Games People Play Part 2

This demonstrates clearly enough that games are quite deliberately initiated by young children. After they become fixed patterns of stimulus and response, their origins become lost in the mists of time and their ulterior nature becomes obscured by social fogs. Both can be brought into awareness only by appropriate procedures : the origin by some form of a.n.a.lytic therapy and the ulterior aspect by ant.i.thesis. Repeated clinical experience along these lines makes it clear that games are imitative in nature, and that they are initially set up by the Adult (neopsychic) aspect of the child's personality. If the Child ego state can be revived in the grown-up player, the psychological apt.i.tude of this segment (the Adult aspect of the Child ego state) is so striking, and its skill in manipulating people so enviable, that it is colloquially called 'The Professor' (of Psychiatry). Hence in psychotherapy groups which concentrate on game a.n.a.lysis, one of the more sophisticated procedures is the search for the little 'Professor' in each patient, whose early adventures in setting up games between the ages of two and eight are listened to by everyone present with fascination and often, unless the games are tragic, with enjoyment and even hilarity, in which the patient himself may join with justifiable self-appreciation and smugness. Once he is able to do that, he is well on his way to relinquishing what may be an unfortunate behaviour pattern which he is much better off without.

Those are the reasons why in the formal description of a game an attempt is always made to describe the infantile or childhood prototype.

4 THE FUNCTION OF GAMES.

Because there is so little opportunity for intimacy in daily life, and because some forms of intimacy (especially if intense) are psychologically impossible for most people, the bulk of the time in serious social life is taken up with playing games. Hence games are both necessary and desirable, and the only problem at issue is whether the games played by an individual offer the best yield for him. In this connexion it should be remembered that the essential feature of a game is its culmination, or payoff. The princ.i.p.al function of the preliminary moves is to set up the situation for this payoff, but they are always designed to harvest the maximum permissible satisfaction at each step as a secondary product. Thus in 'Schlemiel' (making messes and then apologizing) the payoff, and the purpose of the game, is to obtain the forgiveness which is forced by the apology; the spillings and cigarette burns are only steps leading up to this, but each such trespa.s.s yields its own pleasure. The enjoyment derived from the spilling does not make spilling a game. The apology is the critical stimulus that leads to the denouement. Otherwise the spilling would simply be a destructive procedure, a delinquency perhaps enjoyable.

The game of 'Alcoholic' is similar; whatever the physiological origin, if any, of the need to drink, in terms of game a.n.a.lysis the imbibing is merely a move in a game which is carried on with the people in the environment. The drinking may bring its own kinds of pleasure, but it is not the essence of the game. This is demonstrated in the variant of 'Dry Alcoholic', which involves the same moves and leads to the same payoff as the regular game, but is played without any bottles (page 66).

Beyond their social function in structuring time satisfactorily, some games are urgently necessary for the maintenance of health in certain individuals. These people's psychic stability is so precarious, and their positions are so tenuously maintained, that to deprive them of their games may plunge them into irreversible despair and even psychosis. Such people will fight very hard against any ant.i.thetical moves. This is often observed in marital situations when the psychiatric improvement of one spouse (i.e., the abandonment of destructive games) leads to rapid deterioration in the other spouse, to whom the games were of paramount importance in maintaining equilibrium. Hence it is necessary to exercise prudence in game a.n.a.lysis.

Fortunately, the rewards of game-free intimacy, which is or should be the most perfect form of human living, are so great that even precariously balanced personalities can safely and joyfully relinquish their games if an appropriate partner can be found for the better relationship.

On a larger scale, games are integral and dynamic components of the unconscious life-plan, or script, of each individual; they serve to fill in the time while he waits for the final fulfilment, simultaneously advancing the action. Since the last act of a script characteristically calls for either a miracle or a catastrophe, depending on whether the script is constructive or destructive, the corresponding games are accordingly either constructive or destructive. In colloquial terms, an individual whose script is oriented towards 'waiting for Santa Claus' is likely to be pleasant to deal with in such games as 'Gee You're Wonderful, Mr Murgatroyd', while someone with a tragic script oriented towards 'waiting for rigor mortis to set in' may play such disagreeable games as 'Now I've Got You, You Son of a b.i.t.c.h'.

