Give And Take: Taken Part 16

The way your deep, soft words linger in my ears makes me want to curl up against you and never let go. "I'll do my best to help you understand my feelings. I can't promise anything. You know that, right?"

"I'm not asking for promises." You tip my chin up and kiss me gently, chastely. "Not yet."

You pull away from the curb and drive, and I point out the turns to take to the nearest Starbucks. Talk of future promises should make me leery, but you've been so certain of me from the start. What if you've made me into some ideal in your head that I can't live up to? I can't fix you. I can't even stand up to my own mother. How can I possibly think about helping you when I can't help myself?

This is going to be a disaster-we are going to be a disaster. One of us weak and insecure, the other f.u.c.ked up and emotionally, detached searching for a life-line. I don't have a life-line for you, but if I tell you that, you'll tell me I'm wrong. That you know I do, that you heard it in my voice that first time we spoke, that we're so much alike and I can teach you how to think of others first. I know all of your ideas pertaining to us, and there's no changing your mind.

Glancing over at your beautiful, handsome, stubborn face, I don't want to change your mind. If you didn't believe I was the one who can make a difference in your life, you wouldn't have come for me. I need you to always come for me and make me believe we can work. I don't want to let go of you. I need to know where we go from here, how we end-if we end.

You park and help me down from the S.U.V. Inside, I find a table while you stroll up to the counter to order my mocha latte and whatever you're getting. I can't help but to stare at you, your round, firm backside, your strong thighs shifting under your jeans, narrow waist and hips, broad shoulders, wavy brown-black hair. Confidence and s.e.xuality emanate from your body with every movement. G.o.d knows I feel it, the magnetic pull my body responds to, making me burn and yearn for you and dismiss any red flag that waves in my path warning me away.

I can't stay away. I'm a drowning woman. The only way to survive is to hold on to you and ride this out, praying the waves that take us under lift us up again.

You turn and stride toward our table with two lidded paper coffee cups. It's shocking to see you here-in Starbucks-with me. Why would you want me? You could have any woman in the world.

Suddenly, I feel so small and insignificant. On the island, when it was only us, we were equals. I wasn't a newly graduated, unemployed n.o.body. Back in real life though, I'm invisible and you're a bright flash of white lightning, rich, successful and incredibly attractive.

You set the coffee on the table and sit across from me, studying my face. "What are you thinking?" Your fingers begin drumming beside your cup.

"I just realized something, that's all." I watch your fingers, because I can't look into your eyes.

"What?"

On the edge of my seat, I take a small sip of steaming coffee, hoping the warmth will calm my knotted stomach. "In the real world, we have nothing in common. We don't belong together."

You throw your body back in the chair, chuckling. "Nothing in common, huh? What should we have in common?" I slowly raise my eyes to yours and catch your amus.e.m.e.nt. "Should we both own real estate in seventeen countries? Should we both be recent grad students? Should we have all the same favorite movies? Tell me what we should have in common."

Shame surges through me. "Lesson number one: Don't belittle my feelings. You're pushing me away by laughing at me."

You jolt forward and grab my hands on top of the table. "I wasn't laughing at you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to belittle your feelings. I honestly want to know why you think we don't belong together."

"Because you're you! I'm struggling to figure out who I am and what I'm going to do with my life, and you're on top of the world already. I don't belong up there with you, and you definitely don't belong down here with me."

You scowl. "Down here with you? Why are you talking about yourself like you're worthless? If anything, I'm the one who is beneath you." You let go of one of my hands to drag yours through your hair. "We didn't have this problem until right now. Why has the power shifted all of the sudden? Why are you looking at me like I'm G.o.d instead of the a.s.shole who...stole you away?"

I bite the inside of my cheek and feel the wall between us thickening. "Because we started over."

You shake your head and stare at me with an incredulous look on your face. "You'd rather have the a.s.shole who drugged you? He's down on your level, is that what you think? You think you deserve how I treated you?"

"No! Of course not. But we started out with you proving yourself to me, not the other way around."

You take a deep breath and press your palms on the table, spreading your fingers. "I'm still proving myself. If you think you have anything to prove to me, it's only that you're forgiving, and you've already done that several times. You're here with me, and that's more than I deserve from you."

We hold each other's eyes for a long moment, making sure we're okay. Are we okay? I don't know.

