Level Up! Ultimate NPC-san! 8 Analyse: Heather's Panties

Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf-Lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. Then nine, nine mops were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power.

Within these mops was bound the strength and the will to govern each race. But they were all deceived! For another mop was made.

Deep in the land of Riveria, in the inn of Golem Town, the Lady Yakuza Overlord, and her father, the Flamboyant Giant, created an ultimate mop. Into this mop, they poured their cruelty, their quirky nature and their will to make my life a living h.e.l.l.

"One mop to rule them all! HAHAHAHA!"

FWAAP FWAAP! BOOF!

"Boss!" a lackey lying on the ground shouted at a burly man on the other side of the lobby. "This boy is crazy! We can't get close to him, if he keeps swinging that mop around. It's too slippery!"

"Argh!" the leader of the group of men going through an early mid-life crisis grunts with dissatisfaction. "Just all jump him, together! I don't believe that that mop of his can hit all of us at the same time!"

"Let's do it!" all the lackeys shout at the same time. "Get this b.a.s.t.a.r.d!"

Hey there! Thanks for tuning into the Theodore Young Show, again! You've come at a great time!

You must be wondering just who these men are talking about, when they use flowery words such as 'crazy' and 'b.a.s.t.a.r.d'. Why, it is I, Theo, the wielder of the Ultimate Mop of Slippery Murder!

⌈ ERROR ⏌

⌈ ITEM NAME REGISTERED AS: The Mop of Ultimate Doom ⏌

Shut up, system-thingy - whatever you are! I like this new name better!

... What was it, again? 'Ultimate Mop of Wet Dreams'? 'Slippery Mop of Intense Murder'? Argh!! Now you've made me forget!

Whatever! It doesn't matter, right now. At this moment, I'm in a pretty bad spot.

A small group of trouble-makers entered the inn, just now, and started creating a fuss over nothing! Sure... I may have been in their way, and even I can get angry at people who just stand in front of me, when I'm trying to go somewhere... but how could they just push a stranger out of their way and not apologise for it?

"Get off of me!" I yell, pushing back three of the lackey-type from their group with the mop. "You shouldn't get me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry!"

"Boy," the leader smirks at me from behind his minions. "Is talking all you can do? It's no wonder you work at this inn, you're just as deranged as the owner and his mannish daughter!"

"What?!" my rage meter builds at his words, and I talk through gritted teeth. "Who did you just compare me to?"

"You heard me, boy," he says as he gets closer to me and the three scrooges gripping my mop. "Only someone as looney as you would end up working here. Everyone in town knows that this is just a two-bit inn that's wasting s.p.a.ce. If it weren't for the fact that the governor's son has the hots for that mannish girl, over there, this place would've been razed to the ground already!"

"Arrgghhh!" I can't take this anymore! Even I have my limits! "How dare you compare me to those two father and daughter duo! I'm nowhere close to being half as perverted as them!"

"Huh?" the leader and his three lackeys look at each other in confusion.

"Do I look like someone who could get along with that overly flamboyant giant?" I scream at them. "You don't even know how many times I've been played, in just this one week of being here, by that Yakuza girl! Compared to those two, I'd rather go hang out with that foolish party of adventurers I met outside of town! At least they have a super cutie that I could try talk to! d.a.m.n!"

The group of men all stand together to stare at the furious me. Only G.o.ddess knows what's going through their minds at this time.

Talking about G.o.ddess~

→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→

"Hahahahaha!"

Kicking her feet into the air, as she holds her sides from the pain of laughing too hard, lay the radiant and eloquent-looking figure of a young lady. The G.o.ddess had continued to watch over Theodore, using her gla.s.s globe, and her enjoyment was apparent on her charming face.

"Oh, Veronica," a chuckling mature female voice echoed throughout the room they were in. "This man you have brought over from another world is absolutely hilarious."

"Right?" the G.o.ddess Veronica - who we can all guess where her name comes from - replied. "I can't wait to show him to the other G.o.ds! You'll vouch for me, won't you, Celestia?"

"Ho ho~" the G.o.ddess Celestia raised her hand to cover her laughter. "Of course, Veronica. What kind of friend would I be if I couldn't do as much?"

The two G.o.ddesses once again peer into the gla.s.s globe in front of them, their eyes curved into the shape of a crescent moon from the fun they were having. The scene of the two can easily rival the most beautiful of paintings by masters such as Leonardo da Pasta, or Vincent van Stohp. Any mortal man would cry tears of joy if only they could see such beauty.

