people going about their busy day.

Jake walked down to the compound and, after submitting to the standard full-body search to ensure he wasn't bitten, was allowed entry. As he walked along, he heard a lot of animated chatter. It seemed that the compound's leader had a beautiful daughter. If Jake could believe all the tales, she even possessed all of her own original teeth! (Dental hygiene being much more of an issue these days.) Word on the street was that another poor sap had died trying to impress the young woman and gain her hand in marriage.

Jake listened to the stories. Apparently anyone wishing to bid for her hand must perform a very difficult task, failure of which would result in death...or undeath as it were. Many had tried and all had failed thus far. Then the young woman in question walked by. A hush fell over everyone; the men were silent from gawking, the women out of envy. When Jake saw her, he was so blown away by her beauty that the stories of danger evaporated from his mind. He went straight to the compound leader's residence and submitted his bid to marry the girl.

He was led to the sh.o.r.e of a very deep and ice cold lake. A gold ring was shown to him before it was taken out and cast into the depths.

"If you come back without it, you will be taken out to the middle with cinder blocks tied to your feet and cast in," said the compound's leader. "Oh...and I'd hurry, the zombies have heard the motor from the boat that took the ring out to be tossed. They usually get through the trees in about thirty minutes."

Some of the folks in the escort actually felt bad for Jake and cast sorrowful looks over their shoulders as they left him on the sh.o.r.e. As he stood there wondering what to do, three child-zombies emerged from the water; they were the very same he'd freed from the net. The middle one opened its mouth and what should fall out but the gold ring.

"I hope he hurries and grabs it," said the first.

"Yeah," agreed the second. "It's not like I want to go after the guy that helped us, but I can't help but want to eat him."

"Grab the ring and scram, mister," groaned the third.

Totally stoked, Jaked grabbed the ring and dashed back to the compound. He brought it to the leader, expecting him to grant the promised reward. But when the stuck-up daughter, Megan, heard that some outsider had indeed completed the task, she pitched a fit.

"There is a warehouse not far from here that we've never been able to break into," Megan said. "If he can have the entire warehouse bounty of canned food here before the sun rises...and I mean the entire cache, then he can have me."

Jake went to the wall and sat down. He could see the long building in the distance; there had to be thousands of zombies between him and the prize and there was no way he could pull this off. He knew that, come morning, he'd be tossed over the side of this very wall. As the total darkness of night in a world without electricity fell across the land, Jake mourned what was surely to be his last day alive.

As the first rays of light came, he was amazed to see pallet after pallet of canned food stacked at the entry gate of the compound. The zombies that he'd freed from that long abandoned military detainment cage had paid their debt of grat.i.tude and emptied the warehouse in the night. Not one can remained.

Megan arrived shortly after sunrise and was amazed to see that the task had actually been done. But she was still an absolute b.i.t.c.h.

"Okay," she agreed. "He's pulled off two fairly impressive tasks. But I've heard about a case of grenades down in this bunker in the woods. If he can bring those...then I'll let him tap this."

Jake had no idea what woods the girl was even talking about. Still, he geared up and set off. He had a map and began scouring the three nearby National Forests. He was well into his search of the third when he heard something dragging itself through the brush.

A box thrust out of a thick clump of ferns. The legless zombies he'd encountered, joined by the now zombified person he'd let them snack on, pushed the case of grenades before themselves.

"Better grab it and run before we eat you," said one.

"Just one nibble on your calf," said the second.

"Hey, a.s.shole, what makes you think that being eaten by these two was any better than any other death," said the newest member.

Jake grabbed the case of grenades and ran almost the whole way back to the compound. Everybody was seriously impressed. Megan couldn't come up with another way out of it and that afternoon they were wed. He carried his wife to their quarters, giddy with excitement.

She stripped down and climbed into bed, more than a little nervous about losing her virginity. When Jake walked in and saw Megan, he almost lost it. However, he had plenty of unpleasant imagery in his mind to help distract. As he climbed into bed, he couldn't help but remember what a complete a.s.s Megan had been. That gave him his idea for revenge.

"Let's get this over with," Megan sighed.

"Fine," Jake agreed, "now roll over."

18.

Three Orphans Based on: Strohhalm, Kohle und Bohne In an orphanage just outside of town, an old woman watched on the news as the nightmare unfolded. The dead were indeed walking the face of the earth, eating the living. She knew in her heart that there would be little to no chance that she and the children would survive.

The three dorms would be indefensible. Not to mention the fact that their last supply truck hadn't arrived. If they didn't fall in a brutal and violent siege at the hands of the zombies, then they would starve. Neither prospect looked all that promising.

None of the other staff had bothered to come in for the past few days as this apocalypse grew worse each day. No, she thought, it was up to her. The only thing she could think to do was mercifully euthanize the lot of them.

In each dorm, she broke a valve and let the gas for the heating system pump into the long rooms. She opened the valve all the way shortly after lights out. Then, she swallowed a mouthful of pills, chasing them with the little bottle she kept stashed in the bottom drawer of her desk.

A fire ignited and the place went up in a ball of flame. One of the windows broke and a little body dove through. It was the short, chubby kid that everybody called "Beanie." On his heels was a tall, skinny, blonde boy that everybody called "Sticks." The last one was a dark-skinned boy that everybody called "Happi."

"Wow," Sticks spoke up, "I didn't think anybody would make it out of there."

"Luckily I sleep by the window," Happi said. "Just a few more feet and I would've been burned up."

"I seem to have lost some skin," Beanie said, gaping at the raw strip of flesh on his bare arms. "If I would have gone to sleep like my friends in the dorm, I'd have been cooked for sure."