It should be noted that colloquialisms such as those in the previous sentence are an integral part of game a.n.a.lysis, and are freely used in transactional psychotherapy groups and seminars. The expression 'waiting for rigor mortis to set in' originated in a dream of a patient, in which she decided to get certain things done 'before rigor mortis set in'. A patient in a sophisticated group pointed out what the therapist had overlooked: that in practice, waiting for Santa Claus and waiting for death are synonymous. Since colloquialisms are of decisive importance in game a.n.a.lysis, they will be discussed at length later on.

5 THE CLa.s.sIFICATION OF GAMES.

Most of the variables used in a.n.a.lysing games and pastimes have already been mentioned, and any of them can be used in cla.s.sifying games and pastimes systematically. Some of the more obvious cla.s.sifications are based on the following factors: 1. Number of players: two-handed games (Frigid Woman), three-handed games (Let's You and Him Fight), five-handed games (Alcoholic) and many-handed games (Why Don't You Yes But).

2. Currency used: words (Psychiatry), money (Debtor), parts of the body (Polysurgery).

3. Clinical types: hysterical (Rapo), obsessive-compulsive (Schlemiel), paranoid (Why Does This Have to Happen to Me), depressive (There I Go Again).

4. Zonal: oral (Alcoholic), a.n.a.l (Schlemiel), phallic (Let's You and Him Fight).

5. Psychodynamic: counterphobic (If It Weren't for You), projective (PTA), introjective (Psychiatry).

6. Instinctual: m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.tic (If It Weren't for You), s.a.d.i.s.tic (Schlemiel), fetishistic (Frigid Man).

In addition to the number of players, three other quant.i.tative variables are often useful to consider: 1. Flexibility. Some games, such as Debtor and Polysurgery, can be played properly with only one kind of currency, while others, such as exhibitionistic games, are more flexible.

2. Tenacity. Some people give up their games easily, others are persistent.

3. Intensity. Some people play their games in a relaxed way, others are more tense and aggressive. Games so played are known as easy and hard games, respectively.

These three variables converge to make games gentle or violent. In mentally disturbed people, there is often a noticeable progression in this respect, so that one can speak of stages. A paranoid schizophrenic may initially play a flexible, loose, easy game of first-stage 'Ain't It Awful' and progress to an inflexible, tenacious, hard third stage. The stages in a game are distinguished as follows: (a) A First-Degree Game is one which is socially acceptable in the agent's circle.

(b) A Second-Degree Game is one from which no permanent irremediable damage arises, but which the players would rather conceal from the public.

(c) A Third-Degree Game is one which is played for keeps, and which ends in the surgery, the courtroom or the morgue.

Games can also be cla.s.sified according to any of the other specific factors discussed in the a.n.a.lysis of IWFY: the aims, the roles, the most obvious advantages. The most likely candidate for a systematic, scientific cla.s.sification is probably one based on the existential position; but since knowledge of this factor is not yet sufficiently advanced, such a cla.s.sification will have to be postponed. Failing that, the most practical cla.s.sification at present is probably a sociological one. That is what will be used in the next section.

NOTES.

Due credit should be given to Stephen Potter for his perceptive, humorous discussions of manoeuvres, or 'ploys', in everyday social situations,2 and to G. H. Mead for his pioneering study of the role of games in social living.3 Those games that lead to psychiatric disabilities have been systematically studied at the San Francisco Social Psychiatry Seminars since 1958, and this sector of game a.n.a.lysis has recently been approached by T. Szasz.4 For the role of games in the group process, the present writer's book on group dynamics should be consulted.5 REFERENCES.

1. Maurer, D. W., The Big Con, The Bobbs-Merrill Co., New York, 1940.

2. Potter, S., Theory and Practice of Gamesmanship, Rupert Hart-Davis, 1947.

3. Mead, G. H., Mind, Self and Society, Cambridge University Press, 1935.

4. Szasz, T., The Myth of Mental Illness, Secker & Warburg, 1961.

5. Berne, E., The Structure and Dynamics of Organizations and Groups, Pitman Medical, 1963.

PART TWO.

A THESAURUS OF GAMES.

Introduction.