"I have to ask, though," G.o.ddess Celestia said, raising her hand to run it down the back of her best friend's golden blonde hair. "Why couldn't you just give the young man the normal abilities that we G.o.ds give those we bring to our worlds? 'Sword Mastery' and 'Magic' or 'Sorcery' tend to be popular choices."

"What, those boring things?" G.o.ddess Veronica replied in contempt. "The last thing I need is to show the other G.o.ds the same thing that they've been watching on their own worlds for time immemorial."

"Hoh?"

"Giving the mortals the power of the G.o.ds is a thing of the past, Celestia," the pet.i.te figure with shining blonde hair lectured. "Would you want to watch others doing exactly the same thing as you have already done? I know I wouldn't. I'm tired of being told, by those old farts, that they've found a 'promising new champion of justice' to rid their world of the Demon Lords that they, themselves, created. Or or! Of the cliché idea of finding a being from another world, that's a little evil, and having them rampage through the continents. It's dull!"

"I can't say you're wrong," G.o.ddess Celestia remarked, her eyes not glued onto the face of Theo in the gla.s.s globe. "Even I am quickly becoming addicted to this 'Theo' person you've brought over from 'Earth'. He is very interesting."

"Of course! He's the one that I have chosen. I would never do wrong!"

"Hmhmhm," the more mature G.o.ddess chuckled into the back of her hand. "Of course, Veronica."

→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→

DING!

⌈ QUEST COMPLETE

Taking Out the Trash

RANK: E

REWARD: New [SKILL] a.n.a.lyse

BONUS REWARD: 10EXP ⏌

DING!

⌈ LEVEL UP +1 ⏌

DING!

⌈ [SKILL] a.n.a.lyse LVL1 REGISTERED ⏌

⌈ Villager (Battle-maid) Theodore Young can use his [SKILL] a.n.a.lyse to view detailed information on any object based on [SKILL] LVL ⏌

Rapid pings going off in my head~ Which light novel MC doesn't love this sound?

Me.

Because of this system-thingy giving me these crackpot [Quests] all the time, I'm getting into all of kinds of weird situations - even ones where I need to beat down a couple of burly men with cleaning tools!

⌈ REMOVING [SKILL] a.n.a.ly--

NO! NO! I was just joking! O great System-sama! This lowly servant begs forgiveness; I have done a great wrong to my va.s.sal!

⌈ ... ⏌

"Get up, Theo," a calm voice says from behind me. Heather has come to help me up. "What are you doing on the floor?"

"Praying to G.o.ddess-sama to take me back home," I mumble, as tears stream down my face.

"You goofy boy," she says with difficulty, most of her strength was being used to pull me off the floor. "You did good, this time. Those thugs work for the town's governor, Ivory McDoodle-face."

"Is that his real name?" I ask, finding it hard to believe that someone, even from a fantasy world such as Veronicle, would have such a name.

"No," she smirked. "It's McDuffin. He is a 'doodle-face', though."

"Hoh?"

"He keeps sending his thugs to coerce my daddy into selling the rights to this plot of land to him. As soon as he gets ownership, he's going to tear the inn down, and build a megstore."

"A 'megstore'?" this kind of idea seems out of place in a fantasy world. I suppose it's not only in my world where big-time investors will think of making huge department stores selling designer-brand items, huh?

"That's right," she continues, still trying to pull me off the floor. "He wants to open an all-in-one shop that will sell all the things that both the townsfolk and the pa.s.sing adventurers will need."

"What's so bad about that? Other than the fact that this inn would need to be demolished?" I ask, before quickly adding.

"If that happens, the townsfolk, who work the stalls in the business district, will all be out of work," she answers, shooting a side-long glare at me. "You don't know this, because you're new, but the governor has been bought over by the head of a corrupt merchant family. If things go his way, who knows how long it'll be before this whole town becomes just another cesspool of vagrants and vagabonds doing as they please, just because they have the money?"

I see, now. This Yakuza lady has a soft side, after all. I guess it's time I got up.

Oh! s.h.i.t! I'm losing balance!

Oof! Thud!

"Ouch!" the young lady cries, having fallen face-first to the ground. Her dress tunic flew open, exposing her backside to me.

"Boss!" I cry, feeling guilty of making her fall down. "Are you alright?"

⌈ a.n.a.lYSE

ITEM: Heather's Panties

DURABILITY: 4/4

DESCRIPTION: Well looked after pair of white panties. Generally worn by young and innocent girls. ⏌

"System-sama!!!" I begged in my mind, as blood rushed out of my nose. "I don't need to a.n.a.lyse this!"