"It wasn't any better in my dorm," said Sticks. "That crazy lady has sent all my bros up in flames. Sixty...dead just like that." He snapped his fingers for emphasis.

"So what do we do now?" Happi asked.

"Well," Beanie offered, "since we made it this far, perhaps we should team up. All this noise and fire is probably gonna bring those zombies our way. The best idea would likely be to watch out for each other."

n.o.body else had any better idea, so the trio started out together. Soon, they came to a brook with a raggedy wooden bridge across it. It had a section missing right in the middle. Just as they started across, zombies poured out of the woods.

"We can't go back!" Beanie cried.

"The hole is too big to cross," Happi wailed.

"Not if I stretch across it," Sticks offered. "I can plant a foot on each side, grasp the railing, and one at a time, you two can climb onto my back and over. Then you can pull me."

"Well we better do it quick," Beanie said. "They're getting closer."

So Sticks stretched out, planting a foot on each side and grasped the rails. Happi was an impetuous sort and was the first to throw his arms over his friend's shoulders and cross. Unfortunately, he couldn't help but look down. He saw the cold water rushing past, but even worse, he discovered he was terrified of heights. Sticks began to struggle with the weight and his grip loosened. His arms began to tremble, then, he slipped. The two plummeted to the icy waters below and drowned.

Beanie, the poor lad, was overwhelmed with hysterics. His fragile young mind snapped as the mob of hungry undead closed in. As he was literally ripped limb from limb, he laughed manically. He kept laughing until his head was ripped from his shoulders.

19.

Greedy Based on: Von dem Fischer un syner Fru A man and woman lived in a rundown slum on the outskirts of the southside of Chicago. So when the dead rose and began eating the living, they didn't even know about it until one of those abominations came staggering down the street with a ripped open belly and missing arm. Having seen their share of dead people over the years between the homeless, wh.o.r.es, and addicts who took one b.u.mp too many, they knew some-thing was wrong.

The husband walked down to the p.a.w.n shop on the corner and heard an earful from a blaring radio. Looking around the shop, he noticed it was empty. To make things a bit more curious...it seemed that the power was out.

"You should probably get back to your house," the radio voice said with urgency. "It's going to get much worse before it gets close to better."

"Hey!" Mike looked around. "The power is off to the whole building."

"A radio is talking to you directly and you're taking issue with electricity?"

Mike left the p.a.w.n shop, pulling the door grate across the entrance before jogging home. On the way, he saw horrors that would haunt him for the rest of his life. Mike, the faithful husband, returned to the squalor of his apartment.

"Mike," the wife said, "did you find food or news?"

"Sh.e.l.ly," Mike replied, "on the first point; no. Although I wasn't too diligent in my search. As for news...well..." He went on to tell about the very peculiar situation at the p.a.w.n shop.

"So let me get this straight," Sh.e.l.ly said with obvious disdain but a peculiar lack of skepticism. "You say zombies just like in the movies are out there eating people and you found a magic radio?"

"That about sums it up," Mike agreed.

"Did you make a wish?"

"No," Mike said. "What should I wish for?"

"Duh!" Sh.e.l.ly snarked. "It's so dreadful living in this pigsty of a slum. It stinks, it's disgusting, you could have wished for a little house in the suburbs. If it is indeed magic, it's certain to grant your wish."

"How am I supposed to go back there?" Mike asked. "Zombies roam the streets. It's h.e.l.l out there."

"Didn't you say that you shut the security grate before leaving?" Sh.e.l.ly shot back.

"Yes."

"Well, then the p.a.w.n shop will probably still be empty," Sh.e.l.ly explained. "Just stay low and don't get bit. Now...get your a.s.s moving before it is too dark to see."

He didn't really want to go, but neither did he want to cross his beloved Sh.e.l.ly. At just over three hundred pounds, she was more than twice his size. So...Mike went back to the p.a.w.n shop.

On the way, the streets were a little busier than before. He actually had to take a baseball bat to the head of one. Before long, he was at the p.a.w.n shop. That's when he realized that this place didn't really look familiar. And it didn't have a real name, just the words p.a.w.n SHOP painted in razor-straight black letters on the front window. He couldn't remember ever having seen a p.a.w.n shop here before. In fact, now that he thought about it...this had been a vacant lot. He ducked inside and walked up to the radio.

"Takin' risks aren't you, Mike?" the voice on the radio snickered.

"Yeah," Mike shrugged nervously. "So...do I need to say some sort of rhyme, or rub your case or something?"

"You read too many fairy tales."

"Just checkin'," Mike apologized.

"How 'bout you just tell me what's on your mind," the voice said.

"It's like this," Mike explained. "I found you for whatever reason. Now my wife is insisting that you're magic and that I should've wished for something. She's sick of that pigsty of a slum we live in. She wants a nice little house in the suburbs."

"Just go home, Mike," the voice said. "She's already got it."

Mike left the p.a.w.n shop. Again he made certain that the security gate was pulled shut. Only, when he looked around, he wasn't in the Southside anymore. This place was just like the neighborhood he saw in that movie about Ferris Bueller.

Still there were zombies roaming the streets. Many of the doors were open and an occasional scream could be heard. Mike decided to walk back just as if he were returning to his old apartment, just using different streets. Sure enough, he came to a house with a chest-high brick fence and an iron gate.

He hopped over that fence when he saw his Sh.e.l.ly standing on the porch waiting. She looked exactly the same, and didn't seem to be having a problem with any of this.

"Come look," Sh.e.l.ly grabbed her husband by the hand and led him into the house. "It's even nicer on the inside."