THIS collection is complete to date (1962), but new games are continually being discovered. Sometimes what appears to be another example of a known game turns out, on more careful study, to be an entirely new one, and a game which appears to be new often turns out to be a variation of a known one. The individual items of the a.n.a.lyses are also subject to change as new knowledge acc.u.mulates; for example, where there are several possible choices in describing dynamics, the statement given may turn out later not to have been the most cogent one. Both the list of games and the items given in the a.n.a.lyses, however, areadequate for clinical work.

Some of the games are discussed and a.n.a.lysed in extenso. Others, which require more investigation, or are uncommon, or whose significance is fairly obvious, are only briefly mentioned. The one who is 'it' is generally referred to as the 'agent', or is given the name of 'White', while the other party is called 'Black'.

The games are cla.s.sified into families according to the situations in which they most commonly occur: Life Games, Marital Games, Party Games, s.e.xual Games and Underworld Games; then comes a section for professionals on Consulting Room Games, and finally, some examples of Good Games.

1 NOTATION.

The following notation will be used in the a.n.a.lytic protocols.

t.i.tle: if the game has a long name, a convenient abbreviation is used in the text. Where a game or its variations has more than one name, a cross reference will be found in the Index of Games. In oral reports it is preferable to use the full name of the game rather than its abbreviation or acronym.

Thesis: this is restated as cogently as possible.

Aim: this gives the most meaningful choice, based on the writer's experience.

Roles: the role of the one who is 'it', and from whose point of view the game is discussed, is given first, in italics.

Dynamics: as with aim.

Examples: (1) this gives an ill.u.s.tration of the game as played in childhood, the most easily recognizable pertinent prototype. (2) an ill.u.s.tration from adult life.

Paradigm: this ill.u.s.trates as briefly as possible the critical transaction or transactions at the social and psychological levels.

Moves: this gives the minimum number of transactional stimuli and transactional responses as found in practice. These may be expanded, diluted or ornamented to an unlimited extent in different situations.

Advantages: (1) Internal Psychological this attempts to state how the game contributes to internal psychic stability. (2) External Psychological this attempts to state what anxiety-arousing situations or intimacies are being avoided. (3) Internal Social this gives the characteristic phrase used in the game as played with intimates. (4) External Social this gives the key phrase used in the derivative game or pastime played in less intimate circles. (5) Biological this attempts to characterize the kind of stroking which the game offers to the parties involved. (6) Existential this states the position from which the game is typically played.

Relatives: this gives the names of complementary, allied and ant.i.thetical games.

An adequate understanding of a game can only be obtained in the psychotherapeutic situation. People who play destructive games will come to the therapist far more frequently than people who play constructive ones. Therefore most of the games which are well understood are basically destructive, but the reader should remember that there are constructive ones played by more fortunate people. And to prevent the idea of games from becoming vulgarized, as so many psychiatric terms are, it should be emphasized once more that it is a very precise idea: games should be clearly distinguished, by the criteria given previously, from procedures, rituals, pastimes, operations, manoeuvres and the att.i.tudes which arise from various positions. A game is played from a position, but a position or its corresponding att.i.tude is not a game.

2 COLLOQUIALISMS.

Many colloquialisms used here were supplied by patients. All of them, if used with due regard to timing and sensibilities, are appreciated, understood and enjoyed by the players. If some of them seem disrespectful, the irony is directed against the games and not against the people who play them. The first requirement for colloquialisms is aptness, and if they often sound amusing, that is precisely because they hit the nail on the head. As I have tried to show elsewhere in discussing colloquial epithets, a whole page of learned polysyllables may not convey as much as the statement that a certain woman is a b.i.t.c.h, or that a certain man is a jerk.1 Psychological truths may be stated for academic purposes in scientific language, but the effective recognition of emotional strivings in practice may require a different approach. So we prefer playing 'Ain't It Awful' to 'verbalizing projected a.n.a.l aggression'. The former not only has a more dynamic meaning and impact, but it is actually more precise. And sometimes people get better faster in bright rooms than they do in drab ones.

REFERENCE.

1. Berne, E., 'Intution IV: Primal Images & Primal Judgments', Psychiatric Quarterly, 29: 634-658, 1955.

6 Life Games ALL games have an important and probably decisive influence on the destinies of the players under ordinary social conditions; but some offer more opportunities than others for life-long careers and are more likely to involve relatively innocent bystanders. This group may be conveniently called Life Games. It includes 'Alcoholic', 'Debtor', 'Kick Me', 'Now I've Got You, You Son of a b.i.t.c.h', 'See What You Made Me Do' and their princ.i.p.al variants. They merge on the one side with marital games, and on the other with those of the underworld.