"Do you feel better about us now?" You reach across and take my hand again. "Never think you need to prove anything to me, Rachael. It'll always be me who needs to prove I'm worthy of you." You lean forward and kiss my knuckles, then spread my hand and kiss my palm. "You're an incredible woman, and you don't even realize it. Smart, beautiful, and always a contradiction. Sometimes timid, sometimes outrageously s.e.xy. Sometimes insecure and other times a.s.sertive and confident. I never know who you'll be next, but your heart is constant, giving, kind, caring, loyal. You amaze me daily, Rachael."

My constant, giving, kind, caring and loyal heart somersaults. You're not the same man you were on the island. You're more forthcoming, more on edge. This has to be the Merrick Rocha who dashes in to acquire property he might not be able to have. Everything's on the line, and you're not a man who gives up on what you want.

"What happens when I stop amazing you? I'm not here for your amus.e.m.e.nt or idolatry."

Your lips quirk, but you do your best not to smile. "You're always amusing to me. And I do idolize you. I aspire to be more like you, to have your heart, to have your soul. You can teach me and give me what I'm missing."

I swallow hard past a lump forming in my throat. "That's a lot to ask of me. What if I can't?"

"What if I can't? What if I fail you? You only have to be yourself. I'm the one who has to change." You kiss my knuckles again and lean your forehead against them. "What if you don't want me? What if I can't stop hurting you, and I don't even realize I'm doing it?"

You're afraid, too. It's calming to see your confidence crack. I'm not the only with without all the answers. I run my fingers through your hair, loving the feeling of the silky waves tickling my fingers. "I guess we'll have to muddle through together, won't we?"

You raise your head, clenching your jaw, your eyes shiny. You blink a few times, and I realize you have tears in your eyes. "Please. Please, let's get through this," you whisper. "I need you. You're real. You don't care about my money or my company. You see me, not the Merrick Rocha everyone else sees."

Reaching up, I stroke your cheek and run my thumb over your lips. "You have so many different Merrick's inside of you. There's the strong and confident, insanely sensual man, but at times like this, you're a hurt little boy. It doesn't take a degree in psychology to see why you push people away. You can't stand to think of them leaving you, rejecting you on their own terms, so you give them a reason. I won't let you push me away anymore, even if it's unintentional."

You squeeze my hand so hard, it hurts. Your eyes dart back and forth in desperation. "Tell me when I'm hurting your feelings. Don't leave me again. Promise me."

I step off the cliff and plunge into unknown depths. "I promise. I won't leave you again."

You close your eyes, your chest deflates and shoulders relax. When you open them, you gaze at me with such intense emotion; it washes over me and makes me inhale sharply. "Can we get out of here now?" you ask. "I need to hold you."

I push my chair out and you follow my lead. We head outside hand-in-hand. At the S.U.V., you open my door. Before getting in, I put a hand on your cheek. "We've started over, so you can touch me now." I rise up on my toes and kiss you, hard.

You groan and squeeze my hip. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I just want to hold you for now. I just want to be close to you and know you're with me." You lean down and kiss me, barely brushing your lips against mine. "If I kiss you deeper, I might not be able to control myself." Your nose nuzzles mine. "Is that okay with you?"

I kiss you again. "I'm going to need to kiss these lips. I'm addicted. You're going to have to find a way to control yourself." I step back and shrug. "If that's what you really want."

You narrow your eyes and give me a sly smile. "You're asking for trouble."

I quirk an eyebrow at you. "Maybe."

Groaning, you gesture to the S.U.V. "Get in before I take you right here on the ground."

Heat pools in my stomach and rushes lower, throbbing and eager. I run a finger down your chest, lingering at the fly of your jeans. "Promises, promises."

You pick me up, not-so-subtly grinding into my bottom, letting me know you're hard as rock, and drop me onto the seat. "You can't go back once you give yourself to me. You know that."

"I know that."

We stare into each other's eyes for a minute before you take a deep breath and close my door. The drive back to my mom's house is silent. I wish I knew what you were thinking. It's clear you weren't expecting me to offer myself up to you. Now that I have, you're shaken. "I think you're right," I say. "We should just hold each other. For today."

Looking straight ahead, you reach over and squeeze my leg without a word.

We lay fully-clothed snuggling in my bed, the bed in my childhood bedroom, covered by a quilt my grandma made. The room's dim, the only light sneaking in under my closed shades. We're back in our secluded bubble away from the real world.

"I feel like I'm in high school and snuck in through your window." You nuzzle my ear with your nose.

"It feels like high school. Probably because my mom would have a s.h.i.t fit if she knew you were here. I'll always be ten-years-old to her. It's the curse of being the only child."