1 ALCOHOLIC.

Thesis. In game a.n.a.lysis there is no such thing as alcoholism or 'an alcoholic', but there is a role called the Alcoholic in a certain type of game. If a biochemical or physiological abnormality is the prime mover in excessive drinking and that is still open to some question then its study belongs in the field of internal medicine. Game a.n.a.lysis is interested in something quite different the kinds of social transactions that are related to such excesses. Hence the game 'Alcoholic'.

In its full flower this is a five-handed game, although the roles may be condensed so that it starts off and terminates as a two-handed one. The central role is that of the Alcoholic the one who is 'it' played by White. The chief supporting role is that of Persecutor, typically played by a member of the opposite s.e.x, usually the spouse. The third role is that of Rescuer, usually played by someone of the same s.e.x, often the good family doctor who is interested in the patient and also in drinking problems. In the cla.s.sical situation the doctor successfully rescues the alcoholic from his habit. After White has not taken a drink for six months they congratulate each other. The following day White is found in the gutter.

The fourth role is that of the Patsy, or Dummy. In literature this is played by the delicatessen man who extends credit to White, gives him a sandwich on the cuff and perhaps a cup of coffee, without either persecuting him or trying to rescue him. In life this is more frequently played by White's mother, who gives him money and often sympathizes with him about the wife who does not understand him. In this aspect of the game, White is required to account in some plausible way for his need for money by some project in which both pretend to believe, although they know what he is really going to spend most of the money for. Sometimes the Patsy slides over into another role, which is a helpful but not essential one: the Agitator, the 'good guy' who offers supplies without even being asked for them: 'Come have a drink with me (and you will go downhill faster).'

The ancillary professional in all drinking games is the bartender or liquor clerk. In the game 'Alcoholic' he plays the fifth role, the Connexion, the direct source of supply who also understands alcoholic talk, and who in a way is the most meaningful person in the life of any addict. The difference between the Connexion and the other players is the difference between professionals and amateurs in any game: the professional knows when to stop. At a certain point a good bartender refuses to serve the Alcoholic, who is then left without any supplies unless he can locate a more indulgent Connexion.

In the initial stages of 'Alcoholic', the wife may play all three supporting roles: at midnight the Patsy, undressing him, making him coffee and letting him beat up on her; in the morning the Persecutor, berating him for the evil of his ways; and in the evening the Rescuer, pleading with him to change them. In the later stages, due sometimes to organic deterioration, the Persecutor and the Rescuer can be dispensed with, but are tolerated if they are also willing to act as sources of supply. White will go to the Mission House and be rescued if he can get a free meal there; or he will stand for a scolding, amateur or professional, as long as he can get a handout afterwards.

Present experience indicates that the payoff in in 'Alcoholic' (as is characteristic of games in general) comes from the aspect to which most investigators pay least attention. In the a.n.a.lysis of this game, drinking itself is merely an incidental pleasure having added advantages, the procedure leading up to the real culmination, which is the hangover. It is the same in the game of Schlemiel: the mess-making, which attracts the most attention, is merely a pleasure-giving way for White to lead up to the crux, which is obtaining forgiveness from Black.

For the Alcoholic the hangover is not as much the physical pain as the psychological torment. The two favourite pastimes of drinking people are 'Martini' (how many drinks and how they were mixed) and 'Morning After' (Let me tell you about my hangover). 'Martini' is played, for the most part, by social drinkers; many alcoholics prefer a hard round of psychological 'Morning After', and organizations such as Alcoholics Anonymous offer him an unlimited opportunity for this.

Whenever one patient visited his psychiatrist after a binge, he would call himself all sorts of names; the psychiatrist said nothing. Later, recounting these visits in a therapy group, White said with smug satisfaction that it was the psychiatrist who had called him all those names. The main conversational interest of many alcoholics in the therapeutic situation is not their drinking, which they apparently mention mostly in deference to their persecutors, but their subsequent suffering. The transactional object of the drinking, aside from the personal pleasures it brings, is to set up a situation where the Child can be severely scolded not only by the internal Parent but by any parental figures in the environment who are interested enough to oblige. Hence the therapy of this game should be concentrated not on the drinking but on the morning after, the self-indulgence in self-castigation. There is a type of heavy drinker, however, who does not have hangovers, and such people do not belong in the present category.

There is also a game 'Dry Alcoholic', in which White goes through the process of financial or social degradation without a bottle, making the same sequence of moves and requiring the same supporting cast. Here again, the morning after is the crux of the matter. Indeed, it is the similarity between 'Dry Alcoholic' and regular 'Alcoholic' which emphasizes that both are games; for example, the procedure for getting discharged from a job is the same in both. 'Addict' is similar to 'Alcoholic', but more sinister, more dramatic, more sensational and faster. In our society, at least, it leans more heavily on the readily available Persecutor, with Patsies and Rescuers being few and far between and the Connexion playing a much more central role.

There are a variety of organizations involved in 'Alcoholic', some of them national or even international in scope, others local. Many of them publish rules for the game. Nearly all of them explain how to play the role of Alcoholic: take a drink before breakfast, spend money allotted for other purposes, etc. They also explain the function of the Rescuer. Alcoholics Anonymous, for example, continues playing the actual game but concentrates on inducing the Alcoholic to take the role of Rescuer. Former Alcoholics are preferred because they know how the game goes, and hence are better qualified to play the supporting role than people who have never played before. Cases have been reported of a chapter of A.A. running out of Alcoholics to work on; whereupon the members resumed drinking, since there was no other way to continue the game in the absence of people to rescue.1 There are also organizations devoted to improving the lot of the other players. Some put pressure on the spouses to shift their roles from Persecutor to Rescuer. The one which seems to come closest to the theoretical ideal of treatment deals with teen-age offspring of alcoholics; these young people are encouraged to break away from the game itself, rather than merely shift their roles.

The psychological cure of an alcoholic also lies in getting him to stop playing the game altogether, rather than simply change from one role to another. In some cases this has been feasible, although it is a difficult task to find something else as interesting to the Alcoholic as continuing his game. Since he is cla.s.sically afraid of intimacy, the subst.i.tute may have to be another game rather than a game-free relationship. Often so-called cured alcoholics are not very stimulating company socially, and possibly they feel a lack of excitement in their lives and are continually tempted to go back to their old ways. The criterion of a true 'game cure' is that the former Alcoholic should be able to drink socially without putting himself in jeopardy. The usual 'total abstinence' cure will not satisfy the game a.n.a.lyst.

It is apparent from the description of this game that there is a strong temptation for the Rescuer to play 'I'm Only Trying to Help You'; for the Persecutor to play 'Look What You've Done to Me'; and for the Patsy* to play 'Good Joe'. With the rise of rescue organizations which publicize the idea that alcoholism is a disease, alcoholics have been taught to play 'Wooden Leg'. The law, which takes a special interest in such people, tends to encourage this nowadays. The emphasis has shifted from the Persecutor to the Rescuer, from 'I am a sinner' to 'What do you expect from a sick man?' (part of the trend in modern thinking away from religion and towards science). From an existential point of view the shift is questionable, and from a practical point of view it seems to have done little to diminish the sale of liquor to heavy drinkers. Nevertheless, Alcoholics Anonymous is still for most people the best initiation into the therapy of over-indulgence.

Ant.i.thesis. As is well known, 'Alcoholic' is usually played hard and is difficult to give up. In one case a female alcoholic in a therapy group partic.i.p.ated very little until she thought she knew enough about the other members to go ahead with her game. She then asked them to tell her what they thought of her. Since she had behaved pleasantly enough, various members said nice things about her, but she protested: 'That's not what I want. I want to know what you really think.' She made it clear that she was seeking derogatory comments. The other women refused to persecute her, whereupon she went home and told her husband that if she took another drink, he must either divorce her or send her to a hospital. He promised to do this, and that evening she became intoxicated and he sent her to a sanitarium. Here the other members refused to play the persecutory roles White a.s.signed to them; she was unable to tolerate this ant.i.thetical behaviour, in spite of everyone's efforts to reinforce whatever insight she had already obtained. At home she found someone who was willing to play the role she demanded.