Your laugh sends chills down my back. "Never had a guy in this bed then?"

"Are you kidding? She would've killed me."

You trail kisses up and down my neck. "I like that I'm the first."

"Only because you sent her away. Very sneaky, Mr. Rocha."

You shift on top of me, weaving our fingers together and resting your forehead against mine. "Strategy, Miss DeSalvo. Strategy." Your lips press against mine, and your kiss is slow and sweet. Painfully sweet. Your tongue teases my bottom lip. Mine darts forward to meet it, but you don't accept my invitation in to explore, barely touching mine with yours. It's like a first, hesitant kiss.

"You might be taking this innocent high school routine a little too far." I pull my hands free of yours so I can thread them through your hair, press your lips tighter against mine and snake my tongue in your mouth. "Kiss me like you mean it, Merrick."

"I always mean it, Rachael."

I love hearing you say my name when you're breathless and filled with desire. "Make me feel how much you mean it."

My words break you. Your fingers curl against the sides of my face, and your mouth takes mine, owns it. I hitch my leg up over your hip and my hands find their way up the back of your shirt, caressing your warm, smooth skin. You moan into my open mouth. I tug your lip with my teeth. I don't want to hold back anymore. I grip your hand and slide it up the side of my t-shirt. "Touch me. Please. I don't want to beg you, but I will. Touch me."

"You never need to beg me, baby." Your tongue darts into my mouth, stroking against mine as your fingers tug down the cup of my bra, and your palm presses against my breast. I tear my lips from yours and throw my head back, sucking in a trembling breath. Your hand scorches like the sun after wanting your touch for so, so long.

Heated breath tickles my skin as your mouth and tongue slide down my neck. Abruptly, you sit up breaking our contact. "You made me break my rule."

I'm stunned, but your eyes are playful. "What rule? And do I get to be punished?"

Surprise flashes across your face and you laugh. "Punished? I'm not really into that scene, but if that's what you want..."

"I was only kidding, but what rule?" I slip a finger in your waistband and try to tug you back down, but you only drop your gaze to my hand without moving closer. "You have to touch me first."

"I thought we started over?"

"We can't erase what happened-what I did to you." Your eyes meet mine, filled with regret and longing. "I need you to initiate this or I'll feel like I'm taking advantage of you."

I lick my lips and slip my other hand to your zipper. "Like this?" I unb.u.t.ton and unzip, pushing the denim and boxer briefs as low around your hips as I can.

Your eyes close as your c.o.c.k falls forward, heavy and hard, ready for me. "Just like this, Rachael."

You ease back on your elbows, and I tug your pants down farther. "Help me. I want all of you."

You lift your hips, and I visualize myself on top of you, feeling you thrusting into me. I grab your jeans, slip them down and straddle your knees. Your hands gather in my hair as I lower my head, wrapping both hands around your thick, hard arousal.

I kiss your swollen head, finding it silky soft. I greet it with the tip of my tongue, taking it in my mouth and circling the rim. You groan, and your knees bend suddenly, tipping me forward, bringing almost your entire length into my mouth.

"Sorry," you whisper, lowering your knees. "That wasn't intentional."

I stroke you a few times, spreading the slickness from my mouth. "I liked it. I like making you lose control." Locking my eyes on yours, I lick you, starting at your base and running the flat of my tongue up to your tip before taking you back in my mouth and sucking hard.

Your dark eyes are black with desire watching me take you. "Ahh, G.o.d your mouth feels good. I haven't been in control since I met you."

I fondle your b.a.l.l.s with one hand while stroking you with the other, my mouth sucking and slipping along your head. Your muscles quake with your effort not to thrust into me, and I know you want to be deeper.

With my hands pressing on your hips, I bob my head up and down, taking you to the back of my throat and sucking as hard as I can as I pull back. You're coming undone underneath me. Your hands come to my head and press down gently then pull back on my hair, guiding our pace. You're so big, it's hard to not sc.r.a.pe my teeth along your skin, but judging by the heavy panting coming from you, you like it.

Your hands cup my cheeks, and you lift my mouth off of you. Your dark eyes hooded with arousal. "I can't take anymore. It'll be over fast if you keep driving me to the edge like that." You sit up and pull my t-shirt over my head. "We don't need this." My bra goes next. "We don't need this, either."