In other cases, however, it appears possible to prepare the patient sufficiently so that the game can be given up, and to attempt a true social cure in which the therapist declines to play either Persecutor or Rescuer. It is equally untherapeutic for him to play the role of Patsy by allowing the patient to forgo his financial and punctuality obligations. The correct therapeutic procedure from a transactional point of view is, after careful preliminary groundwork, to take an Adult contractual position and refuse to play any of the roles, hoping that the patient will be able to tolerate not only abstinence from drinking but also from playing his game. If he cannot, he is best referred to a Rescuer.

Ant.i.thesis is particularly difficult, because the heavy drinker is highly regarded in most Western countries as a desirable object for censure, concern or generosity, and someone who refuses to play any of these roles tends to arouse public indignation. A rational approach may be even more alarming to the Rescuers than to the Alcoholic, sometimes with unfortunate consequences to the therapy. In one clinical situation a group of workers were seriously interested in the game 'Alcoholic' and were attempting to effect real cures by breaking up the game rather than merely rescuing the patients. As soon as this became apparent, they were frozen out by the lay committee which was backing the clinic, and none of them was ever again called on to a.s.sist in treating these patients.

Relatives. An interesting byplay in 'Alcoholic' is called 'Have One'. This was discovered by a perceptive student of industrial psychiatry. White and his wife (a non-drinking Persecutor) go on a picnic with Black and his wife (both Patsies). White says to the Blacks, 'Have one!' If they have one, this gives White licence to have four or five. The game is unmasked if the Blacks refuse. White, by the rules of drinking, is then ent.i.tled to be insulted, and he will find more compliant companions for his next picnic. What appears at the social level to be Adult generosity, is at the psychological level an act of insolence, whereby White's Child obtains Parental indulgence from Black by open bribery under the very nose of Mrs White, who is powerless to protest. Actually it is just because she will be 'powerless' to protest that Mrs White consents to the whole arrangement, since she is just as anxious for the game to continue, with herself in the role of Persecutor, as Mr White is with himself in the role of Alcoholic. Her recriminations against him in the morning after the picnic are easy to imagine. This variant can cause complications if White is Black's boss.

In general the Patsy is not as badly off as the name implies. Patsies are often lonely people who have a great deal to gain by being nice to Alcoholics. The delicatessen man who plays 'Good Joe' makes many acquaintances in this way, and he can get a good reputation in his own social circle not only as a generous person but also as a good storyteller.

One variant of 'Good Joe', incidentally, is to go around asking for advice about how best to help people. This is an example of a jolly and constructive game worth encouraging. Its inverse is Tough Guy, taking lessons in violence or asking for advice about how best to hurt people. Although the mayhem is never put into practice, the player has the privilege of a.s.sociating with real tough guys who are playing for keeps, and can bask in their reflected glory. This is one species of what the French call un fanfaron de vice.

a.n.a.lYSIS.

Thesis: How bad I've been; see if you can stop me.

Aim: Self-castigation.

Roles: Alcoholic, Persecutor, Rescuer, Patsy, Connexion.

Dynamics: Oral deprivation.

Examples: (1) See if you can catch me. The prototypes of this game are difficult to correlate because of its complexity. Children, however, particularly children of alcoholics, often go through many of the manoeuvres characteristic of the Alcoholic. 'See if you can stop me', which involves lying, hiding things, seeking derogatory comments, looking for helpful people, finding a benevolent neighbour who will give free handouts, etc. Self-castigation is often postponed to later years. (2) The alcoholic and his circle.

Social Paradigm: Adult-Adult.

Adult: 'Tell me what you really think of me or help me stop drinking.'

Adult: 'I'll be frank with you.'

Psychological Paradigm: Parent-Child.

Child: 'See if you can stop me.'

Parent: 'You must stop drinking because ...'

Moves: (1) Provocation accusation or forgiveness. (2) Indulgence anger or disappointment.

Advantages: (1) Internal Psychological (a) Drinking as a procedure rebellion, rea.s.surance and satisfaction of craving, (b) 'Alcoholic' as a game self-castigation (probable). (2) External Psychological avoidance of s.e.xual and other forms of intimacy. (3) Internal Social See if you can stop me. (4) External Social 'Morning After', 'Martini', and other pastimes. (5) Biological alternating loving and angry exchanges. (6) Existential Everybody wants to deprive me.

2 DEBTOR.