I watch your hands cup my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, your thumbs stroke back and forth across my taut nipples, sending flashes of electricity between my thighs. I break you away long enough to tug your t-shirt over your head. "I'm dying to kiss you all over."

You groan. "It's my turn." Your mouth latches on to my breast, sucking and pulling. Your teeth pinch, then your tongue soothes. I arch into you, craving more. Your fingers pluck and roll my other nipple. I scoot forward and rock my hips against yours, aching for friction between my legs.

"Easy," you whisper, hot breath against my breast. "I'll get there, baby."

I lean forward and flick your earlobe with my tongue. "I need you to touch me."

Your mouth comes up to meet mine, searching inside, exploring and restless. "I need you to trust that I won't hurt you before we do this. Do you trust me?"

I grind into you again. "I'm more than ready for you. You won't hurt me."

You hold my hips firm so I can't move. "I don't mean physically. I want you to give yourself to me completely. Not just your body." You brush my hair back from my forehead, gazing into my eyes desperate to find the answer you're longing for. "Do you trust me with your heart?"

My body starts to tremble. How can I possibly trust you with my heart? You've torn me apart and you don't know how to stop yourself from doing it again. "I thought this was about s.e.x. That we were getting past this one barrier. Now you're asking me for my heart?"

You brush my cheek with your fingertips before laying me on my back and shifting your body down beside mine. "How many men have you been with, Rachael?"

"What does that have to do with anything? How many women have you been with?"

You grin. "I won't avoid that question, but I'm guessing you haven't been with many. You're not the type of woman to give your body without love. Am I wrong?"

My eyes flicker to yours, then the ceiling. "No."

You grasp my chin and turn my head, making me look at you. Your eyes are heated and intense. I can't look away even if I wanted to. "Then you either love me, or you're willing to sacrifice your standards for me. Which is it?"

"I don't know. I'm trying not to think about it." Something lodges in my throat. It might be my heart. Tears spring to my eyes, and I desperately blink them back.

You press my head against your chest. "I won't let you sacrifice anything to be with me. I'm not worth it, Rachael. If by some miracle, I can earn your trust then we'll do this. Now's not the time though."

"It's my body to do with what I want." I'm still burning for you, and I'm so ashamed that you stopped me and called me out on my intentions.

"Not when you're doing it with mine. I don't want you to regret us." You bring my hand to your lips. "I have a lot to make up for. I'm trying to be careful." You tilt my chin up. "I don't have anything with me anyway. I'm guessing you don't keep a box of condoms here for emergencies." A flirtatious glint sparks in your eyes as you chuckle.

"Not exactly, no." I squirm in discomfort, still throbbing and aching for release. Guess I'll be giving that to myself in the bathroom. "I'll be back."

I try to sit up, but you grab my arm and push me back on the pillows. "I'm not done with you yet." Your hands run down over my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, followed by your lips. "I didn't mean you wouldn't have your turn." Your eyes look up at me while your tongue circles my belly b.u.t.ton. "I won't be inside you until you trust me, but I won't leave you like this, Rachael."

My jeans are undone, shoved down and pulled off in what seems like two seconds. Your nose nuzzles along the lacy waistband of my underwear. Dark waves of your hair tickle my stomach. Squeezing my calves, your hands slide up my legs and push my thighs far, far apart. You run your nose farther down, stopping over my sensitive bundle of nerves, and inhale deeply. "You smell so good. Wet and ready for me." You nuzzle your nose and make me writhe before planting a soft kiss over my opening.

You slip a finger under the elastic on one side of my panties and tug it aside revealing me. You let out a low, breathy groan and dip your finger between my slick lips. "So wet."

I squeeze the quilt in my fists and watch you kiss my small patch of curls as you slide your finger inside me. "Ah...G.o.d." I thrust against your finger, needing more.

You tug my panties off before your mouth closes over my c.l.i.t and you push two fingers inside me. "You're so tight and hot." Your breath whispers across my sensitive nerves making me gasp and grab your hair. One of your hands leaves my thigh to cup my b.u.t.t and lift me up, rocking me against your fingers and mouth.

I hold your head tight between my legs. I'm on fire and only your tongue can give me relief. The way you alternate between sucking and licking-fast and hard, soft and long-and slowly moving your fingers in and out against my front wall, makes me want to scream. You're driving me mad. The ball of tension waiting to explode inside me gets bigger and bigger by the second. "I'm going to come so hard." My voice isn't mine. It's brash and wanton. There's a s.e.x G.o.ddess in the room with us. It can't be me. I'd never say something like that.